


You Bury Me

by callusedsilk



Series: Take Me to Church [1]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, more tags to be added as it goes on - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Timeline, Antisemitism, BUCKETS OF ANGST, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Child Abuse, Death, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Kidnapping, Killing, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Medical Procedures, Multi, Murder, Mutant Powers, Mutants, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, POV Third Person, Period Typical Homophobia, Period Typical Slurs, Period-Typical Antisemitism, Period-Typical Homophobia, Polyamory, Racism, cute periods in between the angst, i do what i like, lots of death, mentions of abuse, murder disguised as training, sometimes cuteness WITHIN the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:04:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 95,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7184540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callusedsilk/pseuds/callusedsilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vivian Peshkova was created by the best minds in Hydra, molded and shaped into a weapon from nightmares. Hydra never stopped to think about the child they hurt or the lives they destroyed.</p><p>And they never dreamed that they wouldn't be able to control her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: 1935

**Author's Note:**

> Initially was going to be titled 'Ya'aburnee', an arabic word that means 'a declaration of one's hope that they'll die before another because of how difficult it would be to live without them', but since my three main characters are all white, and one with unwilling ties to racist parties, I decided against using an arabic word as the title.
> 
> I don't own any Marvel stuff, but I do own Vivian Peshkova. She's my precious baby and I will fight for her. I have written her so that she's connected to mutants and she's going to interact with quite a few different characters.
> 
> This story will take place initially prior to Captain America: The First Avenger and will go forward until I decide I can't take it anymore. I'm going to pick and choose obnoxiously what I use from the comics, the cartoon and also the movies. Also, HI GINA!

“I see the prodigal daughter has returned.”

Narrowing her eyes, Vivian glanced around the underground bunker, not rising to Schmidt’s comment as she took in her surroundings. They were in a bunker that she’d never seen before and there was an older man watching her carefully. The man’s hair was thinning and his hands shook as he hunched over a table writing down equations and listing medical equipment he would need. Moving closer, Vivian peered over the man’s shoulder before speaking up, “And I see you’ve been keeping busy.”

“Advancements must continue.”

“I was actually talking about the blatant kidnapping and imprisonment, but that too. Let me guess, you sent his family to one of Hitler’s disgusting little camps? Which one? No, wait, don’t tell me. Let me guess. Oranienburg? Esterwegen? Dachau? Wow, really? You sent them to _Dachau_? You must have really wanted him. What for?”

“He wants me to make a super soldier.”

Sitting down next to the man as he spoke up, Vivian glanced back at Schmidt who was glowering and spoke while letting her fingertips trace the desk the prisoner was working on. Glancing up into the man’s brown eyes, Vivian spoke up, “He wants you to make a _human_ super soldier…I’m sorry, I just realized I don’t know your name.”

“Abraham Erskine.”

Nodding, Vivian leaned back in her chair, a soft smile playing across her lips as she gently replied, “Abraham? Fitting for a man charged with creating _human_ soldiers. Although with this place human is a little relative.”

“The experiment is none of your business, Hecate.”

“Really? I’m thinking that’s a lie, because otherwise you would have never let me anywhere near Doctor Erskine. You want me here for some reason and you wanted him to meet me. My only guess is that he’s going to study aspects of my blood so that he can perfect parts of his hypothetical experiment. I mean, you already found out you can’t recreate me, not in a regular human anyway, but maybe this man can learn…something from me?”

“Be quiet, you abomination.”

Ignoring Schmidt, Vivian glanced carefully at Erskine before speaking in a soothing tone, “How many vials of blood do you think you’ll need?”

“Four or five. I’ll need to do multiple tests.”

Nodding, Vivian slipped off her jacket and held out her left arm before watching carefully as Schmidt glared at her. She sighed though when he stormed out and the rest of the Hydra agents followed. She could hear the distinct click of the lock though and knew for certain that the room was being guarded. A needle going into her arm had her glancing back at Erskine, although not even flinching, as he began to draw blood.

“I’m sorry about your family.”

Vivian hadn’t meant to say the words out loud, not when she knew they could be walked in on at any point, but then felt Erskine staring at her in confusion. When the man continued to stare at her, Vivian averted her eyes and spoke up, “What? I’m not allowed to give condolences that a crime was committed against your family?”

“You see what they did was a crime?”

“Well, yeah. Kidnapping and imprisonment are basically always a crime. Hell, pretty sure crime is all Hydra knows how to do. I mean, they’re friends with Nazis. Nazis are awful.”

“If you know that, then why are you here?”

Brow furrowing, Vivian tucked her blonde curls behind one ear as she admitted, struggling to find the words to explain her situation, “I’ve always been here. I was born into this. Madam Hydra is…”

Glancing over at the vials being filled up, Vivian found herself staring at them, the warm liquid making her stomach turn as she finally whispered, “Blood.”

“ _She’s your_ —”

“ _Don’t_ use that word.”

Silence fell over them once again until the vials were all full. Waving aside the man’s help, Vivian removed the needle, barely pressing a thumb against the wound before releasing it. Ignoring the man’s protests, she carefully wiped up the blood before speaking up, “And good as new. Don’t look so panicked, Erskine. This was basically healed as soon as the needle left my skin. Takes seconds for wounds to heal.”

“ _How_?”

Twirling her finger, Vivian had some of the equipment begin to spin, a soft smile on her face as the man jerked back from the desk, his eyes wide and frightened.

“Haven’t you heard? _I’m an abomination_.”

Stopping as the door opened again, Vivian leaned back in her chair again and spoke loudly, “Does it bother anyone else that Hydra’s symbol isn’t _actually_ a hydra? It’s an octopus. Makes the whole ‘cut off one head’ spiel everyone always gives seem super dumb since octopi can literally not do that. They just have a lot of legs. The symbol is an angry octopus. Not that scary.”

“Your trainers do not like to be kept waiting.”

Getting up, Vivian sighed, but then paused when the guards walked past her and grabbed Erskine, handcuffing him and bringing him along as well. Heading down the hallway, Vivian followed an agent to a door before going inside. She’d been to one of these training rooms before, and she’d even had an audience before, but never someone like Erskine. Everyone before him had been a _true believer_ , someone hand picked by either Schmidt or Viper.

Vivian stretched and yawned though when she saw that she was going up against a basic Hydra agent in full gear. She herself was in a lightweight outfit meant for stealth, no combat. The damn thing didn’t even have any protection to it. Still, she tilted her head and smirked when the man twirled his knives and made grunts that were probably supposed to sound intimidating, but really just made him sound constipated.

“We going to fight or dance there, _vollidiot_?”

The man called her something highly unpleasant back while charging toward her, but Vivian slid across the ground, taking out his feet and immediately getting upright again. Raising up a hand, Vivian sent the man flying against the wall, taking a step forward but then pausing as four more men dropped into the room before immediately attacking at once. Dodging and sending blasts away, Vivian only stopped when a sharp knife pierced through her outfit and through her side. Gritting her teeth, Vivian quickly pulled the knife and spun around, dragging the blade against the agent’s throat.

Blood sprayed across the room and Vivian spun around again, throwing the knife and her heart racing as it landed deep into another agent’s skull. Running over, Vivian jumped up and ripped the knife out, flipping over before heading toward the next target only to freeze as she could hear weapons powering up and a voice commanding, “Stand down or we put a bullet in your head, Hecate.”

Tossing the knife aside, Vivian backed up, her pulse calm and her breathing steady as she glanced up at the observation window. Erskine was looking at her with an odd look on his face, especially as orders were given to take Vivian down for more experimentation. Smiling up at the man, the smile not quite reaching her eyes, Vivian shrugged and called out, “But seriously though, that logo? We going to fix that? It’s starting to really bother me.”

Agents swarmed in and Vivian smirked as her hands were handcuffed behind her back, guns pointed at her from all sides as she was led from the room, a smile on her face as she spoke louder, “Just think about it. I’ll be here all week and maybe we can do coffee. Vodka? I’m willing to help you rebrand. No? Good talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, this was the prologue (as indicate by the title) and it is set in 1935. The next chapter is going to be in 1936 and I will be telling you in the end notes where I've diverted from MCU timeline whenever I remember to do so. From what I've seen, Abraham Erskine was captured by Hydra in 1935 to begin working on the super soldier serum. However, with the addition of Vivian's mutant blood, I'm speeding up part of that timeline.
> 
> Also, just a fair warning, this story will probably go on for quite some time since, at the very least, the story is going to go from 1936 - 2016. There's not going to really be a POV order either, but Vivian Peshkova is the main character, even if she's not really a hero. Morality wise, she's definitely chaotic good.
> 
> If anyone ever has any questions/feedback about any of my decisions then please feel free to ask in the comments! I promise I won't bite.


	2. One: 1936

“Vivi?”   
  
Pausing on her way home, Vivian Peshkova glanced back, her body immediately relaxing as she spotted the people who’d called out for her. Tucking strands of blonde hair behind her ear, the girl strolled back, a soft smile on her red lips as she set her gaze on the duo. The two men were vastly different, but in a way they were exactly the same. Oh, she was probably the only one who looked past the exterior. Most of the people they all knew saw them very specifically. One was tall while the other was short. One was healthy while the other struggled. One was brunet while the other was blond. One was toned while the other was wasting away. The only thing people thought the duo had in common was sharp blue eyes, but Vivian disagreed with that as well.   
  
“James Buchanan Barnes and Steven Grant Rogers, as I live and breathe. What are the hound dogs of Brooklyn doing up my way?”   
  
Shifting her bag on her shoulder and tilting her head slightly, Vivian grinned when Bucky shook his head and moved close, his lips quirked slightly and those blue eyes of his were warm as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His fingertips brushed against the shell of her ear, and she blushed when he teased, “How else are we supposed to get any time with a busy dame like you? You don’t write, you don’t call…”   
  
Biting her bottom lip slightly as she felt her cheeks heat with shame, Vivian started to explain herself, feeling more than a little grateful when Steve moved close and spoke up, “C’mon, Bucky, give her a break. She just started training to be a nurse. That’s hard work, and she’s still working up at that diner.”   
  
“They don’t like me in that diner, punk, and you know that.”   
  
Laughing at the petulant look that had come across Bucky’s face, Vivian leaned up and gently kissed the man’s cheek before teasing, “You know that’s only true ‘cause a big six like you distracts the waitresses.”   
  
“What about a dame like you?”   
  
The pitch in Bucky’s voice had dropped, his features softening as he said it while his hand gently took hers and his thumb brushed against her knuckles. Licking her bottom lip, Vivian nodded and whispered, “You distract me even when you’re not there, Barnes.”   
  
“Try to remember that we’re in public. We don’t need another rumor going around.”   
  
Wincing at that memory, Vivian took a step back while Bucky stopped in his approach, both of them muttering their gratitude to Steve for stopping them. Glancing over at Steve, Vivian moved slightly over to him and whispered, “You’ve been taking care of yourself, right?”   
  
“You know I do, Viv. Don’t worry about me so much, all right? I swear, between you, Buck, and my ma…”   
  
“Your mother is a good woman, and of course we all have to worry about you. The day you stop getting yourself into trouble is the day we all die of shock.”   
  
A snort of laughter came from Bucky and Vivian grinned widely, but then the smile turned into a slight pout when Steve laughed and spoke up, his voice getting more serious as he went, “Yeah, yuck it up you two, but if we should be keeping an eye on anyone, it should be Vivian. You’re running yourself into the ground, doll.”   
  
“I’m fine, Steve. I swear.”   
  
This time both men looked at each other before bursting into laugher. Narrowing her eyes at both of them, Vivian blushed as Steve moved close and wrapped an arm around her waist before kissing her temple. Shaking her head, Vivian smiled softly when he then spoke softly, “We’re both here for you. Just say the word and we’ll be there.”   
  
“He’s right. You don’t have to always try to be strong for everyone. We could take care of ourselves, you know.”   
  
Laughter bubbling from Vivian as Bucky teased her, her blue eyes twinkled as she teased, “Perish the thought, Barnes.”   
  
“Well if it isn’t the pansies and their floozy.”   
  
Anger sparked in Vivian and a strong urge filled her, one she hadn’t let herself feel in a long time as Steve and Bucky both immediately moved and stood between her and the familiar bullies. Clenching her hands tight enough so that her fingernails dug into the skin, Vivian forced herself to stay back.   
  
“Well if it isn’t the three stooges themselves.”   
  
Bucky’s words had been light, but Vivian could hear the edge to them. She could  _feel_ the anger radiating from both him and Steve. The anger was downright visible in Steve with the way his entire body  _shook_ . Both men kept moving forward, but Vivi stood still, focusing on her breathing and making sure she didn’t lose control. She wasn’t scared though. No, she was furious. She hated these bullies, hated that they always showed up and tried to start fights with them, especially with Steve.   
  
“So do you two boys take turns necking with this sheba or do you both go at once?”   
  
Angry red spots appeared on Vivian’s cheeks, but before she could do anything, Bucky and Steve had both launched themselves forward and had were punching the men. The third one moved closer, but then Vivian moved quickly forward and stomped on his foot before punching him in the face. The commotion instantly stopped as the man hit the ground and Vivian shook her hand, wincing and announcing, “You knuckleheaded fools. Do you think we have time for this? You don’t know squat. I’ve got my first evening off and in a little bit I have to go home and study how to do a blood transfusion. Now scram.”   
  
“But—”   
  
“You deaf, boy? I said scram.”   
  
All three men got up and slumped off, but Vivian rolled her eyes as Bucky moved in front of her and gave a low whistle while gently checking out her right hand, “Attagirl, Vivi. Now what upstanding citizen taught you to do that?”   
  
Smiling, Vivian gave a gentle chuckle before replying, “You did, Barnes. You did.” It wasn’t actually true, but Vivian had always liked pretending that Bucky had been the one to teach her that skill, liked it a hell of a lot more than remembering those training rooms and those agents. Glancing over at Steve though, she blushed bright red at the proud expression on his face. Her face only deepened when he spoke.   
  
“You’re going to be an amazing nurse.”   
  
“Steve, I just punched a man.”   
  
“Yes, you did, but you also ended a huge fight before it really got going and you taught them a lesson.”   
  
“I sure hope so, and thank you.”   
  
Steve nodded, but then Vivi’s eyes widened slightly when he gently took her right hand and rubbed the knuckles with his thumb before speaking gently, “Let’s get you home and get some ice on that hand.”   
  
Nudging Steve gently, she walked home to her place, a place she was sharing with a few other girls, and rolled her eyes when Bucky grumbled, “I’ve got to get back to the shop. I’ve got to cover a shift for a friend, but you take care of yourself, doll. I’m leaving Steve over here to make sure you get ice on that hand.”   
  
Nodding, Vivian smiled when Bucky leaned close and stole a chaste kiss before doing the same to Steve. Once Bucky walked away though, Vivian turned to Steve and spoke quietly, “I know I’m stealing your line, but you’re taking care of yourself, right?”   
  
Instantly Steve sighed and she moved close, gently taking his hand in hers while she continued quietly, “I know you hate it when we fuss over you, but  _please_ , Steve.  _Please_ take care of yourself. It hasn’t been long since you last got sick and last time was something awful.”   
  
The young man instantly sighed, looking frustrated, and Vivi instantly pulled her hand back, feeling red hot shame fill her as Steve ground out, “I’m not a kid. I don’t need you and Bucky constantly treating me like a child.”   
  
Swallowing hard, she nodded and whispered, her voice sounding oddly hollow to her ears, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t bother you like that.”   
  
She heard a sigh and she glanced up as smooth hands gently tilted her chin up. Staring into those deep blue eyes, Vivian blinked back tears when Steve spoke gently, “Vivi, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I know you both care.”   
  
“Then understand that I  _do_ respect you. Worrying about you has got nothing to do with thinking you’re a child, Rogers, and everything to do with the fact that I want you to live a long, healthy life. When you worry about me, it’s not because you think I’m some kid. Why can’t it be the same when we worry about you?”   
  
A look of surprise crossed Steve’s face, but he did not say anything, leaving a gentle silence between them. Vivi’s fingertips ran along the worn wood of her doorframe, her mind a mess of thoughts and urges to just say one of them,  _any_ of them, and to let Steve know all, but she refrained and kept still. Taking a deep breath, she finally settled on the one thing she knew Steve would understand, the one thing that truly mattered.   
  
“What’s that phrase you and Bucky always say to each other? Oh, yes. ‘ _I’m with you ‘till the end of the line._ ’”   
  
Glancing up into Steve’s eyes, she squeezed his hand and whispered, “You’ll never be alone, Steve. We’ll always be by your side.”   
  
Immediately the lanky man pulled her close, hugging her tightly. She feared for a moment that he could feel how quickly her heart beat, but dismissed that thought instantly. That secret was destined to be hers and hers alone.   
  
Surely nothing would change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's another chapter. Hopefully the dialogue is more toward everyone's liking for this one since Vivian's way more relaxed in this scenario. Mostly because who isn't relaxed around Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes? They're wonderful.
> 
> I thought about doing a chapter summary, but then I totally couldn't figure out a way to do it without this chapter sounding stupid. Real talk, I'm awful at summaries. I overthink it a lot.
> 
> Also, because I'm not sure when the information will be coming out without it being too expositiony, but Vivian was born November 1st, 1918, so she is the youngest of the triad. Also, the best fit I can think of for her look is like an Amber Heard sort of look when she's got the bigger curls in her hair.


	3. Two: 1936

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shout out to cuddlewithacorpse for not giving in and writing straight up porn about this triad. Eventually the trio will bang in story, but it'll be a while. Until then mostly stolen kisses because this is the 1930's and these idiots don't have a private space to bone in. Eventually they'll get one and/or just be very very quiet in story.
> 
> This chapter is in Bucky's POV and this is just a notification/reminder that I will be doing different POVs depending on what works best for that chapter.

Bucky sighed as he glanced around the shop he worked at. He’d been working on engines all day, taking them apart, cleaning them and putting them back together before putting them back into the cars they’d been working on. It’d been backbreaking work, but it’d been enough to distract him from his real worries. Work had become harder and harder while money earned had become less and less. Fixing one of the valves he was working on quickly, Bucky wiped the grease off his hands as his stomach rumbled and his watch showed that it was time for lunch. Tossing the rag aside, he got up, but then froze when his manager stormed over, his face red and his eyes narrowed as he shouted, “Barnes, where the fuck are you going?”

“Lunch, sir.”

“Does it fucking look like we have time for you to have tea time there, princess? Get back to work.”

Glaring, Bucky headed back to his station, flipping off his manager behind his back before resuming his job. He’d already been working for a good six hours and Bucky was honestly starving. Still, he shoved down the growing pains, used to the feeling as he focused on putting parts together. Some of the other workers were nudging each other and nodding toward him, whispering to each other and Bucky knew they were talking about him. Despite barely graduating high school, he wasn’t an idiot. Everyone at the place treated him like he was because he was young to them, and since he didn’t technically have kids, they didn’t think he deserved the position. Although sometimes Bucky felt like he did helping out with his parents, three siblings, best friend and his best friend’s mom. Hell, Vivian was the only one he didn’t feel like he needed to constantly support with money, and sometimes she even helped him out.

Part of him knew that his job situation would get better, that he’d stop getting mistreated if he just talked about what all he was doing, but at the same time though, he knew it could get much worse. If people heard about the way he took care of Steve? A shiver went down Bucky’s spine at the thought of anyone figuring out they were inverts. He’d lose his job for sure if they even suspected how Bucky felt for Steve, for what he did with them. He didn’t even want to think about what would happen to Steve or even Vivian if they found out that Viv was with two men.

“Barnes!”

Snapping out of his thoughts, Bucky dropped the wrench he’d been working with, while cringing as it hit one of his knuckles on the way down. Refraining from putting the knuckle in his mouth to ease the pain, Bucky instead grabbed a clean rag and held it there, glancing over as his manager came over and nodded toward the clock, “Shift over, Barnes. Go home.”

Nodding and finishing up his project, Bucky clocked out and washed his hands before changing into his own clothing and grabbing his property from his locker. Heading out, Bucky pulled his hat low over his eyes as he stumbled down the street, his stomach churning and his mouth dry as he checked how much money he had. He had to bite back a curse when he realized it wasn’t enough to be buying food from a vendor. He needed to be saving it for actual groceries.

Shoving the money back into his pocket, he headed down a familiar route, knocking on the door of Steve’s place while leaning against the doorway. Within seconds, the door opened and a soft smile spread across Bucky’s face as delicate fingers gripped him by his shirt and pulled him in before pressing him against the door as it was shut.

“Damn it, Buck, did you not get a break _again_?”

“Aw, Stevie, don’t fuss. I’m fine.”

At that moment though, Bucky’s stomach growled loudly, and he winced before peeking up at Steve, who glared while snapping, “Then I guess it’s good I’ve got dinner ready.”

Shaking his head, Bucky sighed before grabbing Steve’s hand, his voice soft as he whispered, “C’mon, you don’t got to do that. That dinner’s yours and you’re skin and bones as it is.”

Gaping when Steve smacked him across the back of his head, Bucky sat down at the table, staring as he saw two bowls sitting out with thick, hearty stew. Watching Steve warily, Bucky sat down and sighed before speaking up, “Stevie, where’d you get the money for a spread like this? You didn’t…do anything, did you?" 

Instantly Steve’s cheeks went bright red and Bucky’s own went red when the other man snapped, “No, of course not! Viv stopped by earlier and brought me and my ma dinner. Said she stopped by your home too. And don’t you dare go askin’ if she did anything. She got her allowance and some money for workin’ shifts at the hospital so she decided to put together some food for everyone.”

Nodding, Bucky grabbed the spoon next to his bowl, taking a bite of the soup and sighing happily once the flavors hit his taste buds. He hadn’t had a meal like that in ages and he savored every bite, eating slowly and contently. He practically moaned over some bites and he tore off a piece of bread at the end, scraping the sides of the bowls while telling himself to not lick the damn thing. Leaning back in the chair, Bucky ran his fingers through his hair before grabbing the dishes and heading into the kitchen to wash them. Once the bowls and cups were clean and dry, Bucky headed back over to Steve’s side, sitting down and nervously blurting out, “Do you think Vivian is doing okay?”

“What do you mean?”

Tilting his head slightly, Bucky tugged Steve’s chair closer and spoke softly, his voice earnest, “C’mon, Steve, you can’t be telling me that you haven’t noticed how quiet she is lately. Her studies have started, but she’s working those shifts at the diner and sometimes working at the hospital too and when she’s not doing either of those, she’s studying. Hell, even after that, she’s using her money to buy us food and she’s getting that medicine for you. You’ve got to know somethin’ is up with her. Wasn’t that long ago that you were pointin’ out how she’s runnin’ herself into the ground.”

Instantly Steve’s expression fell and Bucky sighed when the man admitted, “I know, and I’ve been trying to talk to her, but she keeps sayin’ she’s fine or when she’s tired, she says that she can handle it. I don’t know what she’s dealing with, but it’s dragging her down. Sometimes I hear her mutter something about an ‘Abe’, usually after she’s done visiting her Ma.”

“So what should we do?”

“Let her know we’re here for her and trust that she’ll talk to us eventually.”

Arching an eyebrow at that, Bucky smiled softly before gently teasing, “Like you tell us about all your illnesses and injuries?”

Chuckling when Steve started sputtering, Bucky moved close and gently stroked his cheek while whispering, “Hey, it’s okay. I realized a long time ago that I fell in love with a couple of stubborn fools. You and Viv are more alike than you think, and God, I wouldn’t change a damn thing about either one of you. I just wish you both would let me in.”

“Buck—”

Pressing his lips softly to Steve’s before he could protest, Bucky chuckled when the man immediately kissed back, moving over and practically climbing into his lap to deepen the kiss. The sound of a key in the lock has them springing apart and adjusting their appearance, getting rid of the evidence of what they’d just started as Steve leapt up and headed over to the door. Running his fingers through his own hair, Bucky watched as the door opened and Sarah came into the house, a bag resting on her hip while Steve fussed over the woman.

“Ma, let me take that, you look like you’re about to fall over.”

Hiding his laugh when the woman sent him a pointed stare before handing over the bag and heading toward the table. Smiling up at the woman, Bucky grinned when she ruffled his hair before speaking up, “You make my boy eat dinner, James?”

“No, ma’am. He made me eat dinner. Viv apparently made enough stew for the whole block.”

Sharing a glance with Steve, Bucky helped put away some of the food items into the pantry while Steve’s ma spoke up, sounding more than a little exhausted, “That girl works too hard when she should be trying to find herself a husband.”

“Buck’s gonna make an honest woman out of her, Ma, just you wait.”

Nudging Steve gently, Bucky scoffed before teasing, “Dame like her is too good for a dog like me, Rogers.”

“James Buchanan Barnes! Jesus can hear you when you lie like that.”

Gaping, Bucky blushed when the woman snatched the last of the food items, most likely donated by the church Sarah was active in, before pointing a finger at him and scolding him, “I expect to see you at church this Sunday.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Grinning over at Steve, his grin immediately faded though when the woman started bustling around the kitchen while speaking up, “Vivian better be there too or else I’m going to have Father Norman talk to her about how foolhardy she’s being. Goodness knows people are talking, and now with insisting on walking herself home—”

“Viv’s walkin’ herself home this late?”

Before he could be scolded for interrupting his elder, Buck blanched and grabbed his jacket, shoving it on as he ran out of the house. He vaguely heard his name as he ran down the sidewalk, his legs pumping as he cut through an alley and forced himself to keep going. He knew what route Viv would have to take to get home and he glared over at people along the road. The sun was already setting and the thought of Viv alone in the dark made his heart clench. By the time he found himself skidding to a halt in front of a dazed blonde, Bucky was winded and sweating.

“Bucky, what in the world—”

Pushing himself forward, Bucky wrapped his arms around Viv, cutting her off before she could say anything, his heart beating rapidly in his chest while he choked out, “Viv, what were you thinkin’? You know it’s not safe to be doing this.”

The alley they were in was quiet and otherwise empty other than them, but Bucky still glanced around, making sure no one had shown up in the meantime. His hair was a mess, falling into his face and he kept staring into those eyes, his breathing calming as he took it all in. She was beautiful, damn near angelic, and he felt a stupid smile spreading across his face as he gently cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs gently brushing across those cheekbones.

“Buck, did you _run_ here all the way from Steve’s place?”

Nodding, Bucky moved closer, his lips brushing across Vivian’s barely as he whispered, “His ma mentioned you were walking home alone and—”

“You came here to protect me?”

Nodding again, Bucky licked his bottom lip, smiling softly when Vivian rolled her eyes and whispered, “We’re in public, Buck.”

“We’re alone in an alley and we haven’t been alone for a few weeks at least. _I missed you_.”

Delicate hands slid up his chest and he leaned toward Viv as she moved closer to him, smiling as she kissed him softly. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he slid a hand up to the back of her head, cradling her gently as they backed up against the brick wall. The kiss was earnest, desperate, and Bucky felt tendrils of heat spreading throughout his abdomen until finally they both paused as the sharp noise of a car honking broke through the silence.

“I missed you too.”

Pressing his forehead against hers, he took a deep breath, his hands still pressed tightly to her body as he whispered, “Let me walk you home.”

Sighing with relief when she agreed, Buck pulled away, smiling softly as he saw the way he’d messed up her hair. Carefully fixing it, he then held out his arm, shivering as she gently placed one hand in the crook of his elbow before they walked out of the alley. It didn’t take long for them to get to her place and Buck leaned against the doorframe, smiling as Vivian leaned against the front door and whispered, “I can’t believe you _ran_ all the way from Steve’s place just because his mother told you I was walking alone.”

“You know as well as I do that it’s a dangerous world out there, Viv. If I can do something as simple as walk you home to make sure that you’re okay then I’ll do it. I’m not going to lose you.”

“Who’s going to attack me, Buck?”

“I don’t know, Viv. World’s getting scarier and scarier. Wasn't that long ago the cops were lookin' for a maniac kidnapped and murdered a _baby_. If anything happened to you I’d—”

Squeezing his eyes shut as Viv pressed a hand delicately to his cheek, he took deep breaths when she leaned close and whispered, “Thank you for walking me home, Buck. From now on I’ll make sure I can get home before dark, and if I don’t then I’ll make sure you’re there to walk me home.”

Opening his eyes at that, Bucky then chuckled when she teased, “And just to make you feel better, and as a late birthday present, I’ll even start working less.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, Kitten.”

Grinning at the blush that spread across her cheeks, Bucky nodded when she shook her head, her voice barely audible as she whispered, “Night, Buck.”

“Night, beautiful.”

Walking backward away from the doorstep, Bucky grinned like an idiot as he watched Vivian head into the house safely. He didn’t walk away until he heard the soft locking of the front door. Shoving his hands into his pockets after that, Bucky strolled back toward home while staring up at the sky. The stars were already out and he felt a _little_ bit calmer about his life. Not a lot, but a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about mechanical shit whatsoever. Nor do I know what it's like to work in a shop like that. So I made shit up. It's mostly just to showcase how overworked and desperate for love these idiots are. Anyway, the murder mentioned in the chapter is the kidnapping and murder of the Lindbergh baby, which took place in 1932, but the person convicted of the crime was executed in 1936 so it probably would have been in everyone's mind again. Plus, Bucky is overprotective of Viv, so mostly just pulled out the most traumatic thing he could think of off the top of his head. Kind of like how an overprotective friend/relative always claims they thought you were dead in a ditch, regardless of where you were. I mean, he's also protective of Steve, but considering it's 1936, there'd be a different level of protection toward Vivian as she's a woman.
> 
> Also, spoilers, but in case people are confused by Vivian's ability to afford all that food then a sort of spoiler is that the guys don't know the whole story of how she's getting all that food and money.


	4. Three: 1936

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain illness and an almost nonexistent knowledge of medicine from its author.

Vivian chewed her bottom lip nervously as she carefully let Sarah Rogers lean against her as they headed back to the woman’s small apartment. Vivian honestly didn’t know how long the woman had been hiding her symptoms from everyone, but she had to admit the woman had done a damn good job at hiding it all. Her coughing was too intense and deep to be recent, a wet sound coming deep from the diaphragm as blood tinged the air. She’d collapsed during her shift at the hospital, sweat dripping off her body as she struggled to maintain the energy to even stay awake. The blood filling her mouth with every sound combined with the ward she’d been working on made it very clear that the dedicated nurse had gotten hit.

Holding out her hand, Vivian sighed with relief when the woman held out her house keys. Using them to open the door, Vivian made soft soothing noises as she carried her through the house. Luckily the place was empty so Vivian was able to get her into the bathroom before heading into the bedroom, stripping the sheets off the bed and remaking the entire thing before opening up all the windows. The air that poured through was brisk, carrying the scents of autumn as Vivian grabbed clean clothes Sarah before handing them over and shutting the door.

Going back into the kitchen, Vivian put herself to work, scrubbing the place down and searching the kitchen for ingredients to make a meal that could be kept down by someone with tuberculosis. Blinking back tears as she thought that word, Vivian smacked her hand against the wall while forcing herself to take deep breaths. Of all the people in Brooklyn to come down with that damn sickness and it had to be Sarah Rogers, the woman so good that even Vivian was thinking about nominating her for sainthood. More importantly though, the woman was the only family member Steve had left.

Sarah Rogers was the center of Steve’s entire world.

Steadily moving through the apartment, Vivian wiped down surfaces and went to the open window. She could hear the sounds of the street below, a bustle and a volume that shook her to her core, but Sarah needed the fresh air. Heading over to the bathroom, Vivian knocked carefully on the door before pressing her palm against the warped wood, her voice coming out soft and soothing, “Sarah? Can I get you anything?”

Loud hacking coughs had Vivian opening the door and she sighed when she saw the woman curled up near the tub in the bathroom in new clothes, blood dripping down her chin. Heading into the room, the young nurse grabbed a washcloth and stuck it into the sink, drenching it with warm water before crouching next to the woman and gently wiping off her face.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

“But Steve—”

“Will understand.”

Gently helping her up, Viv had to practically carry her into the back bedroom before tucking her into the bed. Fussing over the pillows, she gently stroked the woman’s hair before grabbing a brush, running it through it gently to soothe her.

“You’re a good woman, Vivian.”

Smiling softly at that, Vivian squeezed Sarah’s shoulder gently before whispering, “Hard not to be with a mentor like you.”

The woman smiled at that, laughing softly, but the laughter quickly turned into coughing, her back lifting off the bed. Shushing her, Vivian rubbed the woman’s back while softly telling her to take deep breaths. Vivian instantly knew how bad this was and just what the odds were the second she could feel the bones through the woman’s thin, tired skin.

“When was the last time you ate anything?”

Upon seeing the pointed stare from Sarah, Vivian sighed, rolling her eyes when the woman whispered, “I haven’t been hungry and Steven—”

“Would be furious if he found out you were skipping meals over him when you’re healthy, let alone when you’re ill, so what would you like for supper?”

“He was right.”

Arching an eyebrow at the woman’s whispered comment, Vivian blushed bright red when those slender hands squeezed hers and the woman whispered, her eyes wild and almost desperate, “You have to take care of my boy. You and James just have to. We both know I’m not long for this world—”

“Don’t say that. You’ll be—”

“I’ll fight ‘till there’s no breath in me to stay with my boy, but you promise me that you’ll protect him. You promise me.”

Throat tight and dry, Vivian blinked back tears before lacing her fingers with the woman’s and nodding. Instantly the woman’s hand squeezed hers, tighter than Vivian thought possible, and she whispered, her voice choked as she did so, “I promise.”

Relief spread through the woman’s face and Vivian stroked her hair again before leaning close and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Squeezing her hand, Vivian headed into the kitchen and started putting together a simple broth. The woman seemed determined to just waste away, and so it probably wouldn’t be easy to get her to eat a decent meal. Broth was the next best option. She paused, stealing herself though as she heard the scraping of a key against the lock before a pause and the door slowly opened.

“Viv? What are you doing here? Why are all the windows open?”

Glancing over her shoulder as footsteps approached her, Vivian wiped her hands on a towel before taking a step in front of Bucky and Steve while speaking quietly, “Steve, I need you to be quiet. Your mother needs her rest.”

Instantly the man paled and Vivian had to stop him as he tried to run past her. Gripping his arms tightly, she winced when Bucky leveled a pointed stare at her while whispering, “Viv, what’s going on? Why isn’t Sarah at work?”

Blinking back tears, Vivian fidgeted nervously before sighing and admitting, “She collapsed at work, so I brought her home.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

Keeping herself between Steve and the hallway, Vivian stared deep into his eyes before whispering, “She has tuberculosis. I don’t know how long, but my best guess is that she’s been sick for at least two weeks.”

Vivian wasn’t surprised when Steve shook his head and ran past her, nor was she surprised when Bucky chased after him. Heading back into the kitchen, Vivian focused on the food, finishing it up before pouring some in a bowl before putting it on a tray with some water and some medicine to keep the coughing under control. Carrying the tray into the back bedroom, Viv winced when she saw Steve sitting next to his mother’s side while sobbing. Bucky sat next to the smaller man, rubbing his back, but unable to keep tears from streaming down his own face.

Placing the tray on Sarah’s lap, Vivian was relieved when the woman took the medicine with no complaint before starting to eat. Glancing over at Bucky, she bit her bottom lip when the man whispered softly into Steve’s ear. She watched as they interacted, cringing when Steve got up and ran off. Starting to head off, Viv froze when Bucky spoke up, his voice strained, “Leave him. He needs to deal with in his own way.”

Nodding, Vivian started to leave, but then immediately ran back as Sarah went into a coughing fit, almost knocking over the tray on her lap. Quickly sitting on the side of her bed, Vivian gently rubbed the woman’s back and shushed her while having her take deep breaths. Soon the coughing lessened, but Vivian sighed when she could feel a fever starting up in the woman.

“Bucky, I need you to promise me something.”

Freezing up, Vivian got a washcloth and pressed it against her forehead while Bucky nodded and moved close while whispering, “Of course.”

“She wants you to promise to take care of Steve once she’s gone.”

Smiling softly when Sarah sent her a pointed stare, Vivian reminded the woman, “You need to save your breath. Even if you are on death’s door, Steve still deserves to have you in his life for as long as possible.”

“She’s not going to die. You’re gonna outlive us all, Mrs. Rogers. You’ll be able to protect Steve long after idiots like me are gone.”

“You shut your mouth, James Buchanan Barnes. You’re not allowed to die. Steven can’t lose his mother and you.”

“Viv…”

Clearing her throat, Vivian excused herself and headed out of the room, sighing as she heard Sarah and Bucky talking. Heading into the kitchen, she felt worse though when she saw Steve sitting at the table, his head resting on his arms as his entire body shook with sobs. Sitting next to him, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close while shushing him. Within seconds he was turning around and they were clinging to each other. Tears Vivian didn’t want to let go started streaming down her face and she buried her face in Steve’s neck.

“Viv, why is this happening? She doesn’t deserve this.”

Pressing a kiss to his temple, Vivian kissed her way to the man’s lips, kissing him gently before stroking his cheek and whispering, “No, she doesn’t. You don’t deserve this either, and if I could do something about it, if I could save her, even if it meant ending myself, I would do it. Steve, you’ve got to believe me.”

“Doll, this isn’t your fault.”

Sighing at that, Vivian smiled weakly when Steve kissed her lips softly before speaking again, calming down, “I love you so much, Viv, and I know you’re trying to distract me, but I need you to understand that this is not your fault. I’ve seen the way you obsess over saving everyone, and I love you for it. I sure as hell hope you can save my mom, but if you can’t? If you can’t then you need to know that I’ll never blame you for that, baby doll.”

“Neither of us will, Viv.”

Bucky’s voice had shocked Vivian out of her concentration, but she nodded when he nodded toward the back bedroom. Steve immediately headed back there and Vivian smiled softly when Bucky sat down in Steve’s chair only to pull her into his lap. Gently pushing his hair out of his face, she stared into those blue eyes when he whispered, “No matter what happens, we’re going to get through this. You, me, and Steve. No matter what it takes, we’re going to be okay. You believe me, right?”

Nodding, Vivian curled up in his lap further, resting her head on Bucky’s shoulder as his long fingers gently ran up and down her thigh and back. Smiling softly, she blushed when he pressed a kiss to her forehead before whispering, “And this part I don’t think you’ll believe, but I’m still going to tell you this anyway. You’re amazing. You got Sarah to come home and I don’t think you realize just how good of a thing you did today by getting her home and staying by her side. If you hadn’t been there, she probably would have just stayed at the hospital or would have barely made it home. Steve would have found her collapsed in the living room or something and this would have been a hell of a lot harder for him.”

“Buck, someone would have helped her.”

“Maybe, but no one that Steve trusts. No one that Steve loves. Face it, Doll, you’re a goddamn dream.”

Frowning, Vivian nodded, but then got up, pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips again before whispering, “All right, big six, I won’t argue with you on that, but I’m going to need to have you pay attention.”

Smiling softly when Bucky glanced at her with an arched eyebrow, his head tilted to the side and a smirk on his face, Vivian watched his expression become serious when she got out of his lap. Her own expression became serious when she put the medicine on the table and admitted, “You’ve used some of these before keeping Steve okay when he gets his bad spells in the winter, so you know how to use them. Just a reminder though, this one’s for her fever and shouldn’t be given too often. The cough one is the one she can have more often. Regardless though, you make sure that woman eats. If you need help feeding her, talk to Father Norman or talk to me. One way or another we’re going to make sure the Rogers family is taken care of.”

“Why are you telling me this, Viv?”

Dragging her teeth along her bottom lip, Vivian twisted her hands together while admitting, “I’ve still got classes. Plus, beyond that, I already promised Sarah’s boss that I’d cover as much of her shifts as I can. I can’t do everything she does, but I can do a lot of it. Giving shots, checking vitals and following a doctors orders are things I can do. It’s not much, but it helps.”

“Tell me you’re not still going into the diner too then.”

Glancing away from Bucky and making sure everything was labeled properly, Vivian sighed when Bucky turned her around and gently gripped her chin before whispering, “School, all those hours at the hospital and you want to pick up hours at the diner? When are you supposed to sleep?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Baby…”

“James, I’ll be fine.”

Sighing at the way Bucky’s eyes widened, Vivian took a deep breath before reassuring the man, “I’ll be careful about how much I do, especially since I’m going to be coming back here at least once a day to check on Sarah. At the end of the week I’ll bring the money from the hospital by and make sure Steve and Sarah can afford at least some of the supplies—”

“Viv, Steve’s not going to let you do that. He’s not going to let you work yourself to the bone and then not keep any of the money—”

“Let me? Bucky, I’m doing this and if I have to lie and say they’re donations from the church then I will.”

Grabbing her bag and her coat, Vivian paused as she was buttoning it up when Bucky moved up close to her, his arms wrapping around her middle as he whispered, fear damn near palpable in his voice, “What if you get sick?”

“I’m not going to, Buck.”

“You can’t know that. People are getting sick all over the place and you’re going to be around a hell of a lot of it. We can’t pretend that it’s not a possibility.”

Turning around, Vivian pressed a quick kiss to Bucky’s lips before replying gently, “Then I guess you won’t have to worry about me taking extra shifts at the diner.”

“That’s not goddamn funny.”

Sighing, Vivian gave a pointed stare over at the man before whispering, “We’ve both told jokes much darker than that, but I promise you that I’m not going anywhere. Only way I’m going anywhere is if Lucifer shows up and drags me to Hell himself.”

“And he’ll have to get through me first to do that.”

Leaning up, Vivian pressed another kiss to Bucky’s lips, letting them linger for a second before she pulled away, her voice light as she whispered, “Then I’m definitely not going anywhere.” Giving Buck’s hand a squeeze, Vivian then headed out, forcing herself to take deep breaths as she headed home to get changed so she could go to her shift at the diner. She just hoped she could make it through her entire shift without crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so, so sorry about the lengthy and frankly stupid delay in putting this chapter out. There were a lot of reasons for the delay, but regardless, I'm very, very sorry.


	5. Four: 1936

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I have literally never been to an actual funeral before, least of all a Catholic funeral, so this was basically made up. Some of it was based on things I've seen in movies, but otherwise yeah. Part of the dialogue is lifted from the scene shown in Captain America: Winter Soldier.
> 
> So yeah, warning because Steve's mom's funeral.

The world felt infinitely colder than it had the day before. It was a cold that seeped through Steve’s skin and down deep into his very soul. It was a cold that wouldn’t go away, and left him shaking and just confused. At no point in his life had he expected to be an orphan by the time he was eighteen. Squeezing his eyes shut, Steve took a deep breath and tried to focus on the funeral. It was a beautiful service and it was just right for his mother, but everything in him rebelled at the idea of her being gone this early. He still needed her in his life and he still needed to prove to her that he was going to be okay.  
  
A soft, gentle hand slid into his and Steve opened his eyes and glanced over, tears filling his eyes as he saw Vivian standing next to him, looking somber, but stunning. Her hand squeezed his and he glanced back toward the front. Everything felt _wrong_ in the room, everything except for the two people at his sides. A strong hand gripped his shoulder and Steve took a deep breath before glancing over, his gaze meeting Bucky’s. Steve was flanked by the only two people left in his entire world that really mattered anymore.  
  
Now with both of them there supporting him, a little bit of the weight on Steve’s shoulders felt like it was lifting, but not by much. He knew that neither of his friends (was friends even the right word after all they’d done?) would ever let him fall, but at the same time he knew he couldn’t rely on them. He needed to figure something out, figure out how to do something, _anything_ with his life. He felt like he was moving in slow motion, stuck in molasses and watching the world pass him by. His mother was gone and the world felt like it had tilted off its axis, like gravity itself had turned against him.  
  
And being in the church he’d been going into since before he could remember felt less warm and more hollow. All the air was gone from the room and all Steve wanted to do was run outside. His suit was too tight and his legs felt like jelly. Everything was just _wrong_. So wrong and his brain couldn’t focus. He found himself switching between everything, like how he’d never see his mother again to how he knew he would see her again one day. Those made sense, but then he started feeling the icy grip of panic as he thought about what would happen if he lost Bucky or Vivi. Then he’d be completely alone, and then what would be the point of anything?  
  
Taking a deep breath, Steve was grateful he’d already given his eulogy to his mother as the funeral ended. Moving as if in a fog, Steve headed out of the church and wondered how he was going to survive burying his ma. His ma had been a force of nature, had done everything in her power to keep him alive, had even taken care of Bucky and Vivian too. Hell, he knew for a fact that his mother had been the one to convince Vivian to become a nurse. It’d all been part of the beautiful little corner of the globe that Steve had called home, and now that light was _gone_.  
  
“I need a moment alone, okay?”  
  
Neither Bucky nor Vivian looked like they wanted to leave his side for even a second, but thankfully Bucky’s ma came over and gently pulled the two teens away. Moving away while his friends were distracted, Steve made his way over to where they were burying his mother. Muscle memory was able to get him to the right plot, which was good, because his mind kept picturing his mother on her deathbed. She’d held out for two weeks before finally it had been too much.  
  
Standing near his father’s headstone, Steve stared at the fresh grave for his mother and he finally let the tears stream down his face. His mother was really gone. She was never coming back. She’d never whisper softly to him in Gaelic again. She’d never sign to him when he was too tired to sign or when he was bundled up from the cold. He’d never spend his birthday or Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Years or any other day of his life with her there.  
  
His mother had been with him for every step of his life. She’d been the person he’d told almost everything to. She hadn’t known about the romantic way he’d been with Bucky or Vivian, but she’d been the first person to know when Steve had met Bucky. She’d been the first one to know just how brave and wonderful the brunet was and she’d been the first to know when Vivian had walked into his life, changing it instantly. She’d been the one he’d told about art and his frustrations over not working. She’d been the one to encourage him to talk to people and to keep good people in his life.  
  
And now he’d never have that again.  
  
Watching through tears as his mother’s coffin was put into the ground, Steve wiped at his tears as Father Norman read from the bible. Steve couldn’t focus on anything, couldn’t _hear_ anything being said. Everything was muffled and just…wrong. Taking in a shuddering breath, Steve stayed as long as he could until his legs began to shake. Finally heading home, he let one of the other parishioners give him a ride back to his neighborhood. Once he got there, he wasn’t surprised to see Vivian and Bucky waiting there for him.  
  
Moving forward, Steve didn’t say anything, but just by being near the two, he could feel his head clearing and the pain in chest lifting. He didn’t want to get used to it though. After all, the big plan was to get Bucky and Vivian to get married. Sighing, Steve got to the bottom of the steps when suddenly Vivi pulled him tightly into a hug and whispered into his ear, “Remember what I said, Steve. You will _never_ be alone and we will _always_ be by your side.”  
  
Nodding and hugging Vivian back, he breathed in the scent of her sweet perfume, wondering if she could tell even through his heartache just how much he loved her. Being in the public eye meant he couldn’t show it to either Bucky or Vivian the way he wanted to, but he hoped they still knew. Nodding once the hug ended, he smiled softly when she gently questioned, “Do you want me to stay with you?”  
  
“Don’t you have to be in class?”  
  
Vivian shrugged and Steve chuckled before whispering, “Go to class. You’re so close to being finished and once you are, you’ll be a nurse, just like you were always meant to be.”  
  
Vivian sighed, but then nodded and Steve smiled when she hugged him again before kissing his cheek. Squeezing her hand, he chuckled when she spoke again, “Call me if you need _anything_. Okay?”  
  
Nodding, Steve swallowed hard, his hands shoved deep into his pocket to stop himself from reaching out for her as she walked away. He sighed though when Bucky squeezed his arm and whispered, “Why’d you send her away?”  
  
Shrugging, Steve sighed, his voice quiet as he whispered, “She’s a great dame, and she just started studying to be a nurse. I don’t want to mess her up already.”  
  
Bucky was staring pointedly at him and Steve _knew_ that Bucky knew what he was thinking. Turning and heading up toward his door, he kept his mouth shut as Bucky spoke up, “We looked for you after. My folks wanted to give you a ride to the cemetery.”  
  
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s…I kinda wanted to be alone.”  
  
“How was it?”  
  
Swallowing hard, Steve winced before admitting, “It’s okay. She’s next to Dad.”  
  
“I was gonna ask…”  
  
Shaking his head and pushing his hair out of his face, Steve spoke up, interrupting before Bucky could continue, “I know what you’re gonna say, Buck, it’s just…”  
  
Starting to search for his keys as he got to his door, Steve began to get more frustrated as he realized he couldn’t find his key while Bucky replied gently, “We can put the couch cushions on the floor, like when we were kids. It’ll be fun. All you gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash. Come on…”  
  
Turning around as Bucky held out a key, Steve accepted it before replying, “Thank you, Buck, but I can get by on my own.”  
  
Staring up into Bucky’s eyes, steadying himself and preparing himself as Bucky shook his head, his voice serious as he spoke up, “The thing is, you don’t have to.”  
  
Frowning, Steve could feel his heart beating rapidly as the man then reached out and squeezed his shoulder while reassuring, “I’m with you ‘till the end of the line, pal. Viv is too.”  
  
Sighing and smiling weakly, Steve nodded and let Bucky pull him into a hug. Hugging the man tightly, he sighed when Bucky led him into the apartment only to almost immediately speak up, “Move in with me.”  
  
Turning and staring at Bucky in shock, Steve sighed before replying, “If you’re offering because you feel sorry for me, Buck, then you can take your offer and shove it—”  
   
“I want to live with you, Stevie.”  
   
Expression softening, Steve swallowed hard and opened his mouth to say something, but then sighed when Bucky pleaded with him, “C’mon, _please_. Get a place with me. I’ll take care of you. Viv will be able to come over easier. You’ll be able to—”  
   
“How am I supposed to help you pay for a new place? How am I supposed to get my stuff out of this apartment? Buck…”  
   
Staring into Bucky’s eyes, Steve sighed at the pain in the expression, but moved closer and whispered, “I’ll think about it, okay? I just…I need something in my life to be steady for now. That’s all.”  
   
“Anything you need, Stevie, and I’m here for you. Viv is too.”  
   
“I know, Buck. I know.”  
   
Smiling weakly and sitting on the couch, Steve glanced over at Bucky and couldn’t help but smile wider when Bucky sat next to him on the couch and gently rubbed his thumb along his cheekbone. Sending a sideways glance over at the man, Steve huffed a small laugh before whispering, “I really will think about it, Buck. I _want_ to live with you. I want to be able to be with you without worrying about getting caught. I just don’t want you to be doing this out of pity or because you think I can’t take care of myself. Also don’t want you to regret it.”  
   
Instantly Bucky scoffed and pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his temple while murmuring, “What part of ‘till the end of the line did you not get, punk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Vivian moodboard](http://kylos-ears.tumblr.com/post/146340431943/vivian-peshkova-moodboard-xM) [made by cuddlewithacorpse](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlewithacorpse/pseuds/cuddlewithacorpse)  
> [OT3 moodboard](http://kylos-ears.tumblr.com/post/150369152468/vivian-peshkova-james-bucky-barnes-steve) [made by cuddlewithacorpse](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlewithacorpse/pseuds/cuddlewithacorpse)  
> [OT3 moodboard made by me](http://amazonrhinos.tumblr.com/post/151132804798/you-bury-me-vivian-peshkova-was-created-by-the)


	6. Five: 1936

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only real warning I have for this chapter is how clear it is that I literally don't know what it's like to apartment hunt in the city.
> 
> I sincerely apologize. I just want these idiots to have a semi-decent place to live. More space for canoodling.
> 
> Also, I need to warn you that Bucky is a gigantic sap, and I literally had no idea how bad he was until I wrote this chapter.

Bucky had been owed more than a few favors for picking up extra shifts at the docks and at the mechanic’s shop along with all sorts of odds and ends. Dozens of favors from dozens of people and he’d still needed to pull damn near every single one of them to swing finding a place that would work for him and Stevie. The place needed to have a kitchen, one where they could make real food, and store real medicine to keep Steve strong. The place needed at least one full bedroom. The place needed a spot with good lighting so Steve could draw. The place needed to be close enough to all the places they all needed to go.

That wasn’t an easy list. Hell, for most people it was an impossible list to fill in Brooklyn.

Still, Bucky had managed to track a place down. The neighborhood was decent enough, and apparently the landlord was desperate to get _someone_ into the spot. Glancing between Vivian and Steve as he led the two toward the apartment building, he could see their skepticism once they got there. The building itself was made of strong brick and looked like a nice place. In fact, looked completely out of their price range. 

Excitedly heading up the stairs, Bucky could hear his friends reluctantly following and he headed into the apartment. He’d already let the landlord know they’d be coming and Bucky knew there wasn’t a damn thing in that place worth stealing. In fact, it looked like it had already been robbed and worse.  
  
Stepping back into the room, Bucky knew the place needed _a lot_ of work. The place was covered in filth and there was trash in piles. Hell, there were even bugs and rats around the place. Seeing the looks of horror on Viv and Steve’s face, Bucky quickly ran over and explained, “Hey, hey, c’mon, look at me. I know it needs work, but the landlord said if we get this place cleaned up that he’ll let us stay here at a discount. Hell, he’s willing to work on the price even more if I promise to help out every once and a while with the other tenants.”

Gesturing excitedly around the place, Bucky grinned over at the two while continuing, “Place is huge and I know a guy who’ll help us fix up the stuff I’m too knuckleheaded to fix on my own. Bedroom back there’s damn huge and there’s a place near the fire escape where you can do your art, Stevie. Should see the tub in this place too. Once we get it cleaned up it’ll be like we’re goddamn royalty. We’ll make it perfect for us, you’ll see.”

Glancing over at Viv, Bucky then moved closer and gently cupped her face in his hand while admitting, “Probably won’t have it ready in time for your birthday, but I promise that when you come back from your trip, I’ll have this place shinin’. We’ll celebrate your birthday right when you get home, Doll. I promise. You, me, and Steve.”

An odd look crossed over Vivian’s features before she grinned and teased, “You really are hopeless, James Buchanan Barnes.”

Waiting with a soft smile on his face, he then grinned and cheered when she sighed, “But I think you’re right about this place. I can get some supplies to help make the clean up easier. Can also help get you some furniture. Some people owe me favors.”

Moving over to Steve’s side and staring into those baby blue eyes, Bucky lifted the smaller man up and spun him around after he got a sighed, “I agree, but I get to paint this place. These walls are an awful color.”

Setting Steve down once soft laughter escaped the man, Bucky stared excitedly into Steve’s eyes only to grin so hard his face hurt when the man sighed, “Okay, we’ll take it, but—”

Letting out a whoop, Bucky settled himself down under Steve Grant Rogers’ powerful stare. Squirming where he stood, Bucky bit his bottom lip and stood quietly and still while Vivian giggled in the background. Waiting as Steve took a deep breath, Bucky quickly nodded as Steve spoke up, “ _But_ you need to behave yourself and we still gotta be quiet. This is still _dangerous_ for us to be doing, Buck, and if this is too much for you or might ever become too much for you then I’d rather be uncomfortable in the place I’m in than to make you do things you don’t want to just to pay rent.”

Nodding, Bucky wrapped his arms around the man’s tiny waist, rubbing his hands up and down his back while speaking in a low, pleading voice, “I promise, Doll, I promise. We’ll finally have a place of our own and I can wake up next to you damn near every morning. Viv can be over more often. I swear, Baby, we’ll be real quiet and real safe about it all. Just say yes. Say yes to livin’ here with me and I’ll do anything.” 

“C’mon, Steve. We’ve been looking around town every day for a place to rent and never seen anything close to this size. If Buck says that you can pull this off then I believe him.”

Throwing a wink over toward Vivian as she defended him, Bucky then blew a kiss before murmuring, “Thanks, Kitten.” 

A blush flooded her cheeks and Bucky chuckled before focusing back on Steve, groaning when Steve pinched his arm before speaking up, “All right, yes. Yes, we’ll get this place. I ever find out you did something stupid to pay for this place and I’ll do worse than kick your ass, James. I’ll tell your mother _and_ your sisters.”

Wincing at that threat, Bucky saluted Steve only to get kicked in the shin by the man as he glared up. Grinning wildly and winking at Steve, Bucky then felt two sets of eyes land on him and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously while Steve questioned, “Shouldn’t you be telling our new landlord that we agree?”

Clearing his throat, Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out three sets of keys before sheepishly admitting, “I already told him we’d take it.”

“You scoundrel.”

Luckily there was laughter in Vivian’s voice as she teased him and Bucky rolled his eyes, but then knew his gaze turned downright moony when the woman walked up and tugged him down for a kiss. Slipping a set of keys into her hands, he chuckled when she teased, “You are a sap, James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Takes one to know one, Peshkova.”

Winking while Vivian rolled her eyes, he chuckled and followed after her, feeling a bit like a lost puppy as she took a set of the keys and handed them to Steve. He knew it was all worth it though when Steve smiled.

“All right, Buck. Let’s get to work. I’m assuming you already started bringin’ supplies over so we could clean _our home_ up?”

Grinning so wide his cheeks began to hurt, Bucky ran over to a closet and opened it up, pulling out the cleaning supplies that he _had_ dropped by that morning. Grabbing the rat traps and a couple pails for garbage, he gave his best faux innocent look when Steve sighed.

“Where’d you get all of this, Buck?”

“I bought _most_ of it. I’ll return _most_ of the things I didn’t.”

“ _Most_?”

“I’m not returning the rat traps after we use them.”

Starting to place traps around the place while Vivian and Steve started gathering up trash, he paused and began to apologize when almost immediately one of the traps found its target.

“Viv, I’m so—”

“I’m a nurse, Buck. I see blood and guts all the time. Also, we live in Brooklyn. I’ve seen dead rats before.”

Chuckling at that, Bucky held up his hands before smiling apologetically at her. A soft smile and a wink from both of his lovers had Bucky rejuvenated. Working like a madman, Bucky placed traps and gathered trash. Within a few hours there was a substantial dent in the amount of cleaning that needed to be done. Peeling off his shirt and shivering as the cool breeze from outside hit his sweat damp skin, Bucky smiled when Vivian stood by him. Glancing at her as she ran her fingertips up his side, he nudged her and gently whispered, “Like what you see, Doll?”

“I _love_ what I see, Buck. I love everything about you." 

Picking Vivian up and grinning at her laughter, Bucky pressed soft kisses to her neck, but then sighed when she pulled away while speaking up, “I have to go home and pack, Buck. I go see my mother in just a few days and I’ve gotten _nothing_ done.”

“You do this _every_ _year_ , Viv.”

Grinning at Steve when he moved close to do some gentle teasing, Bucky then looked the younger man up and down to make sure he was okay. He’d kept an eye on him the entire time they’d cleaned (dust wasn’t good for him), but he still was wary.

“And?”

Chuckling at the bland reply from Vivian, Bucky gently squeezed her sides before pushing her hair out of her face, “I know visiting your mom isn’t your _favorite_ thing to do, but she is still your mom. We’ll celebrate your birthday right when you get home, Doll. I promise. You, me and Steve.”

Arching an eyebrow as Vivian hopped down from his waist, Bucky laughed when she gently teased, “You mentioned having this place all clean by the time I got back?”

Nodding, Bucky leaned close to kiss her again, sighing when she twisted out of his arms and let Steve pull her into his. Smirking at them, he stared in confusion though when she grabbed a piece of paper from her bag before writing on it. Accepting it once it was handed to him, Bucky glanced at it and then spoke slowly, “Isn’t this the name of your neighbor?”

“Yep. A carpenter. They build and fix furniture. They also sometimes get furniture from estates where there are no living relatives. I helped them get through a particularly bad bout of pneumonia. They owe me a favor. Tell them I sent you and they should help you get a few items for this place. At the very least they can give you deals. They’re also looking for help around their shop and if Bucky’s up for it then—”

“I’ll do it. Whatever it takes. This is _our_ _home_.”


	7. Six: 1936

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore warning: some mild description of gore happens, but I understand that some people don't like it at all. If you want to miss it then the most detailed part is a single paragraph on its own. The sentence before the paragraph is "For a moment everything was fine, but then Schmidt screamed." Just skip the next paragraph and you should be fine.
> 
> An item of note: I comment on Hydra being active in 1936 and the intelligence communities of various countries already looking into them. I have zero idea if this is true for MCU or the comics universe. However, it is going to be canon in this fic since I like to think that Hydra was creating some crazy shit even before World War II officially started.
> 
> Also, timeline wise, I can't remember if I'm altering when Schmidt got the serum or not. It will not be the first time I fudge with the MCU timeline though. I am going to keep doing it most likely.

_“We’ll celebrate your birthday right when you get home, Doll. I promise._ ”  
  
Vivian shook her head and forced herself to take deep breaths. The place she was seated on the floor was next to a chair and she glanced up as a hand slid down and took hers, gripping it tightly. The man holding her hand didn’t look at her, but merely stared straight forward with tears in his eyes.  
  
“Where is the serum?”  
  
“It’s…it’s not quite ready, Herr Schmidt.”  
  
“Not…not ready? Erskine, I gave you _an entire year_.”  
  
“You gave him an entire year to do something literally no one has ever done before.”  
  
The words spilled from Vivian’s mouth before she could stop them and she glared as Schmidt practically snarled, “It was done to you!”  
  
“Yes, and I’m a _mutant_. You’re _human_. It has never been done to a _normal man_ ”  
  
Gritting her teeth as Hydra agents grabbed her and dragged her forward, Vivian glared up at the monster before her as the man leaned close and whispered, “Your mistake was thinking that I am a _normal man_.”  
  
“Fine. Take the serum. It’s your funeral. I would send condolences to your family if you actually had anyone in your life that gave a damn.”  
  
A burst of laughter escaped her as Schmidt slapped her hard enough for her head to jerk to the side. Licking the blood from her split lip as the skin healed almost instantly, Vivian merely grinned as she was dragged back and restrained to a chair.  
  
“Doctor, begin the experiments. _Now_.”  
  
Wincing as a sharp shock of electricity went through her, Vivian could only watch as the procedure began. Abraham looked reluctant, but then quickly moved forward when a gun was put to her head.  
  
“Abraham, don’t. They’re not going to kill me. They need me alive.”  
  
Abraham hesitated, but then Vivian closed her eyes when Schmidt spoke up, sounding more than a little proud of himself, “She’s right. We won’t kill her, but we can make sure that _you_ never see your family ever again. Schulz, how quickly can you get in touch with Dachau? I believe there are a few—”  
  
“I’ll do it.”  
  
Vivian wasn’t surprised that it had taken basically no time after the word _Dachau_ was mentioned for Erskine to give in. The man had loved ones to protect. He had _family_. Nodding, Vivian sat back and watched as the man shakily gathered what he needed. There were a few preliminary shots from what Vivian could tell, but then when it came time for the final shot, Schmidt _snatched_ the syringe from the old man and injected himself.  
  
For a moment everything was fine, but then Schmidt _screamed_.  
  
Struggling against her binds as Schmidt’s body arched off the chair, Vivian could only watch in horror as his face began to _peel off_. Bright red skin started to reveal itself and she cursed. This man was always monstrous, but now his outside showed his inside as well. Vivian gagged, but was unable to close her eyes or look away as chunks of bloody skin hit the floor. She could _smell_ the body transforming and for a delirious moment she wondered if she was really witnessing Schmidt dying and being dragged, piece by piece, straight to Hell.  
  
His screams got louder and his eyes even more crazed while Vivian sat in shock. She knew in that moment that time was not on her side and if there was any hope of saving Erskine or herself, she’d have to do it soon. Finally tearing her gaze away from Schmidt to glance around the room. All the agents were transfixed on the horrific scene before them and she knew she wouldn’t get a better chance. Making eye contact with Erskine, she nodded toward a switch near her chair. The man quickly went over and turned it off. The electricity stopped flowing through her body and as Schmidt lunged forward, lashing out at an agent, Vivian got the straps off.  
  
Standing up shakily and leading Erskine toward the door, Vivian kept an eye on the agents struggled to pull the crazed Schmidt off of the bewildered agent. That red head, more like a skull, shone brightly under the lights in the room, and his long fingers dug into the agent’s neck in a vice grip. Erskine’s pupils were wide and his entire body was shaking, so Vivian gripped his arms tightly and hissed, “We need to get your data and leave. Where is it?”  
  
“I—I don’t—”  
  
“Abraham, where is it? Focus. We need to get it and get out of here, or else Schmidt is going to win. I can’t allow that. _We_ can’t allow that.”  
  
“But my family!”  
  
“Now that he’s gotten the serum, do you really think he’ll keep you or your family alive? He doesn’t need you anymore, doctor. He will dispose of you and your family. Their only hope is for us to escape and get some help.”  
  
Abraham immediately ran over to where his papers were located. Schmidt was _screaming_ and just _pulverizing_ his own men. Keeping out of his way, Vivian trashed the data that Abraham didn’t grab and pulled items off the corpses strewn around the room only to glance over as the noise didn’t lessen. She’d never liked Schmidt nor had she ever respected him, but he’d always been in control. This was _beyond_ madness. The blood was _everywhere_. Tearing her gaze away, Vivian grabbed Abraham and pulled him out of the room once everything was gathered. Heading down the hallway, her hand gripping Abraham’s tightly, Vivian’s gaze moved rapidly around the building taking in everything going on.  
  
“Do you have a plan?”  
  
Tilting her head back and forth, Vivian made a soft scoffing noise before relenting, “Almost.”  
  
“ _Almost_? Fraulein, I—”  
  
“Go gather up the rest of your research. Whatever you can’t carry, I need you to destroy.”

“What are you going to do?”

Lip quirking into a smirk and eyes lowering, Vivian sighed before speaking softly, “Bring fire down onto my enemy like the gods of old.”

“But you can’t. If you kill them, if you give into that darkness then you won’t come back.”

Pulling her hand away from Abraham’s, Vivian’s jaw clenched, her brows furrowed as she glanced over her shoulder at the older man. Taking a moment to survey his face, her gaze softened before she replied, “All wars require sacrifices, good doctor. All of them. I’m not asking you to walk this path with me. I don’t want you to either. Go. Go gather your research.”  
  
Placing a set of keys into his hands, Vivian smiled softly before whispering, “Save a few prisoners while you’re at it. We meet at the gates in thirty minutes. Your hands and your soul will be clean.”  
  
Abraham frowned, his brow furrowing, but then he finally walked off. Watching the man retreat, Vivian headed for a door she’d seen during her time there. A door she wasn’t allowed in. Opening it by blasting the lock open, Vivian headed in and grinned when she was in the central control room for the entire building. Sitting down, she gazed at the all of the control panels before rolling her eyes. Of course the building could be set to destruct.

“Of course they put a self-destruct button on this stupid place. Ridiculous.”

Checking her pocket watch, Vivian chose the appropriate timer amount before leaving the room. Shutting the door again, Vivian then blocked the entrance, cramming metal and random items underneath the door, keeping it shut so no one could undo what she had done. Strolling leisurely through the hallway, Vivian took a deep breath as Hydra agents approached her. Holding her hand out, Vivian knocked the weapons out of the soldiers hands before running forward. Sweeping her leg and knocking one man off his feet, she then flipped over and kicked another person. Snapping their necks, Vivian then grabbed a gun and shot the rest of the men with a headshot each.

Her hand shook, but she took a deep breath before whispering to herself how this was all necessary. The further into the building she went, the more people she killed, the bodies piling up as she forced herself to just _keep going_. The entire time, all she could think of was _Brooklyn_. Steve and Bucky needed Vivian, and so she was going to return to them, no matter what the cost. Once she finally reached the yard, blood splattered all over her uniform, Vivian found herself staring at Abraham reassuring at least twenty people. Forcing open the gate, she didn’t say a word as she walked through, but the people followed her still. They needed to make good time.  
   
The woods around the base weren’t too bad, although really the only thing they had to guide them was a rough idea from a map she’d looked at and the stars. The heavy snow on the ground made things harder though. The temperature in general meant they had to make quick time or the others would freeze to death before they ever got to safety. Heading north, Vivian didn’t even glance back as explosions erupted behind them. Checking her watch, she couldn’t help but smile at the precision of the explosions. Every single one had been right on time, down to the second.  
   
“ _Fraulein_ , what have you done?”  
   
Taking a deep breath and putting her watch away, Vivian glanced around at the treetops, keeping an eye out for survivors while replying, “I did what was necessary.”  
   
“How many agents did you kill?”  
   
“You’re really going to have to narrow down your question, Abraham. I’ve been killing hydra agents for years.”  
   
“ _How many_?”  
   
“More than a hundred, less than a thousand.”  
   
“You don’t even know? You don’t even have a clue?”  
   
Shrugging, she cleared some ice with a wave of her hand before replying, “I don’t have an exact count from the location I just demolished. I don’t know how many agents Schmidt killed himself nor do I know how many escaped with him. One hundred is the bare minimum that I’ve killed up to this point.”  
  
“ _What are you_?”  
   
Pausing, Vivian took a deep breath, her body frozen in place as she then whispered, “I don’t know anymore.” Shaking her head and clearing her throat, Vivian then started walking again, speaking in as confident of a voice as she could muster, “There’s a town up north. I know some people you can contact. They’ll get you out of the country. At the very least, you can find shelter."  
   
“You had a way out? Why hadn’t you taken it before now?”  
  
“I was waiting for the right moment. Usually I was too well-guarded. Hydra tended to keep me on a tight leash once I was inside the facility. If I’d escaped even last year, the only thing that would have happened was a dozen agents would have been on me instantly, and you would have been killed. Also, in the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that Hydra’s enemies will want you far more than they want me.”  
   
“What enemies?”  
  
“Most countries, really. Any country with any half-decent spies have at least heard of Hydra. Hydra’s making a name for itself in the shadows. The fact that they work very closely with the Germans means a lot of the allies are keen on knowing what they’re doing. The wounds from the Great War are still fresh. No one’s forgotten, and no, I don’t need reminding that Germany lost people too. ‘The Great War’. The best and the worst name for it, honestly. The only thing ‘great’ about it was the magnitude of the suffering.”  
   
“What would you know? You weren’t even alive.”  
   
“Actually I was alive for a whole ten days before the war ended. Born November 1 st. However, it is still true that I didn’t actually live through it. Still, just because the fighting stopped on that day didn’t mean there wasn’t suffering still yet to come.”  
   
A silence spread over the group, other than the occasional grunt of pain or cough, and Vivian trudged on. Her clothing was nowhere near thick enough for the temperatures, but she knew she’d be fine if she just kept moving. After a while, she stopped pulling out her pocket watch, the metal biting at her skin with a vengeance from the weather. They’d been walking for at least a mile though when suddenly a hand gripped her arm. Glancing back, her eyes widened slightly as Abraham handed over an extra coat. Slipping it on, she pulled a pair of gloves out of the pocket before slipping them on, her hands shaking as she did so.  
   
“It never even occurred for you to look for a coat before you left, did it?”  
   
“Why would I? I had a mission and it could not be deviated from.”  
   
Eyebrows raised on the man, but Vivian put her hood up and murmured, “Thank you for the coat.”  
   
Heading forward, Vivian found she was able to breathe easier and the tremors in her body were slowing. Taking a deep breath, she pushed forward, the pacing in the snow going a lot better until finally, after what felt like hours, she found herself standing at the top of a hill. Panting, Vivian glanced back over her shoulder as the rest of the people showed up. Nodding toward the city, she then spoke up, keeping her voice as steady as possible.  
   
“My contact should be in this town. You keep your heads down, don’t bring attention to yourself, and I will get you somewhere safe. Hydra will be sending agents from other facilities to clean up the mess I left back there. At the same time, elite hydra agents will hunt me. This is not going to be easy.”  
   
“What happens if the agents find us?”  
   
“Then the plan escalates and while my contact gets you all out of the country as soon as possible, I’ll stay behind and keep them off your trail.”  
   
“How?”

“I figured I’d stick to my strengths and kill them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Schmidt is now Red Skull. Next chapter will finally be in 1937 and Vivian's now on the run from Hydra. LET THE GAMES BEGIN.


	8. Seven: 1937

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate that holiday.
> 
> This probably isn't the appropriate day to release a chapter that's at leas 50% smut, but here we are.
> 
> Warning: sex. There's a threesome. Sort of. Also, neither of the boys are circumcised, although Steve's the only one explicitly shown as being that way. If you don't care to read then good news! Basically once they start taking their clothes off, it's sex from there on out. Read however much you're comfortable reading. At the end of chapter notes, I'm going to give some info about condoms though.

Vivian stood in front of the door of the apartment, wringing her hands together while forcing herself to take deep breaths. Her breath fogged up the air and she carefully adjusted her dress to cover more of her knees as her nose and cheeks went rosy from the cold. It was a particularly cold February and even Vivian was feeling a little bit of the strain. Closing her eyes, Vivian quickly knocked on the door before waiting. Opening her eyes and glancing around, she waited only about ten seconds before starting to walk away.

“Viv?”

Pausing and glancing back, she forced a smile when she spotted Steve staring at her in shock. The smile softened and became real though when she saw that Steve was bundled up for the weather. Reaching out and taking Steve’s hand, she let herself get pulled into the apartment before taking off her coat. She also left her wet shoes by the door. Hanging it up before peeling off her gloves and taking off her hat, she kept her gaze firmly on the wall as Steve spoke, his voice pained.

“Viv, where have you been? It’s been _months_. It’s _February_. We haven’t seen you since _October._ ”

Turning around and carefully running her fingers through her hair, Vivian struggled to come up with a response before finally whispering, “I’m sorry. That should never have happened.”

“Then why did it? Bucky and I were worried. Did something happen?”

“I’m sorry, Stevie.”

Slender arms wrapped around her and she rested her head on Steve’s shoulder as he rubbed her back while whispering, “I just want to know what happened.”

Focusing, Vivian hugged the man tightly before pulling back. Following the man to the kitchen, she watched as he served them both coffee while she admitted, “My mother and I have always had a fairly strained relationship. Usually our visits can go by without incident, but this time, something went wrong, and it just…exploded. I know it’s not fair, but I needed time to figure out how I was going to move forward. I should have gone to you and Bucky for help, but I was afraid of being a disappointment, especially to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Steven, you _love_ your mother. You miss your mother. If you were given a choice, you’d get her back into your life in an instant. I have my mother in my life, and I walked away. It’s over. I can never go back, and I wasn’t sure you’d understand. Family is everything to you, and—”

“And I love you.”

Biting her bottom lip, Vivian accepted the coffee cup while Steve pressed his hands to hers while he whispered, “Let the good lord forgive me for saying this, Viv, but your ma? She never sounded like a good mother to me, and you deserve to be happy. Every time you’d go and see her, you’d come back lookin’ like the world was ending, and I hated it. This time, you walked around the city for months lookin’ like you were already gone. _It broke my heart_.”

“But she’s my mother, and I’m supposed to—”

“Supposed to what? Respect her even when she’s hurting you? If the world thinks that’s what’s right then the world is _wrong_. It’s wrong about a lot of things, and I will _always_ be there for you, Vivian. Bucky will too, because _we know_ what’s right.”

Staring over in shock, Vivian opened her mouth to reply, to say _something_ , but then just pulled Steve close, kissing him softly. Within seconds the kiss escalated and Vivian wrapped her arms around Steve. Moving back toward the couch, she fell back against it, grinning as Steve’s long fingers ran through her hair. Their bodies pressed against each other, not bothering to separate as the front door opened. She did stop though when rough fingers ran through her hair, fingernails gently pressing against her scalp. Shivering as lips pressed against her throat, she pulled back and stared into those blue eyes. A grin spread across her face though as she spotted grease smeared along Bucky’s sculpted cheeks.  
  
Pulling away from Steve and reaching up, she gently rubbed the grease off Bucky’s cheeks while he whispered, “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes? Why’d you stay away for so long, kitten?”

Blushing at the nickname, Vivian licked her bottom lip, struggling for the words. Thankfully Steve was there to rub her back and explain, “Her ma gave her some trouble, and things went south. Bad news is the visits are off, but good news is that I think we get Vivian for the entire month of November now. _Including_ her birthday.”

Grinning and resting her head on Bucky’s hand, Vivian’s grin slipped as she saw the anger in Bucky’s eyes as he crouched down, putting them at eye level as he whispered, “Say the word, Viv, and I’ll go give your family a piece of my mind. No one treats my baby doll like that. _No one_.”

“As much as I’d like to see my favorite big six struttin’ and throwin’ around his muscle, it’s not necessary. This has been a long time coming, and I already have a family, Buck. You and Steve are all I need along with the gals in school and at the hospital.”

“And the ones at the diner?”

Biting her bottom lip, Vivian glanced up at the ceiling before admitting, “I’ll probably see them around, but I no longer work there.”

“You _quit_?”

Nodding at Bucky’s shocked question, Vivian nodded before replying, “I decided I needed to focus on school. My mother gave me some money to stay out of her life. It’s enough to help pay my new rent.”

“New rent? Where’d you move to?”

“Exclusive all-girl’s apartment near the hospital. Took a few interviews, but I got in. You two aren’t technically allowed past the first floor, but I’ve got a fire escape to my room. Could smuggle both of you inside.”

Giggling as Steve pressed kisses to her shoulders, Vivian settled into a more comfortable position. Legs curled up under her while she leaned her head against the arm of the couch, she smiled as Steve spoke in relief, “You were workin’ too much anyway. School, hospital, _and_ the diner? You were running yourself into the ground. Just promise you’ll rest a little.”

Turning around and licking her bottom lip as Steve crawled over her, his nose brushing against hers. Before the man could kiss her again, she teased, “Who broke your nose this time?”

Steve paused and gaped while Vivian laughed. She groaned though when Bucky drawled, “As usual, Steve got into a fight with someone.”

“What about this time?”

“Soldiers.”

“Well, that’s a change. Last time it was single mothers.”

“No, last time was immigrants. The time before that was single mothers.”

Vivian snapped her fingers and pointed while laughter danced in her eyes, “That’s right. Sorry, Buck, can’t keep all of Steve’s fights straight.”

Tilting her head back, she sighed happily though as Bucky leaned over her and pressed a kiss to her lips. Quickly turning around, smiling into the kiss as Steve gently gripped her hips, she leaned up into her kiss with Bucky while wrapping her arms around his shoulders. A soft yelp escaped from her though as Bucky picked her up and set her on the edge of the couch, standing between her legs as the kiss got more passionate. Pulling back though, Vivian held back a smirk as Bucky groaned, trying to get another kiss before she teased, “James Buchanan Barnes, look at the state of you. Covered in grease. Is it too much for a dame to ask for her man to clean himself up a little for her?”

“I could clean up, or we could just both strip down so the only thing gettin’ dirty is us, doll.”

Shaking her head while smiling playfully, Vivian moved her legs from around his waist before lifting her right one up and pressing her foot against his chest, gently pushing him back while he tilted his head and laughed.

“Aw, Viv, c’mon.”

“Nope. Go get that grease cleaned off. We have hours and if you can’t do this for me then you’ll be stuck watchin’ me and Steve have all the fun.”

Sliding back down onto the couch as she heard water running, her dress getting pushed up slightly as she went, Vivian grinned as Steve’s fingers gently ran up her calf. She was wearing stockings, but they weren’t nearly thick enough for the temperature. Not saying a word, she grinned as those lithe fingers went back up her calf and almost tenuously started to slide up her thigh. Staring into Steve’s eyes Viv shivered as he those hands brushed up against her bare skin before reaching where her garter was attached to her slip.

A quick movement had the garter detaching and Vivian shivered as he pulled the stockings down, his fingernails gently scraping along her skin on the way down while he leaned forward. Shifting on the couch, she bit her bottom as Steve glanced up at her from under those long lashes, his cheeks staining red as he followed his fingertips with his lips. Shivering, Vivian’s breathing became heavier, her tongue wetting her lips briefly as the stocking was pulled off before Steve repeated the actions on her other leg. Once her stockings were on the floor, soft giggles escaped from her as Steve moved up, their hips pressing together as he let his lips brush against hers.

Kissing the man, Vivian moved her hands to Steve’s chest, undoing the buttons while he almost shyly slipped tongue into the kiss. The kiss was sweet, almost shy, but that shyness melted away as her hands slid under his shirt while her fingertips splayed against the taut skin of his abdomen. Steve’s hands slid began unbuttoning her dress, half of it hanging off as her slip and panties were revealed.

“Look at you two, prettier than a picture.”

Breaking the kiss and glancing over as Bucky strolled back into the room, blushed at the sight before her. Bucky’s hair was damp and strands fell into his face. More importantly though, he was shirtless and his work pants were unbuttoned slightly, hanging low on his hips. Before she could comment though, her eyes closed and a low hiss of breath escaped her as Steve gently nipped at her neck.

Fingers ran through her hair and she opened her eyes again, smiling as Bucky leaned close and kissed her. It took a bit of maneuvering to get her dress off _and_ still keep kissing Bucky, especially while Steve seemed content placing gentle kisses along her neck and collar bones, but she somehow managed. Throwing the fabric into Bucky’s face as he broke for air, Vivian laughed as he scoffed while shaking his head, the fabric falling to the floor. The straps of her slip fell down from her shoulders, settling on her upper arms and she spun away from Bucky, laughing as he caught her, pulling her back against him.

Those muscular arms of his wrapped around her and she bit her bottom lip as he brushed his lips against her neck before murmuring, “Missed you, kitten.”

His hands slid down and Vivian tilted her head back, closing her eyes as the slip was lifted up and her panties were pushed down. The soft, silky fabric slid down her legs and she grinned before teasing, “Really? Couldn’t tell.”

Bucky scoffed, his breath hot on her neck and Vivian giggled as he ran his hands along her thighs. Glancing over at Steve, who was stripping out of his undershirt to leave him in just his underwear, Vivian opened her mouth to say something, but then gave a low, whimpering moan as Bucky’s hands diverted, one moving up and cupping one of her breasts and the other moving high up between her legs. His fingertips brushed along her clit and she reached up, standing on her tip toes so that she could slide a hand behind his neck and grip at his hair.

Her eyes closed and her back arched, her breathing becoming more labored as Bucky’s teeth gently scraped along her throat before his tongue soothed the spot. Her eyes opened though as another set of hands slid under her slip and she smiled at Steve as he pressed close, kissing her lips as his bare erection pressed against her. Kissing back, Vivian sighed as the kiss ended, but then grinned when Steve spoke hoarsely, “Bedroom.”

Nodding, Vivian slipped out from them and then went down the hall. The bedroom looked amazing and there was a sturdy bed in the room, pulled away from all the walls. Grinning at that, Vivian pulled off her slip, leaving her naked as she crawled onto the bed before laying back. The bed was soft, surprisingly soft in fact, and she sighed before grinning as Bucky came in, stripping the rest of his clothes off before teasing, “Someone’s enjoyin’ themselves.”

Widening her eyes a touch, Vivian shook her head before replying, “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Barnes. Besides, the bed pulled away from the wall? You two already christened this place without me.”

She couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across her face as Steve and Bucky got onto the bed, laying next to her while Bucky scoffed, “Hell, can’t keep Stevie quiet to save our lives, so the least I could do was move the damn bed.”

Instantly Steve’s cheeks went bright red and he grumbled, “I’m not _that_ _loud_ , Buck.”

Pushing the blond onto the bed, Vivian laughed, “Since when are you quiet? Bucky not been treatin’ you right?”

“Hey! I treat him just fine. Still a spitfire though, should see the way he scratched up my back last time. Boys at work thought I must have bed a harpy.”

Steve glared over at Bucky, no real heat in his expression as he grumbled, “Such a fucking jerk.” He then glanced at Vivian and smiled crookedly, “See what I have to put up with?”

Straddling Steve’s hips, she leaned close before teasing, “Poor baby. Don’t worry, I’ll keep that menace away from you.”

She didn’t have to look over at Bucky to know he was rolling his eyes, she could damn near hear it in his voice as he drawled, “Oh, he was so damn put upon. Should have seen him, bouncin’ on my cock while makin’ enough noise to shake the damn windows.”

Grinning and shaking her head, Vivian slid down Steve’s body before wrapping her hand around the base of Steve’s erection. His hips arched off the bed and she took the head into her mouth, sucking softly before playing with the foreskin. Steve panted and moaned, his hips already beginning to jerk up, but she knew better. Pressing his hips to the bed, Vivian took more of him into her mouth, swirling her tongue and focusing on making Steve feel good. Once his breathing started getting a touch too labored, Vivian pulled off of him and crawled up, giving soft rubs of her hand to his chest while whispering, “C’mon, Stevie. Deep breaths for me, okay?”

“I’m not gonna die gettin’ my dick sucked, Viv.”

Rolling her eyes at Steve’s snapped reply, she grinned as Bucky moved close and teased, “But what a way to go.”

Bucky’s hand gripped Steve’s cock and gave it a few rough jerks, making Steve’s back arch off the bed, and Vivian licked her bottom lip while she watched, her eyebrows arching slightly as Bucky continued, “Think you can calm down enough to show our girl a good time?”

Bucky removed his hands once Steve took a deep, shuddering breath before nodding. Glancing between the two men, Vivian was about to ask what specifically they had in mind, they could have meant a lot of things, when she didn’t have to. The two men moved seamlessly, Bucky backing off and Vivian grinning as Steve pushed her onto her back and moved between her legs. Her eyes slipped shut and she sighed as Steve gripped one of her thighs and gave a slow, deliberate lick to her clit.

The slow, almost shy movements didn’t last for long and as Vivian cried out, thinking about how all those dames who turned their noses up at Steve would lose their minds if they found out how good Steve was at this. Her hands were clenched tightly in the sheets and she arched her back, shuddering as Bucky’s hands cupped her breasts, his own nimble fingers playing with her nipples before he replaced them with his lips, tongue, and teeth.

It took a shockingly short amount of time for her to orgasm, her eyes rolling back and her body shaking at the intensity of it all. Steve crawled up and curled up next to her. Glancing down, she smiled softly as he buried his face into her neck and sighed, his fingertips running along her stomach as Bucky got off the bed and left the room. Running her fingers through Steve’s hair, she laughed as he admitted, “Stupid of me to forget how gorgeous you are, Viv. Thought I’d dreamt you up or exaggerated somethin’, but no. Goddess among men. You’re too good for a couple of Brooklyn punks, you know that, right?”

Rolling her eyes, Vivian scoffed and gently pushed Steve back, “For foolish nonsense like that, you get to sit back and watch. No touching.”

Steve laughed, moving up near the headboard and leaned against it, breathing in deeply while he used tissues to wipe the mess off his stomach and his own hand. Vivian glanced away from him though as Bucky came back into the room, carrying a tin of condoms before pulling one out. He grinned as he wiggled the wrapper and Vivian narrowed her eyes only to groan as it came into view. The condom had a drawing of a woman with soft blonde curls with her head resting on her hands. Beneath it, in exaggerated lettering was the word ‘Blondtex’.

“Should have used you for a model, baby doll.”

Rolling her eyes, Vivian sighed and then teased, “You know, you are one bad joke away from me making you both sit in the corner while I take care of myself.”

The smirk on Bucky’s face grew devious and Vivian forced the grin off her face as he crawled up the bed, straddling her hips as he opened the condom and unrolled it onto himself. Once the condom was in place, Vivian finally cracked a grin as Bucky leaned close and gently let his nose brush against hers before his hand slid between her thighs.

“You sure about that, kitten?”

Grabbing his hand and pushing two of his fingers inside her, Vivian stared deep into Bucky’s eyes before whispering, “You’re lucky I love you idiots.”

“Oh, the luckiest guys in the whole wide world, Vivi.”

Blushing, Vivian gasped, tilting her head back as he kissed her neck while working his fingers. Bucky’s name escaped her lips in a whispery moan, and she felt her heart began to race. Gentle fingers ran through her hair and she glanced up as Steve pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. It’d been months since she’d felt this good, and she’d missed it. She’d missed them. She shivered when his fingers were removed, but then giggled as Bucky moved up her body and kissed her passionately while pressing against her.

Vivian felt drunk on pleasure her body quickly responding as Bucky thrust into her, his face buried into her neck as they both gasped and moaned. There was something desperate about their movements and Vivian reached up, running her fingers through Bucky’s hair and wrapped her legs around his waist, tugging him closer, keeping him by her as they moved. Their stifled moans filled the room and Vivian tugged Bucky’s head up, kissing him heatedly, moaning into his mouth as the pleasure seemed to almost spiral out of control.

She _loved_ Bucky.

She _loved_ Steve.

Being with either of them, or ideally both of them, was the closest thing to Heaven that Vivian was pretty sure she’d ever get, as melodramatic as that sounded. The thoughts fell away though as another orgasm rushed through her. Soon after Bucky’s happened as well and after a few more thrusts, he was laying on top of her, carefully pulling off and sighing while catching his breath. Steve moved to their side, curling up next to her and Vivian smiled, the smile spreading into a grin as Bucky sighed, “We’re definitely going for round two as soon as I can feel my legs again.”

There was nothing in that whole wide world that was gonna tear her from these idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I did actually google condoms in the 1930s and did find out that by that time the country was pretty well aware of the existence of STI's thanks to a metric fuckton of guys in WWI getting VD. And I think the other big one at the time was gonorrhea. Condoms started being standard issue for soldiers in 1932 (to white male soldiers, black soldiers mostly got ignored and women were just told to not have sex at all), in fact, to cut back on the amount of soldiers becoming unfit for duty thanks to their infected dicks. Also, soldiers used the condoms for things other than sex, like putting them on their rifles to prevent fouling or carrying corrosive stuff. Obviously the boys aren't in the military yet, but I thought it was interesting.
> 
> Their access to condoms would have been touch and go, depending on whether or not the pharmacy near them was willing to carry the tins of them. However, considering the fact that this is the very beginning of 1937? The condom they used has apparently like a 60% likelihood of being faulty (apparently condoms weren't routinely checked for quality until 1938). Good news is that Vivian doesn't currently have to worry about getting pregnant for reasons that will be explained at a later date. However, it's not because Hydra cut out her uterus or anything like that. Also, be warned, condoms are probably only going to be used between the trio when the sex is vaginal due to the lack of sex education on needing it for oral and anal sex.
> 
> However, that cute condom wrapper was [totally real!](http://cf.collectorsweekly.com/uploads/2012/08/paper_wrappers.jpg)


	9. Eight: 1937

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the only warnings for this chapter are: _very_ casual mention of Hindenburg disaster, _very_ casual mention of Memorial Day Massacre, and _excessive_ fucking cuteness.
> 
> My girlfriend, when she read over this chapter for me, said it was so cute that she could vomit. Whether those expectations help this chapter or hurt the chapter is definitely a toss up.

The sun hung low in the sky as Steve sat on the fire escape and stared out at the city. His lip was split and Steve was pretty certain he’d narrowly escaped breaking his nose…again. Hell, every inch of him _hurt_ , but it’d been _worth it_. His brows furrowed more as he thought about those jerks. After all, who joked about the _Hindenburg_? Steve shivered, fiddling with a piece of charcoal before setting it down and grabbing the ice pack from next to him and pressing it against his right eye. The swelling was almost down, and he was lucky to get away with only a few bruises and scrapes to begin with.  
  
Especially after he’d yelled at them over their comments about the Memorial Day Massacre.  
  
Rolling his shoulders, wincing as one popped loudly, Steve resumed his art as he drew the skyline with charcoals and pencils. The art was slow to come to him though, and he sighed, setting it aside and wincing as his stomach grumbled. The skin on his knuckles was cracked and split open, covered in thick, rough bandages. The charcoal he was using had made a complete mess of the bandages though and he knew it had to be all over his face as well. It kept mixing with the condensation on the ice pack and dripping onto his face. Wiping away a drop going down his cheek, Steve sighed as he saw a smear of black across his arm.  
  
“You’ll never believe the deal I got at the market today. Turns out Viv sweet talked the owner after helpin’ him and his missus with their baby. Damn kid hadn’t slept through the night in weeks and she helped ‘em. He was so grateful he sold me a whole loaf of bread for a nickel. Can you believe it? It’s the good kind too. Got some meat scraps and some vegetables. We’ll be livin’ like kings before you know it, punk.”  
  
Steve sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth and he sighed as he heard Bucky’s footsteps come toward the window. Finishing up his sketch, Steve kept facing forward, knowing the kind of reaction he’d get if he turned around. The slight breeze in the air had him shiver slightly though and he blushed as Bucky’s strong arms wrapped around him and the man rested his chin on his shoulder.  
  
“Who’d you fight this time, tough guy?”  
  
“What makes you think I fought anyone, Buck?”  
  
The snort of laughter was bad enough, but then Bucky’s body _shook_ , he was laughing so hard and Steve frowned while grumbling, “I don’t get into fights _that_ ”  
  
“Oh, I am not startin’ that row again, sunshine. You wanna believe you don’t get into fights that often? Be my guest. But I know damn well you wouldn’t be refusin’ to look at me if you hadn’t busted up that pretty face of yours.”  
  
Finally turning around, Steve glared when Bucky evaluated him before humming, “Hmmm. Looks like you managed to duck for a change. Didn’t think you knew how to do that.”  
  
“Aw, c’mon.”  
  
“Fine. Fine. Fine. I’ll stop teasin’ you for now. What got you all worked up this time?”  
  
Steve’s cheeks went bright red, the charcoal standing out even more as he admitted, “Couple of grifters came by the shop, talkin’ loudly about the Hindenburg, sayin’ awful things. A couple of dames were getting upset too. Then they started talking about that Memorial Day Massacre, sayin’ union workers got what they deserved, saying how coppers should have killed even more of ‘em. I told them to keep their voices down.”  
  
“And you what? Thought you could teach a couple of morons how to be better people? Stevie, you gotta learn that it’s not your job to teach every Tom, Dick, or Harry how to be decent human beings. Now c’mon, let’s get you cleaned up. You look like a damn chimney sweep.”  
  
Rolling his eyes, Steve hopped down from the window, setting down his art and ice pack before heading over to the washroom. The bandages were the first to go, and he set them aside to be washed. The charcoal couldn’t hide his blush though as Bucky took the wash cloth out of his hands and put it back under the water, getting it soaking wet before gently wiping away the charcoal. The cool water trickled down his neck and he let Bucky gently maneuver him to get everything cleaned up. A calloused thumb gently brushed against his cheek afterward while the man sighed, “Want to help me with dinner, Barney Ross, or are you too busy fightin’ the world?”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
A deep, tired sigh escaped from Bucky and Steve bit his bottom lip, staring at the man with a furrowed brow until the lines in the brunet’s face softened and that calloused hand cupped the back of his neck. Foreheads pressing together, Steve inhaled sharply as Bucky whispered, “I love you too.”  
  
Chuckling as he was tugged toward the kitchen, Steve started chopping the vegetables while Bucky prepared the meat and the broth for the soup. Combining it all once the time came, Steve carefully sliced a tiny bit of bread off the loaf Bucky’d gotten. It was a tad on the on the stale side, but they’d eaten much worse.  
  
Glancing up as there was a knock on the door, Steve wiped his hands on the towel before heading over to the door. Opening it, Steve barely registered that it was Vivian before she was pushing her way inside and gently cupping his face while kicking the door shut behind her and setting down her bag.  
  
“Viv, don’t fuss.”  
  
“Don’t fuss? Steven Grant Rogers, you are gonna be the death of me. Now where’s your responsible half?”  
  
Gaping, Steve started to protest, but then grinned when Vivian pressed a quick kiss to his lips before heading toward the kitchen counters. It was then that he noticed the outfit she was wearing and he arched an eyebrow, only to grin as Vivian paused, blushing crimson before smoothing her hands over her skirts and admitting, “What? Can’t a gal dress up a bit for her boys?”  
  
“‘Course you can, Doll.”  
  
Bucky, smooth as silk, strolled toward them and wrapped his arms around Vivian, grinning as she giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck. They quickly moved into a two step, Bucky gently spinning her and then dipping her, leaning forward and letting his nose brush against her throat. Watching those two dance had always made Steve feel like he was intruding on something magical and he was always afraid to even breathe.  
  
“Dinner first, Barnes, or were you raised in your namesake?”  
  
Snorting at Vivian’s comment, Steve shook his head, eyes widening as she grabbed her bag from the floor before holding it out and admitting, “Brought over some new clothes for you, Steve.”  
  
About to protest, Steve sighed when Vivian rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Do not even think about arguing with me. Gal in my building sews. One day she’s gonna be famous, gonna dress all the stars. Probably will get to meet and dress the likes of Katharine Hepburn and Clark Gable. I gave her your measurements and she made you a swell new suit.”  
  
“And what’d you do for it, Viv?”  
  
Staring pointedly over at Vivian, his cheeks went bright red when she snapped, “Her father’s a g-man and even if he weren’t, I wouldn’t be turnin’ tricks or nothin’ for the money.”  
  
Holding up his hands, Steve approached and whispered, pleading, “Viv, I’m sorry. I know you’d never…”  
  
Viv sighed and then admitted, “The gal’s roommate is…not just her roommate. They’re sweet on each other. One day I walked in on them. Knuckleheads hadn’t locked their door. They thought I was gonna snitch on ‘em. I swore I’d never do that. My room is always inspected before theirs. I agreed to give them a little warning so they aren’t found in any…compromising situations. She was very grateful and so she made a suit for each of you.”  
  
Sighing and grabbing the bag as it was held out, Steve pulled out two bundles wrapped in brown paper and tied with string. One had _S_ written on it and the other had _B_. Putting the _B_ back into the bag, Steve carefully untied the string before pulling the paper back to reveal a light blue pinstripe suit. The fabric was softer than anything he owned, but still durable.  
  
“What’s the story, morning glory?”  
  
Glancing over as Bucky entered the room, drying his hands off on a towel, Steve nudged the bag toward him while choking out, “Viv got us suits. Real suits. I…Jesus, Viv. It’s gorgeous.”  
  
“You both needed new suits. You wear those and show up askin’ for a job? They’ll hire you on the spot. Go, go try it on.”  
  
Steve didn’t bother even heading back into the bedroom or anything as he stripped down and got dressed. The suit wasn’t perfect, but it would take barely any adjustments at all to make it so that it fit him like a glove. His shoes weren’t good enough for a suit that pristine, but he _felt_ like a star, like he was about to walk down the red carpet.  
   
A low whistle had him glancing up and Steve’s eyes widened as he spotted Bucky standing in a dark blue pinstripe suit. Moving close, Steve shook his head and laughed as the man wrapped an arm around his waist and tugged him close, leaning close and teasing, “Dance with me.”  
   
“You know I can’t dance, Buck. Two left feet on me.”  
   
“Oh, in a suit that good, I gotta teach you. By the time I’m done with you, Fred Astaire will be askin’ you for lessons.”  
   
Steve threw his head back and laughed, but then let Bucky put his hands in the right place. Music started softly playing through the apartment, and then they were moving. Steve’s brows furrowed and he stumbled a few times. He wasn’t used to moving that agilely, but Bucky was displaying the patience of a saint.  
   
“Careful, Stevie. Ain’t no reason to rush. Amateurs think you need to be able to practically run up and down the dance floor immediately, but if your footwork ain’t right then you’ll look like a mess. Get these moves down. Speed will follow. Most dames prefer slow dancin’ anyway.”  
   
Nodding nervously, he breathed in shakily, smiling softly before glancing up and asking shyly, “You think I can do this?”  
   
Bucky laughed, his eyes bright as he scoffed, “You know, sometimes I don’t get you, Rogers. You throw yourself headfirst into every damn fight you find, and it’s _dancing_ that makes you stop and think?”  
   
“Shut up.”  
   
The words had been mumbled, but he smiled as Vivian strolled over and took over while laughing, “Ignore Bucky. He’s just as heard headed as you are.”  
   
“Hey!”  
   
Biting his bottom lip as he started to dance with Vivian, Steve tried to mimic the moves he’d worked on with Bucky only to feel his frustration levels rising as he kept stumbling while Vivian seemed to practically glide across the floor. He wanted to be perfect and he focused on the timing of the song, an aggressive ‘1, 2, 3, 4’ on loop in his head as he struggled.  
   
“Look at me.”  
   
Glancing up into Vivian’s eyes, Steve blinked and smiled softly as she paused but then reassured him, “You’re doing great, okay? I can see the wheels turning in your head, but stop being so hard on yourself. Even Buck was awful at first. No one is _born_ dancing well, all right? And you know what? It doesn’t even matter if you never become the most amazing dancer anyway, because there is another reason to dance together.”  
   
“And what’s that?”  
   
Vivian took a step closer, their faces barely apart and Steve swallowed hard, shifting his hands as their bodies were barely apart. He couldn’t look away as Vivian spoke softly, “It’s about being close to that other person, moving with them and _feeling_ them. Slow dancin’ especially is…intimate. You move with them and you look into their eyes and their cologne or their perfume is filling your senses while you swear you can feel their heart beat. And it’s for the world to see. You can look at a couple dancin’ and tell in a second if they even like each other.”  
   
“So the whole world can tell I’m dizzy with a dame?”  
   
Pressing his forehead to Vivian’s, Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath, chuckling while Bucky teased, “I don’t know, Steve. Don’t think anyone notices either one of us when Viv’s around. She shines up brighter than a brand new penny.”  
   
Pressing a soft kiss to Vivian’s lips, Steve pulled back and grinned as Bucky pulled Vivian close and the two began moving. They moved like a couple of experts, gliding across the room as Bucky spun Vivian before pulling her close, a touch too close to be proper. They both were looking straight into each other’s eyes and it mystified Steve. How could they move like that without lookin’ at their own feet or anything else in the room? Hell, he wasn’t even sure they were aware there _was_ anything else in the room.  
   
The music came to an end though and Bucky gently dipped Vivian before giving her a kiss that made Steve blush. Getting changed back into his normal clothes, Steve chuckled as Bucky grumbled before doing the same while Vivian headed into the kitchen. Following her soon after, Steve was about to tease her about fixing their cooking, but then froze as he saw Vivian stop chopping vegetables only to drop the knife abruptly. Following her as she rushed to the sink, Steve could have _sworn_ that he saw the blood run red for a second as he cried out, “Viv, are you okay?”  
   
There was a pause, but then Vivian glanced back at him, an odd smile on her face as she insisted, “I’m fine. My finger brushed up against the pot on the stove. Scared me more than anything.”  
  
“But…the knife.”  
   
Vivian shrugged, “I was startled and dropped it.”  
   
Before he could glance at the knife though, Vivian grabbed it and rinsed it while speaking dismissively, “It’s fine, Steve, I promise.”  
   
Frowning, Steve was about to question it, but then his eyes lit up as Vivian fed him a piece of carrot before pressing her lips to his and teasing, “Stiff wind’ll blow you away, Rogers. Gotta put some meat on your bones.”  
   
“Viv, c’mon.”  
   
He groaned, tilted his head back and sighing as muscular arms wrapped around his waist and Viv giggled before popping another piece of carrot into his mouth. The carrots were good, fresh for once, and Steve watched as she went back to cooking, a bounce in her step as Bucky hugged him tightly.  
   
“Dance with me, handsome?”  
   
Tilting his head back, Steve murmured, “I’m already out of my fancy suit, Buck.”  
   
“Never needed you in a fancy suit to want you, Rogers.”

Sending a look over to Vivian, who just waved them off, Steve let Bucky lead him back over to the floor and he let Bucky lead him around the room. His steps got less jumbled and he felt _light_ , light enough to float away. The world was still chaotic, but it seemed _quieter_ and simpler then. And for a little bit, Steve let himself believe that one day he could dance like this with Bucky in public.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured the Hindenburg should get mentioned at least once during this story since that most certainly would have been a huge deal in Steve and Bucky's life. They're really not that far away from where it happened in 1937 and it would have been all anyone talked about for a while.
> 
> [The Memorial Day Massacre](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day_massacre_of_1937) took place in Chicago, but still almost certainly made national news. I personally think Steve would have been horrified by the actions of the cops, but I purposely left his comment about it pretty ambiguous in the story.
> 
> Also, I'm thinking next chapter is gonna be in 1938 already. I think year wise, it's gonna speed up a little bit in the story until I reach Pearl Harbor, which is gonna be a huge turning point in the story. My goal is to try and get as much cuteness/love in before WWII fully gets into gear for our kids, because basically we all know it's straight on to Angstville, Population: us, from there.


	10. Nine: 1938

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Rampant violence/murder, illness (including blood and phlegm), mentions of nazis, and also mentions of the mob.
> 
> Also, insanely vague/questionable medicine practices.

Vivian had known Hydra would come for her. From the moment she’d escaped that facility, she knew it was a matter of _when_ , not _if_ there would be Hydra agents sent to bring her back. They’d invested too much time, money, and energy into her to just let her run off and have a normal life. The trails she’d laid across parts of Europe and then the western part of America had kept her pursuers at bay for over a year. Over a year of bliss where she got to just _be_. The fact that she’d lasted as long as she had was nothing short of miraculous. And chances were that other factors had kept them away, factors she had no part of.

Hydra had aligned itself with Hitler and the Nazis. Hell, Schmidt had orchestrated an attempt on Hitler’s life just so he could earn that savage man’s respect and trust by saving him. Hydra didn’t strictly care about Jewish people or Romani or communists or really anyone else the Nazi party cared about, so it was easy for Hydra members to tell themselves that they were different, that this partnership was a means to an end.

Vivian knew better though.

Vivian knew that it didn’t really matter if you believed in a corrupt organization if you helped it flourish or if you utilized their barbaric ways. Hydra might not have thought Jewish people should be sent to concentration camps and worked to death, but they sure as hell took advantage of it. And it was all getting worse. It was getting harder and harder for her to stay away, to stop herself from going after Hydra as news came back about what the Nazis were doing, what Hydra was helping them do. New concentration camps were being opened and people were being rounded up. Anyone deemed having ‘asocial behavior’ was being sent and Vivian knew many of them would never be seen again.

The news was coming in more and more and Vivian was having to try to hide newspapers from Steve. The winter had hit the man hard and he’d been laid up in bed off and on for weeks. Influenza followed by rest followed by yet another bout of influenza. He’d gotten a few weeks respite where he was just feeling weak and then _double pneumonia_. Still, throughout it all, Steve had ranted about what was going on in their area and in Europe. The man wanted to take on the whole damn world and Vivian knew she had to keep as much of the garbage away from him as possible.

That’s all she could think of as she walked down an alley, pretending to not see the men following her at a distance. Their stealth skills would have been admirable if she’d been normal, but she wasn’t normal. It wasn’t the first time Hydra agents had taken one look at her and assumed the stories about her were hype. She was used to being underestimated. Hydra had done too good of a job designing her to look docile, had done too good a job training her to look meek.

Slowing down once she got into the worst part of town, Vivian took a deep breath before stopping completely. The part of town they were in was one where cops didn’t go and people minded their own business to the point where they pretended the outside world didn’t exist.

“Little dangerous for you to be out here all alone, isn’t it?”

Glancing over her shoulder, Vivian spotted four men and smiled before rolling her eyes, “Honestly, it’s been a long week, and I’ve got somewhere to be, so can we speed this along? I’m certain Hydra wants their little toy soldiers back as soon as possible.”

Dropping her bag, Vivian then took off her coat and placed it on her bag before moving forward, her breath visible in the winter air as she whispered, “If it is any consolation, your deaths will be quick.”

An angry yell escaped the man, but before he could do anything, Vivian moved forward, twisted him and snapped his neck. Dropping the body, she then forced herself to move with clinical precision. A knife went through her hand and she ripped it out, gritting her teeth as she spun around and grabbed a man by his hair, using that same knife to slit his throat before tossing him aside. Her hands were soaked in blood and she felt like she could hear a buzzing sound in her ears. Throwing the knife, she watched as it landed perfectly in the middle of the third man’s forehead, blood dripping down his face before he crashed into the ground.

The last man ran toward her and she held up her hand, the blood dripping down her wrists as she sent the last guy into a wall. The man slumped down and Vivian glanced up at the meatpacking plant. Dragging the corpses and the unconscious man behind her, Vivian headed toward the machinery, unsurprised when the unconscious one woke up and started to try to fight. Moving over, she shushed him and admitted, “Please be quiet. It will do you no good to make noise. It is late and no one is around. Hell, even if there were, no one would stop me. This is mob territory. People die all the time. So the only thing you’re doing is wasting your energy and my patience.”

“Just kill me already, you freak.”

“Precious. How were you going to contact Hydra once you captured me?”

Laughter escaped the man until Vivian used her powers and applied force to his neck. His breathing became shallow gasps and she took in a deep breath of her own as he choked and wheezed. Releasing the pressure once his skin started to turn blue, Vivian whispered, “Answer me, and don’t think about doing that capsule in the teeth route.”

Ripping the tooth out of the man’s head, she held it up before tossing it aside and continuing, “You do not get an easy way out. No one in Hydra deserves an easy way out. Do you understand me? Not a single one.”

“You’re one of us.”

“Which is why I have to be the one to take as many of you down as I can. It is _my responsibility_.”

“You will never get what you want. Hydra will always survive. Cut off one head and—”

Snapping the man’s neck, Vivian sighed and grumbled, “I’ve heard the goddamn company line. It was stupid then and it’s stupid now.”

Standing up, Vivian got to work moving the bodies into the freezer and then emptying bullets into some of them. She needed it to look as much like a mob hit as possible. Once she was done, Vivian washed the blood off her hands, and headed back outside, pulling on her coat and grabbing her bag. Making a detour to her place, she snuck into her room, cleaning up further and getting changed.

She needed to get to Steve and Bucky’s place, but she couldn’t show up in blood stained clothing. Bucky was smart as a whip and it wouldn’t take long for him to get suspicious if she showed up late at night, covered in blood. She also couldn’t let her landlady know that she was getting in this late or going out this late. No, she’d suspect something was amiss and then she’d have to deal with a lot more questions than she cared to answer.

For a moment all those thoughts disappeared though once she reached the door to the boys’ apartment and the door opened before she could even knock. Bucky was immediately pulling her inside, closing the door behind her before pressing her against that door and kissing her. He was warm, so warm, and she wrapped her arms around him, dropping her bag as he wrapped his arms around her, his touch barely felt through the thick coat she was wearing, as he seemed almost frantic. Ending the kiss, Vivian gently brushed her nose against his while pulling off her coat and tossing it to the couch and whispering, “What was this greeting for?”

“Guy’s allowed to be worried about his best gal, isn’t he? I should have walked you over here. Something could have happened to you. I almost went out there looking for you before Steve got worse.”

Faking a smile as she pictured her walk home, but with Bucky by her side instead, Vivian smoothed her hand along Bucky’s factory uniform and frowned as she questioned, “You pulling a night shift for those crooks again?”

Bucky sighed and Vivian bit her bottom lip as he quickly admitted, “Yeah. Not ideal. I don’t like the work and the people…Steve would lose his mind if he found out I ever did this work. You know how much he hates those bastards, but we need the money. Steve wasn’t able to work at all this winter and we still gotta make rent. I know it’s not his fault. Hell, he tell you how he got the flu that second time?”

Shaking her head, Vivian sighed as Bucky grumbled, “Idiot had gotten a fever of over 100 degrees and then two days later is still wobblin’ on his feet like the ground wouldn’t stay still, and he tries to go get work. Collapsed outside the bakery near the house. Owners know me and came and got me at the mechanic’s shop. Been a nightmare trying to keep him down.”

“Did you try reading to him?”

A soft smile spread across Bucky’s lips and Vivian blushed when he murmured, “No, doll. I don’t do it as well as you do. Besides, it was your gift to him. Read the damn thing at least twice on his own, you know.”

Nodding, she hugged Bucky again and whispered, “You sure I can’t—”

“Viv, _no_. You work yourself to the bone as it is. I can handle this. It’ll be just a couple of shifts in the warehouse and we’ll be okay. Promise you won’t stay up too late taking care of Steve.”

Rolling her eyes, Vivian pulled back and pointed out, “Half the time he tries to keep himself awake unless I promise to go to sleep as well, so don’t worry. I’ll get to bed on time. Besides, I have a morning shift at the hospital that I have to get to anyway. Staying up isn’t allowed.”

“Viv…”

“Don’t ‘Viv’ me. I know my limits. Besides, half the damn city seems to have something this winter. Hopefully it’ll be better once spring comes ‘round. Steve always does better if he can get some fresh air. Plus, your birthday’s coming up.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Weeks away. And don’t you dare think about wastin’ your money on me, Vivian. I mean it.”

Sighing once Bucky then kissed her lips softly and headed out, Vivian carefully locked the door behind him before glancing down at her shaking hands. Bucky had almost gone after her. Bucky could have seen all of that. Wringing her hands together, she closed her eyes and forced herself to take deep breaths. She’d neutralized the threat. Bucky was fine. She’d just have to be more cautious and keep her guard up. When those Hydra agents didn’t report back to headquarters, more would undoubtedly be sent to retrieve her.

Heaving coughs interrupted her thoughts though, shaking her to her core as she rapidly grabbed her medical bag before rushing to the bedroom. Heading in, Vivian cursed as she saw Steve’s back arching off the bed as he struggled to get a breath. Dropping her things, she carefully cradled his head and sat him up, tears filling her eyes as she desperately tried to soothe him.

“Shhh, Steve, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

A deep inhale from Steve had Vivian worried as she grabbed a handkerchief and held it up to his mouth. This time when he coughed and hacked, she felt a warm spray on the cloth and felt it seep through to her hand. Once he settled down, she laid him back onto the bed, feeling ill as she glanced into the handkerchief and saw it streaked with bright red blood. Gritting her teeth, she carefully wiped at his mouth before getting a new cloth. It fell from her hand as soon as she saw it though. Her hands were splattered with blood and part of her wanted to run, run far away from Steve and never look back. Her hands…how could she ever touch Steve with her hands again?

“Viv?”

Forcing a smile, Vivian grabbed a rag from a bowl of water next to the bed and gently lay it on Steve’s forehead while whispering, “I’m right here, tough guy. Buck had to work, so I came to keep you company. Figured I’d read to you some. We’re still reading _The Hobbit_ , right?”

Steve nodded, his breathing wheezy and his skin paler than she’d ever seen it. He opened his mouth to reply, but Vivian swallowed hard and interrupted, “You better not fall asleep on me tonight, Steven Grant Rogers. I will not be treated unkindly, especially not by a man who was raised better than that.”

Grabbing the book as Steve smiled softly at her, Vivian found her spot in the book and cleared her throat. Doing her best to read while also keeping an eye on Steve, Vivian let the words flow from her. Steve smiled softly and Vivian blushed when he scooted over in the bed while patting the mattress next to him. Pausing in her reading to lay next to him, she smiled and pulled him close, running her fingers through his hair while she kept reading.

“Bilbo almost stopped breathing, and went stiff himself. He was desperate. He must get away, out of this horrible darkness, while he had any strength left. He must fight. He must stab the foul thing, put its eyes out, kill it. It meant to kill him. No, not a fair fight.”

Vivian felt like she was going to be sick. She’d forgotten this part. Her hand stilled in Steve’s hair and she pulled her hand away from his hair as she remembered the sharp sound of spines breaking under _her hands_. Taking a deep breath, she kept reading, but then found herself with a churning stomach again.

“And he was miserable, alone, lost. A sudden understanding, a pity mixed with horror, welled up in Bilbo’s heart: a glimpse of endless unmarked days without light or hope or betterment, hard stone, cold fish, sneaking and whispering. All these thoughts passed in a flash of a second. He trembled. And then quite suddenly in another flash, as if lifted by a new strength and resolve, he leaped.”

Her vision seemed to narrow down into almost a tunnel as the words on the page practically leapt at her. They felt like an accusation, a secret threat from the stars, and she didn’t know how to escape it or anything else.

“Viv?”

Glancing over as she found herself under Steve’s concerned stare, Vivian relaxed her expression before whispering softly, “Hey, handsome. You think you can take some more medicine for me?”

“You know I hate that stuff.” A rattling, choked cough escaped and Vivian rubbed his back as he sat up, his face going bright red as he tried to force the phlegm and blood out of his lungs. After several minutes of coughs that shook her to her very soul, Vivian set the book down and shushed the man as he fell back onto his pillow. His eyes were closed and his voice sounded like it was being dragged across the ground while he choked out, “Makes me feel like my head’s wrapped in a blanket. I’m always sleeping, and I shouldn’t be. Not when you and—”

“You’ll do no good for us at all if you don’t get proper rest. And you need more rest, Stevie. It’ll help you, I promise.”

Steve glared and grumbled under his breath, so Vivian took a washcloth and gently wiped the blood off of his chin and the sweat off his brow before she gently cupped his face in her hands.

“If I had one wish, just one wish, I’d wish for you to never have to go through this again, not because I’m tired of taking care of you or because I think you’re a burden, Steve, as I could never…would never…see you that way…”

Blinking back tears and taking in a shuddering breath, Vivian pressed her forehead to Steve’s, ignoring his quiet protests while she continued, “It breaks my heart to see you suffer like this, my love. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I don’t know what Bucky would do either.”

“Vivi…”

Shaking her head, Vivian swallowed hard and whispered, “Please take the medicine, Steve. _Please_. It will help you. I promise.”

“I’m no hero.”

Steve looked near tears and Vivian pressed a soft kiss to his lips. His normally soft lips were chapped and she could taste the blood and sickness on them. A sharp inhale of air went into Steve’s lungs and Vivian smiled softly, rubbing his chest and sighing with relief as he whispered, “I’ll take my medicine.”

Gently helping him sit up again, she watched as he took everything she handed him and swallowed it dutifully. His shoulders were ramrod straight and she knew, without even having to ask, that he was doing this for _her_. He wasn’t complaining or cringing or anything, and it was all for her and Bucky. Slowly Steve’s breathing went a little easier and Vivian rubbed his back as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotes are from J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit. I have no idea if the book was available in America in 1937. I know it was released in 1937 and that in later years Riddles in the Dark (the chapter the quotes are from) was heavily edited to connect more with the LOTR series that Tolkien was producing. Therefore, I can't guarantee these quotes are actually what they would have read in the edition of the book they had.
> 
> Fun fact: I'm probably going to quote the Hobbit several more times throughout this series because I truly believe Steve Rogers would have fucking loved the book. Not just because the book is fucking awesome, but because it was written by a WWI vet. I think it works on a lot of levels. Also, spoiler: when Steve comes back, he's gonna love the shit out of LOTR.
> 
> Also, this chapter was supposed to be posted much closer to the 4th of July, but life happened. Lots of it.


	11. Ten: 1938

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: threesome sex that is safe sex but the condom is barely mentioned and I give bucky/steve a fridge (which would have been unlikely but not impossible) since I'm pretending all technology is moving a little faster

Steve glared out the window at the midday sun as he lay on the couch, practically draped across it. The fact that it was _barely_ noon was almost insulting. Even Steve, one of the most obnoxiously patriotic people in the whole damn country (according to Bucky and Viv at least), couldn’t bring himself to be even the tiniest bit excited about the holiday. There was a heat wave going throughout the city and the fans in their apartment were doing very little. The tiny electric fan near his face helped a little bit, but it still took stripping down to his undergarments to feel like he could breathe.  
  
Hell, he’d even taken off his undershirt and shoved it into the refrigerator to get extra cold. He’d even managed to get a small ice block from a vendor for cheap and put it in front of one of the open windows. There was going to be a hell of a mess to clean up once the damn thing finished melting, but while it was there, the breeze felt cooler. Stretching out, Steve bit at his bottom lip as his feet slid forward until his toes hit the towel soaking up the melting ice. Shivering and letting his eyes close, he fiddled with one of his asthma cigarettes before popping it into his mouth and lighting it.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Steve winced and tried to hold back his cough while letting the herbs get to work. His asthma was always worse in the summer. He used to go out and actually sit with everyone else during the fireworks displays as a birthday treat, but too many asthma attacks meant it was safer to just stay home.  
  
“Startin’ your birthday party without us?”  
  
Opening his eyes and stretching further, Steve grinned as he spotted Bucky and Viv standing and grinning down at him. Reaching up, Steve allowed himself to be pulled up by Bucky and pressed his face against Bucky’s neck. His polo shirt was sticking to his skin and Steve wrapped his arms around the man’s waist despite the heat, nuzzling closer. Rough hands rubbed his back and Steve grumbled as he was gently teased.  
  
“Damn, heat must really be gettin’ to you for you to be this sweet for me. Sweeter than sugar.”  
  
Steve was standing on his tip toes, but then started to let himself slide down, grumbling even further as Bucky picked him up and lifted him before carrying him over to the couch. He could hear soft laughter, but then sighed as he was dropped onto the couch. His sweaty hair was sticking in different directions and he pointedly didn’t say anything as Bucky frowned while pushing the blond hair back into place.  
   
“Steve, what’s wrong? C’mon, I promised you a great day. Thought we could go out, get some food, come back and have some pie and ice cream before goin’ back out to see the fireworks down by the docks. Viv even promised to keep her hands to herself in public.”  
   
“I actually promised that I would _not_ keep my hands to myself, Buck, and you damn well know it.”  
   
Letting his gaze roam Vivian, Steve grinned at the patterned shorts and white shirt. He always did love Vivian all dolled up for the summer.  
   
“Could stop traffic in a get up like that, doll. Maybe we should just stay in. Keep the city safe. After all, can’t be held responsible for a dame like you breakin’ the hearts of everyone in this city.”  
   
Vivian immediately rolled her eyes, but Bucky had snorted at his words, “Real protector of the people.”  
   
Nodding, Steve leaned up as Bucky leaned forward for a kiss, meeting him halfway before ending it to tease, “Got to keep you indoors too, Buck. Look so good. Too good. Like you walked straight out of a goddamn dream.”  
   
Reaching up, he tugged at Bucky’s shirt, untucking it and trying to pull the man even closer. Sitting up, Steve leaned close and nipped at Bucky’s abs, causing the man to inhale sharply. Soothing it with his tongue, Steve shivered at the salty sweet taste of his boyfriend’s sweat, only pausing as Viv sat down next to him. Bucky pulled his shirt off, giving him better access, but Steve couldn’t help but grin as Viv sighed.  
   
“James Buchanan Barnes, you said we would talk to him.”  
   
Steve had hooked his hands around the backs of the man’s knees and pulled him closer, having him straddle his lap. Whatever answer Bucky had been meaning to give to Vivian was cancelled out by the moan as Steve leaned up and flicked his tongue against his nipples.  
   
“Oh good God. Steve, stop that. We really do want to talk to you about this.”  
   
Nipping at the nipple and eliciting another moan, he then soothed it with his tongue before backing up, “Talk about what?”  
  
“Your birthday.”  
   
Sighing, Steve nuzzled against Bucky’s chest while letting his fingertips trace up and down the line of soft hair, followed it until it disappeared under the waistline of his pants. Bucky’s breath hitched and Steve ran his thumb along the sharp line of his hip while he spoke dismissively, “What of it? Doesn’t really matter.”  
   
“Of course it matters, Steve. It’s your birthday. It’s important.”  
   
“Really, Buck? That’s rich comin’ from you. ‘Sides, if it’s my birthday then I get to choose how to spend it. And I want to spend it takin’ advantage of how damn loud everyone is being outside. Can be as loud as we want.”  
   
Bucky sighed and got up, leaving Steve frowning while the man crouched down in front of him, pressing his hands to his thighs while whispering, “What do you mean it’s rich comin’ from me?”  
   
Scoffing, Steve rolled his eyes before griping, “Don’t play dumb, Buck, it doesn’t fucking suit you. You know exactly what I’m talking about. You worked the entire day on your birthday, refused to let us do _anything_ for you. Refused to even acknowledge the day. Viv is the same way about her birthday, but somehow _mine_ is so damn important? Why? Is it because you feel sorry for me? Because I don’t need that. I don’t want that. You two always bend over backward to do these things and then I can’t do a damn thing for either of you and—”  
   
“You want to know the truth?”  
   
Glancing over at Vivian, Steve grit his teeth and nodded. Steve could feel the anger drain from his body though as Vivian moved close, ran her hands up and down his thighs while whispering, “Steve, you know why. You know why we’re so grateful to have another year with you. We love you. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry if we ever made you think that those birthday celebrations were for pity or for any other reason. They were because we love you.”  
   
Vivian’s fingers ran through his hair and Steve closed his eyes, leaning into the sensation while she continued, “I know you love us, Steve, but just answer me this: what do you want to do today?”  
   
Pressing a kiss to Viv’s hand, Steve glanced over and then smirked, placing a hand on her leg. Stroking her thigh, Steve questioned quietly, “On a hot, humid day like today? I thought I made myself pretty clear.”  
   
“You want to stay in?”  
   
Nodding at Bucky’s incredulous question, Steve played with the hem of the shorts Viv was wearing before he admitted, “I want you both to stop feelin’ so goddamn sorry for me all the time. I want to stay in and I want you both to stop walking on eggshells around me. This is _my_ life and I’ll take risks for whatever I damn well please.”  
   
Viv and Bucky both exchanged exasperated looks, and Steve was pretty certain he heard Bucky mutter something under his breath about him being a reckless idiot. Still, he kept glancing back between both of them before finally Vivian sighed, “Fine. You win. We’ll see how much you can actually take today, Steve, but I swear to God, if you have an asthma attack? You have to put up with our mother hen routine for at least three months with _zero_ complaints.”  
   
“Okay, but what if I _don’t_ have an asthma attack today?”  
   
“If you don’t then we’ll start celebratin’ all our birthdays. Maybe not on our actual birthdays since Viv and I ain’t promise that, but we’ll stop ignorin’ ‘em around you.”  
   
Rolling his eyes at that, Steve stretched before relenting, “ _Fine_ , since I’m pretty sure that’s the best offer I’m gonna get. Now can you two take off your clothes already? I’m overheating just looking at you.”  
   
“Demanding little thing, isn’t he, Viv?”  
   
Scowling, Steve stared at Bucky only to huff out a breath of annoyance and squirm in his seat as Bucky just stood there, playing with the clasp on his pants while Vivian seemed to almost go in slow motion while taking off her top. Moving closer once she was down to her bra, Steve pressed his lips against her neck, nipping at the soft skin and lapping at the droplets of sweat. Her breathing got heavier and he glanced up as he slid his hands up her sides. The bra disappeared to some corner of the room, not that Steve cared, and he cupped her breasts in his hands as he moved back up, kissing her passionately.  
  
“I go to lock the door and you two go and start without me. Now how is that fair?”  
   
Warm fingertips gently dragged down his crooked spine, and then Steve paused as the hem of his undergarments was played with. Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled, warm and languidly as Vivian pulled him back onto her lap. His back was pressed against the soft curves of her body and he slid off his undergarments. Bucky chuckled and tossed the fabric aside before his hands slid up his thighs.  
   
Closing his eyes, Steve shivered as Vivian’s lips pressed against his throat while her hands slid across his ribs. He could feel her nipples against his back and he turned around, straddling her as she kissed him. Moving down, Steve kissed down her body, letting himself relish in the moment. Everything felt overheated and overwrought as he pressed his lips to her stomach and pulled the last bit of fabric away.  
   
Steve pressed his lips and his tongue to Vivian, smiling as she gasped. Her fingertips ran through his hair, tugging at it as he moved closer, gripping her thighs and sinking his tongue into her. He loved the taste of her and the sounds she made. He loved her fingers through his hair. He paused though as warm fingers gripped his hips and then moved down. His eyes rolled back as Bucky knelt behind him, spreading his cheeks and that talented tongue pressed against him, teased and drew moans out of him expertly. Pressing his face against Vivian’s thigh, Steve gasped for breath as lube was poured onto him and those fingers slid inside, drawing out moans from him as they crooked.  
   
“Shhh, take a deep breath for me, baby.”  
   
“Bucky—God, Bucky. I—”  
   
“Shhh, We’ve got you. You know the rules. Second it gets too much, you let us know.”  
   
Nodding, Steve inhaled sharply as he watched Vivian finger herself, felt her body tremble as she got closer to release. He glanced back with a frown though as Bucky stopped moving before getting up, pressing his thick erection against him.  
   
“Hey, Steve. Say it. Let us know you understand.”  
   
“I. Will. Let. You. Know. If. It. Is. Too. Much.”  
   
Bucky rolled his eyes and Steve grinned as a condom was tossed at his head. Grabbing it off the couch once it landed there, Steve pushed himself up and closed his eyes as he rolled the condom onto his erection. Vivian’s hand gripped his chin and pulled him up. Taking her hand in his, he leaned close and kissed her passionately. He chuckled into the kiss though as Vivian hooked a leg around him and dragged him closely, grinding against him.  
   
“Someone’s eager.”  
   
Steve’s voice had been a lilting teasing tone, but then he laughed as Vivian dragged him down for a hard kiss. Kissing back, he carefully slid inside her, swallowing the moan from her before ending the kiss to take deep breaths. His body was tense and he breathed in deeply through his nose as Bucky shushed him and stroked along his ribs. The excited noises from out on the street were almost deafening as people performed music, called out to their friends, and played with random firecrackers. All the hustle and bustle of the street below covered up the whimpering moan that escaped from Steve’s mouth as they began to move. The tightness of Vivian and the way his body stretched and conformed to Bucky’s cock was exhilarating, almost intoxicating.  
   
Vivian’s arms were wrapped around him, her nails dragging along his skin. Bucky’s hands gripped his hips, his lips on his neck. Leaning closer to Vivian, Steve gripped at the couch, kissing and sucking along her chest and neck. The heat and the setting sun made the whole thing feel dreamlike. He wanted to stay there, wrapped up in the people he loved and just not caring about anything, be this close to them always. He knew he couldn’t though and his thrusts took on a slight edge of desperation. His hand slipped between them and he gently rubbed Vivian’s clit while pressing his lips to hers.  
  
Her back arched and she cried out his name, her fingers gripping tightly into his hair as he felt her entire body tighten. It was like a domino effect and Steve pressed his face into her neck, crying out as he orgasmed. Bucky’s thrusts slowed and Steve shivered as teeth dragged across his neck. They were all panting and Steve groaned as they slowly separated, still tangled together as they collapsed onto the couch.  
   
“And you two wanted to go outside for my birthday.”  
   
Vivian laughed, but Steve grinned when Bucky groaned and muttered, “Cheeky goddamn punk.”  
   
There was no real anger in Bucky’s voice though and Steve relaxed further as he was pulled close and Bucky murmured, “You know I love you, right?”  
   
Nodding, Steve was about to dismiss it, but then paused as Bucky gently tilted his head toward him and whispered, “No, you know I love you _because_ you’re you, right? I always want you to be safe. Or at least safer, but I always want you to be _you_. Understand?”  
   
Swallowing hard, Steve nodded, but then glanced back over at Viv as she ran her fingers through his hair and whispered, “Only thing I’d ever change about you Steve is that you’d be healthy, and not because I mind taking care of you. I just know you hate bein’ sick. You’re our whole world.”  
   
Smiling brightly, Steve leaned close and pressed a kiss to her lips before whispering, “This mean we can do this again for _your_ birthday?”  
   
Laughter filled the room and Steve grinned when Viv teased, “You’re lucky we love you.”  
  
Nodding, Steve stroked her cheek and whispered, “Yeah, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up until this point I've been doing multiple chapters per year, but I'm probably going to speed it up and do less chapters (if any, I'm still deciding) until Pearl Harbor happens.


	12. Eleven: 1939

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fears about systematic homophobia, antisemitism, direct talk of nazis, talk of 'factories' (will explain at the end of the chapter), and very brief mention of mutilation. Also, I gloss over medical moments because I have no medical training.
> 
> Also also: STEVEN GRANT ROGERS FUCKING HATES NAZIS. He gonna fight them. Watch him. He gonna take 'em all on. Fuck 'em.

Bucky grit his teeth and took deep breaths as he waited for the cops to bring Steve out. Part of him wanted to be surprised by the whole event, but he couldn’t be. After all, it wasn’t the first time someone had shown up to his work and told him that little Steve Rogers had gotten into a fist fight. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time someone had told him the cops had gotten involved.  
  
This time though, Steve had gotten arrested.  
  
Usually the cops just let Steve go immediately, but this time they’d made him stay in the cell overnight ‘to cool off’. Rubbing at his eyes as he tapped his feet, Bucky was just grateful he didn’t have to pay to get him out. As far as he could tell, they just wanted Steve to cool off. And Bucky understood that. He himself had wanted to just lock Steve up overnight at least once, just to get him to slow down, to stop, to think things through and to pick his battles.  
  
“Hey, Buck.”  
  
Glancing up, Bucky grit his teeth and shook his head before turning and storming out. Steve’s entire face was bloody and bruised, his clothes ripped and Bucky knew he’d seen too many bruises to count. Still, he didn’t say anything as they headed down the street. He didn’t have to look behind him to know that Steve was practically vibrating out of his skin, wanting him to say something, _anything_ , but Bucky was just too mad. Steve had ended up in jail. There’d been a lot of close calls before, but usually he’d been there to keep that scrawny punk firmly on the outside of a cell.  
  
“Bucky, c’mon. Talk to me.”  
  
Shaking his head, Bucky clenched his hands into fists and kept walking forward. He his vision was shaky and he could barely breathe, making him grateful he had the route to the hospital down to a science. He was pretty certain he could get there drunk and blindfolded, so blind with rage was definitely within his capabilities.  
  
“Bucky, I don’t need a damn doctor. There’s no need to tell Viv what happened.”  
  
Pausing, Bucky turned and gripped Steve’s upper arm, feeling a twinge of guilt as Steve yelped while he was pulled into a quiet alley. Shoving his cigarettes into his hands, Bucky snapped, “You got your ass beat by a gang of fucking thugs in the middle of the day. You waited until I was at work so you’d have no goddamn help before you did it, and you didn’t even bring your damn medicine. You could have _died_ , Steve. One of the guys the cops pulled in? He had a knife. A _knife_. What were you going to do?”  
  
“You weren’t there, Buck. I couldn’t just wait around! You didn’t hear the shit they were saying about Jews. They were—”  
  
“They’re assholes, Steve! They’re always gonna be goddamn assholes! And you know what? The only fucking thing you did today was help those assholes out by making people too afraid to step up. They saw the beating you got. Whose mind did you change today, Steve, huh? What—”  
  
“They were sayin’ Jews weren’t even people, Buck! Called ‘em awful names. Said they were animals. Said Hitler was right. How am I supposed to just _walk away_ from that? Would you have walked away? Someone had to step up!”  
  
“And what about us? What about Viv? What about me?”  
  
“What are you talking about—”  
  
“What happens if you die in one of these fights?”  
  
“I’m not gonna—”  
  
Slamming his hand against the bricks near Steve’s face, Bucky choked out, “Stop. Just _stop_.”  
  
Clearing his throat and taking a step back, Bucky cracked his neck while Steve whispered, “I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t know the cops were gonna throw me in jail like that. You gotta believe me. Nobody pressed charges though. It’s not like I got a record or nothin’. Besides, it was worth it. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with Jews.”  
  
“I know that, Steve. _I know that_.”  
  
“Then how can you expect me to just stand by while some fuckin’ creep is shoutin’ about them being subhuman? About how Hitler’s right to want to send ‘em off? People are sayin’ the depression was their fault. That’s bull and we both know it.”  
  
Bucky rubbed his temples, a headache coming on as he whispered, “Steve, I _know_.”  
  
“They were harrassin’ a girl, Buck. She was on her way to the synagogue. She wasn’t doin’ nobody any harm.”  
  
“Then go to the cops.”  
  
“The cops don’t care. Cops only care about rich white boys who can get ‘em promoted and you know it. They weren’t gonna help that girl! Found out I was Irish and nearly kicked my ass themselves.”  
  
Glancing at Steve, Bucky sighed, “And let me guess, you let them know you were Irish?”  
  
“They asked me if I was a Jew, and I said I wasn’t, that I was Irish Catholic through and through, but that it didn’t mean a damn.”  
  
“What if they figured out about…”  
  
“How were they gonna figure out I’m queer, Buck? Huh? They psychic all of a sudden?”  
  
Bucky pressed his hand tightly against Steve’s mouth and he hissed out a breath before snapping, “Don’t. Don’t you fucking joke about that. You _saw_ what they did to our neighbor. Steve, they _mutilated_ They had him in that damn factory for _weeks_ doin’ God knows what to him, and when he got out, he killed himself. That can’t…that can’t ever be you. You understand me? That can’t ever be you. It can’t. Viv and I, we can’t—”  
  
Steve’s nails dug into his wrist and Bucky pulled back once he realized he still had his hand over his mouth. Pacing, Bucky ran his fingers through his hair, forcing himself to take deep breaths as he told himself to remain calm. Steve was _fine_.  
  
“Buck, I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more careful, all right? I’ll even let you get me cleaned up and some medicine. We’ll have Viv patch me up. Tonight I’ll let you both read me the riot act.”  
  
“You can’t keep fightin’ everyone’s battles for ‘em, Steve.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Do you?”  
  
Steve sighed and Bucky shook his head before heading out of the alley. Steve quickly followed, but they stayed silent until Steve spoke up, “Can we sneak into Viv’s place instead of goin’ to the hospital?”  
  
Pausing, Bucky was about to argue, but then sighed when Steve pointed out, “The hospital is gonna make Viv charge us, and we can’t afford it right now. Besides, they’ll wanna know what happened.”  
  
Pausing, Bucky ran his fingers through his hair before relenting, “All right, we can go to her place instead, but we’ve gotta be careful. If we get caught, she’ll get kicked out.”  
  
“I’m not a damn moron, Buck.”  
  
Rolling his eyes, he slung his arm around those tense, frail shoulders before murmuring into his ear, “You’re really gonna claim that after I just picked you up from jail?”  
  
Cutting through an alley and heading toward the building Viv lived in, they quietly crept to the back and began the climb up the fire escape. Pausing between floors, Bucky glanced over at Steve, rubbing his back before moving forward. Luckily the right window was already open and Bucky climbed in before helping Steve follow.  
  
“ _What happened_?”  
  
Taking a step aside as Vivian rushed over, Bucky rubbed the back of his neck as Steve was led over to the bed.  
  
“Viv, don’t fuss. I’m _fine_.”  
  
“Fine? How many were there this time, Steve?”  
  
“You sound like Buck. There were just a few.”  
  
Snorting at that, Bucky grabbed Viv’s first aid kit from a shelf before setting it on the bed as Viv carefully checked Steve’s ribs. Sitting behind him, Bucky shared a glance with Viv as she spoke, her voice exhausted, “You’ve got at least a couple bruised ribs. Your wrist is sprained. Somehow your nose didn’t break again. The cuts you got don’t seem to be too bad, but they look at least a few hours old. Why didn’t you come to me when this happened?”  
  
Glancing over at Steve, Bucky drawled, “Yeah, Steve, why didn’t we come here then?”  
  
That delicate skin turned pink and Bucky waited until Steve finally sighed before muttering, “I was in jail.”  
  
“You were in _jail_? Bucky, were you there too?”  
  
Shaking his head, Bucky admitted, “Nope. I was at work at the time. Cops kept Steve in jail overnight.”  
  
“Any charges pressed?”  
  
Shaking his head, Bucky spoke up before Steve could, “Cops said they didn’t. Nothin’ got added to his record, but they told me to just keep him out of trouble.”  
  
“Probably looked at all of his health problems and didn’t want to deal with it.”  
  
“ _I am right here_ , and I’m not completely deaf. ”  
  
“No, not completely, pretty boy.”  
  
Gently running his fingers through Steve’s dirty hair after teasing him, Bucky pressed his face against those frail shoulders, pulling him close.  
  
“Steve, what was the fight about?”  
  
“They were saying awful things about Jews, Viv. Harassin’ a girl on the way to synagogue. I couldn’t just…They support _Hitler_ , Viv.”  
  
“You did the right thing, Steve, but you’ve got to be more careful. What would have happened to that girl if they killed you for getting in the way? You think they would have stopped going after her?”  
  
“She would have had time to get away.”  
  
“Maybe. Maybe not. I know why you’re upset though. I’m upset too, Steve. Bucky is too. Everyone in this room knows Jews are good people, that they don’t deserve to be hurt or targeted like that by some backward cretins. We know that Hitler is a monster from nightmares and what’s going on over there in the war? It’s…it’s heartbreaking.”  
  
Vivian stroked Steve’s cheek and Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve’s throat while he questioned, “Then why are you guys so mad at me?”  
  
“Because you are the love of our life, Steve. It’s selfish, I know, but…we can’t lose you.”  
  
Bucky nodded and whispered, “She’s right, Steve.”  
  
“You guys can’t keep putting me above everyone else. I’m not—”  
  
Pressing his lips to Steve’s to quiet him, Bucky shivered at the metallic tinge to it all, desperate to make that taste go away. It was something they’d experienced far too often and as the kiss ended, Bucky nodded as Vivian requested different supplies. Gathering them up, Bucky came back to see Vivian gently pulling the damaged clothing off of Steve’s bruised body so she could get to the wounds better. Nausea rose up in Bucky as he saw just how bad some of the wounds were. Setting the supplies on the bed as Steve sat in his boxers while Vivian examined him, Bucky swallowed hard as Vivian pressed a hand against Steve’s side, earning a wince, before she admitted, “Bruised.”  
  
“Well, I could have told you that.”  
  
Bucky hadn’t been able to stop the snarky reply from coming out, the feeling of restlessness getting more intense until he glanced away as Vivian glared before retorting, “His _ribs_ are bruised, James, not just his skin. I have to wrap him up. Thankfully none of his wounds require stitches though, because I’m all out of surgical thread. I was actually on my way out to get more medical supplies when you two jerks showed up looking more than a little worse for wear.”  
  
“Viv, I’m okay, I swear.”  
  
“You keep saying that, Steve, and I now feel like you don’t really understand what those words actually mean.”  
  
Her words had been teasing, but her tone had been anything but as Vivian quickly went to work, gently cleaning up his cuts and bandaging his torso. Bucky watched carefully, knowing that it had to be a huge strain for Viv to keep her cool while she finished everything before she handed Steve some pills. The exhaustion was clear in her voice though as she sighed, “Take those and lay down on the bed. The pills will make you sleepy.”  
  
“But what if we get caught? Viv, it’s too dangerous—”  
  
“Says the genius who threw himself headfirst into a fight with a bunch of Nazis. I know the risk I’m taking, Steve and I can handle it. Now take the damn pills and get some sleep.”  
  
Steve grumbled but did as he was told and Bucky moved over as the tiny blond curled up under the covers, his breathing going soft an even as the pills took effect within a few minutes. Viv sat next to him on the bed, her fingers running through his hair as she whispered, “What are we gonna do, Buck? How are we gonna keep him safe?”  
  
Sighing and sitting behind her on the bed, Bucky gently pushed her hair to one side of her neck before pressing gentle kisses and whispering, “We keep up as much as we can and we try our best to stop him from fightin’ the whole damn world.”  
  
“What if it’s not enough?”  
  
“It might not be, but we can’t keep him locked up, and we can’t get him to give up on what he thinks is right.”  
  
“You’re talking like you didn’t chew his ear off earlier yourself.”  
  
Smiling softly, Bucky confessed, “You’re right, I did. We both do it, because we get so damn scared. I think I went a little overboard though.”  
  
“Overboard? Buck, he got jumped by Nazis while you weren’t there and landed himself in jail. What if he does it again, but next time they break his ribs? God, what if next time the cops are involved, but it’s to come tell us he’s never coming—”  
  
Vivian sobbed and laced their fingers together before squeezing her hand and whispering, “Vivi, look at me.”  
  
Those watery blue eyes glanced up at him and he gently wiped away her tears while reassuring her, “You’ll never lose us. I’m never letting anything happen to him or to you. That’s a promise.”  
  
“Who’s taking care of you though, Buck? It’s not fair that all this lands on your shoulders, and I know I’m barely any help with all of it—”  
  
“How could you even think something like that?”  
  
“Maybe because it’s true? C’mon, Buck, you know you don’t need me—”  
  
Cutting her off by kissing her, Bucky pressed their foreheads together, breathing in deeply before he stared into her eyes and whispered, “We love you, Vivian Peshkova. _I_ love you, and sure, maybe I could have found a way to do this without you. _Maybe_. But I don’t want to. I never want to know for sure if I can do any of this without you, because I want you here with me. I want you here with us. Understand?”  
  
Vivian took a deep breath and backed up before nodded. Grinning, he tilted her chin up and whispered, “That’s my girl.”  
  
She rolled her eyes and Bucky chuckled as she shoved him before he moved over as Steve breath quickened in his sleep. Stroking his back, Bucky shushed him and curled up behind him, staying close as Steve quieted and completely relaxed. Running his fingers through Steve’s hair, Bucky glanced over to where Vivian was nervously keeping an eye on the door. Motioning her over, he spoke gently, “C’mere, Doll.”  
   
She sighed and came over, laying on the other side of Steve while whispering, “I should be keeping watch.”  
   
Reaching over, Bucky gently stroked her cheek and whispered, “I know, but just stay for a few minutes. You’ve been so busy lately. I missed you. I missed just laying with both of you like this.” The soft smile on her face had Bucky sighing and whispering, “Yeah, I know. Please, just, stay with us, just a little bit longer?”  
   
“Aw, haven’t you heard? I’m with you idiots ‘till the end of the line.”  
  
Climbing over Steve’s sleeping body, Bucky chuckled and pressed his lips against Viv’s before whispering teasingly, “That’s my line.”  
   
Vivian’s gaze softened and her nose brushed against his. Chuckling and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, Bucky then nipped at her bottom lip before running his fingers through her hair, just taking a moment to just _look at her_ before admitting, “You sure we can’t stay like this forever? You, me, and Steve curled up in bed together?”  
   
“I think we’d need to sometimes leave for food, water, and to clean up.”  
   
Scoffing, Bucky nuzzled his face against her neck before questioning, “I think we can handle most of that right here. What do you think?”  
   
His hand slowly started to drift up Vivian’s dress, but then he paused as her laughed ran through him before she teased, “Jesus, Buck, you’re insatiable. You’re gonna have to get by on memories for a little bit, all right? Steve’s not the only one that’s exhausted. I need sleep. Just…stay and hold us?”  
   
Getting between Viv and Steve, Bucky gently pulled both of them close, taking a deep breath as Steve rolled over and cuddled close. Vivian followed suit and he ran his fingers through their hair. He was going to do better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the 'factory' part I got from doing some research about homophobia at the time and there were 'factories' of sorts where members of the LBGT were treated pretty brutally as either punishment or ways to 'reform' them.
> 
> As for the open talk of nazis and antisemitism? My research into the time period showcased that antisemitism was an enormous problem in the United States. The majority believed things like that Jewish people were greedy or lazy or crooked. A disturbingly large minority also believed that Jewish people should not be treated as people though. There was also knowledge of Hitler's treatment of Jews at the time, so the rest of the world would have been aware that unfair treatment was happening.
> 
> Also, while hatred of the Irish was in a decline at the time, it wasn't gone, so he ran the risk of not being taken seriously. Especially against white supremacists.


	13. Twelve: 1941

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have our first major time jump going on! Last chapter was late 1939 and this chapter takes place on December 7th, 1941. That's right, guys. It's Pearl Harbor. That's a two year jump. That's exciting. Also the ball is finally rolling toward 
> 
> Warnings: murder, slur against Japanese people (said by a non-main character), talks of nazis, talk of why America joined WWII in a not really flattering way, playing it slightly fast and loose with the nursing system, and Bucky getting really mad at his idiotic significant others.

Vivian rubbed her hands together, blowing into them to warm them up again before slipping on her gloves. The sun hadn’t risen yet, and it was so cold outside. Everything in the world seemed to be moving sluggishly, and she shook her head before crouching down. Lifting with her back, she picked up the heavy bundle and then tipped it over the George Washington bridge. Heavy blocks had been tied to it and she watched as it hit the water with a smack before sinking out of view. It was the third body she’d dumped there that morning and she headed over to the backseat, dragging the final one out before doing the same. 

Four bodies in one night.

She took a deep breath before pressing her hands against her eyes. She couldn’t keep doing this. She couldn’t keep spending entire nights hiding bodies. The Hydra agents were coming more and more frequently. At first it was just once every few months, but over the years it had increased. She’d had to kill over thirty of them just that year alone. This time Hydra had sent _four_ agents after her at one time. Sooner or later they were going to find her and there was going to be enough to take her down.

Or worse, they’d hurt Bucky or Steve first.

Tossing the murder weapon into the river after wiping it clean, Vivian then got into the car and drove to the worst part of town she could think of. Parking the car, she grabbed everything out of it before leaving the keys in the front seat. Someone would take the car. They’d give it a joyride, leave it somewhere even further away or maybe they wouldn’t drive it at all. Maybe they’d just steal the parts and leave it gutted.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Vivian headed to the subway, riding it until she calmed down, ignoring the stares of people as she forced herself to breathe evenly while picturing her entire apartment, scrubbing everything down. Blood and horror kept seeping in and she’d have to scrub harder and faster to keep up with the creeping darkness. The vision disappeared from her mind as the noise level in the car went up as more people joined.

The ride seemed to stretch on for ages after that before she stopped at a few pawn shops, selling most of the items before deciding to stash the rest at her work locker. By the time she got to the hospital, the sun was high in the sky. The place was almost dead silent other than a few people sobbing. Heading over to the head nurse, Helen, Vivian pulled her to the side and whispered, “What happened?”

“Vivian, haven’t you been listenin’ to the radio?”

Shaking her head, Vivian quickly lied, “I’ve been runnin’ errands for the church. Barely had a moment to myself this morning. Why? What happened? What’s got everyone so upset?”

“They attacked us. They—”

Brow furrowing, she rubbed the woman’s arm before whispering, “It’s okay. Take your time. Who attacked us?”

“The Japs. They bombed Pearl Harbor. All those soldiers. Oh god, they’re dead, Vivian. They’re _dead_.”

Vivian took a step back and felt the breath escape her in one big shuddering gasp, like someone had struck her. They had attacked. They’d attacked Hawaii. For some reason, the axis powers wanted America at war. Warm hands gently gripped her arms and she stared up at Helen as she gently pulled her aside and whispered, “The head of the hospital pulled me aside a few hours ago.”

“They have a plan, don’t they?”

She nodded, “They want names. Names of nurses who—”

Helen pressed a hand against her mouth, hand trembling as she choked back a sob. Rubbing the head nurse’s arms, Vivian whispered, “Names of nurses who’ll enlist?”

Helen nodded and whispered, “How’d you know?”

Vivian’s mind was abuzz, pieces frantically coming together as she questioned, “Lucky guess. How long do you have to give them the names?”

“By the end of the day. I don’t know what to do—”

“Get the names. Put mine on the list.”

“ _Vivian_ , no, but what about—”

Shaking her head, she admitted reluctantly, “Right now the whole world feels like it’s fallin’ apart, Helen. I want to do my part, and this is something I can do. Tell them I’ll do it. If recruiters come, you give them my name. Some of the gals need the money for their family, so go to them first, but only if they’ve got someone to watch their kids. Maggie up in nursery’s got no one, so keep her in town. Carol’s got parents who watch the kids though so ask her. You can do this, Helen. Don’t let men decide where to send women. We both know they don’t know a damn thing about us and they’ll just ruin it. If women without support get sent over, make sure the rest of the women band together to take care of the kids. We take care of our own.”

Helen nodded frantically, and Vivian squeezed the woman’s hand one last time before walking out. She knew it’d been reckless and impulsive to just _volunteer_ like that, but it was like something snapped into place when she’d heard about it. A war would be the perfect place to get lost in. The perfect place to lose her trail of Hydra, and make sure Hydra went down for good. Explaining it to Steve and Bucky would be another issue entirely though. She wouldn’t be able to tell them the truth, not completely. She’d have to figure out what the closest thing to the real truth was and give them that.

She thought about it all the way to the boxing gym, running through the scenarios in her head. It was going to be an uphill battle no matter how she played it, but she also knew that if they found out some other way that it would be worse. Unfortunately by the time she made it to the little corner of the gym where Steve and Bucky trained, it was clear that that they already knew about the attack from how upset they were.

“Jesus Christ, Steve, think it through.”

“ _Think it through_? What’s there to think about, Buck? We’re goin’ to war, and they’re gonna need men.”

“God, I thought you got the sense knocked into you a couple of years ago when you ended up spendin’ the night in jail, but I guess the lesson didn’t stick.”

“Then why help me learn to defend myself?”

“Defend—? Steve, I was teachin’ you how to dodge. I was helping you improve your stamina so you could run away and get help.”

“Run? I’m not runnin’, Buck, my ma taught me to stand my ground, to do what’s right. She told me that no matter how damn hard it got, that if it was the right thing to do that I should do it. You remember my ma? You remember her?”

Bucky shook his head and glared while snapping, “That’s a low blow, Steve. What next? Gonna throw it back in my face how I owe it to my ma and my pa? Gonna mention my sisters?”

Putting two fingers into her mouth, Vivian gave a sharp whistle, startling both men as she strode forward and snapped, “You damn idiots. Fightin’ amongst yourselves like this, and for what? Sarah Rogers would be ashamed of you both, God rest her soul.”

Both men opened their mouths to argue, and she held up her hand before lecturing, “Japan attacked America. It’s only a matter of time before we join that big war overseas, and yes, they’re going to need people. Wars are won by men and women doing what needs to be done. And I know you want to help, Steve, but think about this realistically. You’re gonna fail the medical. You can barely survive the cold in Brooklyn. How are you gonna survive Austria?”

Steve’s cheeks blotched and his hands tightened before he snapped, “I can do it! I can handle it! I’m not some kid, and I _will_ enlist. I’m a goddamn adult, and you can’t stop me.”

Staring up at the ceiling, Vivian closed her eyes while Bucky snapped, “There are other ways you can help other than signin’ up to die like your old man!”

The outraged sound seemed to almost echo in the near empty room as Vivian and Steve both made it at the same time. Bucky had the good sense to look ashamed of himself though before he stepped forward and pleaded, “Steve, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—I just—I can’t lose you.”

“That’s not your call to make, Buck! And what about you two? You gonna stay home during the war too? Huh? Collect scrap metal? What are you two gonna do?”

“This isn’t about me, Steve, and we both know Viv’s already got a job helpin’ people here, so she’s not—”

“Administration’s already makin’ a list of names.”

Both men froze and Vivian wrapped her arms around herself while wishing she’d found another way to tell them about this. Both men looked suddenly exhausted and terrified. Bucky looked near tears as he whispered, “Tell me you said no, Viv. Tell me your name isn’t on that list.”

“Do you want me to lie to you?”

Vivian winced, tears filling her eyes as Bucky turned and kicked a stool so hard that it smashed into one of the walls, a leg snapping off before hitting the ground. Biting at her bottom lip, she winced as he turned back toward her and snapped, “If I hadn’t said somethin’, would you have? Would you have waited until you were already on the damn boat leaving us? Or not even then? Would it have just been a note?”

“I was never plannin’ on hidin’ it from you, Buck. As soon as I told Helen to put my name on the list, I came here to talk to you. I didn’t mean for the conversation to go this long. I swear.”

“You _volunteered_?”

Steve was standing there, looking almost stunned, a flash of something going through his gaze, and Vivian nodded before rubbing her hands along her arms while admitting, “I was the first name on the list. Helen told me first. I told her how to figure out which gals would be the best for the list, made her swear she’d do right by ‘em. They’re gonna need nurses over there. War is Hell. Nurses make it better. We don’t stop death from happenin’, but we give him less souls to carry back with him. That ain’t nothing.”

Bucky was pacing like a caged animal and Vivian carefully moved closer, her hands up until he whirled around and grabbed them. Standing completely still, she felt her heart thud painfully in her chest as Bucky stared at her with watery eyes, his body eerily still as he croaked, “Why can’t you stay here? What about the people in this country right now? Life’s gonna get _really hard_ over here and we’re going to need help. What if the people back home need nurses, Vivian? What do I tell the people that need you right here when you’re off getting mixed up in some damn war?”

Smiling softly, Vivian cupped Bucky’s face in her hands, his hands still firmly wrapped around her wrists as she gently explained, “Buck, I love you. I love Steve. I love your sisters. I love your parents. I love our family, but I’ve got to do this. America may not be joining this war so we can stop the Nazis from hurting anyone that isn’t ‘pure’ or anything like that, but it’s still a war that needs to be fought. And I’m not a soldier. I know I’m not a soldier, but I can do my part. I can try and make it so that less people end up like Steve’s father. I can get those men home.”

Vivian sighed as Bucky pulled away from her and moved over, begging Steve, “Please, _say something_ to her. You can’t possibly want Viv over there.”

“Viv, you’ll be safe, right? You’ll come back to us?”

Nodding, Vivian smiled softly as Steve moved over and hugged her tightly while whispering, “You better be, all right?”

“That’s _it_? That’s _all you’re gonna say_?”

Heading over before Bucky could kick something else, Vivian stopped him and spoke softly, “Bucky, please, I know you’re upset. I get why you’re upset, but I’m begging you to calm down. Please. We don’t even know if I’ll get picked or—”

“You will,” Bucky said, sounding almost exhausted. “We both know you’ll get picked because you’re one of the best damn nurses in the state. You’re young, and you’re beautiful, and you’re so good. They’d be crazy not to take you.”

Vivian bit her bottom lip, hiding a smile as Bucky tilted his head back, his eyes closing as he whispered, “It’s pointless to fight this, isn’t it?”

Standing up on her tip toes, Vivian glanced around the room, grateful that most people had taken off when Bucky started kicking things as she kissed his lips gently. Bucky kissed her back, but then stopped while pressing their foreheads together. Stroking his jaw, she compromised, “I’ll make you a deal, all right? If they don’t recruit me from the list then I swear I won’t enlist on my own.”

“You swear?”

“Cross my heart.”

“You gonna give our best girl a break now, Buck? Or are you gonna be sleepin’ on the couch tonight?”

Grinning over at Steve, Vivian laughed as Bucky gaped before he grumbled, “I’m datin’ a couple of reckless punks.”

“You’re just figurin’ this out _now_ , Buck? Gee, I thought you were smarter than that.”

Biting back laughter as Bucky gaped at Steve’s comment, Vivian’s laughter stopped abruptly as Bucky’s face fell, hair falling in front of his face as he admitted while staring at his feet, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Either of you. I just…I got so scared. The idea of losin’ either of you? It kills me. And I just…I—”

“I’m scared too, Buck. You think I don’t care that Viv will probably end up in the middle of a war zone? I’m terrified somethin’ will happen to her. Hell, I’m scared somethin’ will happen to you when you do one of those stupid jobs you don’t want us to know about—”

“Jesus, Steve. You make it sound like I work for the goddamn mob.”

“It wouldn’t be the dumbest thing you’d ever done—”

Vivian rolled her eyes and interrupted, “Hey, idiots, can we please take this conversation somewhere else? People are starting to realize Bucky’s not actually going to do anything, so they’re coming back in. Let’s go. Before they start using their heads for somethin’ other than punching bags.”

Turning around and walking out, Vivian nodded as she walked past fighters training, their fervor invigorated in a way that made Vivian certain enlistment was going to be way up for New York. Bucky and Steve both caught up with her as she headed into an alley, and Viv didn’t even glance back as she spoke up, “I’m not gonna make my life choices based on what is or is not dangerous. Understand me? If I was doing that then I would have left New York and became a secretary somewhere. I’m a beautiful dame, and I’m white, so I could get hired damn near anywhere. The name Peshkova could be a problem, but marrying would fix that.”

“Viv…”

Vivian suddenly realized just how _flat_ and _dull_ her voice had gone. Both men were looking at her, their faces twisted with concern, so she smiled before teasing, “Don’t worry. I won’t actually. I’m just makin’ sure you know that this is what I want. I _want_ to be with you two. I _want_ to be a nurse. I _want_ to help people in the war. _I want to do this_. I _need_ to do this. But I need your support too.”

Bucky shook his head and pulled her close, pressing his lips against hers before murmuring against them, “You’ll _always_ have us, Doll. No damn Nazis are gonna change that.”

“He’s right, Viv. Ain’t nothin’ or nobody that can tear us apart.”

Pulling Steve close, the three of them pressed their foreheads together and Vivian whispered, “You don’t mind if I hold you boys to that, do you?”

They both nodded and Vivian grinned and then backed out of the alley, flipping her hair while announcing, “Well, looks like Bucky owes us somethin’ sweet. What do you think, Steve?”

“Oh, I agree.”

Arms wrapped around both of them and Vivian giggled as Bucky sighed, “All right. I’ll get you two punks somethin’ sweet.”

Pressing a kiss to Bucky’s cheek, Vivian rested her head against Bucky’s shoulder and murmured, “Damn right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have no idea if any hospital did any such thing as see who'd be willing to enlist on the day Pearl Harbor happened. I genuinely don't know. I do know that during WWII there were discussions of drafting women because the need for nurses in the army corps was so great. The plan never happened, but I would like to point out that even if Vivian was only a subpar nurse that they'd still take her.
> 
> Fair warning to people who have a thing about accuracy in army stuff (by the way, this isn't a judgment about that. we've all got our stuff that we hate to see fucked up): it's gonna probably get real fast and loose once Vivian's deployed. And I am gonna be obnoxious and put her with the 107th. Sorry. I'll do my best, and probably more likely spend my time focusing on the _emotions_ of the situations rather than actual army protocol.
> 
> My current goal is to post _at least_ every other weekend.


	14. Thirteen: 1942

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is March 10th, 1942 y'all. That's right, Bucky's birthday.
> 
> Warnings: I make up the names of 2 of Bucky's sisters because I can't find a consensus on the other 2 in the MCU, and there's also me trying to fake a Catholic family even though I've never been in one.
> 
> I'll put the stats for the sisters at the end.

Bucky exchanged a glance with Steve was they waited in the lobby of the building that Vivian lived in. The woman behind the counter was glaring at them, watching them with narrowed eyes while tapping her fingers. They’d been given explicit instructions to stay where they were while she’d sent another resident to knock on Vivian’s door. Men weren’t allowed past the first floor unless they were cops. And even then Bucky wasn’t sure how far they’d get.  
  
“I expect Ms. Peshkova to return at a reasonable hour this evening, young man.”  
  
Nodding, Bucky pressed his hat to his chest and swore, “I promise, ma’am.”  
  
The woman scoffed before putting her glasses up, but she glanced away to write things down. Sharing an exasperated looking with Steve, Bucky wanted to sigh with relief when he saw Vivian, his heart thudding as he spotted her coming over. Her hair was curled and her lips were bright red. The polka dot dress she wore swirled around her legs and he crossed the room, forcing himself to not grab her and kiss her senseless. He figured her landlord wouldn’t appreciate that. Instead he gently took her hand and brushed his lips against her knuckles before holding out his arm, “You ready to go, beautiful?”  
  
Viv nodded, grabbing his elbow and replying, “Lead the way, handsome.”  
  
Chuckling at that, Bucky nodded to Steve, heading out of the place with them and groaning once they were far enough away that he knew the old woman couldn’t hear He shook his head though when Steve spoke up, “God, no wonder you always insist on sneakin’ over to see us. That woman looked like she was tryin’ to turn me into stone.”  
  
“Well, with curlers in her hair, she _does_ have more than a passing resemblance to Medusa.”  
  
Rolling his eyes at that, Bucky leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek before teasing, “Awful. You and Steve are both awful. Comparin’ that woman to Medusa. Christ.”

“Oh don’t you dare give me that. You’re the corniest one in the bunch.”

“Hey, hey, it’s my _birthday_. You gonna kick a man when he’s down on his birthday?”

Backing up onto the subway after he asked that, his arms spread, Bucky laughed when Vivian wrapped her arms around his waist and teased, “Birthday shmirthday. You know damn well this dinner is _all about me_.”

Holding her close and chuckling, Bucky pressed his face against the curls of her hair and glanced over at Steve as he teased, “She’s right, Buck.”

Vivian nodded against his chest, but then he felt his grin damn near split his face in two as Steve then teased, “Besides, Viv has to put up with your parents and _all_ your sisters. I wish her all the luck in the world.”

“Oh God. Becca is gonna tear my head off.”

Kissing her temple, Bucky gently tilted her chin up before whispering, “Hey, she loves you. She’s not gonna use that famous Barnes temper on you. Did I?”

“No, but you did break a stool and scratch a wall.”

“All right then you’ll talk to her after we rearrange the furniture in the living room since she has better aim than me, but you’ve gotta talk to her, Viv. You leave _tomorrow_. _Tomorrow_ , and—” Bucky closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to Viv’s while he took a deep breath to steady himself before whispering, “They just wanna see you. They just wanna spend time with you. Steve just wants to spend time with you. _I_ just want to spend time with you.”

Backing up, Bucky smiled softly and then continued with a slight teasing tone, “Besides, family dinner was your idea.”

“We’ve owed your family a nice sit down dinner for months, Buck, They probably would have dragged us down here even if I wasn’t being shipped off.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t try to bring a dessert or somethin’.”

Nodding at Steve’s words, Bucky grinned when Vivian frowned, sighing heavily before confessing, “Bucky’s ma called me and said I wasn’t allowed to bring anything except for myself.”

Sharing a glance with Steve, Bucky burst into laughter along with Steve, eyes twinkling as Vivian pouted and griped, “You’re supposed to be on _my side_ of this.”

“We _are_ , Viv. Just can’t help ourselves though. Buck’s ma is a force to be reckoned with.”

“You better not plan on callin’ her anything but Ma when you get there Steve. You know how she feels about that.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. And I will. I swear.”

The subway ride to the small house just outside of the city didn’t take too long to get to and Bucky wrapped his arms around both Viv and Steve as they strolled out and toward the house. Vivian shivered though so Bucky paused and took off his jacket, draping it over her shoulders before grinning as she teased, “Such a cliché, Barnes.”

“Would have given my jacket to Steve, but last time I did that, he stepped on my foot.”

“For the five hundredth time, Buck, that wasn’t on purpose.”

“It took weeks to recover.”

“You barely stumbled.”

“ _Weeks_. Could barely walk.”

Steve was staring up at the sky as if he was either deciding whether he wanted to curse or pray for strength, and Bucky grinned as Vivian laughed, “You two are ridiculous. Now behave yourself or Ma’s gonna give you both chores.”

Bucky shook his head, his lip quirked, “Nah. She’d never do that to me. I’m her _beautiful baby boy_. Her _only_ baby boy, in fact. I’m special.”

“That’s for damn sure.”

Nudging Steve in the ribs while Vivian tilted her head back in laughter, her curls shaking and her nose scrunched up, Bucky shook his head. Steve and Viv laughed all the way down the block, settling down into quiet giggles once they reached the door. Knocking on the door, he grinned when Rebecca answered it and rolled her eyes, “You again? Thought we got rid of you ages ago.”

“Why is it that you and the rest of the girls always forget how much blackmail I have on you? I know every stupid thing you’ve ever done.”

The brunette scoffed, “The amount of blackmail you have on me could fill a matchbook. The amount of blackmail I have on you could destroy this city.”

“Who we blackmailin’?” A girl who looked almost identical to Rebecca appeared and then grinned, “Oh, we blackmailin’ James again? I want in.”

“Wait, again?”

Sighing at Steve’s incredulous voice, Bucky pointed at Elizabeth before drawling, “Move aside, Lizzie, and behave yourself.”

Both his sisters rolled their eyes before speaking in unison in obnoxious mocking voices, “ _Behave yourself_.” 

Nudging them back, he chuckled as both of them hugged him tightly. Hugging them back, he ruffled their hair, ignoring their griping until he groaned as Lizzie snapped, “I don’t know how Viv puts up with you. Hey, Viv! How do you put up with our idiot brother?”

Vivian’s laughter warmed him to his core, and not even money could have stopped the dopey grin from appearing on his face as Vivian teased, “Because to me he’s the best big six in the whole damn country.”

Both girls groaned and pretended to gag, running off as Bucky pulled away and turned around, pulling Vivian close before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

“Ugh. Are Viv and Bucky being gross again? Steve, make ‘em stop.”

“Can’t do that, Ida. They already bribed me.”

“Traitor.”

Flipping off his three sisters, Bucky grinned into the kiss as Vivian reached over and lowered his hand while Steve laughed. Ending the kiss once he heard his sisters leave the hallway, he sighed as Steve pointed out, “Your parents are gonna be worse.”

“Worse than the Irish twins and my baby sister? I doubt it.”

“Oh, I’ll take that bet.”

Shaking his head, Bucky pointed at both Steve and Vivian, letting Vivian adjust his tie before he pointed out, “Just, be careful. Ma’s got eyes like a hawk.”

“Does she or are we just really bad liars?”

Laughing at Vivian, Bucky wrapped an arm around her and pressed a kiss to her cheek before scoffing, “Maybe you’re a bad liar, Viv. I can _always_ tell when you’re lying.”

“Sure you can, big guy.”

Heading into the dining room, Bucky smiled as his mother ran over before pulling him into a tight hug. Her dark curls fell into her face and Bucky groaned at the tight hug that popped his back. He never could figure out how she even managed to hug that tightly. Within seconds though she was letting go and pulling both Vivian and Steve into a tight hug. Shaking his head, Bucky went over and gave a quick hug to his dad as the man questioned, “You doin’ all right, James?”

“Course, Dad.”

“Then call more. Your mother worries, and when she worries, she tells me, and then _I_ worry. Once a week from now on, or else I’ll send your sisters.”

Groaning, Bucky nudged his dad and sighed, “I thought you were gonna have my back on this.”

“Against your mother? The city knock the brains right out of you, kid? That’s not gonna happen.”

Chuckling, Bucky smirked, but then the expression softened into a smile as his father whispered, “I know you know what I’m talking about. You got Viv.”

Nodding, Bucky put on his best sheepish expression as his mother cleared her throat and nodded to the table. Dinner was already served. Rushing over, Bucky pulled Vivian’s chair out for her before pushing her in after she sat down. Pulling out his chair, he also subtly pulled out Steve’s chair before sitting down.

“I see you went all out on makin’ Viv’s favorite foods for my birthday.”

The look his mother sent him had all three of his sisters snorting, but then Bucky raised his eyebrows at Vivian and Steve as his mother _loudly_ began praying, “Thank you Lord for the food we are about to receive, and thank you for the many blessings this family has. Thank you for keeping my sons, James and Steven, safe during these dangerous times, as well as my future daughter-in-law Vivian—”

Bucky could barely hear Steve choking on his laughter over the sounds of his sisters snorting, his hand covering his eyes as his mother continued, “My _future daughter-in-law_ safe as she joins the war overseas. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.”

Everyone murmured amen and Bucky served himself some food. As he was passing the serving dish around, Bucky paused as his mother, not wasting any time, spoke up, “So when are you two getting married?”

Letting go of the tray once he knew Steve had a good hold on it, Bucky laced his fingers with Vivian’s before staring into her eyes and admitting, “The second she gets back, I’m gonna have her make an honest man out of me.”

“Maybe give Viv a reasonable goal, eh, Bucky?”

Sending a pointed stare at Rebecca, Bucky kicked her under the table, yelping as his sister kicked him right back while Elizabeth laughed, “Idiot. She wore new shoes to dinner and everything.”

Upon seeing his mother’s brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed, Bucky lowered his head and began eating, glancing up and smirking as he saw his sisters doing the same. His mother hadn’t had to say a word, but the three of them had known to be quiet. After a moment though, his mother continued, “You two planning on getting married in the family church?”

Nodding, Bucky sat back and grinned, “Of course, Ma. Nowhere else I’d go. Everyone in the family’s been married there.”

“I expect my grandbabies to be christened there as well.”

Sighing and leaning back, he groaned, but then was relieved when his father spoke up, “Give the boy a break, Winnie. Hasn’t even made it down the aisle yet, and you’re already plannin’ their nursery.”

“What’s wrong with asking a few questions? They’ve gotta have a plan. Neither of ‘em are getting any younger, and everyone _knows_ they’re going to get married. Half the church has been askin’ me about it.”

“ _Winnie_.”

“Fine, fine. Steven, you meet any nice gals lately?”

Side eying him, Bucky smiled softly when Steve lied, “No, ma’am. Still waiting on the right partner. Haven’t given up hope yet though.”

“Good lad. You’ll find a good woman for you yet, just you wait.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Gently squeezing Steve’s knee under the table, Bucky groaned when Ida spoke up, “So when you and Vivian get married, which one of us gets to be maid of honor?”

“God, Ida, you’re _sixteen_. You’ll probably be flower girl.”

“Shut up, Lizzie!”

“Girls!”

Bucky sighed as his mom glared at everyone at the table before speaking sternly, “ _When_ Vivian and Bucky get married, it will be _Vivian_ ’s choice who is in her wedding party. Understand? She will _ask you_ , and you will be grateful.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”

Everyone ate mostly in silence after that and Bucky was grateful for it. There was some chatter from his dad talking about his job at the factory, but the girls had been thoroughly chastised so they pretty much only listened. Glancing over at Vivian, Bucky switched to eating with his left hand as he took her hand in his. Lifting it up and brushing his lips against her knuckles, Bucky could practically hear his mother planning to end the dinner abruptly to drag them down to the church right then and there.

Part of him wished she would.

Bucky’s smile became forced as it all sank in again, the feeling burying itself in the pit of his stomach like a well-aimed punch. This was his last dinner with Vivian for God knew how long. The laughter and chatter that started back up around him seemed distant, like he was hearing it through walls and windows, someone else’s life as he tried to memorize every inch of Vivian’s face. Her smooth, pale skin, her rosy cheeks, those red lips, long lashes, and bright blue eyes. Her hair fell into big golden curls around her face, making her look like the prettiest starlet to ever light up the silver screen. If things went well, it’d be _months_ before he ever see her again. _If_ things went well.

Vivian glanced over at him, a smile lighting up her face. Her eyes and her nose crinkled, and he could feel his heart aching as she leaned close and pressed a kiss to her cheek before she pulled back. Her laughter cut through the noise of his mind, and he smiled as she then used her thumb to wipe the lipstick off his cheek.

His mother clearing her throat had him faking a look that was hopefully sheepish as she gently scolded, “James, have you been paying attention at all?”

Shaking his head, he admitted, “No. I guess I got distracted. Sorry, Ma.”

Winifred shook her head, but smiled and sighed, “I’ll forgive you this once, but finish your dinner at least before you three run off.”

Nodding, Bucky did as he was told, still staying quiet and just really looking at his family. Everyone was just so damn _happy_ , and Bucky just wanted to freeze the moment, preserve it in his mind forever. Ida and Lizzie whined as they were assigned dish duty, but cleared the table anyway. Standing up, he moved over and hugged his mother tightly while whispering, “I love you, Ma.”

“I love you too, James. You take care of that girl. You understand me?”

Pulling back, Bucky nodded and smiled before whispering, “Plan on doing that for the rest of my life.”

She gently pat his cheek and then he made the rounds, hugging his father before obnoxious pulling all three of his sisters into a group hug. They complained, of course, but hugged back anyway. They then hugged Steve and Vivian before stopping him before he left. Frowning as he was pulled aside by Rebecca, he sighed and leaned against the wall as she spoke quietly, “You take care of each other, okay? The _three_ of you.”

Eyes widening, Bucky stood up straighter, about to reply, but then glanced down when she whispered, “I won’t say anything, I swear. Just promise you’ll do right by them both.”

“I promise.”

“Good. Now get out of here. Can’t keep ‘em waiting. Not a thing that a gentleman would do.”

Saluting, Bucky headed out, wrapping his jacket around Vivian again before they headed home. They were quiet on the subway, both of them curled up against him until they made it back to Viv’s place. They made it all the way to her door before he stopped her and whispered, damn near begged, “Let us stay with you tonight. Please.”

“Buck, c’mon. I’ve got an early morning tomorrow and what will this accomplish? What will this do—”

Cupping her face in his hands, he smiled and spoke softly, “We get one more night with you. One more time. One more sunrise. One more all of it until you’re gonna be over in Europe for _months_.”

“And what that? You ask for one more week? One more month? One more year? One more lifetime?”

Bucky could feel the sting in his eyes and the burn in the back of his throat. He was grateful when Steve stepped forward and whispered, “If we thought for a second that us askin’ would make you stay instead of help out in the war, then we’d do it. We’re not askin’ for more than we think you can give, Viv. We’d never do that. One night, and then we’ll sneak back out, come to the door, and walk you to the docks in the morning. We won’t stop you.”

Vivian’s jaw tightened, but then she shook her head and grinned, “ _Fine_ , but be quiet. Walk me through the doors and then walk out. Then _casually_ head up the fire escape. Wait between floors until I open my window.”

Saluting, Bucky led her through the doors of the place, making sure to be the picture of propriety as he accepted his coat back and kissed her hand. Her landlord watched with beady eyes the entire time. He could feel her staring even as they left the building. Leading Steve past the next building, they then headed down the alley before going around the back way. Heading up the fire escape he held Steve close as they waited just under the window. Pressing them against the building, he kept gently rubbing Steve’s back as they waited. The time ticked on, but then finally he heard the window slide open. Helping Steve up the rest of the way, Bucky let him go in first before following.

Bucky wasn’t even all the way into the building before he was pulling Vivian close and kissing her, leading her over to her bed while murmuring, “You have no idea how hard it was to keep my hands off of you tonight.”

“You don’t have to anymore.”

“Good.”

It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the sisters and the years I'm saying they were born.
> 
> Rebecca P. Barnes (b. 1921)  
> Elizabeth C. Barnes (b. 1922)  
> Ida M. Barnes (b. 1926)
> 
> I'm going to be honest, I was pretty deliberate in my choice to not orphan Bucky like he was in the comics. I know some people do that for their fanfics, and it works for them, but I wanted them here in this fic. I wanted that influence on their lives.
> 
> Also, huge shoutout to everyone who has been commenting on this story. You guys have been so goddamn sweet and I can't thank you enough. I love these characters, especially Vivian, but you guys make it so much fun to post this and share this with you guys. Hopefully I don't let you down.


	15. Fourteen: 1942

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: description of medical procedures (draining an abscess and it's not too graphic, but just to be on the safe side), mentions of syphilis from a prostitute, and the fact that I might actually make LucifersAlleyCat cry on accident.
> 
> Also, just in general my avoiding being too specific on the armed forces and nursing is gonna be A Thing™ so that I don't drift into being too inaccurate. I am trying my best.
> 
> EDIT: Really big shoutout to GoldenGirl101 for being sweet and helpful and stopping me from looking like an idiot. She let me know that the Air Force was actually called the Army Air Corps until well after WWII. Once again thank you so much. I do actually find this stuff really interesting so I try to be accurate. The chapter has been edited to use the correct terminology.

The medical tent, despite being filled with soldiers, was saturated with cleaning supplies. Alcohol, drugs, and everything else. Vivian herself was getting through stitching up the fiftieth wound she’d seen in an hour. The terrain they were in was rough and most of the guys had been at least grazed by bullets or fallen during combat. Some had just flat out gotten shot. Finishing up the bandaging of the deep cut on the soldier’s leg she was working on, Vivian glanced up at the man before reminding him, “What did I tell you about this wound, Private Chambers?”

“Keep the wound clean and dry for at least twenty-four hours. You do realize we’re in the middle of fuck nowhere in Europe? Seen nothin’ but mud for the past four miles. I got a snowball’s chance in Hell of keepin’ this thing clean.”

Vivian arched an eyebrow, “I’m well aware of where we are, soldier. Pretty sure I dragged your ass out of that mud myself. I got extra wrapping I can give to you to try and keep it dry.”

“Vivian!”

Sighing, Vivian changed her gloves before motioning another nurse over to the soldier’s side as she headed over toward one of the youngest in their staff. Annie was barely twenty-one and more than a little green around the gills. Still, Vivian liked her. Moving over to her side, Vivian grabbed the girl by her shoulders and spoke quietly, “Deep breaths, Annie, now what’s wrong?”

Annie’s dark curls were pulled back and her skin was even paler than usual as she whispered, “I don’t know what to do. He’s burnin’ up and leg looks awful. I don’t wanna mess up.”

“All right. Go about this clinically. What is the patient’s temperature?”

“A hundred and three point one.”

Nodding, Vivian let the girl’s shoulders go and nodded to the patient, “Show me the wound you’re talking about.”

The sheet got lifted up and Vivian sighed as she saw it. The area where Private Jameson had injured earlier that month now had a bulging area with a red streak going from it. Gently taking Annie’s hand, she pressed the young nurse’s fingers next to the area and instructed, “Tell me what you feel.”

“Um, it’s warm? Tender?”

“That plus the red streak. What does that tell you?”

“I don’t know.”

Sighing, Vivian let go of the girl’s hand and supplied, “It’s infected. Specifically, an abscess has developed under the skin. We need to cut his leg open and drain it.”

Annie’s dark eyes went wide and Vivian sighed as the woman hissed, “I can’t do that!”

“Annie, sweetie, no offense, but you’re a nurse in the middle of a warzone. You’re going to have to.”

“I can’t. Please, Viv, do this for me. I never saw anythin’ like this before.”

Grabbing a mask and putting it on, Vivian then snagged a scalpel and spoke up, “I’m going to do this and you’re going to watch up until the moment you think you’re going to vomit, in which case you will stick to stitching people up and you will find a way to get sent stateside as soon as possible.”

Wiping down the leg with alcohol and using a local anesthetic, Vivian felt along the leg before finally beginning to make an incision. Even through all the alcohol, Vivian could smell the pus and decay as it mixed with the blood. It poured out, bubbling as it hit the oxygen. She could hear Annie gagging and then running off, but kept going. Keeping herself calm, she irrigated the wound, flushing out even more of the pus. One of the older nurses came over and Vivian nodded as packing was handed to her. Placing it inside the wound, she then peeled off her gloves and mask.

“Your verdict, Ms. Peshkova?”

“Keep it open for a couple of days and then bandage it. He’ll need more serious help though. I think some of the infection got to the bone. I can’t tell from here though. His glorious career on the battlefield might be over. I recommend he get out of the field at least for a while.”

“Nicely done.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

The woman started to walk away, but then paused and called over, “Make sure to get your mail after your shift. You got a letter.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Vivian then cleaned up the soldier before washing her hands, replacing her gloves and moving on to her next patient. She still had hours left on her shift since she worked twelve hour shifts more often than not. It was hard to not think about the letter for the rest of it though. She assisted in a few amputations, stitched up enough wounds to lose count, and helped diagnose one case of syphilis from a man who apparently hadn’t used the condoms provided to him when he had a rendezvous with a prostitute. They’d be able to save him, but he had to leave the field immediately to begin six months of grueling treatment stateside.

Heading out of the last case, Vivian grinned as another nurse came up and sighed, “Heard we got another one who lost to the enemy in his pants.”

Snorting at that, Vivian nodded tiredly, “Yeah. This has got to be the third one this week. What is it about men where they get told over and over again ‘don’t be stupid, you could die doing this’ and they just go on and do it anyway? We give them pro-kits all the time. They’re standard issue. And if they run out, they can get more.”

“Vivian, honey, I think you’re givin’ these boys too much credit. You know they’re not thinkin’ with their brains. Men almost never do.”

“There are some men who can—”

“Lord help me, if you start talking about James Buchanan Barnes _one more time_ —”

Turning and pointing at Susan, Vivian reminded her, “Oh, like you didn’t rant and rave about Sergeant whatshisname? I’m not the one in danger of becoming PWOP.”

Susan gasped and laughed, swatting at Vivian’s arm before groaning, “You’re awful. Why do all those soldiers call you angel again?”

“I’m guessing the morphine. Makes ‘em loopy.”

Saluting a superior officer as they passed, Vivian then linked arms with Susan as the woman questioned quietly, “It true that Annie nearly fainted today?”

“Fainted? No. Vomit? Yes. Soldier’s wound got infected real bad. Had an abscess that needed to be drained. She wasn’t up for it, so I sent her down to do other things for the rest of the day. She should probably head back stateside and work in one of those hospitals for the rest of the war though.”

Susan frowned, “Try not to be too hard on her. She never wanted to be here.”

“Pretty sure most of us would rather be somewhere else, Suz.”

The brunette shook her head and Vivian paused, leaning close as the woman whispered, almost scandalized, “I talked to her about it, and don’t you go spreadin’ this around, you hear me?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Her daddy’s gettin’ into politics. Most people in his town don’t really care one way or another for the man, even though he served in the Great War, and he decided that the best way to get more support would be to have his kids enlist.”

Eyes widening, Vivian whispered, “Holy cow. Really?”

Susan nodded grimly, “One of her brothers joined the Navy. Another joined the Marines. She recently got a letter statin’ the last one’s in the Army Air Corps.”

Vivian shook her head and laughed bitterly, “And she’s in the Army Corps of nursing. Nice neat little set for the press packets.”

“Exactly, and Annie’s not dumb. She’s smart as a whip. If you ask her how to do damn near any of the medical things in there, she can tell you. She’s just squeamish is all. Pretty sure most of us did somethin’ embarrassing the first time we drained an abscess. I know I did. Swooned like one of those awful silver screen dames and everything. She just needs advice. You understand?”

Nodding, Vivian sighed before whispering, “All right. I hear you. I’ll give her tips before her next shift.”

“Thank you.”

Nudging Susan, Vivian grinned when the woman raced over toward some of the other nurses before heading over to grab her mail and her meal ration before heading back to her sleeping area. Setting her instant coffee and sugar aside for the next morning, already dreading the bitter taste, Vivian then opened up the letter while munching on biscuits.

 

_Viv,_

_Starting these letters to you is always so hard. There’s so much I want to tell you, so much I want to explain, but it always feels so wrong to pour it into this piece of paper instead of saying it directly to you. Ma’s been going to church at least three times a week now. Sometimes more. Steve’s the same. Sometimes I think he practically lives at the church now with how much he’s been praying for you. I can’t complain though. This way at least he’s keeping out of trouble, and the church makes sure he doesn’t get too scrawny. I do my best to keep him fed, but it’s hard to with meat and sugar being rationed. Sorry, I shouldn’t be complaining to you._

_One of our neighbors, James, you remember him, right? Loudmouthed protestant always talking about how he’s gonna make it big? Got sent home from the war last week. His leg’s gone. He’s been real quiet since then. His roommate Michael’s been taking care of him though. Michael’s talking more than James is. It scared Steve though. So just, in the letter you write back, can you do me a favor and promise the punk that you’ll get home safe? I know that’s not fair of me to ask of you, but I have to. Hope’s all we’ve got right now._

_I think Steve’s lungs are getting better though. He hasn’t had pneumonia yet this year. He caught the flu a few times, but nothing like last year. Even managed to keep him from breaking his nose for a third time. And let me tell you, that’s been no easy task. Still got a bunch of idiots in the neighborhood running their mouths about Jews. Luckily they hang out in one part of town for the most part. Bad news though is that they’re on the street closest to the synagogue. I figured out a safe route there around those knuckleheads though and Steve showed it to the right people. It’s not perfect and people still get hurt, but it’s something. And like I told Steve, something is better than nothing._

_I wish you were here though. I know that’s not fair to you, and I know why you went overseas, but I miss you. God, I miss you so bad, Viv. We all do. I miss your laugh, your smile, and I even miss you calling me an idiot when I make you mad. I miss talking to you. You always know what to say to make things better, and you have always been the one who could keep Steve from just running off. I know you complain about those soldiers calling you an angel, but for us you might as well be. I know I didn’t say it enough back when you were with us, but I promise you that if you just come home safe that I’ll spend the rest of this life and the next showing you just how much I love you._

_Stay safe,_

_Bucky_

 

Squeezing her eyes shut, Vivian took a deep, shuddering breath as tears slipped down her cheeks while she told herself over and over again that she’d done the right thing. It’d been the right choice for her country and for the people she loved. The fact that it was killing her was of no matter. Just as long as they were safe. Letting her fingertips run across Bucky’s handwriting, Vivian opened her eyes and stared at it, drinking it in. She could hear him saying these things to her in her ear with that Brooklyn accent of his and she felt her bottom lip tremble all over again. Pressing the letter to her chest, she lay down and told herself that no matter what, she had to get back to them. She would find a way. She’d find a way to make everything safe and to stay with them.

She had to.

Sitting up and grabbing a decorative tin box from her personal items, she carefully placed the letter inside with the others before sealing it back up to keep it safe. Unpinning her hair, Vivian ran her fingers through the loose curls before grabbing the tin box and opening it. Moving aside the letters, she pulled out the photos and then set them down so she could look at them while she wrote her reply. For a moment, just a moment, she could pretend she was talking directly to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, big shout out to LucifersAlleyCat this chapter since I possibly lied to her last chapter. This chapter went sadder than I thought it would. When I replied to you last time, I didn't realize I was gonna include that Bucky letter, but then my muse was like, 'btw, we're gonna include a Bucky letter'. Also, the reason Bucky didn't specifically talk about them as a triad in his letter is just in case the letter fell into the wrong hands.
> 
> I am thankful to all of you for leaving comments and supporting this story though. Hopefully I can keep up this writing schedule.
> 
> Also, don't be afraid to request specific things that you want to see in this story. I'm not saying I'll definitely use suggestions, but I will definitely consider them and most likely do something at least similar. And if I do, you get credit.


	16. Fifteen: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: I bullshit my way through a draft letter by basically only including the title of it, mentions of PTSD even though I never call it PTSD, on the same line as the last one I randomly decided that Bucky's dad is a WWI vet, and also an excessive amount of foreshadowing for a story where literally everyone knows the fate of most of these characters.

**ORDER TO REPORT FOR INDUCTION**  
  
Bucky’s hands shook as he stared at the draft letter. _This couldn’t be happening_. It’d only been a little over a year since Vivian had left to go save the world, a little over a year since either Steve or Bucky had seen her face or heard her voice. She wrote as often as she could, but it wasn’t the same. None of it was the same, and now Bucky was about to do the same thing to Steve, only worse. When Vivian had volunteered, they’d gotten weeks with her before she’d left. Steve would get a week, maybe a little bit more if Bucky would be allowed a day after he finished his basic training.  
  
Taking a long drink from his beer, Bucky cringed as he realized he was going to have to tell everyone he was going off to war. Telling his family was going to be awful. They were all gonna cry, especially his ma. Playing with the Saint Agatha medal he wore under his shirt on a fine chain, Bucky sighed as he realized that the ones his family wore for Viv would get an addition. They’d probably put Saint Michael on there as well.  
  
Bucky downed the rest of his beer as he pictured his mother in church every day, begging to God and every saint she could think of to just bring him home, to not have him end up like the neighbor’s boy, who stepped on a landmine, leaving nothing more than pieces on the battlefield. He pictured his sisters, crying and terrified, their faith not as strong as their mother’s. He pictured his father, a good man, but not unfamiliar with war. He’d served in The Great War. People always told him that he looked just like his dad did when he was younger. Would his father picture his own war, his own nightmares, but just different enough? With him there instead?  
  
How vivid would his father’s nightmares be?  
  
Grabbing another beer, Bucky began downing the entire thing before pausing as he pictured _Steve_. He’d do the stiff upper lip about it all, but how would he really react to Bucky going overseas? How would he feel about Bucky having to get dragged overseas to a war Steve couldn’t run to fast enough? Bucky knew for a fact that Steve had gone to multiple places, applying over and over again for a chance. Steve was doing steadily better with his health, but it couldn’t change his medical history. It didn’t get rid of Steve’s asthma or the fact that he still got pneumonia every single year like clockwork. Steve doing better didn’t make him eligible. It didn’t make the army want him.  
  
Bucky knew he’d be accepted if he’d just shown up. He was the right age. He was the right health. He had the right skills. The one thing Steve wanted, but couldn’t have, and Bucky could have gotten it at any time since America had joined the war. He was just like the men that made Steve so mad. Steve was going to hate him. Dropping the draft letter on the table, Bucky buried his face into his hands, forcing himself to take deep breaths as tears pricked at his eyes.  
  
“Before you say anything, just hear me out, and—Buck?”  
  
Clearing his throat and glancing up, Bucky turned the letter upside down as Steve cautiously came over. Once he came out of the dark living room, Bucky sighed and stood up, heading over and gently tilted that beautiful face up to the light to see how bad the bruising was. Pressing his forehead to Steve’s, Bucky blinked back tears and whispered, “Steve, you got to be more careful. What happened? Who did this?”  
  
Steve squirmed away before gaping, “What happened to me? I’m not the one who was sittin’ in a dark apartment crying at our kitchen table. Bucky, what’s going on?”  
  
“Don’t change the subject. Who hit you?”  
  
Steve’s firm jaw clenched and Bucky tilted his head slightly before murmuring, “C’mon, baby, what happened? Talk to me.”  
  
Steve took a step back before stopping and then straightening up as much as his back would allow him to, “Only if you explain yourself. Why are your eyes red?”  
  
Rubbing at his eyes, Bucky sighed, “I promise I’ll tell you, but just answer my question. _Please_.”  
  
“Did something happen to Vivian?”  
  
Shaking his head as Steve’s voice cracked, Bucky reached out and rubbing Steve’s arms while soothing him, “No, she’s fine. I swear. Overworked, but that’s nothing new.”  
  
Steve practically sagged with relief, his breath coming out through his mouth in a huge sigh before he whispered, “Mayor’s kid, the one Viv knocked out like a champ that one day, was badmouthin’ the troops. I told him where he could shove his opinion and he didn’t exactly appreciate it. Ended before it began really since one of his friends reminded him we were in public and people could hear ‘em. And if people could hear ‘em, then his dad would find out. It’s barely a bruise.”  
  
Grabbing a towel as Steve sat down at the table, Bucky ran it under cold water from the sink, getting part of it wet and as cold as possible while griping, “ _This time_ , but what if he finds you alone? Guy’s a bastard, Steve, and—”  
  
The sound of the chair hitting the floor had Bucky glancing over and he sighed as he spotted Steve standing up, his hands pressing against the table as he leaned over the draft letter. His entire body was shaking and Bucky headed over, reaching out to touch Steve only to withdraw his hand almost immediately as the man flinched.

“Steve, c’mon. I need to clean you up. Your cheek’s already startin’ to swell, and your lip’s cut. I need to clean you up. It’s—”

“Jesus Christ, Buck.”  
   
Pausing as Steve turned toward him, tears slipping down his cheeks, Bucky felt scolded. He felt like he’d been caught doing something awful as Steve snapped, “Who the hell cares about my goddamn lip? When in God’s name did you get this?”  
   
Swallowing hard, Bucky carefully picked up the chair, righting it before motioning to it. Steve just glared, refusing to sit down so Bucky muttered, “Fair enough. I guess we’re standing.”  
   
“ _When_?”  
   
Running his tongue along his teeth nervously, he then bit at it as he messed with his cheek before confessing, “Yesterday. I didn’t look at it until today though. I was going to tell you…once I figured out how.”  
   
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
   
Scoffing, Bucky sat down heavily and sighed, “You know what I mean. Pretty damn sure you’re not exactly fond of men who have to be forced to do their civic duty.”  
   
“You thought I would be mad at you? Jesus Christ, Buck, since when are you this goddamn stupid?”  
   
Glaring, Bucky started to retort, but then paused, his mouth closing with a sharp clack as Steve sighed, “You plannin’ on being a dodger?”  
   
“Oh, go to Hell. Never broken a promise in my goddamn life, and you know it.”  
   
“Then I ain’t mad at you, Buck.”  
   
Steve’s chair scraped against the floor as the man moved closer, causing Bucky to wince, but then he glanced over as Steve spoke soothingly.  
   
“I know you. I know you better than I know myself, and I know you’re a good man. And I know the biggest reason you never enlisted was because of me. If I hadn’t been born so scrawny, if I hadn’t been born so sick, and you didn’t have to keep takin’ care of me? I know you would have enlisted right when Viv did.”  
   
“You can’t possibly know that.”  
   
“Yes, I can. You’re a _good man_ , James Buchanan Barnes, and I love you.”  
   
Smiling softly at that, a Bucky pulled Steve out of his chair and into his arms, hugging him close while murmuring, “All right. I am sorry that I’m leavin’ you here, Steve.”  
   
Those slender arms wrapped around him and Bucky buried his face in soft, golden hair while Steve whispered, “I’m gonna miss you too, but maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe you’ll get to go over there and keep Viv safe for a while.”  
   
Pressing soft kisses to his scalp, Bucky smiled and murmured, “Damn right I will.” Pulling back and gently tilting Steve’s face up, Bucky pressed feather light kisses along the delicate skin before whispering, “Promise me you’ll let my family help you out while I’m gone.”  
   
“Buck—”  
   
“I’m serious, Steve. If you get sick, go to my parents. Let them make sure you get enough to eat. Talk to my ma every week. You’ve always been part of the family, so let them show you.”  
   
“I’m not some charity case, Buck and I—”  
   
“Jesus Christ, Steve, did I ever call you that? Have I ever called you that even once?”  
   
Steve shook his head, but glanced away and Bucky sighed, forcing eye contact between them before reassuring him.  
   
“I love you, Steve. I do this, all of this, because I want you to be safe. I’d be doing this even if you could take care of yourself, understand? I do all of this for Viv too, and we both know that anyone who pities her is in for a world of hurt. At the very least, do it for me. Do it so I’ll worry less while I’m gone.”  
   
Steve frowned, but nodded, “Okay. I’ll do it for you. You and Viv gotta keep writing to me though.”  
   
Pressing a kiss to Steve’s cheek, Bucky wrapped his arms around him tightly before reassuring him, “Of course we will. Viv and I will both keep sending you letters. You gonna write two letters? One for your best guy and one for your best girl? Or do we gotta share a letter?”  
   
Steve rolled his eyes, “Maybe I won’t write to you at all. Maybe I’ll just write to Viv. Give you a note at the end. ‘P.S. Tell Bucky he’s still a jerk’.”  
  
“Hey, that’s _handsome_ jerk to you, you punk.”  
   
Steve grinned, shaking his head and Bucky pressed a kiss to his neck. Biting at his bottom lip, Bucky then whispered, “You mad at me?”  
   
“You got rocks for brains, Buck? We just went through this. I’m not mad at you.”  
   
Nodding, he rubbed at his eyes, and then checked Steve’s injury again. The ice had kept the swelling to a minimum, but it was definitely going to bruise like a son of a bitch. His heart ached though as he thought about how Viv would have known exactly what to do. He could remember her gentle hands checking their injuries. He could still hear her soft voice asking what happened and letting them know exactly how to. He could see the worry in her eyes.  
   
“I miss her too.”  
   
Glancing over at Steve, Bucky sighed, “That obvious, huh?”  
   
“Probably only to me, because I miss her just as much.”  
   
Smiling at that, he gently stroked Steve’s cheek before admitting, “I just realized we haven’t spent more than a few days apart since we met.”  
   
Steve grinned and teased, “You mean other than the times you got grounded?”  
   
Glaring, Bucky grumbled, “That doesn’t count. We saw each other at school and church.” Resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder, he smiled before whispering, “Viv always got mad at us when we’d do somethin’ stupid.”  
   
“She always was the smart one.”  
   
Nodding, Bucky gently ran his fingers through Steve’s hair, tilting his head back before teasing, “I don’t know, when you’re not being a damn pigheaded fool, you’re pretty smart yourself.”  
   
Scrunching up his nose and laughing as Steve swatted at his hand Bucky shook his head as Steve squirmed away before turning around and straddling his lap. Arching an eyebrow, Bucky smirked as Steve griped, “ _A damn pigheaded fool_? Speak for yourself, James Buchanan Barnes. I am not the one who almost got us caught ”  
   
Leaning close, Bucky pressed a gentle kiss to Steve lips while murmuring, “Which time?” Chuckling as Steve swatted at his arm, Bucky held him close, pressing their foreheads together while whispering, “Hey, look, whatever time I got until I go for training? It’s yours. Then I’m gonna finish training as much as possible and then it’ll be you and me again until I shop off. After that…I fight like hell to get back to you. And I bring Vivian home with me. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats, everyone, we're firmly in 1943 which means scenes from Captain America: First Avenger are gonna show up soon.
> 
> Also, yes, I went with the 'Bucky got drafted' route of this, although I decided to forgo the idea that Steve wouldn't know or find out. I initially was going to have Bucky just lie and say he enlisted, but the more I thought about it, the more I really wanted the communication between them to be open at least somewhat. It's not completely honest though since Steve is making the assumption that Bucky would have ever wanted to go to war, and Bucky's not denying it.


	17. Sixteen: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: this chapter could be seen as a filler chapter and it is me just really wanting Peggy Carter and Vivian Peshkova to interact while Peggy doesn't have a debilitating illness. Also I'm not confident in my ability to write Peggy, but your responses will show me if I'm paranoid or rightfully afraid.
> 
> Also, this is also mostly happening because my wonderful girlfriend requested it. She reads over the chapters for me and I love her, so I wrote this.

Vivian sighed as she kept working. They’d encountered a minefield, which meant that Vivian had been working nonstop since she’d woken up that morning. She’d helped bring the survivors in from the field and then spent _hours_ working on them. A good dozen men were going home with intense injuries, all of them crippled for life. She kept herself working, patching soldiers up until finally another nurse shooed her out for a break.

Stumbling out and yawning, Vivian made her _awful_ coffee and added all the sugar she’d been hoarding for the week to make it somewhat bearable. Taking her biscuits, she then headed over to one of the only calm places in the camp and sat down, munching on them while slowly drinking the coffee. The caffeine would be a mild problem for a while, but not too bad. Vivian was just concerned about filling up her stomach though and staying warm. The damp air from the rain earlier had left a chill in her that she still hadn’t been able to shake. The death and destruction she’d had to wade through hadn’t helped.

“May I join you?”

Glancing up in surprise at the English accent, Vivian nodded and then pointed to some of the boxes she was sitting on and admitted, “They’re incredibly uncomfortable, but it’s better than sitting on the ground.”

The brunette woman sat down and then held out her hand, “I’m Agent Peggy Carter.”

Shaking Peggy’s hand, Vivian smiled, “Nurse Vivian Peshkova.”

“So I have been told.”

Arching an eyebrow at that, Vivian was about to comment, but then blushed when Peggy explained, “I apologize. That was a bit on the ominous side. I’m not usually so…”

“Dramatic?”

Peggy smiled, “Not quite the word I was planning on using, but it will do. There has been quite a lot of talk today.”

Nodding, Vivian took another sip of her coffee, cringing at the taste before confessing, “Yes. A lot of men got injured. We’ve been more than a little busy.”

“And from what I’ve heard, you have been the one stewarding everyone toward greatness.”

Snorting at that, Vivian stared up at the sky and then teased, “And which soldier told you that nonsense? There’s at least one or two who are willing to lie until I’m flattered enough to become intimate with them. Apparently they don’t really understand the phrase ‘I’m spoken for’.”

“I have no doubt that a few of those men weren’t hoping for something more nefarious, but most of the people who were speaking were your colleagues. They respect you a great deal. A nurse named Annie was particularly vocal.”

Smiling at that, Vivian admitted, “She’s young. I understand that I am not that much older than her, but you understand what I mean. There are some people who are just _young_. She was having a difficult time adjusting to the conditions. This is a lot different than being in a hospital. The stakes always seem so much higher. I helped her adjust so that she wouldn’t have to go home.”

“She mentioned that. She also said you are the best nurse she’s ever worked with.”

Laughing at that, Vivian sighed, “I’ll have to remind her that flattery will get her nowhere. I can’t possibly be the best nurse she’s ever worked with. The most honest? Perhaps. I did tell her to her face that she either needed to adapt or she needed to find a way to go home. I will guide, but I will not coddle.”

“Neither should you.”

Glancing back at Peggy, Vivian almost went into a speech about why she didn’t coddle before finally settling on smiling softly and admitting, “I guess there’s no reason to tell you about needing to be tough in this environment. You know that all too well. You’re an agent. When you finally figure out how to be respected by the boy’s club, do me a favor and let me know, would you?”

“What makes you think I haven’t already?”

Laughing at that, Vivian set down her coffee before turning toward Peggy completely and confessing, “Oh, I don’t doubt for a second that you have a great deal of respect from men that get to see you in action. I don’t doubt for a second that you deserve every bit of that praise and more. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. However, let’s not play games with each other. Not for a second. We will _always_ have to actually do something spectacular in order to gain the respect of men, because it’s just that. We have to earn respect every step of the way. Men are given respect. They believe it’s their due.”

“You always this maudlin?”

Laughing, Vivian shook her head and admitted, “No, I apologize. It’s been a little rough around here and I happen to miss my…I want to call him my fiancé, but it’s not official yet.”

“What’s his name?”

Smiling softly, Vivian glanced up at the sky as the sun began to set before admitting, “James. He goes by Bucky though.”

“Bucky?”

Laughing, she pulled her tucked her hair behind her ears and explained, “His middle name is Buchanan. He’s been going by Bucky for as long as I can remember, and I’ve known him since I was thirteen. Didn’t take long after meeting him to fall in love with him either.”

“I don’t understand. If that’s true, then—”

“Why aren’t we married already?” Peggy nodded and Vivian sighed, trying to pick out the reasons that she could actually tell this woman. She couldn’t exactly blurt out that the reason they hadn’t married was they were trying to figure out how to have a marriage between three people, two of them men.

“Vivian?”

“Sorry, zoned out a little bit. Bucky and I have been taking care of one of our friends for a while. Our friend Steve. His mother died, and he has a lot of health problems. Bucky had this idea that in order to marry anyone, he has to be able to provide for both of us. And I get it. Steve is family. For both of us.”

“That is incredibly noble of both of you.”

“That’s one way to put it. We’re getting married after the war ends though. We kind of have to. His mother will kill us both if we don’t. I’m kidding. She’ll kill him. She loves me.”

“I almost got married once.”

Glancing over at Peggy, Vivian nudged the woman and questioned, “So what happened?”

Peggy’s eyes grew misty and Vivian’s smile faded as the woman spoke softly, a slight tremor in her voice, “Oh, my brother never liked him. He actually wanted me to be an agent, save the world and all that. He thought I could do much more than just be some man’s wife. I was rather harsh with him. He was a soldier, and I rather believed he would always come home.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“After he died, I knew I had to be the person he always thought I was, so I joined up. First I started deciphering the enemy’s codes, and then they wanted me on more tactical items. I became a full fledged agent. It’s odd. My brother remembered my childhood dreams better than I did. Such is the way of siblings.”

Vivian shrugged and handed over her last biscuit to Peggy before confessing, “I don’t know you very well, and I certainly didn’t know your brother, but I believe he’d be incredibly proud of you. You should be proud of yourself as well. You’ve accomplished great things.”

“Thank you.”

They sat back and watched the sun set, sitting in silence until Peggy sighed, “Beautiful.” Nodding, Vivian then bit her bottom lip as Peggy questioned, “Do you believe that your James will be joining the war effort?”

Frowning, Vivian whispered, “Not voluntarily. If he shows up here then I’ll know he was drafted. He’s a smart, brave man, but he desperately believes that it’s his job to protect his entire family. He has three sisters. His father served in The Great War. His mother is practically a saint. And there’s Steve. I don’t have to worry about him becoming a soldier. Even if he was drafted, they wouldn’t take him. He has asthma, scoliosis, and he gets pneumonia at least once a year. One year he got whooping cough and pneumonia one right after the other.”

“You saved his life, didn’t you?”

“Bucky did too. We can’t lose him. I just hope that he manages to stay out of trouble if Bucky is drafted. Sorry. You have enough on your plate.”

“Apology unnecessary. I…I know what it’s like to need someone to talk to, and I know what it’s like to want to protect family.”

A voice called out ‘Agent Carter’ and Vivian glanced over as the woman stood up and straightened her uniform. Smiling softly, Vivian held out her hand, shaking the woman’s before admitting, “Thank you for sitting and listening to me. Hopefully we’ll meet again. Ideally in better circumstances next time.”

“Likewise, and try not to worry too much about your friends. I have a feeling that it will all work itself out.”

“How very optimistic of you.”

Peggy smirked, “And if optimism doesn’t work, I find taking the problem head on does wonders. Just remember to square your shoulders before you punch it in the face.”

Laughing at that, Vivian coughed before teasing, “I think I can manage that.”

Peggy winked, “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Take care, Nurse Peshkova.”

“You as well, Agent Carter.”

Standing up, Vivian watched as the brunette walked away, making sure to salute as the woman glanced back at her. Once Peggy was out of sight, Vivian smiled before whispering, “Until we meet again.” She didn’t quite understand why, but she was certain she’d run into the woman again. She hoped she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, just so you guys know, next chapter will be the the official beginning into using scenes directly from Captain America: The First Avenger. It will be altered enough to adapt to the fact that Bucky/Steve are already in a relationship, and obviously altered to fit Vivian into the storyline. Some things are absolutely not going to change though.


	18. Seventeen: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: blatant theft of dialogue from Captain America: The First Avenger, several pieces of dirty slang that be offensive (I really don't know), gratuitous gay sex, Bucky being tipsy during sex, not going into detail about Bucky prepping himself, and sex with no condom.
> 
> Also, this chapter is pretty lengthy. I'm sorry.
> 
> To be on the safe side, here's the slang that I use and the meanings, more or less:
> 
> kikis: lesbians  
> muffing: cunnilingus, specifically between women  
> shoot the moon: orgasm  
> blanket parties: sex  
> tonsil tickler: big penis  
> ammo: semen/ejaculate

_War continues to ravage Europe, but help is on the way! Every able-bodied young man is lining up to serve his country._

Steve clutched the latest rejection from the army tighter in his hand as he sat in the theater. He could Bucky’s voice in his head, telling him to slow down, that he didn’t need to fight to help, but Steve wanted to do more than just collect scrap metal. He wanted to fight. He wanted to make a difference. He just wanted a chance. That’s all he wanted. Bucky would be getting his orders soon and he would be gone. Viv was already over there. He wanted to take care of them. He wanted to stand by their sides. They’d always protected him, and now they needed protecting and where was he? At home, collecting scrap metal and rationing sugar. He just wanted a chance.

_Even little Timmy is doing his part collecting scrap metal. Nice work, Timmy!_

Steve stared at the young boy on the screen, wondering if that’s how everyone saw him. Like just some kid who couldn’t really help out. A tiny part of him wondered if that’s really how Viv and Buck saw him too.

“Who cares? Play the movie already!”

Glaring, Steve hissed, “Hey, you wanna show some respect?”

_Meanwhile, overseas, our brave boys are showing the Axis powers that the price of freedom is never too high_.

“Let’s go! Get on with it! Hey, just start the cartoon!”

Steve could feel himself shaking with anger as he leaned forward and snapped, “Hey, you wanna shut up?" 

The man in front of him stood up and turned around towering over him before leaning forward and sneering, “Gonna make me, you little pipsqueak?”

Standing up, making his back go as straight as possible, Steve kept his chin high and snapped back, “Someone has to teach you some manners.”

No one else stood up as the man practically dragged Steve out of the theater. Steve stumbled a few times, cringing and knowing his arm was most definitely going to bruise. Barely staying on his feet as he was shoved into a corner of an alley, Steve grunted as the first punch landed on his face, sending him landing back into the trash cans. He got back up though only to get knocked down yet again. His ears were ringing, making him feel like he was deaf in both ears instead of just one. Grabbing a lid from one of the trash cans, Steve stood back up, using it as a shield until it was pulled out of his hands without a second though before he was punched yet again. Blood dripped from his mouth as he got up again.

“You just don’t know when to give up, do you?”

Shaking his head, Steve grinned, “I can do this all day.” Fists up, Steve then tried to throw a punch. The next thing he knew, he was laying on the ground and the world was spinning. He could vaguely hear something going on above him as he pulled himself up and shook his head.

“Sometimes I think you _like_ getting punched.”

Brushing off his clothing, Steve stared at the ground angrily while retorting, “I had him on the ropes.”

Standing up and wiping his eyes, he could hear Bucky’s disappointment as he picked up his enlistment form and sighed, “How many times is this?” Wiping away at the blood on his mouth and glancing down at his hands, he cringed at how dirty they were while Bucky questioned, “Oh, you’re from Paramus now? You know, it’s illegal to lie on the enlistment form. And seriously, Jersey?”

Glancing up, Steve felt like he’d been punched in the gut as he saw Bucky in his dress uniform. He looked amazing and Steve wanted to tell him that, wanted to tell him so many things, but all that came out was, “You get your orders?”

Bucky nodded and tilted his head back before announcing proudly, “The 107th. Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.”

Shaking his head, Steve glanced at his feet before whispering, “I should be going.”

“Steve…”

Wiping off his hands, Steve shook his head and cleared his throat, “Never mind. You request the 107th?”

“Absolutely. Someone’s got to keep an eye on our best girl.”

Eyes widening, Steve breathed out, “She doesn’t know you got drafted, let alone that you’re joinin’ her overseas.”

Bucky shook his head, “Nah, figured I’d surprise her over there.”

“Bucky, c’mon, you gotta tell her—”

Steve felt a tinge of pain as Bucky leaned close and pressed a kiss to his lips before pulling back, rubbing at his bottom lip before whispering, “I thought I told you to be careful while I was gone.”

“He was being disrespectful, Buck, and I—”

“Thought you’d teach him a lesson by gettin’ the sense knocked out of you?”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, but I gotta get you home and cleaned up anyway.”

Steve scrunched up his nose, rolling his eyes as Bucky wrapped an arm around him and led him down the alley, trying not to smile at the grin on Bucky’s face. He failed though and finally sighed, “What for?”

“My last night home in a while. We’re going out.”

“Where?”

“The _future_.”

Rolling his eyes and accepting the newspaper handed to him, Steve grumbled but let himself get taken back to the apartment, letting Bucky help him get cleaned up before changing his outfit. Once he was presentable, he glanced over at Bucky and questioned, “Please tell me you didn’t turn this into us takin’ some poor girls out on some fake date. It’s not fair to them.”

“Even better. I know a couple of kikis that are looking for a way to have a good time tonight. I told them that we’d cover for each other.”

“It won’t be a real date though. It’s not like I can hold your hand. This is a bad idea.”

Steve sighed when Bucky straightened his collar and scoffed, “Their names are Bonnie and Connie, all right? And it’s a fun night out. We’ll see what the future looks like and everyone can have a good time. Bonnie’s pretending to be your date. Connie’s pretending to be mine. Just please, for me, try to have a good time. This is for you too. You need to relax.”

Sighing, Steve finally nodded and whispered, “Fine, I’ll try. For you. What’d you tell Bonnie about me anyway?”

Bucky grinned and led him out of the apartment, staying close while he teased, “Only the good stuff.”

Sending Bucky a pointed stare, Steve ignored his boyfriend the entire subway ride to the event, even as the man whispered _incredibly_ inappropriate things into his ear. He managed to only blush once the entire trip, after Bucky came up with more than a few lewd ideas of what to do while in his uniform. Once they got off the subway and headed into the event, Steve swatted at Bucky’s hand as it drifted toward his ass while hissing, “Will you behave yourself? We’re in public. About to go on dates. With dames.”

“They’re not gonna care if I get a little handsy with you. They’re probably gonna end the evenin’ by muffing.”

Glaring, Steve glanced around before hissing, “Bucky!”

Bucky snorted, “Don’t Bucky me.”

“That was _lewd_ , Bucky.”

Bucky flashed a cocky grin before teasing, “No, what was lewd was the way we gave that whole apartment a workout before I left for basic training. Besides, it’s a little late for you to be shy with the amount of times I’ve seen you shoot the moon.”

Blushing, Steve knew Bucky was right, but still, they were in _public_ , anyone walking by, if they cared to eavesdrop, could hear them talkin’ about sex. They were gonna end up in trouble. Glancing over, he spotted two women waving at them and calling Bucky’s name. heading over, he stood next to Bonnie’s side, or at least tried to, as Connie damn near latched onto Bucky.

Frowning as the three of them moved forward, Steve hung back. Every time he tried to stand to Bonnie’s left, people ended up walking by and pushing him back. He’d managed to snag a small bag of popcorn though as they headed toward the main Stark exhibit. Steve wasn’t surprised when beautiful women introduced the man, but Steve found he couldn’t really focus on the exhibit.

So what if Stark was there? So what if there was gorgeous women? _So what_ if he had a great car? None of it mattered, not while all Steve could think about was how the loves of his life were both going to be overseas and he couldn’t even get past the damn physical. Steve tried his best though, offering Bonnie some popcorn only to have her glare at him. Pulling his offer back, Steve found himself watching as the wheels of the car were pulled off and the engine went loud.

“Holy cow.”

Glancing over at Bucky, Steve smiled softly at the awe on his boyfriend’s face. Bucky’s eyes were twinkling and he looked like he was really enjoying himself. Bucky always had been curious about science and technology though. He’d always been smart, smarter than most people in the neighborhood even knew, but Steve always had known, and in that moment he felt awful for being such a stick in the mud about the whole event. Bucky had just wanted one last good night before shipping out.

Steve jumped slightly though, focusing on the car once more as the engines fizzled and the car crashed to the ground while Stark made excuses. Meeting Bucky’s glance, Steve smiled as the man winked at him. Glancing around after Bucky focused back on the exhibit, Steve felt his heart race when he saw the poster for army recruitment. Slipping away from the group, he headed over. He hoped he could just get in and apply, get an answer before Bucky even noticed. Unfortunately, he’d barely gotten into the place and stepped on one of those stupid ‘see yourself as a soldier’ gimmicks before his shoulder was being nudged. 

“C’mon, you’re kind of missing the point of a double date. We’re taking the girls dancing.”

Sighing and stepping toward Bucky, Steve quickly answered, “You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you.”

The disappointment in Bucky’s eyes was palpable and Steve could feel it like a touch as Bucky scoffed, “You’re really going to do this again?”

Steve shrugged, “Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.”

“As who? _Steve from Ohio_? They’ll catch you, or worse, they’ll actually take you. What’ll Viv say? I promised I’d keep you safe.”

“Look, I know you don’t think I can do this—”

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve! It’s war!”

“I know it’s a war!”

“Then why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs.”

“What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?”

“Yes! Why not?”

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky,” Steve pleaded, “ _Bucky_ , c’mon. There are men and women laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.”

Bucky scoffed, “Right, ‘cause you’ve got nothin’ to prove.”

Steve stared down Bucky, silently begging his boyfriend to just _understand_ why he had to do this. He didn’t even know why Bucky was reacting this way. He’d been scared of serving before he’d gone through basic training, but this was more. The fear had gotten worse somehow and Steve didn’t know how to ask. He didn’t know how to talk to him about it. Before anything else could happen though, one of the girls called out to him.

“Hey, Sarge, are we going dancing?”

Steve glanced away as Bucky turned toward them, arms spread wide as he announced, “Yes, we are!”

Bucky then turned back toward him and started backing up, shaking his head while chastising, “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Smiling softly, Steve gently teased, “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky immediately chuckled and shook his head before coming over and retorting, “You’re a punk.”

There was no real heat to the comment though as he pulled him into a tight hug. Hugging back, Steve chuckled, “Jerk.” Patting his back, Steve then pulled back and spoke sincerely, “Be careful. Take care of Viv.” As Bucky walked away, Steve called out, “Don’t win the war ‘till I get there!”

Bucky merely turned around and gave a quick salute, a sad smile on his face. Watching until Bucky was fully out of sight, Steve headed back and filled out yet another enlistment form, barely paying attention as he got yet another physical. At this point he pretty much just knew his typical vitals by heart. He was even tempted to just ask them if he could fill it in himself.

_They’ll catch you._

Steve could hear Bucky’s voice practically in his ear as he glanced up and a nurse came in to whisper something to the doctor. Immediately afterward he was told to ‘wait here’ while both left. Swallowing hard, Steve questioned carefully, “Is there a problem?”

“Just wait here.”

Once they both left the room, Steve glanced back at the ‘It is illegal to falsify your enlistment form’ sign and began finishing getting dressed as quickly as he could. He was partway through putting his shoes on when an MP stepped through the curtains and he knew there was no use. Sitting up straighter as an older man then stepped in and sent the MP out, Steve glanced nervously around the room as the unknown man began speaking while looking at a file.

“So, you want to go overseas. Kill some Nazis.”

“Excuse me?”

“Dr. Abraham Erskine,” the man introduced while crossing the room to shake Steve’s hand, “I represent the Strategic Scientific Reserve.”

“Steve Rogers,” Steve admitted while watching the man move over to the bed and open the file. The man’s soft lilting accent was foreign to him and he couldn’t stop himself from questioning, “Where are you from?”  
  
“Queens. 73rd Street and Utopia Parkway. Before that, Germany. This troubles you?” Steve shook his head, wanting to flee as Erskine continued, “Where are you from, Mr. Rogers? Is it New Haven? Or Paramus? Five exams in five different cities.”

“That might not be the right file,” Steve lied carefully.

“No, it’s not the exams I’m interested in. It’s the five tries, but you didn’t answer my question. Do you want to kill Nazis?”

Hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, Steve glanced around before questioning, “Is this a test?”

“Yes.”

Steve had an idea of what answer someone would want from him to a question like that, but he finally sighed. His shoulders sagged a bit as he admitted, “I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t like bullies. I don’t care where they’re from.”

Erskine gave a faint smile, “Well, there are already so many big men fighting this war. Maybe what we need now is a little guy.” For a second Steve wondered if he’d hallucinated the entire experience, that this kindly older man was just some fever dream, that he hadn’t gone anywhere with Bucky and was at home sweating out another bout of influenza until Erskine spoke again, “I can offer you a chance. Only a chance.”

Grabbing his jacket and tie, Steve felt like he had a bounce in his step as he spoke hurriedly, “I’ll take it.”

“Good. So where is the little guy from, actually?”

Smiling, Steve admitted, “Brooklyn.”

His file was then stamped and handed to him while Erskine spoke up, “Congratulations, soldier.”

Opening it as the man walked away, Steve’s entire body practically trembled as he saw the 1A stamped on the document. Sighing with relief, he closed it and then headed back home. He thought about going to where Bucky was with the girls, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. After all, Bucky was so happy. Hiding his enlistment form, he sat up, drawing Bucky in his uniform until he heard the door open. Bucky stumbled in, grinning sheepishly and Steve chuckled as the man murmured, “I’m sorry, Steve. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“S’ok, Buck. I know you just worry about me.”

Bucky sighed, pulling off his uniform, but then Steve laughed as he was pulled up and gently led over to the bed while Bucky pressed kisses along his neck, “I know, but I’m your boyfriend, not your keeper. I don’t wanna be one of those fellas who tries to control everything.”

“Let’s get you to bed, soldier. You’ve got to get bright and early.”

“Mmm, I know, but just a little bit longer.”

Bucky’s hands roamed his sides and Steve closed his eyes, leaning back into Bucky’s touch only to remember why this was a bad idea. Grabbing Bucky’s wrists, they both backed up and fell onto the bed while Steve chastised, “Bucky. You’re shipping out first thing. It’s late. You need to rest.”

“I need _you_. I need one more night with _you_.”

“Then you shouldn’t have arranged a date the night before you leave.” Steve winced at how bitter he sounded, especially once Bucky flinched, and then whispered, “Buck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“C’mon, let me make it up to you. It’s been so fucking long. I’ve missed you.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve peeled off his shirt and tossed it aside while teasing, “Buck, it was only a couple of months.”

Bucky immediately groaned, “Too long. Remember the longest we went before then since we started havin’ blanket parties?”

Laughing as Bucky clumsily pulled off his shirt and tossed it aside, nearly falling over, Steve grinned as the man leaned close and then whispered, “Three weeks. And that doesn’t count. You were sick.”

“How drunk are you right now?”

“I’m not,” Bucky announced a little loudly before whispering, “I’m just…warm. Relaxed.”

Closing his eyes and laughing, Steve covered his eyes with his arm while sighing, “All right, all right. Just…you have to go to sleep soon.”

Steve stared at the ceiling, shaking his head incredulously as Bucky sucked on his earlobe and then nipped at it before whispering, “All the more reason for us to have a little fun.”

Biting his bottom lip, Steve sighed as Bucky lewdly licked his fingers before sliding his hand down Steve’s chest and down into his underwear. Eyes rolling back as Bucky gripped him, he then whimpered as Bucky stroked him while teasing, “Forgot how big you are. Regular tonsil tickler you got there, Rogers.”

“Buck, please—”

Steve arched his back as Bucky stroked faster, his thumb lovingly rubbing along the vein before playing with the foreskin. Breathing getting heavier, Steve closed his eyes, sighing and struggling to keep his sounds to a minimum as Bucky nipped and sucked on his neck while doing a slow grind against him.

“Damn it, Bucky!”

The words were hissed out of Steve’s mouth as Bucky released him, but then Steve blushed as Bucky chuckled and moved down the bed, stripping Steve of his last piece of clothing before lewdly sucking on the head. Steve sat up as best as he could, his hands clenched into the sheets. His entire body shook as he watched Bucky flick and swirl his tongue, Bucky’s hand keeping him from arching his hips up. Steve scrambled to grab his tie though, barely getting it between his teeth and biting down as Bucky took him into his mouth and throat, sucking and licking. 

He was frantic to touch something, anything, and his hands reached down, slipping into that dark, silky hair. He tugged, his skin heating up and his breathing becoming labored as Bucky continued almost desperately. Scrambling over for the drawer, Steve barely reached the lube before tossing it down. Steve gaped though when Bucky got a healthy amount and then started rubbing it on him, the KY jelly mixing with the spit.

“Bucky, what—”

Steve was cut off as Bucky leaned forward and kissed him hard on the lips, tongue slipping into his mouth. Sighing into the kiss, Steve cupped the back of Bucky’s head while the man cut the kiss before whispering, “Been a long time since we’ve done it. I miss it. Please, I’ll do all the work.”

“All right.”

“Thank you.”

Scoffing, Steve teased, “Right, ‘cause it’s such a hardship.”

Bucky winked and then Steve sighed and rolled his eyes when Bucky got off the bed and headed into the bathroom. Stretching, Steve rolled onto his side and laughed, “Bucky, where are you going?”

“Give me a minute. I didn’t plan this well.”

Laughing, Steve tilted his head back, his eyes closed as he stroked himself. Every time he felt himself getting too close, he squeezed himself at the base to stop it. Clenching his teeth Steve removed his hand and opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. He knew he needed to tell Bucky the truth about that evening, but he just couldn’t bring himself to ruin the moment. This was going to be his last chance to be with Bucky for _months_ , and he wanted to enjoy it. It was selfish, but he needed it. Besides, for all he knew, he was going to get to basic training and then get rejected again anyway. There was no reason to worry Bucky before he left.

“Stop thinkin’ so hard, you’ll hurt yourself.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve grinned as Bucky straddled his lap. Running his hands up Bucky’s toned thighs, Steve teased, “You here to shoot the breeze or were you looking for something better?”

“Definitely something better.”

Kissing Bucky, Steve sat up, following the man back only to have to end the kiss. Steve had to quickly grab his tie again though, biting down on it while Bucky lowered himself onto him. Steve cried out, the sound barely muffled by the fabric as pleasure overwhelmed him. Having sex with Bucky always felt amazing, but he’d forgotten just how good it was to feel Bucky like that.

Bucky leaned forward and Steve pulled him close, pressing their foreheads together as Bucky moved. Their bodies moved together and Steve whimpered, but then gaped as Bucky removed the tie from his mouth and gasped, “It’s okay, baby.”

Making Bucky stop moving, Steve tilted his head back, forcibly catching his breath before pointing out, “Buck…someone will hear…we’ll get caught. It’s not safe.”

“Shhh, it’ll be okay. I’m not gonna let anything happen to us.”

Part of him still wanted to grab the tie again, just to be on the safe side, but then he remember once again that this was his _last night_ with Bucky for a long time. A tiny part of him wondered if it was going to be the last time ever and he leaned up, kissing Bucky on the lips, slipping tongue into his mouth. Bucky moaned into the kiss, rolling his hips while gripping at the headboard. Reaching up, Steve gripped at Bucky’s back, thrusting up, but then crying out as Bucky ended the kiss only to give a low, dirty moan in his ear.

“Look at you. So good. So perfect. I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

“ _Bucky_.”

Steve whimpered as Bucky nipped at his bottom lip, soothing it with a kiss before moving faster. His own breathing was getting more labored and Steve clung to Bucky more as the man moaned, “Oh, fuck, right there. C’mon, baby, you’re so good.”

Burying his face in Bucky’s neck, Steve moaned against his skin, their movements becoming clumsy until he finally cried out as he orgasmed. Reaching between them, Steve stroked Bucky while catching his breath, smiling at the low moans and pants that came from Bucky as he came. Grinning as Bucky sighed, getting up and then laying next to him, Steve glanced over and teased, his voice still slightly breathless, “Thanks for the ammo, soldier.”

Bucky groaned before laughing, “God, you’re such a goddamn punk. C’mere.”

Turning onto his side, Steve let his nose brush against Bucky’s before giving him a soft kiss. He sighed though as Bucky got up and out of bed. Reaching for him, Steve rolled his eyes as Bucky gave him a pointed stare before heading into the bathroom. Staring up at the ceiling, Steve then grinned as Bucky came back in with a washcloth.

“Buck, c’mon…”

“Just get cleaned up so you don’t make the bed sticky.”

Taking the washcloth, Steve headed into the bathroom and cleaned himself up before drying off and then coming back out. Getting into bed, Steve smiled as Bucky nuzzled up behind him and whispered, “I’m sorry that I have to go.”

Lacing his fingers with Bucky’s, Steve kissed his boyfriend’s palm before whispering, “It’s okay. Just promise to take care of our best girl.”

“Mmm, I can do that,” Bucky whispered, pressing delicate kisses to Steve’s shoulder. Smiling at that, Steve grinned when Bucky then teased, “I’ll give her a big kiss when I see her, say it’s from you.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve nudged Bucky and grumbled, “Just go to bed, Casanova.”

“I love you.”

Turning around, Steve rested his head on Bucky’s chest, wrapping his arms around his waist while whispering, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, Steve chapters are going to be on the lengthier side, at least any time it's scenes directly from the movie. This is due to my wanting to get as much detail from them as possible while also weaving in my own plotlines and characters. I am going to edit the dialogue any time I feel it's absolutely necessary because it doesn't work with the alterations I've made to the timeline and plot. I do actually have the next two chapters already written out though. Next chapter is a Bucky chapter and then the chapter after that is a lengthy Steve chapter. I will be posting them on Saturdays and this is so that I can give myself a little bit more wiggle room with writing.
> 
> Hopefully the chapter is still worth it though. Also, a big shout out to my girlfriend for being like 'they should bang' only for me to be like 'I don't know about that' since she still managed to get her wish. Bucky surprised me when he showed up tipsy and 100% DTF.


	19. Eighteen: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Bucky and Vivian get hella cute in a war zone while I play it fast and loose about the whole situation.
> 
> So my deepest apologies of this happening to fall on Veteran's day. Hopefully this isn't too inaccurate.

“James Buchanan Barnes.”

Turning around, Bucky sent a sheepish grin over at Vivian while opening his mouth to reply. Before he could say anything though, Vivian moved close. Bucky laughed as she grabbed him by his tie and then led him over by the trees before speaking softly, “Bucky, baby, do you have anything you’d like to tell me? You know, something kind of important, like how you _enlisted_?”

Holding up his hand, Bucky cleared his throat before replying, “Okay, in my defense, I was drafted.”

He groaned though when Vivian slapped his arm and ground out, “That doesn’t change anything. Why didn’t you write to me? I thought you were back home with Steve! Hell, why didn’t Steve write to me? Is he okay? He better be okay, James, or I swear to God, I’ll—”

Pressing his lips to Vivian’s, Bucky smiled against her lips before cupping her face in his hands and reassuring her, “He’s fine. And it was my idea not to tell you. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to worry you. And then by the time I found out I was going to be in the same unit as you, I was shipping out the next day. I was going to get here before the mail did.”

Vivian stared at him, but then rolled her eyes and sighed, “You are so lucky that you’re lovable, Mr. Barnes.”

“Hey, that’s _Sergeant_ to you.”

He laughed when Vivian sent him a stare and scoffed, “I’ll call you a lot worse than ‘Mister’, Barnes. I’ve seen you at your worst.”

“You’ve been attracted to me at my worst.”

Vivian gaped, “I was _fifteen_. That doesn’t count. Hormones made me stupid. And you were a good kisser. You were an idiot though.”

“I wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“You introduced me as ‘your best dame’ to people you just met and then you winked.”

Cringing, Bucky sighed before murmuring, “I forgot about that.”

“Really? Because I haven’t. Also, absolutely do not think that this little detour down memory lane has stopped me from being mad at you. You’re still in trouble. Steve is too. He’s getting a strongly worded letter for this, and then next time I see him, I’m gonna kick his ass.”

“No, you won’t.”

“You’re right. I’ll yell at him, and make him wish I kicked his ass. That’ll show him.”

Grinning, his nose scrunching up, Bucky stroked Vivian’s cheek and whispered, “I missed you, Viv.”

The anger smoothed out of Vivian’s expression and Bucky hugged her close as she admitted, “I missed you too. Life over here is crazy.”

“Yeah, I heard. Somethin’ about you getting a promotion to Head Nurse?”

Vivian nodded, “Yeah. The last one got pregnant.”

“That’s it?”

“Bucky, darling, we’re in a war zone. Also, we need to be very careful about how we interact here. We both have very important jobs and if we’re caught then they’ll definitely get ready to demote me, just in case you manage to sew a few seeds.”

Rolling his eyes at that while snorting, Bucky sighed before admitting, “Okay, we’ll be careful.” Gently pulling her a little closer, he whispered, “I’m sorry. I should have told you as soon as I found out. The fact that I worried about how you react doesn’t excuse it. That was your decision to make.”

Vivian sighed and Bucky tilted his head, watching her, but then grinned when she sighed, “All right, I forgive you.”

“Really?”

“Don’t push it. And we should probably leave this are before people think we’re having sex or something.”

Arching an eyebrow, Bucky followed her, and then sighed, “You’re right, but…” Stopping her before she left the area, he leaned close and kissed her gently. Vivian kissed back and he smiled before whispering, “Just one more moment, all right?”

“I missed you too.”

Kissing her again, Bucky lifted her up, pressing her against a tree as she kissed back. Her hands slipped up into his hair, knocking his hat to the ground. Sighing into the kiss, one of his hands slid up her leg, but then he grinned when she ended the kiss and whispered, “You know, just because you look _absurdly_ good in that uniform doesn’t mean anything has changed. We both have to get back to work. And now I have to make sure I don’t look like I’ve just been necking in the woods.”

Chuckling, Bucky set her down and then teased, “I look good? What about you? God, I thought the hospital uniform looked good on you, but this?”

“Down, boy.”

Chuckling as Vivian fixed her hair and then her lipstick, Bucky kissed her hand, but then grinned when she paused and then questioned, “Be honest, is Steve okay?”

Sighing, Bucky leaned against the tree next to her before shrugging and admitting, “I don’t know. The night before I left, he was his usual self. We were _together_ and he seemed normal, but earlier that day he’d been upset.”

“About what?”

“He tried to enlist. Again. He got denied. Again. Actually twice that day.”

Vivian gaped, “Twice in one day? How did that happen?”

Bucky shrugged, “I found him getting the snot kicked out of him in an alley. He’d gotten denied earlier that day. I got him cleaned up and we went on a double date to the expo that Howard Stark ran.”

“And Howard Stark denied him entry to the army?”

Laughing, Bucky shook his head, “No, we were watching him unveil this stupid flying car that didn’t even work, and I glanced over to see what he thought about everything, to see if he wanted to go dancing, and he wasn’t there. There was a recruitment station set up at the fair. He’d gone there.” 

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re leaving something important out?”

Eyes widening, Bucky quickly explained, “The double date with a couple of gals that are in a similar situation to ours. Not exactly, but similar, and it was just a favor to them so they could have a night out—”

“ _Calm down_ , Bucky. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me. Steve wouldn’t either. I meant something else happened between you two. Him getting denied _again_ wouldn’t be enough to make you this worried.”

Sighing, Bucky took his hat off again and ran his fingers through his hair before explaining, “I think he’s going to do something to prove that he can…I don’t know…take care of people? Be heroic? I don’t know. He kept talking about how _men and women_ were all laying down their lives, and how he didn’t have a right to do any less.”

“How’d you respond to that? I’m guessing not well.”

Gaping, Bucky groaned, “C’mon, Viv. He was being ridiculous! He just wants to prove himself, even though we’ve both told him that he doesn’t need to. So what is his problem—”

“He’s stubborn. You know this. And he’s spent his entire life sick and having people taking care of him. Bucky, you sprained an ankle once and you were an absolute monster to take care of the entire time. Your mother told me so.”

“That’s not true.”

“You callin’ Winifred Barnes a liar?”

Pausing, Bucky cleared his throat and stood up straighter before retorting, “No. I’m not stupid.”

“You sure are acting like you are. You hated not being able to do things for yourself, and that only lasted for a few days. Steve’s been sick his entire life, and now when the whole world is falling apart, he’s been told to _collect scrap metal_ most likely. You know who we show doing that task?”

Bucky shrugged, not really sure where Vivian was going with her comments until Vivian bit out, “Children, James, we show _children_ doing that job. Yes, adults help out too, but you know as well as I do hard Steve has had to work to get any respect. Every time he makes an effort to be a man, he gets pushed back, and now this is yet another thing he’s been shut out from.”

“Yeah, well, being humiliated is better than being dead. There’s no way he’d survive out here.”

“There are a lot of men who probably won’t survive out here. A lot of men who haven’t survived out here, but they got a chance. Steve never got one, never had one, and there’s countless people in the world who are going to respect a dead soldier who got a chance over a living man who never had one.”

“That’s horseshit.”

Vivian rolled her eyes, “Of course it’s horseshit. Men came up with it, so of course it is, but try to remember that’s the world we live in. Try to remember that it’s what Steve is going through. Try to remember that he’s frustrated and angry.”

Frowning, Bucky tucked hair back into Vivian’s bun before questioning, “What about you? They’re not exactly passin’ out awards to nurses, even if you are the ones that save the lives of idiots like me.”

Vivian laughed, “What about me? I’m aware I don’t get awards for doing my job. Hell, some days I barely get paid. I’ve worked over my shift and I never saw a penny for that. Not even a thank you. That’s the world we live in. And I can either deal with it and keep going or I can quit. Those are my options. No one’s looking to me to fix the healthcare system in America. That’s above my pay grade, sweetie. The fact that I got promoted to Head Nurse is more than I ever expected to happen over here. Although that did take the previous one getting pregnant.”

Frowning, Bucky opened his mouth to say something, anything, but then smiled softly when Vivian leaned up and kissed his lips before reassuring him, “It’s very sweet that you want to swoop in like a white knight, but I’m fine. I know that I do good work. The fact that you know it and Steve knows it is just kind of a bonus. At the end of the day though, I’m the one that needs to know.”

Pressing his forehead against Vivian’s, Bucky wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up slightly while whispering, “Well, if you ever forget then I’ll make sure to remind you.”

Giving her a quick kiss, he chuckled as she teased, “I’ll hold you to that, soldier, but I do have to go back to work now. And so do you. Promise you’ll behave yourself.”

Setting her down and stepping back, Bucky winked before teasing, “You know me. I’m always good.” Laughing as she swatted at his shoulder, he watched her walk off with a smile before giving it a few minutes and then heading back as well. He wasn’t going to let her down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be fairly lengthy because it'll handle Steve going from dork in training/being tested to getting the serum.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is still reading and is sticking with me. <3


	20. Nineteen: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: period typical homophobic slurs, i make up how that week of testing/training went for Steve and the rest of the gang, I steal dialogue from The First Avenger, and then I alter other dialogue from TFA to suit my story needs. Also I steal from classic texts that I've never actually read. Well, I've read _The Prince_ , unfortunately, but it was years ago. I've never read _The Art of War_.

Steve sighed as he stood in line. Most of the men in the camp along ignored his existence entirely, which was made easier since most of them could avoid looking at him entirely as long as they just didn’t look down. He was a good six inches shorter than most of the men there. Hell, some of them had arms bigger than his thighs. Standing next to them, he felt like he looked like someone had brought their kid to basic training for some reason.  
  
“Recruits, attention!”

Quickly standing at attention, he watched as a gorgeous woman with an English accent marched over while announcing, “Gentleman, I am Agent Carter. I supervise all operations for this division.”  
  
“What’s with the accent, Queen Victoria? I thought I was signing up for the _S._ Army.”  
  
Wincing at the other soldier’s remark, Steve had to forcibly make himself stay in line instead of stepping up and saying anything. Agent Carter had given him an _order_ goddamn it, and if she really was their superior officer then there was a big chance she wouldn’t appreciate him stepping in on her behalf anyway. To her credit, Agent Carter didn’t even flinch as she replied coolly, “What’s your name, soldier?”  
  
“Gilmore Hodge, Your Majesty.”  
  
“Step forward, Hodge.” The soldier did as he was told and Steve honestly didn’t know where Agent Carter was going with it as she spoke again, “Put your right foot forward.”  
  
“We gonna _wrassle_? ‘Cause I got a few moves I know you’ll like.”  
  
Steve was handed a clipboard at that moment, but his body shook in anger at that comment. The man was disgusting. His eyes widened though and he had to hide a grin behind his clipboard as Agent Carter landed a solid punch on Hodge’s jaw, sending him flying back onto the ground.  
  
“Agent Carter!”  
  
Steve focused back on his clipboard as the colonel stepped out of a car along with Erskine while Agent Carter stood at attention, “Colonel Phillips.”  
  
“I can see that you are breaking in the candidates. That’s good!” The colonel then walked over to Hodge and commanded, “Get your ass up out of that dirt and stand in that line at attention ‘till somebody com tells you what to do.”  
  
“Yes, sir!”  
  
Focusing on the Colonel while staying at attention, Steve listened carefully as the man spoke, commanding the presence of everyone around him, “General Patton has said that wars are fought with weapons, but they are won by men. We are going to win this war, because we have the best men.” The man paused and then continued, “And because they are going to get better. The Strategic Scientific Reserve is an allied effort made up of the best minds in the free world. Our goal is to create the best army in history. But every army starts with one man. At the end of this week, we will choose that man. He will be the first in a new breed of super-soldier. And they will personally escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell. Dismissed.”  
  
Steve watched as Erskine, Carter and Phillips walked off to talk while the rest of them were told to find their bunks and get situated. They got thirty minutes to unpack and then they were to be back out there and ready for training to begin. Anyone who was late was to do fifty push ups. Steve scrambled to get all of his books out. He was glad he’d brought books on war strategy and from former generals to guide him through this journey, especially since at least a couple of the books mentioned Patton. He just hoped it was enough to help Phillips take him seriously as an option.  
  
“You see that guy? What the hell do they think they are bringin’ some queer kid in here with the rest of us anyway?”  
“No idea. Bet he doesn’t even last the day.”  
  
“The day? Look at him. I bet he won’t last the hour.”  
  
Gritting his teeth as fellow trainees ‘whispered’ about him, Steve finished unpacking before heading back out and getting back into line. He told himself over and over again that all he had to do was just make it through a week. The second the first set of exercises started, the week seemed to go into overdrive and Steve wondered if he could actually do this. What if those jerks were right?  
  
Forcing himself to at least somewhat keep up with the exercise, Steve knew he’d have to smoke a cigarette at the beginning and the end of the day from then on out just to make sure he could breathe. Or at least he hoped that would help. Until then, he pictured Vivian rubbing his back and whispering in his ear to just _breathe_. Before he could fully catch his breath fully though, they were off to the next item and Steve found himself struggling once again.  
  
The blood pounded in his ears and he forced himself to keep going forward, even as he stumbled while they ran. A quick water and lunch break off on his own since no one wanted to even look at him, let alone sit with him, and then they were off again, going through obstacles and climbing over a wall. Steve spent half an hour tangled before he finally freed himself as the rest of the cadets stood by laughing. Once he was over the wall, he then sighed as he saw the obstacle course that he was supposed to crawl through.  
  
Doing his best, it was still already dark out by the time he finished. He took a quick, cold shower, wishing for nothing more than a hot bath and for Bucky to massage the kinks out of his shoulders, before he headed back to his bunk. People were sitting up and playing cards, their backs to him, so Steve just got into his bunk and grabbed the first book he’d brought and went back to the spot he’d left off last at.  
  
_Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good. Hence a prince who wants to keep his authority must learn how not to be good, and use that knowledge, or refrain from using it, as necessity requires._  
  
Frowning, Steve tossed _The Prince_ aside before grabbing another book. Machiavelli seemed a bit too much like a bully for him to really appreciate half the things he said. Grabbing _The Art of War_ instead, Steve started reading, finding himself enraptured, his fingertips tracing the words as he found a particular quote that he liked.  
  
_If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle._  
  
Smiling at that, Steve set the book aside as the lights went out, slipping into his bed before getting some rest. Knowing the enemy? Using his mind? He could do that. That was something within his reach. Sleep, however, barely had been, and it felt like as soon as he closed his eyes, they were open again and he was repeating the day before, but even longer. He’d smoked his cigarette before going out, and he was sure it worked except every day felt just like a looped nightmare.  
  
Every day was exactly the same, the same exercises and moments with drill sergeants screaming his name and for him to get out of the mud as he kept falling. He kept getting back up though, telling himself every single time that it was going to be the last time he fell. He had to believe that it was going to be the last time, because he didn’t know how he was going to keep going otherwise. The gun felt like it weighed as much as he did, and the helmet seemed to fall in front of his eyes every chance it got.  
  
Half the time he couldn’t tell if he’d been in training for a matter of days or decades. It all just blurred together in a series of sweat, bruises, and vomiting from exertion that he didn’t let anyone else know about. The guys already thought he was pathetic. They’d never let him hear the end of it if he let them know he literally lost his lunch after one particularly hard run. His only saving grace in that instance was how people had been focusing on Hodge being a goddamn show off about _everything_.  
  
Shaking his head, Steve brushed aside those thought and focused on his reading. He’d managed to get through the entirety of _The Art of War_ by Sun Tzu, and he found himself really liking the text. He wasn’t sure he agreed with everything in it, but there was a lot of good things. He tended to go over the text in his head as he went through the drills, giving himself something, _anything_ to think of that wasn’t how much he was disappointed in himself for his barely there progress nor was it his ever deepening pit of heartache that he felt every time he thought about Viv or Buck.  
  
“Squad, halt!”  
  
Shaking his head and banishing the thoughts, Steve struggled to catch up to them before finally stopping a few feet behind, resting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath. His entire body trembled, the muscles in his legs like rubber being pulled too tight as the man pointed at a flag pole.  
  
“That flag means we’re only at the halfway point! First man to bring it to me gets a ride back with Agent Carter.”  
  
Glancing up at the flagpole in question, Steve grinned at that. There was no way in hell he was going to be able to make it the rest of the way back to camp without absolutely collapsing. Just not a chance. They’d find his unconscious body somewhere along the route if he kept it up like this. Steve had no wish to pass out, let alone pass out in _New Jersey_ of all places. The other cadets scrambled for the pole, pushing at each other and trying to climb all the way up it only to completely fail. Steve had never had the intention of actually trying that method, but he realized it was good to see that it was pointless anyway.  
  
“Nobody’s got that flag in 17 years.”  
  
Ears perking up at that, Steve became even _more_ determined to get that flag. No one in seventeen years? There was no if, ands, or buts about it. He had to do this. He had to figure it out. Soon everyone was being ordered to fall back in line, but Steve moved up, eyeing the entire flag pole before smirking to himself as he spotted one point. The one weak point.  
  
“Rogers! I said fall in!”  
  
Ignoring the man, Steve pulled the bolt out of the bottom of the pole and just let the thing fall over, sighing with relief as it hit the ground. Heading up to the top of the pole after tossing the metal items to the side, he snatched the flag up before going over to the drill sergeant and handing it over while panting, “Thank you, sir.” He then climbed into the back of the truck, smiling up at Agent Carter as she glanced back to grin at him. Steve figured that definitely counted as a win.  
  
He rode the high of that success all the way until the end of the day, where he actually went to bed early once he realized the next day was his _last day_ to make a good impression. Sure, he’d broken the seventeen year long stretch against a flagpole, but it was one thing to realize a flag pole had a bolt in it and another to be chosen to go to war. The Germans weren’t going to have such a simple and convenient weakness.  
  
The sleep couldn’t get rid of most of the bone deep exhaustion that Steve felt the next morning though. The bad coffee he chugged didn’t make him too entirely clear headed, but it did give him a boost of energy. That in itself was helpful because Agent Carter, the most beautiful woman Steve had ever seen after Vivian, was the one in charge of their training that day, and she was pretty much as demanding as she was beautiful.  
  
“Faster, ladies! Come on! My grandmother has more life in her, God rest her soul.”  
  
Steve groaned as he struggled to do push ups. Every time he pushed himself up, he found himself basically collapsing back to the ground, his chin almost getting bruised every time he made impact. The world swam for a moment, but he shook his head, taking a deep breath before getting up as he was told to. His arms felt almost like noodles and he resisted the urge to shake them to get rid of the tingling. Luckily and unluckily, their next task was jumping jacks.  
  
“Grenade!”  
  
Steve had been partway through what had most certainly been a lackluster jumping jack when he’d heard that word get shouted. Without thinking, Steve ran toward the object, throwing himself on top of it, desperate to do something, _anything_ to stop something awful from happening. Curling up on top of it, he waved his arm as Carter tried to approach while he shouted, “Get away! Get back!”  
  
Squeezing his eyes shut, Steve lay curled up on it, panting and his hands clenched tightly until he realized that the grenade wasn’t going off. Every muscle in his body hurt from tensing up like that, and he sat up in confusion as he heard someone in the distance say ‘dummy grenade’. Panting, Steve turned toward Phillips, Erskine, and Carter before panting, “Is this a test?”  
  
Getting up, Steve watched as Phillips muttered something to Erskine before storming off. Still confused, he smiled and nodded, but then glanced over as Agent Carter came over and spoke softly, “Back in formation, Rogers.”  
  
Getting up and saluting, Steve jogged back over to his group and went back to work, surprised when not that long after Erskine and Phillips came back over and called out, “Line up!”  
  
Everyone scrambled over and Steve stared straight ahead, his palms sweating as Erskine talked about soldiers and the war, the whole reason they were fighting. Steve felt like he was underwater, barely able to focus on anything he said until suddenly he said, “Private Steven Rogers.”  
  
Glancing around, Steve realized quickly from the way that Hodge was cursing under his breath and storming away that somehow, against all the odds, Steve himself had been chosen. Walking over, he shook the hands of Erskine and Phillips before going back to the bunk. Sitting numbly on the bed, Steve realized once again that he hadn’t told Bucky or Vivian about what he’d done. They had no idea he was going to be a soldier.  
  
“Bet he fucking cheated. Bet he’s a fucking queer.”  
  
“Hell, bet that foreigner chose him just so we’d lose the goddamn war.”  
  
Glancing away from Hodge and another soldier talking loudly as they packed up their stuff, Steve packed up most of his own items as well, keeping out a book as he wondered exactly how angry his boyfriend and girlfriend were going to be with him. He figured they’d be infuriated with him. He just hoped he could do something about it, make it up to them in some way. Grabbing some pen and paper, he quickly wrote out everything he was thinking and feeling before shoving it back into the book as he heard a knock at the door. Glancing over, he felt a little bit relieved as he spotted Abraham Erskine there.  
  
“May I?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Glancing at the bottle of some sort of alcohol in the man’s hand, Steve’s eyes widened when the man questioned, “Can’t sleep?”  
  
Realizing right then just how goddamn late it was, Steve smiled sheepishly before admitting, “I got the jitters, I guess.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
Abraham unrolled one of the beds and Steve set the book aside while gathering up his courage to ask, “Can I ask you a question?”  
  
“Just one?” Abraham asked as he sat down.  
  
Waiting until the man sat down, Steve made eye contact before questioning softly, “Why me?”  
  
“I suppose that _is_ the only question that matters.” Abraham fiddled with the bottle of schnapps before tilting it toward him, “This is from Augsburg. My city. So many people forget that the first country the Nazis invaded was their own. You know, after the last war, my people struggled. They felt weak. They felt small. And then Hitler comes along with the marching and the big show and the flags. And he hears of me, my work, and he finds me, and he says, ‘You.’ He says, ‘You will make us strong.’ Well, I am not interested.”  
  
Frowning, Steve leaned forward, honestly curious as Abraham continues his story, “So, he sends the head of Hydra, his research division, a brilliant scientist by the name of Johann Schmidt. Now, Schmidt is a member of the inner circle. And he is ambitious. He and Hitler share a passion for occult power and Teutonic myth. Hitler uses his fantasies to inspire his followers. But for Schmidt, it is not fantasy. For him, it is real. He has become convinced that there is a greater power hidden in the Earth, left here by the gods, waiting to be seized by a superior man. So when he hears about my formula and what it can do, he cannot resist. Schmidt must become that superior man.”  
  
“Did it make him stronger?”  
  
“Yes, but there were other effects. The serum was not ready, but more important, the man. The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great. Bad becomes worse. This is why you were chosen. Because a strong man who has known power all his life may lose respect for that power, but a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion.”  
  
“Thanks,” Steve spoke before pausing, “I think.”  
  
Quirking a smile at Abraham, Steve grabbed the two glasses and held them out as the older man poured alcohol into both glasses while speaking, “Whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect soldier, but a good man.”  
  
Erskine pointed at his chest while he spoke and Steve glanced down before smiling and toasting, “To the little guys.”  
  
Going to take a drink, he rolled his eyes when Erskine stopped him, “No, no. Wait, wait. What am I doing? No, you have procedure tomorrow. No fluids.”  
  
Nodding as Erskine poured the liquid into the other cup, Steve compromised, “All right. We’ll drink it after.”  
  
Abraham looked bewildered, “No, I don’t have a procedure tomorrow. Drink it after? I drink it now.”  
  
Grinning as Erskine downed the cup, Steve nodded as Erskine stood up. Before he could leave though, Steve questioned, “Sir, may I ask you another question?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get away?”  
  
Erskine sighed, “Another thing Schmidt and Hitler had in common was their obsession with…people who were different. People who were special. When I arrived, there were already many special people there, being treated horribly. One of them, a woman, they called her by the name of a goddess, but that is not how they treated her. They used her to help create this superior man. After Schmidt took the serum, she helped me and other prisoners escape. She sent us toward an agent and I was rescued along with a few dozen other prisoners.”  
  
“What about the woman?”  
  
Abraham stared off into the distance, his expression pained as he admitted, “I never saw her again.” He then cleared his throat and Steve watched as the man spoke up, “Get some sleep. You have a big day tomorrow.”  
  
Nodding, Steve turned off the light and then went to bed, becoming restless as he tried to sleep. All he could think of was those prisoners and how much they suffered, how much they endured. He knew nothing about the woman who saved Abraham, but he kept picturing Vivian and what he’d do if something like that had happened to her. The next morning he woke up somewhat rested, although still pretty sore from the week before. Getting dressed in his uniform, he grabbed all of his items and headed out to the car where Agent Carter was waiting.  
  
For most of the drive, they were pretty much silent, Steve’s stomach grumbling and his throat was so dry that it felt like he’d swallowed gravel as he tried to think of something, _anything_ to say. If he’d been in the car with Vivian, he wouldn’t have to think. He’d just say what was on his mind, and she’d tease him, give him that smile and it’d all go from there. Perking up as they finally entered an area he saw as familiar, he found himself blurting out, “I know this neighborhood.” Watching as places went by, he pointed out the window and continued, “I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner.”  
  
“Did you have something against running away?”  
  
Shaking his head, Steve explained, “You start running, they’ll never let you stop. You stand up, you push back. They can’t say no forever, right?”  
  
“I know a little of what that’s like, to have every door shut in your face.”  
  
Glancing over at Carter, Steve admitted, “I guess I didn’t realize a woman would want to be in the Army. I know a woman who joined the Army Corps of Nursing, but being a soldier’s a little different. Not that women can’t be soldiers or agents or…whatever they want to, it’s just I didn’t know women were being accepted as soldiers. I thought they could only apply to be nurses, and—”  
  
“You ramble when you’re nervous.”  
  
Smiling sheepishly, Steve sighed and admitted, “My friends like to tell me that the biggest part about me is my mouth. I think you’re the first person outside of them that I’ve talked to in a while. Viv’s pretty much the only woman I talk to. A guy who talks their ear off _and_ they might step on him? Not exactly lining up for me to fill their dance card.”  
  
“You must have danced.”  
  
Nodding, Steve admitted, “A few times. Viv danced with me, but she’s Bucky’s dame. And asking another woman to dance always seemed so terrifying.” The lie felt heavy in his throat, but he continued on, “And the past few years, it didn’t seem to matter that much. I figured I’d wait.”  
  
“For what?”  
  
“The right partner.”  
  
The rest of the ride continued in silence until they pulled up in front of Brooklyn Antiques. Getting out of the car, Steve put on his hat while questioning, “What are we doing here?”  
  
“Follow me.”  
  
Following her into the store, Steve glanced around in confusion as he saw the dingy shop, an older woman stepped up and spoke cheerfully, “Wonderful weather this morning, isn’t it?”  
  
His confusion only deepened though as Peggy replied quickly, “Yes, but I always carry an umbrella.”  
  
That seemed to cause something and then they both went to the back where bookshelves opened to reveal a base with soldiers. It all felt like one of those sci-fi novel or radio shows that Bucky loved. Heading up to the rail, he wanted to back up as everyone glanced up at him and went dead silent for several minutes before finally going back to work. Heading down the stairs after Peggy, Steve felt a little more comfortable once Abraham came up and met him on the platform and held out his hand, “Good morning.”  
  
Shaking the man’s hand, Steve glanced over as a photo was taken only for Abraham to chastise them before turning back to him and questioning, “Are you ready?” Nodding, Steve bit his bottom lip as Abraham continued, “Good. Take off your shirt, your tie, and your hat.”  
  
Doing as he was told, Steve fumbled on buttons as his hands shook, but he managed to take off the items of clothing before folding them and setting them to the side. Getting up onto the table, he then laid down, not looking forward to the medical aspect at all. He’d been through it too many times to let that fear show though.  
  
“Comfortable?”  
  
Steve chuckled nervously, “It’s a little big.” Glancing over at Erskine for a moment, Steve then glanced back up toward the ceiling, trying to distract himself as he questioned, “You save me any of that schnapps?”  
  
A quick glance over at Erskine had Steve spotting a guilty grin as the scientist admitted, “Not as much as I should have. Sorry. Next time.”  
  
Staring forward again, Steve ignored the talk about levels while he himself tried to make sure he was calm and that his breathing was good. The last thing he needed to do was have and asthma attack while he was in there. He did glance over though as Howard Stark himself towered over him while insisting they were ready. Taking an extra deep breath as he was strapped in, Steve watched as Agent Carter walked away before sighing.  
  
“Do you hear me? Is this thing on? Ladies and gentleman, today we take not another step towards annihilation, but the first step on the path to peace.”  
   
Straps were put down onto Steve’s chest and he braced himself, focusing on Erskine’s explanation of the procedure to the military higher ups instead of the fact that he was going to have to endure even more needles in his life. Items got added to the contraption he was in and he braced himself as his upper arm was wiped down before he received a shot. Closing his eyes and breathing out slowly to handle the pain, Steve then glanced up at Erskine and admitted, “That wasn’t so bad.”  
   
“That was penicillin.”  
  
Frowning, Steve wanted to comment, but then the serum infusion was beginning and he clenched his teeth as the multiple injections happened at once. His eyes snapped open and he wondered how he’d gone through the pain without making a sound. It was like fire in his veins. Soon though, he was moved upright and the doors closed. He could vaguely hear the outside world, and he was pretty certain they couldn’t really see him, which was for the best since he figured his expression was terrified.  
   
“Stephen? Can you hear me?”  
   
Smiling weakly, he joked through the pain, “It’s probably too late to go to the bathroom, right?”  
   
Closing his eyes, Steve cringed at the bright light and the pain that overwhelmed him within moments. It was consuming, and he found himself screaming. After years of medical procedures, he thought he’d seen the worst of the pain he could go through, but he was wrong. This felt worse than pneumonia. He could hear people clamoring outside his container, talking about shutting it down though and he quickly shouted, “No! Don’t! I can do this!”  
   
He wasn’t about to do all of this for nothing. He wasn’t going to quit. His head lolled to the side and he waited until the doors open. Letting himself get helped out, Steve gasped, glancing around in shock while whispering, “I did it.”  
   
His hearing was perfect. He could hear every word between Abraham and Howard, could hear how excited they were and stunned that it had worked. He could hear the different conversations around him, most people just excited that this work. Some people were talking about just how many soldiers they were going to do this to. Dozens? Hundreds?  
   
“How do you feel?”  
   
Glancing around, Steve gasped, “Taller,” before focusing on Agent Carter and then immediately noticing something else. His vision had been fixed. Peggy’s red lipstick was _red_. Her skin tone was creamier, and brighter. Her hair was a rich brown. These were colors he’d never seen before. He felt like Dorothy waking up in Oz. Everything was bright, crisp and more colorful than he’d imagined.  
   
“You look taller.”  
   
Accepting the shirt he was handed, Steve pulled it on before standing nervously. People mostly wanted to just stare at him, not talk to him, but then suddenly shots were being fired. Running over to Abraham, Steve stared in horror as he realized it was too late. The man was dying. Abraham stared, almost blindly up at him before reaching up, pointing at his chest twice before the life left his body.  
   
_Good because great. Bad becomes worse_. _Not a soldier, but a good man_.  
   
Steve could hear those words running through his head as he realized that his anger had become rage as he got up and ran after the killer. Someone had _murdered_ his mentor, and now all he could think about, all he could feel, was the need to take that person down. He felt like his feet were barely hitting the pavement as he ran, tackling Carter out of the way of a car and barely shouting a ‘Sorry’ as he continued on. He kept going faster and faster, unable to control himself and landing through a window only to get up, repeat his apology process and then continue on. It was like it wasn’t even his body really.  
   
Leaping on top of cars, it all felt like a dream as he hopped from car to car before landing on the taxi of the criminal. Holding on for dear life, he dodged bullets as they were shot at him before landing safely on the ground once the car crashed. Grabbing a door from the taxi as the man shot at him, Steve ran over as he grabbed someone’s kid, barely feeling the bullet graze on his side. Watching, Steve kept a safe distance, but kept going forward only to leap out as the man put a gun to the kid’s head.  
   
“Wait, don’t. Don’t.”  
   
The man pulled the trigger anyway only for a hollow click to be heard, signaling the lack of bullets. Steve cried out as the man threw the child into the river before running off. Hurrying over to the side, Steve glanced over, relief flooding him as he saw the kid treading water and shouting, “Go get him! I can swim!”  
   
Nodding, Steve continued his chase before leaping into the water. He’d barely been able to swim before the serum and now it was like he was ready for the Olympics as he reached over and ripped the man out of his submarine and then threw him back up onto land. Kicking the man in the chest, sending the vial flying and smashing, Steve then grabbed him by his coat and snarled, “Who are you?”  
   
“The first of many. Cut off one head,” The man pulled out a tooth with a tongue and bit down, crushing it, “Two more shall take its place.” Foam filled his mouth as he gave his dying declaration, “Hail Hydra.”  
   
Within seconds he was dead and Steve stared down at his own body, horrified and amazed by everything he’d done. SSR agents showed up moments later and while they were cleaning up the scene, Steve frowned as he was led back to the facility. Tests were run. Hours and hours of tests. He wasn’t even sure how long he’d stayed awake. An hour? A day? Who knew? More needles were used, but Steve found he no longer cared about them like he used to. They just kept taking blood samples. All his test results were coming back more than healthy. His spine was fixed. His hearing was fixed. His vision was fixed. All of his health problems seemed to be fixed.  
   
“Think you got enough?”  
   
He wasn’t sure why he was being this sarcastic with the nurses, they were only doing their job, but he just felt empty and useless. Even with all this power and ability, he still hadn’t been able to save Abraham Erskine.  
   
“Any hope of reproducing the program is locked in your genetic code, but without Dr. Erskine, it would take years, especially since the original source DNA this was inspired by was never revealed.”  
   
Sighing and getting up off the table, Steve stepped forward before admitting, “He deserved more than this.”  
   
“If it could work only once, he’d be proud it was you.”  
   
Deep down, Steve knew that was true, but it did little to soothe his conscience. What if he wasn’t good enough? After all, this was Erskine’s life’s work, and now it was just Steve upholding that legacy. It was up to him to not screw up like that again. What if he couldn’t always be that good man? What if his own anger took over? Heading out with Peggy as the senators and Colonel Phillips showed up, Steve frowned and stayed back as Peggy explained, “Hydra is the Nazi deep-science division. It’s led by Johann Schmidt, but he has much bigger ambitions.”  
   
“Hydra’s practically a cult,” Colonel Phillips scoffed, “They _worship_ Schmidt. They think he’s invincible.”  
   
“So, what are you going to do about it?”  
   
Colonel Phillips turned toward them, “I spoke to the president. As of today, the SSR is being retasked.”  
   
“Colonel?”  
   
“We are taking the fight to Hydra. Pack your bags, Agent Carter. You took, Stark. We’re flying to London tonight.”  
   
Frowning when his name wasn’t mentioned at all, Steve stepped forward as Phillips tried to pass him, “Sir? If you’re going after Schmidt, I want in.”  
   
“You’re an experiment. You’re going to Alamogordo.”  
   
“The serum worked!” Steve insisted.  
   
“I asked for an army, and all I got was you. _You_ are not enough.”  
   
Clenching his jaw at that, Steve felt the sting of embarrassment and pain stronger than he’d ever felt it in his life. Suddenly though, the senator was walking up to him and speaking, “With all due respect to the Colonel, I think we may be missing the point. I’ve seen you in action, Steve. More importantly, the country’s seen it. Paper.”  
   
A paper got opened revealing a story about him saving the kid from a Nazi as the man continued, “The enlistment lines have been around the block since your picture hits the newsstands. You don’t take a soldier, a symbol like that, and hide him in a lab.” The man then wrapped an arm around Steve’s shoulders and began to lead him away from Peggy, “Son, do you want to serve your country on the most important battlefield of the war?”  
   
Nodding, Steve spoke earnestly, “Sir, that’s all I want.”  
   
Senator Brandt held out his hand and grinned, “Then, congratulations. You just got promoted.”

Steve just hoped he could really make a difference.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be back with Bucky and Viv. And apparently the chapters are just getting longer for a bit. Stick with me though.
> 
> I hope this chapter is okay and the pacing is good though since I'm not used to covering over a week in one chapter.


	21. Twenty: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: battlefield details that are being done fast and loose, physical abuse, use of poison/venom, blood, gore, lots of cursing, gratuitous use of the lord's prayer, and death
> 
> This chapter is basically stemming from the deleted Captain America: First Avenger scene. In the scene, it almost looks like Dum Dum, Gabe, and Bucky were all already in the same unit, but i'm just having it so that multiple units were in this same battle at once. I don't know how accurate that is, but it was the compromise I came up with since some of the details from this chapter are flat out lifted from that scene.

Gunfire threatened to deafen Vivian as she kept moving. Holding her med kit tight to her, she headed along the field. Bodies lay limply all around her and she pushed forward. Getting to the first body as she heard someone cry out, she quickly went to work, bandaging the lesser wounds and putting a tourniquet on the wounds she couldn’t do much about, at least not in the middle of a battlefield. Giving a sharp whistle, Vivian nodded and helped put him onto a gurney before nodding for the medics to take him away. Hitting the dirt once another explosion happened nearby, Vivian then stayed low as she headed through the field.

Luckily her working with bodies had meant there was blood on her uniform from other people to disguise the fact that she’d been shot as soon as she’d stepped onto the field. Wincing as another stray bullet hit her hand, Vivian grit her teeth and waited a few moments while her hand healed. The wound had luckily been a through and through bullet, meaning she hadn’t had to do much of anything to it. She kept moving though, getting yet another man off the field before pausing as a large flare flew up and hit the sky.

Cursing, Vivian glanced around her as she looked at all the soldiers. Soldiers from what felt like half a dozen units had all shown up for this battle, and yet the whole thing felt like the world itself was ending. Glancing around, she kept low to the ground and flicked her hand back toward the axis troops, sending a grenade back toward them. Smiling once it blew up in their faces, the grin almost immediately fell as she saw Bucky crouched behind a makeshift trench with two other men.

Hurrying over, she rolled her eyes when Bucky turned toward her and hissed, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Staring at him incredulously, she leaned against the wall and reminded him, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but now really isn’t the time for this argument.”

“You’re my wife, Vivian.”

“Not yet, I’m not.”

The two other men snorted and Vivian rolled her eyes as the one next to her spoke up, “So you’re the dame Bucky can’t shut up about. I’m Dum Dum Dugan. That’s Gabe Jones.”

Bracing herself as an explosion happened near them, Vivian laughed and then replied carefully, “Nice to meet you both, but at the moment, I think we have more pressing issues. Bucky, I don’t think the medics can get anyone out anymore. The last place we used as an air evac center got demolished. Hydra bombed it. Damn near destroyed our ‘copter.”

“Damn it. Gabe’s communication equipment got fried. We can’t radio for air support.”

Gabe nodded and Vivian cursed under her breath, staying low as the three men began shooting. It went against every one of her instincts and she hated herself for just sitting there. She could have turned the tide on the battle. She could have done it. She could have taken out over half these damn soldiers on her own, but she hadn’t.

“Here they come! Viv, get out of here!”

Shaking her head, Vivian stayed low, and then pulled Dugan low after his damn helmet got knocked off his head. Giving him a pointed stare, she rolled her eyes as he griped, “What? My skull’s thicker than that damn helmet is.”

“Let’s not test that out, Dum Dum.”

“Hey!” Handing him his helmet back, Vivian shook her head as he put it on before grumbling, “I hate these guys.”

Moving over to the next part of the trench, Vivian scoffed as Bucky glanced over at her and demanded, “I thought I told you to get out of here!”

“You did. Where do you suggest I go, Sergeant? Hydra apparently gets reinforcements a damn sight sooner than we do.”

Bucky cursed, but went back to shooting only to pause. Vivian heard a sound, a sound she’d never heard before, and she frowned as after a moment, Bucky shouted, “Everyone get down!”

Silence fell over the battlefield and Vivian exchanged a glance with Bucky before someone questioned what the hell that was. Getting up alongside Bucky, Dum Dum, and Gabe, Vivian swallowed hard as blue lights hit soldiers all over the place, vaporizing them on the spot.

“Well, that looks…new.”

Snorting at Dum Dum’s comment, Vivian stopped laughing as a tank rolled over the hill, spotlights shining down on everything as it crushed bodies in its wake. The sound of the engines muffled, but didn’t hide the sounds of despair nor their deaths. 

“Viv, get out of here.”

Scoffing at Bucky’s whispered command, Vivian reminded him quietly, “And do what? Outrun a tank?”

Suddenly the tank’s turret turned, aiming the gun at a group of allied soldiers before firing, a blast of blue light hitting them. A dozen soldiers gone, just like that. Mouth going dry, Vivian was already ducking back below the trench as Bucky shouted, “Get down!”

Not a second after they’d all gotten out of the way, a blast of blue light went over their heads, incinerating a group of men that had been behind them. She could hear the men around her dry heave. The smell of burning flesh made Vivian close her eyes and count to ten, forcing down thoughts of her own childhood while trying to keep it together. She couldn’t lose it right there on a battlefield. Besides, it was years ago.

“Surrender or die!”

The voice wasn’t familiar, but Vivian stared up at the sky, blinking back tears as the stars shone brightly and whispered, “Bucky, I need you to know something right here and now.”

“Viv—”

Turning toward Bucky, Vivian smiled and whispered, “I love you, and no matter what happens in there, it’s not your fault.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but then they were being surrounded by Hydra agents. Getting up, despite the men hissing for her not to, Vivian held out her arms and sighed, “I surrender.”

Cuffs were placed on her wrists and she walked ahead, staring straight ahead as she heard the others surrender as well. They walked for what felt like miles, and Vivian recoiled as she saw the massive factory appear before her. She knew who’d be running a place like that, knew it deep in her soul, but she just hoped she was wrong.

Enormous equipment was already being run by men that looked like prisoners of war. Glaring as one of the soldiers grabbed her by her arm, she flinched as she was led toward a staircase. Glancing over her back, Vivian winced as she saw Bucky’s eyes widen and he struggled in line, screaming, “Let her go!”

Bucky got held back by guards, and Vivian blinked back tears as he took a punch to the stomach. Crying out as he hit the ground, Vivian glared as she was dragged into an office. Once the door was shut she turned around and snapped the guard’s neck before storming toward the desk and snarling, “You vindictive bitch! You couldn’t just let me go? You couldn’t just let me have a goddamn life?”

The chair turned around and Vivian scoffed when Madame Hydra glared and retorted, “You insolent child. You demolished an entire factory. You—”

“I sent demons straight to Hell. It’s where you all belong. And when I left, I stayed out of your life. The least you can do is stay the hell out of mine.”

“Stayed out of my life? How many of my agents did you kill? How many of the enemy’s soldiers did you save, Vivian?”

Laughing, Vivian sent a guard flying against the wall as he approached and she spat, “You were the one who sent them after me! And the enemy? They were never my enemy. I wasn’t the one who aligned us with Hitler and the Red Skull.”

“Master has a plan that you could never comprehend.”

Gagging, Vivian shuddered before admitting, “I honestly don’t know which one of those creatures you’re calling ‘Master’, but it’s disgusting either way.”

“The Red Skull is a genius. Hitler is merely a means to an end.”

Rolling her eyes, Vivian sighed, “Great, Ophelia. I’m sure the Jews and the Romanis and the Queers will be thrilled. You didn’t actively kill them. You just sided with someone who did.”

“Insolent child.”

Shaking her head, Vivian pointed out, “I’m twenty-four.”

Vivian paused then, glancing behind her in shock when suddenly the woman was behind her, gripping her hair and tugging her head back. Swallowing hard, she grit her teeth before questioning, “Since when can you teleport, mother?”

Vivian squeezed her eyes shut and refused to cry out in pain as the woman dug the tip of a ring into her neck while snapping, “I am not your mother.”

“At least we agree on something.”

Groaning as the ring was dug deeper, Vivian pulled away and stumbled back, pressing her hand to her neck. Blood dripped between her fingers, but then she laughed bitterly and whispered, “You poisoned me.”

Hitting the desk as she moved back faster, Vivian’s breathing was labored and she glared as Ophelia moved over and gripped her jaw before whispering, “It’s venom, and of course. I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

Knees buckling out from under her, Vivian cringed at her headache while the room seemed to spin around her. Her skin felt clammy and she laughed bitterly, “Let me guess, you designed it? You have it hiding in your teeth still?”

“We both know normal poisons and venoms don’t work on you, not for long.”

“What and this one will?”

Vivian smiled weakly at sweat dotted her brow. Ophelia crouched in front of her, but then Vivian cried out as her face was smacked to the side. She could feel the bruise forming, only it wasn’t going away immediately. More importantly, her neck wound was still sluggishly bleeding. Hand dropping to ground, Vivian laughed bitterly as more Hydra agents came in.

“Teach her a lesson.”

Breathing heavily through her nose, Vivian stared straight ahead, her teeth clenched at that comment, bracing herself as a fist landed on her face. She doubled over as a steel toed boot connected with her stomach. Crumpling onto her side, she clawed at the ground, her fingernails cracking as she was kicked and punched.

“Enough! Take her to her cell.”

Spitting out blood, Vivian winced as she was tugged to her feet by her arms before she was dragged down the stairs. She tried her best to stay on her feet, but then squirmed as she passed by large cells. The place was pretty dark and the ringing in her ears wasn’t exactly helping her focus on anything.

“Back up!”

A gun cocked and Vivian startled as the cell door was opened. Head lolling back, she found herself staring up at one of the only lights in the room as she was shoved into the cell. Hitting the ground hard, Vivian groaned and pressed her injured cheek to the cold cement floor. It wasn’t soft, obviously, but the temperature was helping. As soon as the door shut though, she was being pulled into familiar arms.

“Viv? God, Viv, what’d they do to you?”

Opening her eyes, Vivian smiled up at Bucky and reached up, stroking his cheek before reassuring him, “I’m okay, Buck. It’s not that bad. I just need to rest.”

“Not that bad? Viv, doll, you’re bleeding.” Shrugging, Vivian winced when Bucky pressed his hand to her cheek only to pull back and whisper, “Damn it, you’re burning up.”

“I’m fine. I can sweat it out.”

“Viv, I’ve never seen you sick a day in your life. What did they do?”

“I sweat when I vomit. One of the kicks was enough to trigger my gag reflex. Stop fussing.”

Squirming out of Bucky’s arms, Vivian leaned up against the cell bars while breathing deeply. Bucky looked distraught as he moved close again, but she spoke softly, ignoring the pain as she questioned, “You going to introduce me to our cellmates or not?”

“I’ll do that, ma’am.”

Glancing over, Vivian smiled as Dum Dum sat up and announced, “You already know myself and Gabe. This here’s Jacque Dernier, he’s a French soldier. This is Jim Morita. He’s—”

“American, Ace. I’m from Fresno.”

“Fair enough. Over there is James Montgomery Falsworth. He’s a Brit.”

Grinning at that, Vivian stopped herself from coughing before teasing, “Full name? Little excessive, isn’t it?”

“Unlike these cretins, I prefer to have an air of sophistication.”

Instantly all the men snorted, and Vivian smiled softly as Bucky moved closer and squeezed her knee before whispering, “I’m going to find a way to get you some water, okay?”

“We get to know her name or not?”

Grinning over at Morita, Vivian admitted, “Vivian Peshkova. Head Nurse for the 107th division. I had a med kit on me, but they must have taken it during the beating.”

“They? How many people did this?”

“Bucky, they’re members of Hydra. They’re evil. Please have some perspective. A group of them beating up a woman is literally not the worse thing they’ve done this week.”

“Just this week?”

“You’re correct, Dum Dum, I was giving them the benefit of the doubt, but you’re correct. Today. It’s not the worst thing they’ve done today.”

The others laughed, but Vivian winced as Bucky spoke, his voice edging toward panic, “Viv, it’s not funny. Your eye is swelling shut. Your lip is split. I’ve never even seen Steve look this bad.”

Glancing over at the rest of the soldiers when they looked confused, Vivian admitted, “A guy back home. He’s a brawler. My height though. Skinny enough to get knocked over by a stiff breeze.” Sharing a glance with Bucky, she whispered, “He’s family though.”

Bucky nodded and sighed, “That he is.”

Leaning against Bucky’s shoulder, Vivian sighed, letting him wrap her up into his arms. The machinery continued clanging along while they could vaguely hear shouts of German throughout the air.

“What do you think is going on out there?”

Glancing over at Falsworth, Vivian admitted, “This is a work factory specifically for prisoners of war. If we’re lucky, we’ll work until we die or are captured.”

“If we’re not lucky?”

Glancing over at Gabe, Vivian admitted, “If we’re not lucky then they experiment on us.”

“How do you know that?”

“People talk. Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly, about what the Nazis and specifically the Hydra division are doing.” Vivian sighed before lying, “I don’t know the exact nature of the experiments. I just know that sometimes people get chosen and they never come back. That’s what the survivors say anyway.”

“Did anyone say anything to you when you were taken to that office?”

Staring at the ground, Vivian swallowed hard and lied in response to Dum Dum, “Madame Hydra was there.” All of them erupted in sound and she carefully lied, “It was mostly threatening going on. She wanted more information about the allied movements and supply shipments. I told that I couldn’t give her that information. They don’t exactly give nurses essential strategic information, and even though I know a little about supply shipments, I’m sure as Hell not telling a Nazi. She…wasn’t happy with my answer.”

“Do you think she’ll go after me?”

Glancing up at Bucky, Vivian shrugged and admitted, “I don’t know. I hope not. It all depends on whether she believes you have information that she requires, so you’re safe as long as it’s not common knowledge that you’re a sergeant.”

“What about you? Will she leave you alone now that she thinks you don’t have any strategic knowledge?”

Grinning widely and revealing bloody teeth, Vivian shook her head and laughed bitterly, “I never knew you to be naïve, Barnes.”

“What’s the point if you don’t have information then?”

Vivian’s head lolled back against Bucky’s chest and she closed her eyes before admitting, “To make us all suffer. Most likely they believe that if they hurt me enough that the person who truly does have the information will come forward in an attempt to save me.” Opening her eyes, she then whispered, “Which is why none of you can ever pretend like this is bothering you.”

“Viv, I can’t just sit by while you’re tortured. I can’t. I can’t do it—”

“You have to.”

“Why? Viv, God, look at you. What’s gonna happen next time? I can’t—”

“Don’t,” she whispered, turning around in his arms, Vivian gently pressed a hand to his cheek before reminding him, “This war is more important than I am. Do you understand me? We cannot allow Hitler or Schmidt to win. They must be defeated. And soon. If either of us gives them information, people will die. My life is not worth more than theirs are.”

“It’s not worth less than theirs are either.”

A tremor ran through her entire body and Vivian clenched her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut until she finally choked on her breath.

“God fucking damn it.”

Bucky immediately adjusted his grip on her and she pressed her face to his jacket while she took deep, gasping breaths. His hands rubbed her back and she wrapped her arms around him, relishing in the warmth seeping through his clothing as he whispered, “C’mon, kitten, you know we gotta slow that breathing down. I can’t get you medicine in here, but I’m gonna keep you safe, I promise. You and me. We’re gonna walk out of this place, you hear me?”

“She okay, Sarge?”

Soft lips pressed to her forehead and Vivian managed to get her breathing a touch slower while Bucky stroked her hair and insisted, “She’ll be okay, Morita. My girl’s strong. Just you wait and see, she’ll be right as rain before you know it.”

Bucky was trembling though and Vivian could feel his pulse. She could feel that pulse jump up in speed every time her breathing faltered. Gripping at Bucky’s jacket, she pressed her face against his neck, letting him cradle her close as he whispered strategies with the other men. She wasn’t sure when she drifted off, but then she jerked awake as the cell door clanged open.

“Everyone up.”

Opening her eyes as Bucky gently set her on the ground, Vivian swallowed hard as he stood in front of her, his hands clenched into fists by his sides.

“Get. Up.”

Reaching up to the bars, Vivian began dragging herself up, her body still feeling slightly weak from the venom. Bucky reached back to help her, but she shook her head, not surprised when the Hydra agent snapped, “On her own.”

She could feel the stares of all of the men in the cell, but she stood up on her own anyway. Her legs shook and she walked forward, sidestepping Bucky’s hand. Smiling widely, she crossed her arms across her chest, staring as the agent sneered and stepped forward. The agent took another step toward her and quick as lightning, she was being pulled behind Bucky and he was practically snarling at the agent, “You want something? You come to me, you son of a bitch, but you don’t fucking look at her.”

The agent pulled a weapon and it made a sound like the ones on the battlefield, parts of it glowing an eerie blue in the dim light of the cell. Grabbing Bucky’s hand, Vivian squeezed it before whispering, “It’ll be okay. Just calm down.”

“I’d suggest you listen to your whore.”

Glaring, Vivian had half a mind to let Bucky throw himself forward into the fight, but instead held onto his arm. Dum Dum shot forward as well, gripping Bucky’s other arm before questioning, “What the hell do you want?”

A cold, almost lifeless grin spread across the man’s face and Vivian forced herself not to take a step back as the man replied easily, “Madame Hydra, as a gesture of goodwill, is willing to extend one last opportunity for you to switch sides.”

“You tell her to go to Hell. I’m not interested in being Hitler’s puppet.”

The agent laughed loudly at her before backing out of the cell. The cell shut and she kept her gaze firmly on him as he said, “You will regret that.”

“We’ll see.”

For a moment he just stood outside the cell, an ugly grin on his face until he whistled loudly. Moving out from behind Bucky as she heard agents marching toward them, Vivian’s breathing became quicker. Her heart raced and she moved closer to the cell door, her eyes widening and her hands gripping the bars as soon as she heard a woman sobbing. Within moments, she came into view and Vivian gripped the bars tightly, feeling like the air had been knocked out of her lungs as she breathed out, “Annie.”

Annie fell to her knees as she was brought in front of the cell. Her eyes were puffy from crying and there was a dark bruise forming on her cheek. Crouching down in front of the bars, Vivian swallowed the lump in her throat as she tried to reassure the woman.

“Annie, sweetheart, look at me. Just look at me. Don’t look at them.”

“Yes, Annie, look at her. After all, she is the reason you’re in this predicament in the first place.”

Glaring up at him, Vivian gripped the bars tighter as Annie sent looked at her with the most heartbreakingly lost expression Vivian had ever seen on another person while she whispered, “Viv, what is he talking about?”

“Yes, Viv, what am I talking about?”

“God, don’t you ever stop talking?”

The words had been grit out, and Vivian winced as the agent reached down and gripped Annie by her hair, tugging it back. The sobbing got louder and Vivian clenched her teeth, her heart racing as Annie sobbed, “Please, please, just let me go!”

“Tell her, Vivian! Tell her why we can’t do that. Tell her what you’ve done.”

Slamming her hand against the bars, Vivian snapped, “You want me to become a traitor, and it’s not going to happen.”

The agent nodded and Vivian swallowed hard as Annie was released. She crumpled to the floor, sobbing and burying her face in her hands. Heart aching, Vivian moved and stuck her arm through the bars, watching as Annie scrambled over and took her hand. Gripping the woman’s hand tightly, Vivian swallowed hard as a guard pulled out a pistol. Squeezing Annie’s hand as she started to turn toward the sound of the gun cocking, Vivian smiled weakly and whispered, “It’s okay. Look at me. Don’t look at them. They’re nothing. You hear me? Absolutely nothing. Not a single damn one of them is worth dirt.”

“I’m scared, Viv.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know, but I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

The gun got pressed to the back of Annie’s head and Vivian felt the blood get cut off from her fingers as Annie held onto her hand with both hands for dear life. Tears burned in her eyes, but Vivian held them back as Annie began to pray through tears, “Our father, who art in heaven, h-hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done—”

Annie’s prayer broke off and Vivian reached her other hand through the bars, gripping Annie’s hands over her own while praying with her, “On Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we have forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.”

The loud bang followed by the warm spray of blood on Vivian’s face wasn’t surprising, but it still slammed into her, shaking her to her core. The ringing in her ears threatened to overwhelm her and she forced herself to gag as Annie’s body was dragged away from her, bright red blood smearing across the concrete like an unwanted ragdoll. The soldiers all walked away and Vivian felt herself get pulled away from the bars. Vivian wasn’t sure when she started sobbing, but she clung to Bucky as he rocked her back and forth, wiping blood off her face with a handkerchief as he whispered, “Shhh, I’ve got you, baby girl. I’ve got you. It wasn’t your fault.”

Pulling away from Bucky, Vivian swatted at his hands while sobbing, “She was just a kid! Barely old enough to even be over here and she didn’t want to be! She only did it to make her goddamn father happy and she went onto that field day to make me happy. Followed me around like a damn puppy. Always lookin’ to impress me, and what do I do? I goddamn abandoned her, Buck. I let her die. And that’s on me! That’s on my head.”

“You saved the rest of our squad, Viv. There are soldiers at that camp, soldiers bringing supplies to that camp and you protected them. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did your job and—”

“Fuck the job!”

The words tore out of Vivian’s throat in a hoarse scream, silencing the entire cell and the cells around her. Falling onto her knees and sitting back on her heels, she closed her eyes and took in shuddering breaths, trying to calm herself down as she whispered, “Annie would pick flowers from battlefields and from our camps. She pressed them between the pages of her bible and she sent them back home in letters. She was sweet on someone back home. She didn’t tell me anything about them, just that she missed them. The rosary she prayed with every night was one her godmother had given her when she was still in grade school.”

“Viv…”

“She was terrified that her brothers would die on the battlefield. It kept her up, the idea that she’d go home and get that visit. She feared for her parents, what they’d do if one of their sons died. She never dreamed she’d be the first one to die. Why would she? She didn’t know that I would ruin her life.”

“You didn’t ruin her life.”

Vivian didn’t make a move to squirm away as Bucky pulled her back into his arms. Burying her face into his neck, she clung to him as he rubbed her back and whispered, “If Steve were here, he’d tell you that the only people responsible are the people who murdered her. And I’m promising you that we’ll get justice for her.”

“Damn right we will.”

Glancing over after Dum Dum spoke up, Vivian smiled weakly as the rest of them nodded and Gabe joined in while insisting, “Nothing I want more than to burn those bastards to the ground. I’m in.”

Vivian just hoped they could do this without losing anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was a pretty long chapter and hopefully it was worth it. I really wanted to write this scenario since I don't usually see people write out Bucky's unit getting captured, possibly for good reasons depending on if you guys like this chapter or not.
> 
> Also, considering Viv got her ass beat during the chapter and there's clear psychological torture going on with killing Annie like that in front of Viv, I want to take this time to stress that there's never going to be any sexual assault in my story. I personally am not comfortable writing it since it tends to be a trigger for me, and I also firmly believe that I can fuck up my characters emotionally without ever crossing that line.
> 
> Anyway, R.I.P. Annie.


	22. Twenty-One: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: lots of pining, senator brandt is a jackass, slang from the 1940's, homophobia, homophobic slur usage, slurs about Germans, sexism, and lots of angst.
> 
> have it off with: have sex with  
> gadgets: male genitalia  
> gash-eating: cunnilingus  
> good time girl: a promiscuous woman, sometimes even as far as a prostitute  
> overcoat: condom
> 
> The homophobic slurs that get used are q*eer and f*ggot. The slur against Germans that gets used is Kr*ut.

Steve sighed as he pulled off the cowl he’d been wearing for the show and tossed it next to him. Staring at himself in the mirror, he then shook his head before heading over and changing out of the ridiculous costume. _Tights_. He was wearing Getting back into his own clothing, he folded his costume before placing it where it needed to go. The routine was now almost second nature to him.  
  
The nights had all blended together because they were all the same unless they weren’t traveling to a new city. He arrived, checked into his hotel, prepared himself for the performance and then he was taken to the theater where he got dressed and he put on a show. Every night, the same lines, and the same movements. He then signed autographs and posed for pictures with people and their babies. And then he went to his hotel room until he was moved to a new one.  
  
Sneaking out the back of the theater, Steve let the driver take him back to the hotel room. They always had a driver take him directly to the hotel room. Steve figured it was to make sure he didn’t wander off or get into a fight or something. Giving his most convincing fake smile as he passed through the hotel bar and people tried to talk to him, Steve headed into his room and then immediately locked the door before going over to the mirror in the room. Sighing heavily, he ran his fingers through his hair before running his hands along his face, moving the skin around and whispering, “Star-spangled man with a plan.”  
   
Snorting at that, Steve then slid off his jacket and tossed it aside, sitting on his bed and then flopping back. Rolling over, he reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out an old cigar box. It’d been his dad’s and his mom had given it to him. Sitting on the bed, he pulled out letters and pictures, smiling at the picture of Bucky smiling at him from the photo in his dress uniform. Setting the photo down, Steve then pulled out a picture of Viv, her hair curled and her nurse’s cap firmly on her head while she beamed. She’d just finished her schooling.  
   
Tears slipped down his face and he wiped them away before clearing his throat and grabbing the last letter he’d gotten from either of them. It’d been weeks, maybe even months though since he’d heard from her and the ache that he felt didn’t get any better the longer he didn’t tell them what he’d done. He just didn’t know how to tell them anything. How was he supposed to tell Vivian or Bucky that he’d gone and joined the army so he could be experimented on only for the scientist who performed the procedure to die, reducing him to a salesman?  
   
It was just too much to tell them in a letter.  
   
_Steve,_  
  
_I know you worry about Buck and me out here on the front, but I want you to know that you don’t have to worry. Bucky will always protect me, no matter how crazy it all gets. We haven’t had as much time together as either of us would hope, but it’s more than we’d have if he was in a different unit. The hours we work are long though and there are some days that I don’t see sunlight at all, just working in the tents helping our wounded soldiers get back on their feet. Other days I’m in the field, and I know, I know you wish I wasn’t over here._  
  
_To be honest, sometimes I wish I wasn’t over here too._  
  
_I definitely wish Bucky wasn’t over here. Losing men is weighing on his soul, but he’ll never let it show. He keeps that strong front up like he always does, but I make sure to take care of him. We miss you. We miss you so much. You’re taking care of yourself, right? I’ve heard the weather’s getting bad again. Promise me you’ll bundle up and you won’t overdo it. I know you too well to ask you to just relax, but please don’t take unnecessary risks. I hate that I’m not there to make sure you’re okay._  
  
_You make sure to go see the gals at my work, you understand? You go to them or to Bucky’s ma the second you get any symptoms. I don’t care if your pride is hurt. I just care if **you** are hurt. Please, just do this for me. Soon enough I’ll be back home and we can all take care of each other again. Until then, you’ve got to be strong for me, Steve. **Please**. Buck and I need family to come home to._  
  
_Love,_  
  
_Viv_  
  
Folding the letter back up and setting it into the case, Steve then peeled off his shirt and went over, standing in front of the mirror. He was getting used to the new body, but he still wasn’t quite there. Still felt like seeing a Technicolor movie of someone else, not like lookin’ into a mirror quite yet. Sometimes he would wake up and still expect to see jutting ribs and bruises along his body from where his coughs and shuddering had left him a patchwork of colors. Now he wasn’t just healthy, he was muscular, even more muscular than Bucky. His body ran hot and all of his old ailments were gone. His spine was straight, his lungs worked correctly, and he hadn’t gotten so much as a cold since the serum.  
   
He was the pinnacle of male health. Viv was never going to have to worry about him catching pneumonia ever again.  
   
He was _somebody_ now and yet somehow still that big nobody that Vivian and Bucky had loved. Would they still love him like this? Would they still _want_ him like this? He’d spent so long being unwanted by everyone else that he couldn’t stand the thought that they wouldn’t want him either. Breathing deeply, Steve headed over and grabbed his dog tags. The metal gleamed in the low light of the hotel room and he closed his eyes, cringing at that. They were pristine. The tags were perfect, undented, looking more like props than anything else. They were yet another reminder that he wasn’t a _real_ soldier, that he wasn’t wanted. He was just like those damn dog tags: shiny, but ultimately useless.  
   
Just a useless symbol for people to throw around use however they wanted to.  
   
Sighing, Steve ran his hands over his face and then tilted his head as he stared at his reflection. This was _his_ body. This was _him_. Bucky and Viv had always loved him, so he needed to believe that they’d still love him even with all the changes. He chuckled though as he pictured the mixed reactions from the people he loved. On one hand, he was healthy, but on the other hand, he _had_ signed himself up for a government experiment without telling either of them.  
   
They were going to kick his ass.  
   
Frowning as someone knocked on his door, Steve grabbed his shirt and pulled it back on, buttoning it up and then heading over and carefully unlocking his door. Opening his door partially, his eyes widened and he took a step back while blurting out, “Senator Brandt. This is a surprise.”  
   
The senator grinned and Steve felt annoyance build in him as the man strolled into the hotel room while announcing, “I was here for a budget committee and I stopped to see your show. I went to speak with you after the show, but discovered you cut your meet and greet short before heading straight here.”  
   
“I didn’t cut it short. I just didn’t extend it.”  
   
“Shut the door, son.”  
   
Gritting his teeth, Steve shut the door and then headed over to his bed while putting the photos and letters back into the cigar box and shutting it. Putting it into the bedside table, Steve glanced over at Brandt as the man questioned, “How old are you again?”  
   
“I’m twenty-five, sir.”  
   
“You’re twenty-five, you’re in peak health, you’re a damn celebrity, and you’ve got adoring crowds in every city we go to. Shouldn’t you be findin’ a pretty dame to have it off with?”  
   
Hands clenching into fists, Steve put them behind his back while trying to keep his voice calm as he replied, “All due respect, sir, I prefer to wait for the right partner.”  
   
Brandt snorted and laughed, “Lighten up, kid. Sow your oats a bit. Looks like yours, you could get any dame in the city. Unless it’s a problem with your gadgets, of course. Then it’d make sense, although you could still do a little gash-eating. Get yourself a good time girl and—”  
   
“ _No_.”  
   
Steve’s voice had come out loud, tense, and _angry_. It’d surprised Steve, and he forced himself to take deep breaths, but then froze as Brandt scoffed, “Don’t tell me that you’re a god forsaken queer. It would explain things though. You looked like a faggot before that kraut fixed you. Thought it would fix all your illnesses, but I guess nothing’s perfect.”  
   
Gritting his teeth, Steve took a deep breath before biting out, “I have a woman I love, and I’m not going to betray her.”  
   
“So you’re not a fairy, you’re just pathetic. Until you’re married, you’re a free man, and even once you’re married, compromises can be made. Just wear a damn overcoat.”  
   
“That may be okay for you, but it’s not for me. Now please, leave my room. I have a long drive tomorrow and I have some letters that I need to write.”  
  
“If you want to play it safe for the rest of your goddamn life, then fine. Be a goddamn woman about it.”  
   
Glaring as Senator Brandt stormed out, Steve went over and shut the door behind him before locking it and pacing while breathing shakily. He’d wanted to knock the man out for the way he’d talked. He’d wanted to knock that damn smirk off his face and send him through the wall. Sitting down and putting his head into his hands, Steve took deep, rattling breaths, feeling like he was a damn asthmatic again while struggling not to cry.  
   
How could he ever just be with a random person? How could he ever take away the sweetness of making love to someone he cared about? He remembered staring deeply into the eyes of Bucky and Viv and just feeling _connected_. His time with them had been special, _perfect_ even, and he couldn’t just accept some cheap imitation. That wasn’t him. He didn’t have it in him. Rubbing at his eyes, he froze though when the words from Brandt hit home. _The rest of your goddamn life_.  
   
In all the chaos, it had somehow been so easy to forget that before the procedure, Steve had known that he wouldn’t survive past thirty. His illnesses were getting worse, and money was getting even tighter. Living to twenty-five had been a struggle. And he knew even if he’d made it toward thirty, he hadn’t wanted to get anyone pregnant. Oh, he’d always thought that Viv would make an amazing mother, but he knew those kids could never truly be his, not with his health the way it was. He couldn’t fathom risking a kid turning out like him. He didn’t think he’d have his mother’s strength and be able to watch his child struggle to breathe. The thought alone broke his heart. Seeing that would very well shatter it.  
   
But now he was healthy. His blood was healthy. Everything about him was healthy and—Steve’s eyes snapped open and he scrambled for the cigar box, throwing it open and pulling out the pictures. The same feelings of love for both Viv and Bucky sang in his heart. Hell, the feelings were even stronger and he laughed deliriously, tears streaming down his face as he pressed the photos to his lips while squeezing his eyes shut.  
   
Setting the photos down, Steve cleared his throat and wished the two were there as he whispered, “Brandt’s wrong. He’s wrong about how I feel about you. Nothing sick about this feeling. It’s _right_. All my illnesses went away, but this stayed, and it got _stronger_. Every inch, every single goddamn inch of my body just loves you both, and I never want that to change. So no matter it takes, we’re all going home. The three of us. ‘Till the end of the line.”  
   
Grabbing a pen and paper, Steve went to write, but then froze as he realized something else. The paper fell from his hands as he felt a surge of bitter jealousy through him. He’d been the one to push for Bucky and Viv to be the public couple. He’d been the one to encourage them to get married and to eventually have kids. He’d known deep down that he wouldn’t, no, _couldn’t_ , give her kids or grow old with her, and so when he’d first come up with the plan it was fine.  
   
After all, Buck and Viv were going to outlive him, but now that wasn’t the case. He was even healthier than Bucky probably and now he had to figure out who he could possibly marry, who he’d love enough to bring into their little group that would still tolerate Steve’s need to be with Bucky and Vivian since he wasn’t about to give them up. He had to figure out what he wanted to do when before the idea of a _future_ had seemed like such a delirious dream meant for other people.  
   
He’d dreamt and planned decades down the line for Vivian and Bucky, but never for himself. He’d known everything. He’d known the speech he’d given for their wedding and how he’d jokingly try to convince them to name their firstborn son after him. His only plan for himself was to just be with him for as long as his frail body allowed him to be. Every year he’d gotten with them had felt like a blessing, a stupid amazing blessing, and now he was worried about them dying before he did, and it was such a _selfish thought_. He’d been perfectly willing to die decades before them, leave the loves of his life to pick up the pieces and learn to live without him, but he couldn’t imagine doing the same. He couldn’t imagine outliving them.  
   
Dry heaving at the thought of being left _alone_ , Steve squeezed his eyes shut and then let out a shaky breath before he knelt next to his hotel room bed and clasped his hands together and praying fervently, “Please, God, please, just keep them safe. Protect them. I’ll do anything and everything it takes. Just make sure they come home. I can’t do this without them. I can’t do any of this without them, and I don’t want to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a shorter chapter than the previous one. I'd say that was on purpose, but it just happened that way. We'll be back with Bucky and Viv next chapter and it's gonna be interesting.
> 
> I'm honestly not sure why Senator Brandt showed up in this chapter to check up on Steve, but my muse decided he should show up, which then resulted in my muse deciding Senator Brandt is an _asshole_.
> 
> I have no evidence that Brandt's views, as I made up for this chapter, were common at the time, but I feel like they weren't _uncommon_ either. So either he ends up being a period typical jackass or just a jackass.


	23. Twenty-Two: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mentions of torture, sickness, half-assed medical knowledge, medical knowledge used for bad things, cursing, excessive back talking, nazis, murder, very bad deals, and a purposeful lack of details in certain parts

Days blurred together as they all slid into a hellish schedule of the same thing over and over again. She knew she’d wonder if she’d slipped straight into Hell if it weren’t for Bucky being there for her at the end of every day. He was her light in the darkness, her reprieve from the suffering, and still the best thing that had ever happened to her. The rest of their cellmates tried to help her as well, but there was little they could do. They didn’t know and couldn’t know that she was taken before Ophelia on a daily basis for the venom to be given to her again. Vivian never let herself go quietly though.  
  
She made a promise to herself though and she renewed it every time she was dragged into that office that she would kill as many Hydra agents as she could in her ultimate goal of razing Hydra to the ground. One day she even managed to kill five in one day before the brutal beatings took her out of commission yet again. The most recent of her little _lessons_ with Madame Hydra had resulted in no less than three broken ribs. Vivian could feel them grating across each other, the pain amplifying as she was dragged back to the cell.  
  
She refused to pick up her feet as she was dragged along, not wanting to make the agents’ jobs easier as they went along. Her theory about people being worked to death if they were lucky was being proven more of a fact as time went on. The men and women around her were becoming thinner and thinner, bruises dotting their skin and their bones prominent as their bodies looked almost stretched. Forcing herself to take slow, even breaths as the cell was opened, Vivian glared as the Hydra agent leaned close and whispered, “You really should learn to behave.”  
  
“And you really should learn from the mistakes of others.”  
  
Gritting her teeth and then slamming her head backward, Vivian closed her eyes and gave a snarl of a grin as she heard the distinct sound of the man’s nose breaking. His cries of pain had her laughing a dark, bitter laugh, and then she turned toward him and whispered in a sing song voice, “ _You’re going to die_.” The smile faded from her face and she moved up into his personal space and whispered, “One way or another, you’ll be dead before this war ever ends. The only question is whether I’ll be the one to kill you or if your precious Madame Hydra will be the one to pull the trigger.”  
  
A hard smack across her face had her landing on the ground, and she coughed and choked as she landed on her ribs. Scrambling toward the back of the cell as the door was shut, Vivian then lay back and closed her eyes, waiting for the throbbing pain to fade. She wasn’t sure how long she lay there until she heard the cell doors opening along with sharp, inhaled breaths. The cell was otherwise silent though until the cell door shut and then she felt herself being lifted up into someone’s arms. Opening her eyes, she smiled a bloody smile up at Bucky while he stroked her cheek and whispered, “Damn it. She’s burning up again. Morita, is there anything you can do?”  
  
Shivering as she was shifted over into Morita’s arms, Vivian closed her eyes as she felt hands checking her body for new injuries. Even the gentle touch caused pain to ripple through her, making her breathing come out just a little bit sharper as she kept herself quiet. After several minutes, those gentle fingertips pressed against her throat for a minute and the man admitted, “Her pulse is too high. Her temperature is getting worse. Bucky, I don’t know if she’ll—”  
  
“ _Shut up_. She’s going to survive. She’s going to make it home. I _promised_ , so don’t you dare give up on her! Don’t you dare!”  
  
“Bucky, I’m not, but I’m telling you that if Madame Hydra gets hold of her again, she won’t survive another session. She’s got at least three broken ribs. She hasn’t been keeping food down. She’s dehydrated. If we can’t get her fever down and fluids into her within the next twelve hours, then she will die, and there’s nothing I can do to stop that. I want to save her, but there’s only so much I can do. We need to start giving her water now. We have some water left for all of us, but if we drink all of that then we’ll all die within the next couple of days and then she’ll be alone again.”  
  
“I’ll take care of it.”  
  
“Bucky.”  
  
“I said I’ll take care of it.”  
  


Drifting into unconsciousness, Vivian wasn’t sure how long she was out, but then she woke to cool water being poured past her lips. Swallowing it gratefully, Vivian let herself get sat up, frowning at the rest of the people in the cell as she instantly realized who wasn’t there. Swallowing hard, she nudged Morita’s had away before questioning, her voice raspy, “Where’s Bucky?”

  
All the men glanced between each other and Vivian shook her head, tears filling her eyes as Dugan admitted carefully, “You were getting worse. Morita said you needed some real help or you’d die, and then you…you passed out. For a while you were just quiet, but then you started seizing in Bucky’s arms. Bucky…”  
   
“He lost it,” Gabe continued as he stared at the floor. “He screamed for Madame Hydra to get down there. Threw things, cursed up a storm, attacked the bars until she came down, and he shouted about a deal.”  
   
“ _No_.”  
   
Gripping at her hair, Vivian couldn’t calm her own breathing as Morita spoke in a low, even tone, “You need to calm down. You’ve been in and out of consciousness for over a week. Your fever only broke last night.”  
   
“Where is Bucky?” The words had come out choked, and she glanced around, tears in her eyes as she whispered again, “Tell me where he is.”  
   
“He agreed to go with Madame Hydra in exchange for you getting the help you needed.”  
   
Groaning, Vivian grit her teeth before biting out, “That moron.”  
  
Pulling herself up, much to the protests of the men in the cell, Vivian tried to move toward the door only for Morita to grab her hands and pull her back down while speaking firmly, “Look at me, kid. _Look at me_.”  
   
Tears slipped down Vivian’s cheeks as she met his gaze and he sighed before admitting, “You stopped breathing a couple of times, doll. Bucky had to get you breathing again. He made all of us swear that we’d keep you alive. Every last one of us. You hear me?”  
   
Nodding, Vivian sat back and sighed, smiling weakly as Dum Dum moved closer and handed her some food. Eating it carefully, she was surprised when Falsworth admitted, “We fed you as best as we could while you were sick, but there wasn’t much we could do without you choking. Morita insisted it was more important for you to stay hydrated.”  
   
Nodding, Vivian tilted her head back and whispered, “You can survive for a little while without food, but almost no time at all without fluids.”  
   
“Could you hear him?” Glancing over at Gabe, she frowned, her brow furrowed as he kept talking, “Bucky, I mean. He talked to you. Kept talking about how you were the one that kept him and Steve safe. He mentioned trips to Coney Island.”  
   
Smiling weakly, Vivian ate slowly before admitting softly, “Yeah. We went there a lot when the weather was warm. The three of us.” Laughing, Vivian smiled before admitting, “A few times Buck would goad Steve into riding the cyclone. He always went so green. One time he even threw up. Steve was _so mad_ at Bucky.”  
   
“Was he mad at you too?”  
   
Grinning slyly over at Gabe, Vivian spoke teasingly, “Someone stay mad at me? Oh, honey, you must be joking.”  
   
“Well, Madame Hydra did personally see to your being beaten within an inch of your life.”  
   
Finishing her food and laughing at Dum Dum’s comment, Vivian scoffed, “Men are so melodramatic. I’m not dead, am I?”  
  
“No, but—”  
   
“I’m not dead, so I have work to do. Now someone tell me where in the holy Hell Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes is. And I don’t mean that he was taken by Madame Hydra. Where in this facility did she take him?”  
   
Glancing over at Dernier, Vivian grinned before speaking to him in French, “ _What about you? What do you know_?”  
   
Gabe looked stunned, but Dernier cleared his throat before answering in accented English, “She took him to…the lab. He is…how do you say it? Lost.”  
   
“Like Hell he is.”  
   
Pulling herself up, Vivian got up and headed toward the door of the cell, inhaling slowly and deeply before glancing over her shoulder and asking, “Dugan, may I ask a favor of you?”  
   
Dugan frowned, his brow furrowed as he exchanged glances with the other men, but ultimately replied, “Of course.”  
   
“You let Bucky know there was nothing that any of you could do to stop me.”  
   
“Vivian, what are you talking—”  
   
Putting her thumb and her pointer finger into her mouth, Vivian gave a sharp, ear-splitting whistle, causing people in other cells to flinch while Vivian grinned and called over to a Hydra agent, “Hey there, come over here. I want to talk to you.”  
   
The man looked confused, but Vivian motioned him over while grinning. He moved over and stood next to the bars while questioning, “You want to talk?”  
   
Giggling, Vivian bit her bottom lip before teasing, “Well, more than talk. Do you think you’d be interested in doing a little bit more than talking?”  
   
The agent licked his bottom lip and nodded before moving closer. Vivian could practically hear the gears turning in her cellmates’ heads as they wondered if she was really about to cheat on Bucky with a goddamn Nazi. As the agent reached through the bars though, Vivian grabbed his hand and tugged, gritting her teeth while reaching through and grabbing a knife from his side and then flipped it between her fingers before slamming it up into his neck. Pulling the knife out, she then dropped his hand, leaning her head against the bars while the man reached up and grabbed desperately at his throat. Blood seeped through his fingers and he choked on air while sliding to the ground.  
   
An alarm erupted around her and she crouched down, grabbing the gun from the man’s holster. As agents showed up, she aimed and fired, shooting two agents point blank in the foreheads before a voice called out, “Enough!”  
   
Leaning back from the bars, Vivian dropped the gun and the knife onto the floor outside the cell as Madame Hydra stormed over and hissed, “What do you think you are doing? Do you think this little temper tantrum will solve anything? Your beloved is dead.”  
   
“We both know you’re too much of a vindictive bitch to kill him and not drag his corpse in front of me. You proved that when you killed Annie like that in front of me. She was just an innocent kid, and you murdered her just to see me squirm. So I know that you’d never skip the opportunity to hurt me again. You’d make me watch. You’re evil incarnate and so take me to James Barnes or I’ll keep finding ways to kill your people.”  
   
“Aren’t you a nurse?”  
   
“I’m a damn good nurse. How do you think I knew exactly where to stab?”  
   
“What about that pesky oath you took? Do no harm? Or do you not believe in all that nonsense?”  
   
Gripping the bars and grinning widely, Vivian shook her head while the men behind her hissed in their breaths as she replied, “Nazis aren’t people, _sweetheart_ , so you can’t actually harm them.”  
   
Madame Hydra’s eyes narrowed as she spat, “You will regret this.”  
   
“Are you saying that I will live to regret it? Because in that case, I accept. Let’s talk.”  
   
“Vivian, you can’t. It’s—”  
   
“Remember what I said, Dugan. Make sure he knows.”  
   
The cell opened and Vivian let herself get pulled out of the cell. Her hands were roughly tied behind her back and she took deep breaths as a bag was put over her head. She could hear her cellmates crying out, but she cooperated as they went down the hall. She could hear everything around her, but couldn’t see anything. It was for the best that she kept firm in her resolve and didn’t see the horrors she was walking past. She was being selfish, she knew, but she couldn’t lose Bucky.  
   
“You weak, pathetic child.”  
   
The hood was removed from Vivian’s head and she watched as Ophelia paced while hissing, “After everything I’ve done for you to make you a masterfully designed weapon and you throw it all away for a _man_? You could have _ruled Hydra_ with me! I could have left you an empire!”  
   
“You would have left me ruins, Mother. You would have left me a barren wasteland and called it a kingdom. I will not help the Nazis and I will not help Hydra.”  
   
“Don’t get sanctimonious with me, child. We both know this isn’t about your sudden moral compass. This is about that man. How long have you had that weakness inside of you?”  
   
Gritting her teeth, Vivian flexed her hands in her binds before hissing, “I don’t owe you anything, Ophelia. I definitely don’t owe you an explanation, so let’s just cut to the chase. You made a deal with James Barnes. I would like to alter that agreement.”  
   
“First you answer the question. How long have you been weak?”  
   
“It’s not weakness.”  
   
Ophelia laughed and leaned forward, a sarcastic grin on her face as she taunted, “Oh, look around you, Vivian. Look at where this has brought you. How long?”  
   
Staring down Ophelia, Vivian whispered, “Almost the entire time I was in New York.”  
   
Closing her eyes as Ophelia scoffed in disgust, Vivian swallowed hard as the woman sat at her desk before pulling out some paper and writing. Staying quiet, Vivian felt nausea build up in her as the woman looked more and more pleased with herself as she wrote. Whatever she was coming up with, she was clearly amusing herself with it. Settling back in her seat with a grin, Ophelia flipped her dark hair behind her shoulder while motioning for an agent. An overly eager agent ran over and accepted the file before rushing over and holding it out.  
   
Leaning forward and reading it, Vivian swallowed hard as she saw that while evil incarnate, Madame Hydra was still very observant. This woman, this monster, had come up with everything. All the rules, and the consequences. Vivian had to use every ounce of her strength not to cry. It was a terrible idea, but it was her only chance to do the right thing. Madame Hydra knew she would never turn it down. Still, it took waiting for a rolling bout of nausea to pass before she whispered, “I’ll do it.”  
   
“I can’t hear you.”  
   
Glancing up, Vivian stared directly into Madame Hydra’s eyes before biting out, “I will do it.”  
   
“Good. Then we better get started. Seems you really will live to regret it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I purposely didn't reveal what Vivian's deal was in this chapter. It'll get explored more over the next few chapters.


	24. Twenty-Three: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: references to experimentation/torture, actual psychological torture, outright violence, outright gore, outright murder, and a lot of angst.
> 
> Also, there is a spoiler linked to in the end notes (I swear it is not a rick roll, I typed the spoiler and attached it as an image in the link). I was initially going to do the spoiler as a like, full on spoiler text thing that I've seen on forums where it's blacked out until you highlight it, but none of the codes I found worked on here for some reason. I then thought about doing a hover text, but then remembered that hover text doesn't really work all that well on mobile.
> 
> Please read the entire chapter though and stick with me.
> 
> Also, just to be on the safe side: my deepest apologies to LucifersAlleyCat's phone. You're probably gonna get thrown. Again.
> 
> There is good news in the end note though.

Restraints dug into Bucky’s arms and legs as he struggled against them, desperate to free himself. Unfortunately they’d tightened the damn things and at that point he could barely feel his fingers. Still, he wouldn’t give up, not even with how much his head was pounding. The machine that was over him sent _some_ sort of energy into him, but he didn’t know what kind. All he knew was that it hurt like hell.

And that they wanted something from him. He just wasn’t sure what.

Turning his head to the side, Bucky spit out blood, trying to clear his mind by mumbling his name and serial number. He kept murmuring them over and over again, his throat clenching as he thought about Steve and Vivian. Steve was counting on him to come back home, and Vivian? Vivian was somewhere in that hellhole with him. Giving up wasn’t an option for him, not when he needed to save her and get back to Steve. That was the only reason he’d given himself up when she’d gotten that sick. He’d known he had to do something, anything, to save her. She’d been slipping away from him, and he couldn’t bear it.  
  
“Ah, I see you’re making yourself comfortable.”  
  
Sneering over at the interrogator as the man walked in, Bucky spit more blood out of his mouth, this time hitting the man’s shoes, which caused the first real smile in a long time to spread across Bucky’s face. Instantly the man glared, and Bucky didn’t care until the man snapped something in German. Closing his eyes, Bucky prepared himself for more physical pain, only to freeze when he heard yelps of pain coming from someone else, a _feminine_ someone else.  
  
Opening his eyes and glancing over, Bucky fought more at the binds, the binds cutting into his arms and legs as he frantically tried to get out as he saw Vivian being dragged in by two Hydra agents. Bucky had never felt pain and rage like that before as he saw her. She looked ill, like someone had given her a beating, and tape was roughly pressed against her mouth.  
  
“You recognize her, no?”  
  
“We had a deal! God damn it, we had a deal! Let her go! I’ll tell you whatever you want, but you have to let her go!”  
  
“And yet, we decided that the plan you made was not in our best interest, especially because you have not been holding up your end of the bargain.”  
  
Tears were streaming down Vivian’s cheeks, and Bucky could hear his voice becoming more and more strained as he choked out, “Please, just let her go. I’ll do anything if you just let her go.”  
  
The interrogator smiled, and the only noises Bucky could hear were his heartbeat, his heavy breathing, and the soft sobbing coming from Vivian. He let himself feel hope though as the interrogator moved over to the agents holding Vivian and looked down at her. There was an odd expression on his face, and she looked away, making anger fill Bucky again. Somehow, Bucky just _knew_ that the bastard was the one who’d left bruises on Vivian’s face.  
  
“All right. You heard the man. Cut her loose.”  
  
Bucky started to sigh with relief, but then the breath got caught in his throat, erupting as a scream, a scream that was dragged from the depths of his very soul as an agent pulled out a knife and dragged it across Vivian’s throat. Blood was everywhere and Bucky could feel his own spilling from the binds as he tried to rip himself free. He couldn’t hear anything though as he watched Vivian’s eyes widen before they closed as she crumpled to the floor.  
  
The dark, dingy floor stained red, the liquid creeping along the floor and there was a ringing in his hears, his screaming finally ending as his throat became sore and as the sobbing took over. His body shook and he cursed, vowing to kill every last filthy one of them as they dragged her body away from him.  
  
After a few minutes, Bucky realized they probably weren’t coming back for the day, but he also knew that they didn’t need to. Those bastards hadn’t laid a finger on him, and yet Bucky had never felt such intense pain before in his life. It was a never-ending hole in his heart, widening and deepening, threatening to suck him in and never let him go as he kept replaying the moment over and over again in his mind. Over and over again, the images pounded into his brain; the white of her throat, the silver of the blade, her bright blue eyes, the dark red blood, and then finally the black floor. Those colors over and over and over again. White, silver, blue, red, and black. Staring up at the clock in the room, the time became engrained into his mind with the colors, his body shaking as he muttered to himself.

_Barnes, James Buchanan; Sergeant; 32557038._

On the hour someone would come in and check his vitals, make sure he was alive, but Bucky had never felt further from it. One hour turned into two, which turned into three, his tears drying up and his heart laying in crushed pieces on the floor as more and more time without Vivian in the world crept past. Three hours with her gone. Four hours. Five. Every second felt like hours, and he couldn’t comprehend how he was supposed to live out the rest of his life without her. Surely even just living a few more days was more torture than he could bear, more torture than even a sinner like him could ever deserve.

Bucky could hear a familiar voice in the room, the voice worried and pained as warm hands tugged at his restraints, but he couldn’t focus on the voice or the person, not when those images were still seared into his psyche. The restraints being ripped off of him had Bucky glancing up, seeing a semi-familiar face through the fog of his pain as the person leaned over him, a hand on his shoulder as the voice pleaded with him, “Bucky, it’s me. It’s Steve.”  
  
Suddenly the fog cleared and Bucky smiled deliriously, tears forming in the back of his eyes as he whispered, “ _Steve_.”  
  
Letting himself get helped up, Bucky steadied himself by holding onto Steve’s arms, shivering as the man cupped the back of his neck in his hand while speaking, “I thought you were dead.”  
  
Pain ripped through Bucky’s body as Steve said those words, but then Bucky felt his legs start to give out. Instantly Steve was holding him up more, and Bucky weakly joked, “I thought you were smaller.”  
  
Bucky went to explain to Steve what all had happened, what kind of horrors the place had brought, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. As he opened his mouth to try though, a sharp sound had both of them glancing out the door. Swaying on his feet, Bucky nearly fell over, but then nodded as Steve urged them to leave before practically dragging him out of the room. It was astonishing, his Steve being able to lift him at all, let alone practically carry him out of a room, and he found himself blurting out, “What happened to you?”  
  
“I joined the army.”  
  
A familiar ache filled Bucky as he heard Steve joke that and Bucky stared up into that face that was different, but still the same. This was his Steve. After a few feet Bucky was able to walk on his own, although he was still stumbling, and he kept putting off the inevitable by asking inane questions, “Did it hurt?”  
  
“A little.”  
  
“Is it permanent?”  
  
“So far.”  
  
An explosion went off and Bucky winced, stumbling forward while trying to keep up with Steve (something he’d never thought would be possible), his heart plummeting into the floor as Steve called over his shoulder, “Buck, we’ve got to get out of here as soon as possible. Do you know where Viv’s being held?”  
  
A tense silence went between them and Bucky winced when Steve spoke again, his voice more frantic, “Bucky, c’mon. It’s either now or never.”  
  
“It’s never, Stevie. Those bastards killed her. Our Viv’s not coming home.”  
  
Even with the place exploding all around them, Bucky could hear Steve’s sharp intake of breath and could see the way the man’s body _shook_ as he moved now. Bucky hated having to be the one to give the information, hated that it was true at all, but he kept moving. He knew Vivian wouldn’t want either of them to die there. Once they reached the walkway though, it was clear going down wasn’t an option from the way the flames grew higher and higher. Wincing at that, Bucky quickly followed Steve up the stairs to get to a walkway higher up.  
  
“Captain America! How exciting!”  
  
Confusion filled Bucky as he heard a voice call that out, but then his eyes widened as he saw a higher up of Hydra heading toward them. Bucky knew that man. The man had been Madame Hydra’s boss and whenever he showed up, they all knew, because the work got that much harder. Rage blocked out most of the conversation though as he saw who else was over there. It was the interrogator, the one who’d told the Hydra agents to _cut her loose_. Hands tightening on the railing, Bucky had to stop himself from running across the walkway and beating the man to death for what he’d done. He wanted that man to feel _pain_ and _fear_ as he died. He wanted the man to _suffer_.  
  
Heart pounding as Steve _approached_ those maniacs, Bucky watched, the explosions and the roar of the flames around him too loud for him to quite make out what they were talking about. A deep sense of satisfaction built up in his gut though as Steve _punched_ the man, but then that quickly was replaced with fear as a fight started. Luckily though, the monster on the other side pulled the walkway apart, and Bucky reached out for Steve, as he came closer, letting his fingertips brush against the man’s arm to reassure himself that Steve was really there with him.  
  
“No matter what Erskine told you, I was his greatest success!”  
  
Any and all thoughts Bucky had been having immediately fell away as the Hydra agent peeled off his face, revealing a _red skull_ Eyes widening, Bucky gripped the railing tighter, his legs still weak as he choked out, “You don’t have one of those, do you?”  
  
“You are deluded, Captain! You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality, you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind. Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!”  
   
Bucky glared over at the Red Skull, the heated air making him a little dizzy, and a part of him wondered if he’d died back on that table. It’d explain all of this. It’d explain a monster taunting Steve, and _Steve_ , his beautiful Steve lookin’ healthy and _huge_.  
  
“Then how come you’re running?”  
  
Bucky almost snorted in relief as Steve called that out. Same goddamn punk he always was. He knew that was Steve. He flinched though as another explosion happened after the doors closed on the two agents. The place was going to crumple around them if they stayed any longer. Glancing around for a way out, Bucky backed away from the railing to try and find something, anything for them to use.  
  
“C’mon, let’s go! Up!”  
  
Shivering as Steve’s hand gripped his arm tightly, Bucky let himself get led up more flights of stairs, wondering just how much longer he could keep this up without collapsing completely. Still, he pushed Steve ahead of him, needing desperately to make sure that Steve got out of there alive, if nothing else, as they left. Somehow they both made it up to the area that Steve wanted to get to, and Bucky immediately felt dread fill him as he spotted the metal beam going across. Steve wanted them to cross _that_?  
  
“Let’s go. One at a time.”  
  
Nodding stiffly, Bucky carefully got over the metal bar, feeling at least slightly better that Steve was steadying him as he situated himself on the damn thing. Once he was on it though, he set his face, determination filling him as he reminded himself of what was at stake. He had to get out of there alive. He had to get out of there alive, because he had to live long enough to kill every single Hydra agent. Even if it took him the rest of his life, he had to make sure they all paid for what they did to Vivian. He wouldn’t rest until he did.  
  
Still, the shaking beam and the explosions below were making it hard, especially as the beam started to fall. One particular creak had Bucky’s eyes widening and had him running across the beam, leaping across and barely catching hold of the railing. Pulling himself over, he then turned around, feeling like his heart was being ripped in two as the beam fell. Steve was still on the other side, and he frantically begged, “Gotta be a rope or something!”  
  
Steve shook his head and waved him aside, “Just go! Get out of here!”  
  
His hands slammed against the bars again, his heart nearly stopping in his chest as he shouted, “No! Not without you!”  
  
Bucky knew revenge wasn’t worth nothing if Steve didn’t survive, and he stood on the other side, the hot metal digging into his hands as he prayed and begged to everything in the universe to just let Steve make this jump. The man bent back the railing and then backed up, taking a running start, and Bucky held his breath as the man then jumped. Years seemed to melt off of Bucky’s life and the metal dug into his skin as another explosion happened _too close_ to Steve. Still, the man barely got to the other side, and Bucky immediately helped him over, both of them running down the staircase to the exit.  
  
Once they got out of the building, Bucky had to take slow, shallow breaths as they continued forward. The building exploding behind them meant heat licked at their heels, making Bucky feel like he was walking out of the mouth of Hell itself, and he leaned on Steve more than he cared to admit as they joined up with the rest of the POW’s from the place. A few of them had grabbed tanks and other Hydra gear, and Bucky knew he probably would have been allowed to hitch a ride on one fo those, but he couldn’t leave Steve’s side. He wouldn’t.  
  
Their walk was quiet though as they headed through the dense forest, tanks leveling the ground behind them as they went. As they kept moving, determination filled Bucky as he struggled to leave his broken heart behind. The more they walked, the more Bucky forced himself to stand on his own, grateful for the gun he was handed (he couldn’t even remember who handed it to him) as he pushed forward. Over the hours, the men exchanged stories and laughs, all so damn _happy to be alive_.  
   
The only thing Bucky could manage was to allow himself to gaze at Steve as they walked. He was wearing that damn stupid helmet on his head, but somehow he made it look good. That beautiful face that Bucky knew better than he knew himself was still there, but just _more_. This was still Steve. This was still _his_ Steve, and he knew it was because of how every once and a while Steve would glance at him, smile, and Bucky would have to stop himself from kissing the man senseless. His heart ached every time he looked at that face though and wondered what Viv would have to say about all of this.  
  
It felt like they were walking forever, even with periodic rests for everyone, but finally they made it out and he found himself staring back at camp, found himself staring at dozens of cheering soldiers, but he couldn’t bring himself to smile. He could even smile when Steve gently clapped him on the back. He could hear Steve doing the honorable thing, trying to surrender himself, but Bucky was looking around the crowd.  
  
A nurse’s cap appeared in his view and Bucky almost let himself get excited until he saw the woman’s face and he reminded himself that he’d never see Viv in one of those ever again. Choking back tears, Bucky turned back toward what was going on, desperately trying to focus on anything but his own aching heart as he saw a woman approach Steve.  
  
“You’re late.”  
  
“Couldn’t call my ride.”  
  
Shoving down the pained jealousy that reared up inside him, Bucky instead glanced around, forcing himself to have a voice that didn’t completely shatter as he shouted, “Hey! Let’s hear it for Captain America!”  
  
Clapping, Bucky couldn’t keep his eyes off Steve, couldn’t stop looking at that handsome face that he’d always known that had just become a little bit _more_. Still, he knew that while everyone else saw the muscular towering figure, he still saw the short, skinny kid that he’d fallen in love with.  
  
He just hoped that never changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a rough chapter. I'm sorry. However, good news is that I'm posting a total of 3 times this weekend. 23, 24, and 25 on, well, the 23rd, the 24th, and 25th. I literally just now realized how that numbering worked out. I wasn't initially going to post that many times, but then I realized I basically had the next 2 chapters already written for the most part and I didn't want people having to wait until partway through January to find out what's going on. Anyway, the below spoiler will be revealed on the 25th if people don't want to click on it, but for the people who do want to click on it, it does link to an image on the site imgur.com.
> 
>  
> 
> [CLICK HERE FOR A SPOILER.](https://imgur.com/a/j8dlg)


	25. Twenty-Four: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: angst, retelling of past chapter, unnecessary guilt, and cuddling in a war zone.

The faintest smell of smoke filled Steve’s nostrils as he sat outside the medical tent, staring up at the night sky. He was supposed to move out and head back to England in the morning to debrief everyone about the locations he’d seen in the Hydra base; hell, they’d wanted him on a plane going out to England as soon as possible, but he’d refused. He’d refused, because within seconds of the applause for their victorious return home, Bucky’s legs had absolutely given out. Steve had barely been able to catch the man before he’d had to be taken off by frantic nurses looking over the collapsed soldier.  
  
And all of that joy, all of that pride, and all of that adrenaline from rescuing all of those soldiers immediately came crashing down around him. He’d walked for miles with them, forcing himself not to think about what had happened to those men, or who he’d left behind. With Bucky unconscious though, all he could think about was that bloodstained room, how Bucky had looked _through_ him, not at him, and how he’d been _babbling_. The man had kept repeating the same things over and over again, his name, his serial number, and then a series of colors.  
  
Steve had forced himself not to think about Vivian as he’d focused on getting Bucky out alive, forced himself to just believe that Vivian was safe with the other nurses. He lied to himself and told himself that Bucky would get a scolding from Vivian as soon as they got back, both of them getting their hands slapped for making her worry.

But then he’d gotten back with Bucky, had gotten Bucky medical attention and not a single one of the nurses was Vivian. Not a single one of them had those golden locks or that full smile or those eyes. None of them looked like his Vivian, and then he’d heard the colonel pass off a letter of condolence for Vivian Peshkova’s mother.

  
“Steve?”  
  
Glancing up and wiping the tears from his cheeks, Steve frowned when he saw Bucky standing next to him. Immediately standing up, Steve gently gripped Bucky’s arms and started to lead him back into the tent, his voice cracking as he spoke up, “You need to lay back down, Buck. You need to rest up. What would Viv—”  
  
Pausing, Steve’s arms fell to his sides as his voice broke off, his eyes squeezing shut as he finally choked out, “How did she die?”  
  
A tense silence fell between them, the seconds dragging on until Steve opened his eyes and saw tears streaming down Bucky’s face. Opening his mouth to ask again, he froze when Bucky spoke up, sounding far away, “Vivian got picked out of the bunch from the second we walked into that place. I don’t know why. I don’t know what happened in that office, but the woman in charge, Madame Hydra, had a vendetta against Viv from that moment on. She wanted information about our supply shipments and troop movements.”

“How would Viv know—”  
  
“Viv was promoted to Head Nurse and she took on more work to help the cause. She knew more than she was supposed to and somehow Madame Hydra knew that. Viv never gave her information though, even though Vivian got dragged off and came back every day with fresh cuts and bruises. They hurt her. Killed one of Viv’s nurses in front of her to try and break her. Viv still didn’t. I don’t know how long ago, but Viv came back a mess. We found her on the floor of the cell unconscious. She was burning up and she had broken ribs. Morita’s checking on her and tellin’ us that Viv’ll die if she goes back for another session, and then her whole body starts to seize.”  
  
Steve felt an ache inside him as he pictured the strong, vibrant woman he’d known so sick and injured. Rubbing at his face, he focused on Bucky and tried not to picture it all as Bucky continued, “I lost it. I screamed for medical supplies, for water. She was dying, Steve, and I couldn’t help her, and so I made a deal to be hurt instead of her. They brought medicine. I was taken back to that room. I don’t know how long I was there. Everything just hurt, but then suddenly they’re draggin’ Viv into the room and she’s got new bruises.”  
  
Bucky’s bottom lip trembled and he squeezed his eyes shut as he continued, “She’s beaten to all Hell. They’d taped her mouth shut and she’s looking at me with those eyes, and I can’t move. I can’t get free, and I keep telling them to let her go, that I’ll do anything and tell them anything, but then that bastard, the one helping the Red Skull, suddenly he’s telling the Hydra agents to cut her loose. I was ecstatic, but then…”  
  
“Then what?”  
  
“Steve, you don’t want to—”  
  
“ _Then what_?”  
  
“They slit her throat, Stevie. They slit Viv’s throat, and I couldn’t do anything. All I could do was watch her die, and then they took her away. A few hours later you came and—”  
  
“How long?”  
  
Steve’s mind had shut down after hearing _a few hours_ , his lungs straining to work as Bucky stared forward and admitted, “I kept staring at the clock, trying to figure out how long I’d been without her. The clock felt _loud_ and I…I just wanted to die.”  
  
“Bucky, _how long_?”  
  
Steve knew his voice had taken on a desperate edge, but his own fear and panic started to build when Bucky averted his eyes, not wanting to look at him. They sat there in tense silence for several minutes until Bucky mumbled a number. Steve strained to hear it, but then wished he hadn’t when Bucky repeated the number.  
  
“Five and a half hours.”  
  
The world suddenly went silent and Steve’s brain quickly figured out where exactly he was five and a half hours before he managed to get his way into that place. He quickly traced it back in his mind and ended up on his knees, his hands digging into the dirt as he dry heaved. He knew exactly where he was as Vivian had been bleeding out waiting for someone to rescue her.  
  
“ _Steve_!”  
  
Flinching as Bucky tried to steady him, Steve shook his head, grateful there was nothing in his system to throw up as he choked out, “ _I was here_. I was on that stupid fucking stage with the chorus girls, reciting stupid lines while the love of our life was _dying_. I could have _been there_ for you both, but instead I was doing a goddamn song and dance number!”  
  
Warm arms slid around his shoulders and Steve sobbed as he was pulled into them, clinging to Bucky’s shirt as he babbled apologies over and over again. He could feel Bucky’s body shaking and could feel those hot tears slip onto his neck and shoulders as they sat tangled together.  
  
Pressing his face into Bucky’s neck, Steve shook his head as Bucky stroked his hair and reassured him through his own tears, “This isn’t your fault, Steve. This will _never_ be your fault. You’re not the one who did this, okay? This was Hydra. Those bastards took her from us, and we’re going to make them pay. You and me, we’re going to win this war and every single goddamn Hydra agent is going to wish they’d never been born. We’re going to make our girl proud, and then we’re going to go home. You and me, Steve, we’re going to do everything she ever wanted us to do, and no one is going to stop us.”  
  
“But I could have saved her.”  
  
“Steve, don’t do this to yourself.”  
  
“Why shouldn’t I? I went through the program to be able to save people. All I wanted to do was save people and to make a difference, and then I couldn’t save the doctor who helped me in the first place, and then I let myself become a piece of propaganda. I could have been here the entire time, fighting side by side with you and making sure both you and Viv were safe. I could have saved you both, but…”  
  
Gripping at his hair, Steve squeezed his eyes shut, his throat clenching as his imagination came up with vivid, colorful images of their best girl beaten and bloody. Bucky pulled him close though and Steve buried his face in the man’s neck, missing the days when he was smaller and could be enveloped in those muscular arms completely. He missed the days when it was just the three of them back in Brooklyn.  
  
Soft lips pressing against his hairline gently brought him out of his thoughts though as Bucky whispered, “Viv knew you loved her, Steve, and if she were here now, she wouldn’t blame you. I know you would have been there sooner if you could have been. I know you’d have been by our sides this entire goddamn war if it’d been possible. After all, you always were too dumb to run away from a fight.”  
  
“Buck…”  
  
“No, Stevie, I mean it. I know you, better than I know myself even, and I promise you that we’ll avenge our best girl.”  
  
Pulling back slightly, Steve glanced up into Bucky’s eyes, his expression still strained and pained as he whispered, “You promise?”  
  
Bucky’s expression immediately softened and Steve’s eyes fluttered shut momentarily as the man gently stroked Steve’s jawline before whispering, “Yeah, doll, I promise. You and me. We’re a team and we’re going to do this. We’re going to be the big damn heroes Viv always thought we were.”  
  
Smiling softly at that, Steve whispered, “She did think that, didn’t she?”  
  
“Yeah, don’t know why either. We’re just a couple of Brooklyn punks.”  
  
Eyes opening again, Steve swallowed hard and whispered, “Do you think she knows that I love her? That I wanted to be there for her? That I wanted to save her? Do you think she—”  
  
Bucky’s thumb gently brushed against his jawline and Steve let himself get helped up and tugged into the tent designated for him. Curling up on the cot with Bucky, Steve traced fading bruises on Bucky’s left arm as the man explained quietly, “Every day of her life, Steve. She knew every day of her life that you loved her, and she’d never think you’d just leave her somewhere to get hurt. You’d get into fights defending people you’d never met before. No way in Hell would you have left our best girl in danger. We’ve got ourselves the orneriest guardian angel the world has ever seen.”  
  
Chuckling at that, Steve sighed, but then blushed when Bucky whispered, “Although if she were here, she’d be asking you what happened to you. Just don’t tell me you did anything stupid.”  
  
Curling up closer, Steve’s lip quirked a little bit as he tried to keep his expression stoic while replying, “Okay, I won’t tell you.”  
  
Bucky looked unimpressed, and Steve smiled before admitting, “It’s a long story.”  
  
“I look like I got urgent plans, pal?”

Huffing out a laugh, Steve pressed a gentle kiss to Bucky’s lips before leaning back and admitting, “Dr. Abraham Erskine, the man Red Skull mentioned, created this serum years ago. It was designed to make people better. He wanted to help people. Hitler wanted to make his own soldier’s stronger, so he sent Schmidt, the Red Skull, to take it. They took Erskine and made him give it to Schmidt. Schmidt went…”  
  
“Insane?”  
  
“Basically. It amplified everything about him, and he was a bad man before he got the serum, so he became—”  
  
“A total fucking bastard. Yeah, I figured that part out. Where do you come into this story?”  
  
Arching an eyebrow, Steve moved a little closer and teased, “Who’s telling this story, jerk?”  
  
Bucky grinned and whispered, “You should be, punk, so get on with it.”  
  
Laughing, Steve smiled softly before admitting, “That night at the expo when I applied again? Erskine was there and said he’d give me a chance. This time he tested his candidates to see if we were strong enough to handle it both mentally and physically. I got chosen, and the serum was given to me.”  
  
Bucky sighed, rolling onto his back and Steve ran his fingertips along his boyfriend’s arm while whispering, “You mad at me?”  
  
Bucky shook his head, closing his eyes before speaking tiredly, “I’m not mad, Steve. I’m just…I’m worried as hell about you. What if that serum had really hurt you? What if you’d died? God, you didn’t even tell us you’d managed to enlist.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Buck. I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you, but then Erskine died right after I got the serum, and I got told I was basically gonna be a lab rat. Then I became a damn chorus girl, and every time I went to write down what I’d done, I would chicken out. I don’t know. I figured it was pointless since I was never gonna be a real soldier. And then I found out you were missing behind enemy lines and I knew I had to do something.”  
  
“Did they tell you Viv had been captured too?”  
  
Blinking back tears, Steve cleared his throat and whispered, “Yeah. They did. I was coming for both of you. Peggy helped me get there. Howard Stark helped too, actually. He was part of the project that got me the serum.”  
  
Bucky then leaned up and Steve rolled his eyes when Bucky drawled, “ _The_ Howard Stark? You mean the guy we saw at the expo mess up a perfectly good car? That’s who you put your faith in? Steve, c’mon.”  
  
Tugging Bucky closer by his dog tags, Steve leaned up and kissed the man softly on the lips, shivering as Bucky kissed him back. Kissing felt better than it had ever felt before, and it’d felt damn amazing before, so all Steve could do was hold Bucky tightly until hot shame filled him as Bucky nipped at his bottom lip before whispering, “Careful, Doll. Got a lot more strength in those arms than you used to.”  
  
“Oh, God, Buck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You just got really hurt. I should have—”  
  
His apologies got cut off by Bucky kissing him hard on the lips before placing his hands on either side of Steve’s head and speaking lowly, “Look at me, Steve. I’m gonna be okay, and none of this was your fault.”  
  
“But I should have—”  
  
“Should have what? That serum make you a goddamn mind reader? You know something I don’t know? Because I didn’t know I was gonna be in Azzano, let alone that Hydra would provide the Nazis with weapons straight outta nightmares to force us to surrender. I didn’t know we’d get captured and be put into a work camp. I didn’t know they’d target Viv. I didn’t know any of the shit that was going to go down, so how could you?”  
  
Blinking back tears, Steve swallowed hard, his breath hitching as a few tears slid down his cheeks and he whispered, “You and Viv always took care of me. I just…I wanted to be healthy enough for you, _good enough_ for you, and then I finally am, and I failed you both. Fat lot of good the serum did.”  
  
“I didn’t realize the serum switched your mouth and your asshole, Steven. Or if it didn’t, then it’s the worst fuckin’ miracle I’ve ever seen since there’s a whole load of shit coming out of your mouth.”  
  
Eyes widening, he gaped as Bucky gently cupped his cheek in his hand, wiping away tears with his thumb while gently continuing, “Am I happy you’re healthy? Damn right I am. It killed me every time you got sick like that and I couldn’t do nothing about it. You were always good enough though, Steve. You were always good enough for both of us. You hear me?”  
  
“Buck…”  
   
Steve’s voice had come out in a weak protest, but then he’d closed his eyes as Bucky’s bottom lip trembled and his head shook before he whispered, “I wish Viv could see you like this. I wish she was here.”  
   
Pulling Bucky close, Steve ran his fingers through the man’s hair and his other hand up and down his back as the man’s entire body shook with sobs. Nuzzling against Bucky’s neck, Steve sighed and pressed a soft kiss to his neck before whispering, “I’ve got you, Buck. Just rest.”  
   
Hiding his own tears as Bucky curled up next to him, Steve pressed up against him, wrapping Bucky up in his arms. Bucky turned around and Steve smiled softy as those arms wrapped around him and his head rested against his chest. Running his fingers through that dark hair, Steve pressed a kiss to his forehead, smiling softly as Bucky whispered, “Steve?”  
   
“Yeah?”  
   
“Thanks for being suck a reckless punk.”  
   
Swallowing hard, Steve pressed his forehead to Bucky’s and closed his eyes while whispering, “No problem. Thanks for being such a stubborn jerk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff is gonna be hella angsty for a while, my fine friends. At least Steve and Bucky are reunited though!


	26. Twenty-Five: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: references to medical experimentation, references to child abuse, actual physical abuse, actual verbal abuse, actual psychological abuse, quite a bit of smack talk, and angsty coping mechanisms.

“Patient is regaining consciousness.”  
  
“Excellent. And the progress on her arm?”  
  
“Regrown completely, Madame. We won’t know for certain if functioning is back to normal until we run some tests.”  
  
Bright blue eyes opened up and stared at a ceiling, the woman being discussed gritting her teeth as she refused to glance at her captors. She knew exactly who they were and exactly where she was. She’d hoped to never be back there again, her hands clenching with anger as she remembered the long nights as a teen in this very room, the pain and the rage that had taken over her every time. Fingertips brushing along her throat had Vivian glaring, desperately trying to attack as she stared into the familiar eyes of her _mother_.  
  
“Hmm, the mark on your neck is just barely visible. Remarkable.”  
  
“Admiring your brutality? Not surprising. You always were disgusting.”  
  
Vivian knew talking back had been the wrong thing to do, and she was proven correct when the woman pressed down on Vivian’s still healing ribs, a sharp cry of pain forced out of her as the woman sneered and snapped, “Now is that any way to talk to your mother?”  
  
Gritting her teeth and getting more control over herself, Vivian stared up at her mother’s face, noticing not for the first time how quickly the angelic halo her mother came off slid away once her true nature was revealed. When Viper wanted to, she could transform herself. Her dark hair (dyed to be that way) and her piercing green eyes could make for a pretty picture.  
  
With her hair curled and the right make-up, Viper could look like one of those gorgeous dames from the movies. She used it to charm men that she wanted on her side, men too powerful for her to outright intimidate (at least not at first). Men like Red Skull, although Vivian suspected that her mother actually, in her own twisted way, cared for that monster. After all, her calling him _master_ always seemed more than a little sincere.  
  
Now though, with her teeth bared and her eyes like sharp glass, Viper looked every bit the monster that she actually was. A gleam of madness was in her expression and it just got more intense as the woman pressed down harder. Those sharp white teeth became more and more visible as her smile widened the entire time.  
  
“Madame Hydra, if you put any more pressure on the patient’s ribs, we risk puncturing her lungs.”  
  
“Are you questioning my methods, agent?”  
  
“N-No, of course not, Madame. Never. I respect you too much to ever—”  
  
“ _Leave_.”  
  
A murmured ‘ _hail Hydra’_ was the shaky response but then Vivian rolled her eyes as she was quickly left alone with Viper. Ophelia. Viper. Madame Hydra. Vivian had been shocked when Ophelia had referred to herself as Vivian’s mother at all. It’d been years since the woman had referred to herself as such, and Vivian herself had never been allowed to call the woman ‘Mother’ or anything of the sort.  
  
She still remembered the first time she’d tried though, the first time she’d mistakenly thought to acknowledge the woman as she really was. She learned her lesson the hard way, learned that there was no way one of the heads of Hydra was going to tolerate being called _Mommy_ by anyone, not even their own toddler. Her attempt as a child had been innocent enough, but all it’d taken was that one misstep and a rebuttal of a broken wrist for Vivian to learn to never use that word ever again unless she was prepared for pain.  
  
“Did you really think you could hide from me, Hecate?”  
  
Shaking her head, Vivian didn’t even look at the woman as she admitted, “I hoped. I managed it pretty well in New York since your flunkies weren’t the best at finding their way around the joint. The place isn’t that hard to navigate, but you’d think it was considering their performance. Honestly, I don’t understand how a place as selective as Hydra managed to get such a large group of idiots together. If _those_ were the people you accepted, then _who did_ you send away?”  
  
A sharp punch to her side had Vivian crying out in pain, but then her pain turned into laughter as she saw the rage in that monster’s expression. Grinning, blood covering her teeth, Vivian couldn’t help herself and talked back some more, her voice strained as the rib dug deeper into her lung, “Seven years, Viper. _Seven fucking years_. That’s how long I evaded you. I mean, I got to hand it to you though, you actually stepped up your game after two years. I actually had to kill some of your men. And I will admit, that was a pain. I couldn’t let people in my life know about you, or let people know murders were happening. Thank God for the East River. Although a few times I did throw a couple of your boys off that sparkly new George Washington Bridge, because God bless America.”  
  
“You think you’re quite clever, don’t you?”  
  
“Oh, absolutely not. Saying that it required my being clever would give far too much credit to your little lapdogs, _Viper_.”  
  
“I should kill you for your insolence.”  
  
“But you won’t, will you? I’m the only one of your little pet projects to actually survive, and now you’re not quite sure if you _can_ kill me. All that work, all that planning, all that _grooming_ and to be wasted by killing me? No. Hydra’s filled with idiots, but they’re not _that_ Even if you weren’t so stupidly proud of the things you’d done to me, you wouldn’t be allowed to kill me, not when they can just experiment on me for the next hundred years or so.”  
  
“We’ll be done with you far before that is over, I promise you that.”  
  
Laughter bubbled out of Vivian, a fine mist of blood spraying out of her mouth as she cackled, her back arching slightly and her arms straining against the restraints. She knew she shouldn’t find her impending doom _funny_ , and part of her didn’t, but just the idea that her mother was _threatening_ her with a non-specific end after all the very specific torture her and those bastards had put her through? It was just too much.  
  
“Well, I wish you luck with that, Madame Hydra. Just some food for thought though? If you don’t, then you better hope you’re not alive when I finally get out of here, because the first thing I’m going to do is carve you up like you did me, only you won’t heal from it. In fact, I’m curious, if I cut off your head, do you think two more will take its place? I’d sure like to find out. Want to give it a go?”  
  
Blood was hitting the wall and her head had snapped to the side within seconds as Viper’s hand struck her face, making Vivian choke on some of it before spitting it out. A bitter smile still spread across Vivian’s lips as blood dripped from them, but she froze as her captor leaned close, their faces barely apart as Viper growled, “Careful, child, and try to remember that I can and will make your life a living Hell.”  
  
Gaze going blank, Vivian’s hands clenched by her sides, breathing deeply through her nose as she refused to look into those eyes that were so similar to her own, and instead whispered, “You’ve been doing that since before I was born, so not much of a change there.”  
  
An angry scream had Vivian rolling her eyes, but then before the woman could leave, Vivian found herself asking a question she never thought she’d actually be able to bring herself to ask, “Why even try to produce a child at all?”  
  
The angry footsteps stopped, and Vivian glanced over, her stare piercing as she questioned again, “Why produce a child at all? You and I both know these experiments could have been done on someone existing, that they would have let you play your fucked up little games on kids that weren’t yours, so why have a kid? Why go through so much effort to con some mutant into knocking you up and then using God knows what all to turn me into a weapon? What was the point?”  
  
A silence fell over the room and Vivian held her breath, part of her expecting some sort of answer, _any_ answer, but then her blood froze, her anger soared, and her heart clenched while Viper snapped, “I don’t owe an explanation to a glorified petri dish.”  
  
As the door slammed behind the woman, Vivian felt a lump form in her throat as her eyes burned. She grit her teeth and stared blindly up at the ceiling, refusing to let Viper get that sort of emotional reaction out of her. She told herself over and over again that she wouldn’t give that monster the satisfaction of her breaking down in captivity, not this soon at least. She was strong and she was…Vivian’s body sagged in the bed as the words _glorified petri dish_ replayed in her mind over and over again, the volume getting louder and louder as she lay there.  
  
Maybe that was all she’d ever really been.  
  
As soon as the thought came to her, she did her best to force it. She pictured Bucky and Steve instead. Closing her eyes, she slowed her breathing while letting herself sink into a memory. Sunlight through the windows as Bucky wrapped her up in his arms, his lips pressing up her neck until he whispered into her ear just how much he loved her. Steve pulling her onto the couch an stroking her cheek, calling her the best dame he’d ever known.  
  
She wanted to be back in that stupid apartment. She wanted the war to have never happened. She wanted it all to just fade away and leave her with them. It was a selfish, stupid dream, but she wanted it. She wanted it so much that her chest began to ache and for a moment she could feel the memory like it was a real, solid thing happening to her. The three of them laughing and staying an entire day in bed together, hoping they’d be able to go without anyone noticing. Part of her knew this memory wasn’t real and that she wasn’t actually with them, but it was better than reality. All she had to do was believe and stay with the memory, and to survive. Survive and live to fight another day.  
  
It was the only option she’d consider since she knew Steve and Bucky were still out there. The people she loved and cared for were still out there, and she couldn’t give up on them.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Viper's a total bitch.
> 
> Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone!


	27. Twenty-Six: 1943

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Minor edits to canon, a whole lot of sappiness, Bucky's a jealous baby, and also a period of intense sadness

“The fifth one was here in Poland, right near the Baltic,” Steve admitted as he leaned over the map. As soon as he’d gotten back to England along with the other men, he’d gotten cleaned up and asked to recall as many of the locations he’d seen on that map as possible. Now, he’d always had a good memory, but since the serum it was like he couldn’t forget a damn thing. “And the sixth one was…” Taking a deep breath and then moving his hand across the map, Steve admitted, “about here, 30, 40 miles west of the Maginot Line.” A soldier immediately took the map away and Steve smiled sheepishly at Agent Carter before shrugging, “I just got a quick look.”  
  
Peggy arched her eyebrows and then gently teased, “Well, nobody’s perfect.”

Blushing and feeling his heart race slightly as well as his guilt rise just a touch, Steve smiled when Howard came over and stood in front of him, scoffing, “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be picking up a medal right now?”  
  
Keeping his face passive, Steve quickly replied, “I’ve decided I’m officially _off_ the press circuit.”  
  
Before Howard could reply though, Phillips was storming over and announcing, “Rogers, you just embarrassed a United States Senator in front of a room full of reporters and 10 Members of Parliament.”

Feeling like he was about to get really told off, Steve grinned as Phillips then handed over his medal while laughing, “You deserve a medal just for that.”

Howard was playing with the cartridge Steve had managed to grab on the way out of the factory and Steve wanted to sigh as Phillips questioned, “You figure out what that is yet?”  
  
Howard shook his head, “Well, if you believe Rogers, it’s the most powerful explosive known to man.”  
  
“ _If_?”

“Well, either you’re wrong or Schmidt’s rewritten the laws of physics.”

Clearing his throat as Howard ran off, Steve headed over to the map that had been set up with all the factories on it before announcing, “These are the weapon factories we know about. Sergeant Barnes said that Hydra shipped all the parts to another facility that isn’t on this map.”  
  
Phillips nodded and began walking and talking, not waiting for either of them, “Agent Carter, coordinate with MI6. I want every allied eyeball looking for that main Hydra base.”  
  
“What about us?”  
  
Sharing a glance with Peggy after she said _us_ instead of _me_ , causing a blush to tinge Steve’s cheeks, he focused as Phillips replied easily, “We are going to set a fire under Johann Schmidt’s ass. What do you say, Rogers? It’s your map. You think you can wipe Hydra off it?”  
  
“Yes, sir. I’ll need a team.”  
  
“We’re already putting together the best men.”  
  
“With all due respect, sir, so am I. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m actually late for a meeting.”  
  
Everyone nodded and Steve grabbed his coat before heading to the pub where he told Bucky to gather up the men and wait for him there. He was getting there a little later than he anticipated, but it wasn’t going to be too bad. Hanging up his coat once he got in, Steve blushed at the salutes he was given and ordered a round of beers before carrying them over to the table where most of the guys already were. Handing them out, Steve then sat down while they just stared at him silently.

Clearing his throat, Steve then admitted, “I just was together with Phillips—” sending pointed stares at everyone as they snorted, Steve then continued, “and he’s given me permission to set up a team to go after Hydra, wipe them off the map, so to speak. It’ll be dangerous, but I really believe we can take Hydra out once and for all.”

Dugan took a long, almost ungodly long drink of his beer before setting it down and questioning, “So, let me get this straight.”  
  
Gabe interrupted, “We barely got out of there alive, and you want us to go back?”  
  
Nodding, Steve admitted, “Pretty much.”  
  
Monty fiddled with his sleeves while joking, “Sounds rather…fun, actually.”  
  
Morita belched before shrugging, “I’m in.”  
  
Dernier spoke rapidly in French before turning to Gabe and the two chatted while Steve exchanged a confused glance with Dugan. Upon everyone then staring at Gabe and Dernier, Steve grinned as Gabe pointed between them and admitted, “We’re in.”  
  
Glancing back over at Dugan, Steve waited expectedly only to want to laugh as the man scoffed, “Hell, I’ll always fight, but you got to do one more thing for me.”  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
Dugan finished the rest of his beer and slammed the glass onto the table before announcing, “Open a tab!”  
  
Chuckling, Steve nodded and gathered up the empty glasses before heading over to the bartender and requesting another round.  
  
“Where are they putting all this stuff?”

Chuckling and shrugging at the bartender’s question, Steve then opened a tab before heading over to the next room where Bucky was sitting at the bar. He looked handsome as ever and Steve found himself having to recall why he’d exactly gone to the bar as Bucky scoffed, “See? I told you. They’re all idiots.”

Sitting down next to Bucky, Steve gently nudged him before questioning, “What about you? You ready to follow _Captain America_ into the jaws of death?”  
  
Bucky took another sip of his beer before snorting, “Hell, no.” His gaze turned soft though and Steve felt his heart pound in his chest as Bucky stared those bedroom eyes up at him before speaking lowly, “That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight? I’m following him.”  
  
Accepting a beer as he was handed one, Steve licked his bottom lip as Bucky then leaned over and teased, “But you’re keeping the outfit, right?”  
  
Gazing up and down at Bucky, Steve gently teased, “You know what? It’s kind of growing on me.”  
  
Suddenly the music went quiet and Steve leaned back at the same time Bucky did to see what was going on. His eyes widened though as he saw Peggy walking through the bar in a red dress. Her hair was curled and her lips were bright red as well. Standing up along with Bucky, Steve swallowed hard as she spoke.  
  
“Captain.”  
  
“Agent Carter.”  
  
Peggy walked by Bucky, who murmured a quick ‘ma’am’, and Steve focused as Peggy continued, “Howard has some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow morning?”  
  
Nodding, Steve spoke quietly, “Sounds good.”  
  
Glancing Peggy up and down before sharing a glance with Bucky, Steve felt confused fluttering in his heart as she glanced away before speaking dryly, “I see your top squad is prepping for duty.”  
  
“You don’t like music?”  
  
Peggy didn’t look at Bucky after he spoke and instead maintained eye contact with Steve, which he wasn’t used to, as she replied, “I do, actually. I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.”  
  
“Then what are we waiting for?”  
  
Steve knew Bucky’s comments weren’t serious, and it seemed Peggy knew as well since she still didn’t even look at him as she replied easily, “The right partner. 0800 Captain.”  
  
Nodding as she left, Steve spoke up, “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be there.”  
  
“I’m invisible,” Bucky griped, looking seconds away from breaking down, “I’m turning into you. It’s like a horrible dream.”  
  
Sighing, Steve put some money down and then gently gripped Bucky’s arm before whispering, “Let’s talk somewhere private, okay?”

Getting a key from the bartender, Steve then headed up to the rooms and quickly unlocked one before heading in. Shutting the door once they were both in, Steve turned toward Bucky and spoke up, “What were you talking about down there, Buck? You’re not invisible.”  
  
“Don’t goddamn lie to me, Steve. Even after the stupid fucking experiment, you’re still bad at it.”  
  
Frowning as Bucky paced, Steve shook his head, “I’m not lying, Buck. Is this about Peggy? Because there’s nothing going on between us—”  
  
“ _Bullshit_ there’s nothin’ goin’ on between you two. I’m not blind, Rogers. I saw the way she looks at you! She looks at you like…”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Like Viv used to look at you. Like Viv used to look at me.”  
  
Stopping Bucky as he paced, Steve moved closer, gently putting a hand against Bucky’s cheek while staring deep into his eyes while whispering, “And what about how I look at you?”  
  
“Steve…”  
  
“Did you know the serum fixed everything wrong with me, Buck? All the unhealthy parts of me are gone.”  
  
Bucky’s bottom lip trembled, but then his eyes widened as Steve whispered, “All the good became more though and how much I love you? God, I thought it was strong before, but now it’s all I can see. You walk into a room and you fill the whole damn thing. It was all I could do to just keep my hands off you the entire way back from that damn factory. Was even worse on that damn ship ride to England, being that close to you, but not touching you. I thought I was going to lose my mind.”  
  
“ _Steve_ …”  
  
“Do you still want me?”  
  
Instantly Bucky rolled his eyes and Steve felt like he’d been hit as Bucky whispered, “Does it matter if I do? Steve…I’ll never be able to be with you in public. I just can’t. Not the way she can. And you deserve a relationship you don’t have to hide. It’s what I want. It’s what Viv would have wanted.”  
  
“But I want _you_. Bucky, I _need you_.”  
  
Bucky shook his head and laughed bitterly, the sound feeling like a hand clenching around his heart as he whispered, “Yeah, pretty sure my failing Viv taught us both that we don’t always get what we want.”  
  
“Buck, that wasn’t your fault. It’s Hydra’s—”  
  
“You know, before we even got captured, she turned to me and told me that whatever was going to happen wasn’t my fault.”  
  
Pulling Bucky close, Steve pressed his forehead to his and whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Buck. I miss her too. God, I wish she was here. I’d give almost anything for her to be with me, with us, with _you_ —” Squeezing his eyes shut, Steve’s bottom lip trembled and he whispered, “I’m sorry.”  
  
“It sure as hell wasn’t your fault. We’ve been through this.”  
  
Sighing, Steve sat on the bed and then chuckled when Bucky sat next to him. Staring at his hands, Steve whispered, “I miss her so much, Buck, and do you know what the worst part about it is?” Bucky shook his head and Steve glanced up, tears in his eyes and admitted, “I don’t know what she really looks like. I have a memory of her, but it’s with my old vision. Now I see all the colors and everything is just _more_. Your lips are so red. Your skin is so warm. Your _eyes_. God, your eyes. Just…do me a favor and describe her to me, please.”  
  
Bucky bit his bottom lip but nodded before admitting, “Golden blonde hair. Gorgeous. Bright blue eyes, sparkled like the ocean or sapphires. Peaches and cream skin. Red lips, color of strawberries. She was beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful and stunning in some way. Thought I’d go blind if I stared at her too long.”  
  
Steve closed his eyes and tried to fill in the blanks that his old vision had left and he shivered, smiling weakly while whispering, “I don’t know what to do any more, Buck.”

“What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean I always planned for you and Viv outliving me. I never planned on us outliving her.”  
  
“What the hell are you talking about?”  
  
Shrugging, Steve smiled weakly, “Exactly what it sounds like. I thought I’d live to, I don’t know, maybe thirty. I’d be with you both as long as I could, but I’d never pictured myself getting married or anything. And Peggy is here and I should be happy. I’m healthy and strong and people are finally paying attention to me. But Vivian is gone and this is all messed up. You weren’t supposed to be the odd man out.”  
  
“You’re stronger than I am.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Bucky chuckled darkly and whispered, “I don’t want anyone else. I flirted with Peggy, yeah, but I don’t know why I did it. I don’t want her. There are plenty of other beautiful dames out in the world, but they’re not Vivian, and I can’t move past her. Every morning since she was taken from us, I’ve woken up smelling her perfume and feeling her in my arms only to realize it’s all some horrifically beautiful dream. And to wake up that way every morning only for someone else to be in my arms? Some other woman? I think I’d die. I think I’d die on the spot.”  
  
Tears were streaming down both their faces and Steve swallowed hard and whispered, “Am I awful for hoping that maybe I can almost be happy with Peggy?”  
  
Bucky shook his head, “No. Vivian would have liked Peggy. Hell, I like Peggy. I just—”  
  
“I know, Buck, I know.”  
  
Pulling Bucky into his arms, Steve moved so they were both laying down. Burying his face into his neck, Steve took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to that warm, familiar skin before whispering, “We’ll get through this.”  
  
“I hope you’re right, Stevie.”  
  
“I am. Just you wait and see. This time I’ll take care of you.”  
  
“I love you.”  
   
“I love you too, Buck. Till the end of the line.”  
   
Eventually they stripped down and passed out before getting some sleep. The next morning though, Steve let Bucky sleep in, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his neck and stroking his hair before getting ready and then leaving. Luckily it didn’t take much time getting to his destination, although he found himself more than a little turned around as he made his way through the building. No one had actually shown him Stark’s work area the day before, most likely because they hadn’t anticipated Steve running off to a bar to gather up his own team and then spend the night with his gay lover. Spotting a woman reading the newspaper, Steve recognized her from the day before, and his stomach churned slightly at her golden curls. He wondered if that as the kind of golden Bucky had been describing when he’d talked about Viv  
   
“Excuse me, I’m looking for Mr. Stark.”  
   
The woman didn’t even look up as she nodded to the side and spoke in an almost bored tone, “He’s in with Colonel Phillips.”  
   
Nodding, Steve kept his hands behind his back and glanced away, but then glanced back over, trying not to have a blush rise up in his cheeks as the woman drawled, “Of course, you’re welcome to wait.”  
   
Smiling and nodding, Steve pointed toward a desk and leaned carefully against it while the woman folded her paper and then focused on him, continuing to speak in a tone Steve had learned long ago from Viv was a _flirty_ tone of voice, “I, uh, read about what you did.”  
   
She’d held up the newspaper talking about the Azzano rescue and instantly Steve’s smile became forced. He could still remember finding Bucky strapped to that table, could remember the flames, could remember the way Bucky’s voice damn near shattered as he admitted _‘Viv’s not coming home’_.  
   
“Oh, the…yeah.”  
   
Steve was surprised he’d managed to get even those words out. He’d saved nearly four hundred men, true, but how many had died? How many had he been too late to save? How many men died escaping? The woman kept staring at him, and he rubbed the tops of his knees while admitting, “Well, that’s…you know…just doing what needed to be done.”  
   
The woman turned toward him and smiled, “Sounded like more than that. You saved nearly 400 men.”  
   
Clearing his throat, Steve waved his hand and hoped he could end the subject while saying, “Really, it’s not a big deal.”  
   
The blonde stood up and strolled over, looking determined as she spoke boldly, “Tell that to their wives.”  
  
Crossing his arms across his chest, Steve shook his head and admitted, “I don’t think they were all married.”  
   
She was standing very close to him then and Steve had no idea what to do as she whispered, “You’re a hero.”  
   
“Well, that depends,” Steve started, rubbing at his forehead, “On the definition, really.”  
   
She gripped his tie next and Steve stared up at the woman in shock. He had no idea what to do in a situation like this. The chorus girls had thought he was cute but had maintained their distance mostly, and the last woman to come onto him this strongly had been Vivian _while_ they were together.  
   
“The women of America, they owe you their thanks.” A little dazed as he was pulled away from the desk and back into an aisle, Steve wasn’t sure what to do as she continued, “And seeing as they’re not here…”  
   
The woman was then kissing him and Steve’s eyes widened, his hands coming up instantly, but he wasn’t sure what to do with him. Was he supposed to push her off of him? What if he accidentally shoved her instead of just getting her to stop? Would stopping her make people realize he wasn’t _normal_?  
   
“Captain! We’re ready for you, if you’re not otherwise occupied.”  
   
Steve had started to reach toward the woman to gently pry her away from him when Peggy’s voice had startled him into just jumping back. Cursing himself as he realized he could have done that ages ago, Steve wiped at his mouth and straightened his tie while quickly catching up with Peggy and begging, “Agent Carter, wait.”  
   
“Looks like finding a partner wasn’t that hard after all.”  
   
Walking alongside Peggy, Steve wanted to groan as she wouldn’t even look at him. Biting his bottom lip for a moment, Steve then sighed and tried to explain, “Peggy, that’s not what you thought it was.”  
   
“I don’t think anything, Captain, not one thing. You always wanted to be a soldier, and now you are, just like all the rest.”  
   
That comment stung and Steve had to remind himself not to trip over his own feet after that comment, but then he was that kid back in Brooklyn again and he found himself tripping over his own tongue as he tried to defend himself, “I don’t even know her name, and besides, _she_ kissed _me_. What was I supposed to do?”  
   
Steve had known it was a stupid comment even before it’d finished coming out of his mouth, and the thoroughly unimpressed look on Peggy’s face as she stopped and turned around had made it even worse. Peggy then rolled her eyes and turned back around, storming off without another word. Heading through the door, Steve smiled sheepishly as Howard came over and scoffed, “Jeez, what’d you do to make a dame like her mad at you?”  
   
Blushing bright red, Steve quickly explained what happened only for Howard to burst into laughter and pat him on the back, “Ah, Rogers, you really are new to this, aren’t you? You were better off saying nothing, pal.”  
   
“Really?”  
  
“Oh yeah. You really stuck your foot in it this time. Situations like that, don’t say anything and then come back with an apology and expensive gift. Although how expensive of a gift you’ll need when she finds out about Barnes is probably more than you can afford right now.”  
   
Pausing, Steve glanced around the workroom where men were busy working and knew he looked panicked when Howard laughed and clapped him on the back before reassuring him quietly, “Relax. I could be giving explicit details about the last ten affairs I had and not a damn one of these men would look up. Too busy concentrating on work, which at the moment is about making sure you and your men do not get killed.”  
   
Following Howard nervously over to some materials, Steve listened as Howard pointed to some of it and announced, “Carbon polymer, should withstand your average German bayonet. Although Hydra’s not going to attack you with a pocket knife.”  
  
Howard then strolled past the original shield and patted it while admitting, “I heard you’re, uh, attached?”  
   
Nodding and smiling, Steve admitted, “It’s handier than you might think.”  
   
“I took the liberty of coming up with some options.”  
   
Howard started explaining the ones on the table, but right away Steve spotted a circular shield sitting beneath the table. Something about it seemed to almost call to him, and he reached down and grabbed it while asking, “What about this one?”  
   
“No, no, that’s just a prototype.”  
   
The shield was lightweight, like carrying a toy, and he glanced up at Howard in shock while questioning, “What’s it made of?”  
   
“Vibranium. It’s stronger than steel and a third the weight.” Flipping the shield and then putting it across one arm, Steve smiled as Howard continued, “It’s completely vibration absorbent.”  
   
Gently touching the edge, Steve frowned before questioning, “How come it’s not standard issue?”  
   
“That’s the rarest metal on Earth. What you’re holding there? That’s all we got.”  
   
“You quite finished, Mr. Stark? I’m sure the Captain has some unfinished business.”  
   
Glancing up as Peggy walked into the room, Steve turned toward her and held up the shield while grinning, ‘What do you think?”  
   
Peggy stared blankly at him, but then reached down, grabbed a gun and opened fire. Steve barely had time to lift his shield up in front of his face to stop the bullets. Once the ringing from the shield stopped, Steve lowered it and stared in shock as Peggy sighed before finally saying, “Yes, I think it works.”  
   
She then turned on her heel and walked out. Watching her leave, Steve swallowed hard as Howard stood by his side. Reaching into his pocket, Steve pulled out some sketches from his pocket and handed them over to Howard while admitting, “I had some ideas about the uniform.”  
   
Howard immediately took them while whispering, “Whatever you want, pal.”  
   
Steve then headed back to his motel room, making a mental note to _never_ tell Bucky about what had just happened.  
   
Bucky would lose his damn mind if he’d found out Peggy had shot at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters are firmly going to be in the 'this was just a cool montage in The First Avenger' and 'The XBox 360 game sort of talked about this' realm of stuff. Mostly it's shit I made up or common tropes in the fandom. WE'LL ALSO FIRMLY BE IN 1944 NEXT CHAPTER. IT'S EXCITING, GUYS.
> 
> Big shout out to the fact that like, a metric fuckton of people have there be hotel rooms above that bar. I have literally no idea if that bar is also a hotel or not, and I also don't know who first came up with the idea. I like the trope though. Also shout out to my wonderful girlfriend who thought this chapter was cute but wished the guys had fucked.
> 
> Sorry, babe.


	28. Twenty-Seven: 1944

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: bucky has a short sort of panic attack/visceral reaction to stimuli while on a mission and vomits, also steve and bucky are very gay and a little reckless about where they make out
> 
> In general though, I'm kind of bullshitting my own idea of the Howling commandos raiding bases since in the movie all we see is a great montage of Schmidt showing up to blown out bases and we heard one comment from Agent Peggy Carter about how they rescued POW's. But that's it really in terms of seeing a full mission. Well, except for the train.

Looking through the scope of his rifle, Bucky sighed as he kept an eye on the rest of his team. He knew this was at least partially his fault, leaning over like that and flirting with Steve, asking him to keep that damn USO tour outfit. Bucky hadn’t expected a version of it to show on the battlefield though. The rest of the team had the good sense to wear outfits that at least somewhat blended in with the environment or at the very least weren’t conspicuous. Steve looked like he was wearing a damn target.  
  
The fact that Steve looked like an incredibly _attractive_ target was beside the point.

Shaking his head and looking ahead, Bucky stayed in his perch while the rest of the Howling Commandos moved forward. Everything seemed to be going according to plan, which Bucky wasn’t used to happening at all. Half his missions with the 107th had seemed to go tits up due to one thing or another, but this mission was just flowing. Steve and Falsworth had come up with the plan, Gabe had managed to listen in on communications to get a rough idea of what they were facing, and Dum Dum had managed to get them all there without alerting a single Hydra member they were coming.

Keeping an eye on it all, Bucky focused his breathing and his training and hoped that his pessimism wouldn’t be proven right. An agent began sneaking up on the group though and Bucky quickly aimed and then fired, releasing his breath after the shot went cleanly through the man’s throat and sending him crumpling to the ground. Steve turned and put his shield up, but then relaxed and grinned while Bucky rolled his eyes. _Of course that reckless punk smiled._

Focusing on the main entrance to the facility, Bucky picked off a lookout, sending him falling down in front of the door. Dernier didn’t seem to even flinch as he merely sidestepped the body to place the explosives. The damn door did not require an actual explosion to get past, but they’d all agreed that it was a useful tactic. And Dernier had begged to blow things up as often as possible.

Bucky was a good half mile away from the door on his perch, although he could have easily made the shots from further away. He’d picked his vantage point clearly since it gave him a fair view and also hid him from the enemy. He kept a watchful eye on his team, but then his eyes slid shut and he couldn’t get them to open again as the explosion knocked the door out. It didn’t matter how far he was, because he was back in that factory again. He was back and he could practically feel the heat from the fire. He could smell the blood and the smoke. Inhaling sharply, his fingers gripped at the bark as he leaned over and vomited, his entire body shaking as tears slipped down his face.

_Not now. Not now._

Forcing himself to open his eyes, Bucky stared up at the sky, the bark of the tree biting into his fingertips as he whispered to himself his name, number, and that same series of colors. Slamming his hand onto the tree, he then shook his head and hissed, “ _C’mon, Barnes. Pull it together. You made a fucking promise, now pull your goddamn shit together_.”

Spitting onto the ground and wiping off his face, Bucky then looked through his scope and had to adjust as his body shook while he fired at the enemy. Somehow he managed to get headshots still though, and his breathing slowed down with each Hydra agent that hit the ground. All he could hear was his breathing and his heartbeat as he systematically reloaded and fired at each monster. He didn’t miss once. Every shot went clean through and he rested his forehead against his gun after the prisoners started being led out.

He couldn’t look at them, not when he had that tiny voice in his head, urging him to look for Vivian, to just find her in the crowd.

It seemed like Bucky couldn’t look at any crowd since that fateful day without looking for her and desperately hoping it was all a lie. He’d seen the condolence letter sent to her mother and he’d been given her belongings, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look through the items. There were letters to both Steve and him, sealed but never sent, and he wasn’t ready to find out if Viv had written some _just in case I die_ letter to him. He couldn’t read those words. Not yet.

“Sergeant, you can come down now.”

Glancing down and flashing a grin, Bucky shouldered his rifle before climbing down. Jumping down the last few feet, Bucky then carefully sidestepped the hidden pile of vomit on the ground while scoffing, “You boys are lucky I was up there in the first place, otherwise not a damn thing would have gotten done.”

Dugan rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Yeah, right, kid. Sure. C’mon, let’s go. Cap’s looking for you.”

Nodding, Bucky forced a smile before following Dugan over to where the rest of the Howling Commandos were. Steve was frowning and talking quietly with Falsworth and Jones. They all looked very serious, and he smiled a real smile as Steve glanced over and his eyes lit up while teasing, “You take a nap up in that tree?”

Scoffing and rolling his eyes, Bucky shrugged nonchalantly before drawling, “At least I waited until _after_ the fight to take a nap. I saw you down there, Cap. Asleep at the damn wheel, or _shield_ , rather.”

Monty and Gabe snorted while Steve shook his head before gently retorting, “Yeah, yeah, you’re a talented big six. That ego of yours get in the way at all? Surprised you could aim at all.”

“Shut up, punk.”

Gabe and Monty exchanged glances before Gabe interrupted, “Listen, I’ve got to let HQ know about how many extra POW’s we’re bringing back.”

Steve nodded and Bucky frowned before questioning, “I thought we planned for the place being at capacity?”

Monty, Gabe, and Steve all glared down at the ground, their hands tightening into fists as Monty bit out, “We did. They were three times over capacity. At least. One of the prisoners swears there was even more recently.”

Gabe stormed off, probably to do as he said or maybe just to scream in rage, and Monty quickly followed. Swallowing hard, Bucky moved closer to Steve and made the man look at him before reassuring as best as he could, “Steve, you know this wasn’t your fault, right?”

“A lot of them aren’t going to survive the trip back, Buck.”

Sighing and pulling Steve close, Bucky smiled softly as those arms wrapped around him and Steve’s face nuzzled against his neck. As soon as he pulled Steve close, the man took a shuddering breath and Bucky could feel the tears slip onto his neck and could feel those broad shoulders shake. Swallowing hard and focusing, Bucky gently pulled Steve’s cowl off before running his fingers through the man’s hair while whispering, “Shhh, I know, baby. I know. You did everything you could though, you hear me? You did everything you could. People got rescued today because of this team, and the people we couldn’t save, we can still send back to their families. We can still give them and their loved ones some peace.”

“I’m sorry.”

Pulling back and gently tilting Steve’s face up to see his distraught expression, Bucky gently wiped the tears away before chiding, “What in the world are you sorry for, Rogers?”

Sighing when Steve squeezed his eyes shut, Bucky pressed their foreheads together and gently squeezed the back of Steve’s neck before whispering, “There was nothing either of us could do. We barely made it out of there ourselves.”

Steve didn’t look convinced and deep down, Bucky didn’t _feel_ convinced, but he’d never blame Steve. No, never Steve. Taking a moment and just standing there, Bucky breathed in deeply, a shiver of warmth spreading through him as he could hear Steve’s even, _healthy_ breathing, and he could _feel_ that steady pulse of Steve’s heart. Gently rubbing his thumb along Steve’s pulse, Bucky could feel his own steadying out as well.

“Captain.”

Pulling away from Steve, Bucky glanced over at Gabe, nodding as the man cleared his throat as Steve questioned, “Yes, Private?”

“Corporal Morita and I coordinated with Agent Carter and Colonel Phillips. Transportation will be arriving within the next day as well as medics. Medics will determine who gets transported first and people too sick to travel will be stabilized as much as possible before transport.”

“And our dead?”

“The proper arrangements are being made for them as well. Unfortunately, due to the high number of soldiers in this camp, many of them won’t be able to be moved until we get a more accurate count.”

Steve nodded, “Understandable. Good work. What are our resources like at this location?”

Gabe sighed and shrugged, “Honestly, Steve, I don’t know. Dugan’s currently looking through it, but I don’t think those damn Nazis made arrangements to give our boys much of anything to begin with. Chances are they were giving the prisoners just enough to work, but not enough to rebel.”

Bucky winced at that and reminded Gabe, “Or it could be that they had more than enough food, but just purposely didn’t fed the prisoners. That’s what they did to us at Azzano. You remember that heavily locked room, right? That was filled with food. I used to see the guards take snacks from it during my shifts.”

Steve looked horrified and Jones groaned, “That’s where that bastard was getting his food? Damn. I just thought his fat ass was getting paid in food.”

Shaking his head, Bucky grinned and laughed, “Not a chance. The bastard was goddamn robbing us.”

Gabe shook his head and headed back toward the factory while announcing, “I’m gonna help with the evac so we can have this place demolished by the time Schmidt pays it a visit.”

Saluting the man, Bucky then focused in on Steve’s conflicted expression. Grabbing the front of that ridiculous outfit, Bucky pulled him close and kissed him hard on the lips, grinning as Steve immediately kissed back. Kissing this reckless punk was still the same as it had always been, a familiar warmth that stretched from his lips all the way to his toes. He laughed into the kiss as he was pressed up against the tree only for Steve to suddenly pull back and whisper, “Fuck, damn it. We can’t. Not here. Anyone could see us. And besides, we have work to do. We need to get everyone out. Just because the schedule we found said Schmidt won’t be here for another week doesn’t mean he’ll stick to that timetable. If he catches us—”

“He won’t, Steve. He doesn’t know yet that we’ve got the locations. Take a deep breath.”

Steve took a deep breath, but then released it slowly and whispered, “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right, punk. One of us has to be and we both know it’s not gonna be your reckless ass.”

Grinning brightly while Steve just shook his head, Bucky then nudged him gently with his foot while the man whispered, “I’m glad you’re here with me, Buck. I don’t know how I’d do any of this without you.”

 “Sap.”

Pressing another hard kiss to Steve’s lips, Bucky then smirked before heading toward the factory, his hands shoved into his pockets and a grin on his face as Steve quickly caught up with him. Before they entered the building though, he stopped Steve and spoke quietly, “I’m glad you’re here too, punk.”

Buck was pretty certain that the smile he got in return could have powered all of Brooklyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one especially since it's not that long. Hopefully Steve and Bucky being saps makes up for it.


	29. Twenty-Eight: 1944

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, gore, lots of blood, mentions of torture, murder, angst, and sex

Steve’s head swam and he felt pain shoot across his jaw as he slowly came to. Breathing in deeply through his nose, he cringed at another burst of pain that ran through his sinuses. Considering how hard he’d been hit though, he was surprised it wasn’t worse. His wrists were restrained with metal and he slowly opened his eyes as the memories came back to him slowly.  
  
They’d been taking out another Hydra factory when things had gone a little sideways. Madame Hydra herself had shown up _early_ to the place looking to inspect, of all things, their security. Luckily Steve had been the one to run into her, but she’d had gadgets that Steve hadn’t been prepared for. As far as he knew, the rest of the team had gotten out, but the small explosion had knocked him out. Having a shotgun slammed against his face hadn’t helped. He'd have probably healed by then if every time he'd woken up they hadn't repeated the whole damn process by some faceless agent.  
  
“Good, you’re awake.”  
  
Opening his eyes and glaring, Steve clenched his fists against the chair, struggling against the metal restraints while biting out, “Madame Hydra. I’ve heard stories. Surprised a lapdog like you is here at all. You have to get permission from Schmidt to do this?”  
  
Steve grit his teeth as Madame Hydra slapped him, his head jerking to the side and his lip splitting open. Licking the blood off of his lip, Steve stared defiantly up at her while she snarled, “You insolent _bastard_. Let us see how far that attitude gets you once I’m done with you.”  
  
Madame Hydra then turned and stormed out of the cell, slamming it behind her. Steve waited until she was completely out of sight before gritting his teeth and pulling up with all his might. The shackles buckled, digging into his skin before finally snapping. Moving forward, he then leapt up, grabbing onto a fixture on the ceiling before swinging his body back. Tucking his legs up, he then built up momentum and slammed his feet into the door. The door shook, but didn’t budge off its hinges until the third kick.  
  
It clanged onto the floor, and Steve cringed at how loud it was, but kept moving. Squeezing into a place behind machinery, he could feel the heat against his skin, but stayed still as agents ran into his now open cell. Even being close, and with his perfect hearing, he could still only hear part of their conversation as they discussed a plan, but then sighed with relief as they mentioned where his shield was.  
  
Quickly slipping out from behind the machinery, Steve headed up the first staircase he saw and made sure to stay quick and quiet. The last thing he needed was the whole place coming down on him before he had anything to fully protect himself with. Chances are he could fight his way through most of the agents, but if too many grouped up at once, he could become overpowered, or worse, killed.  
  
He could hear the agents bickering amongst themselves as they discovered his empty cell, and he waited, wincing as the heat burned into the skin of his hand and the back of his neck. Closing his eyes and breathing through his nose, he was grateful when they talked about checking on his shield. Great. Now all he had to do was follow them to that room and get to the safe without getting himself killed.  
  
Slipping out from behind the machinery as the group of agents moved forward, Steve kept a safe distance behind them, glancing around him as they went down the narrow hallway. He kept his movements soft and quiet, as well as his breathing. The only sounds in the hallway were the machines thrumming away as well as the sounds of the agents marching in front of him. A narrow staircase had Steve wondering if he should fall back, but he worried that if he waited too long he’d lose them. Waiting just until they’d all turned the corner, Steve then went as quickly as he could up the stairs without making too much noise.  
  
Peering around the corners, he kept moving, following the agents down an even darker hallway until he finally had to duck into another room as the team glanced around before spreading out to patrol. Gritting his teeth once he realized they were going to stay until their search was complete, Steve glanced back at the room he was in only to have to press a fist to his mouth as he dry heaved.  
  
It was a nightmare.  
  
He recognized the cold operating table from his times in the hospital, but he’d never seen anything like this. Blood was splattered on the walls, floor and ceiling. Inhaling sharply as he saw _pieces_ on the table, Steve then dry heaved at the smell. It was pungent and it felt like it was seeping into his very pores and taking over.  
  
Stumbling forward, Steve reached out, his hand trembling as he pulled the chart up and looked over it. His jaw clenched and his hand tightened, the clipboard cracking in his grasp as he read over it. The things that were described being done to _Hecate_ were horrific. Electrocution. Burns. Bones being broken. Limbs being cut off. Tossing the clipboard away, Steve squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth together tightly. Whoever this woman was? He would avenge her. He would make Hydra pay for everything they’d done to her.  
  
Moving back over to the door, Steve slid out and headed out, grabbing the closest Hydra agent and flipping him before taking his gun and firing. His rage felt consuming and he slammed into the room, punching, kicking, and shooting his way through. Grabbing his shield, he then threw it, taking heaving breaths through his nose as the metal slammed against the walls and then into the head of an agent, knocking him down to the ground before the shield bounced back. Catching it, Steve then grabbed the last agent and slammed him against the wall while snapping, “Tell me where the control room is.”  
  
“ _Hail Hydra_.”  
  
Steve tried to pry the man’s mouth open, but cursed as he pushed a tooth out and cracked the cyanide capsule between his teeth. Steve desperately trying to stop the man, but failed, punching the wall next to the man’s spasming body before dropping him onto the ground. Cursing, Steve searched through the pockets of the bodies, taking keys and shoving them into his pockets before heading out, his shield strapped to his arm. Contemplating his options as he kept moving, Steve glanced up at the ceiling and then paused as he saw the thick wires and pipes along the ceiling.  
  
Sprinting, Steve followed their trail, digging the keys out of his back pocket as he found a room. Unlocking it and stepping in, Steve barely had time to raise his shield as gunfire broke out. Pushing forward, Steve threw his shield forward, flipping to the side and landing with a kick to an agent’s face before turning and catching his shield after it knocked out the other two. Putting the shield back on his arm, Steve then grabbed the bodies and tied them up, shoving them into a corner with gags before locking the door and barricading it.  
  
Moving over to the radio, he then moved through the dial before speaking, “Commandos, this is your Captain, please respond.”  
  
Releasing the button, he then waited, sighing with relief as Gabe’s familiar voice responded, “Authorization code.”  
  
Snorting, Steve smiled while replying, “I’m a reckless, pain in the ass punk.”  
  
A sigh of relief came over the radio and Steve smiled when Gabe spoke, “Man, shit, are you okay? You’ve been gone for over a day. Barnes has been losing his mind. Where are you? Where are you contacting us from?”  
  
Frowning, Steve checked to make sure the agents were still unconscious before replying, “Hydra base. Madame Hydra’s running the show here. Some awful torture has been going on here, Jones.”  
  
“Then give us your coordinates and get out of there. Dugan will know how to get to you.”  
  
“I’ll give you the coordinates, but I’m not leaving yet. I’ve got to take out those machines.”  
  
“Let an air strike take care of that.”  
  
Pressing a fist to his lips, Steve swallowed hard before speaking softly, “You didn’t see that room, Gabe.”  
  
“No, I didn’t but don’t be a goddamn idiot. The place will be destroyed if we call it in. All of those rooms. All of those awful machines. Don’t be stupid. Just give me the coordinates and get out. C’mon, man. Don’t make me tell Barnes that you’re about to be a dumbass.”  
  
Frowning, Steve nodded and closed his eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths through his nose before he gave the coordinates. Gabe confirmed, and Steve then spoke again, “Gabe, promise me that we’ll raze this place to the ground.”  
  
“We’ll do you one better and send it straight to Hell, Cap. Now get out of there.”  
  
Ending the conversation and then destroying the communication array, Steve pulled all of the blocks off the door before leaving and then blocking it from the outside. Moving quietly down the hall then, Steve went up behind an agent, slamming his shield onto the back of the man’s head, sending him crumpling to the floor before Steve moved the body out of the way.  
  
Steve’s heart was racing and he leapt over one of the railings, landing on the balls of his feet before continuing to run. His legs pumped and he breathed heavily as he rammed through agents, looking for an exit. He needed out. Slamming through a door at the end of the hall, Steve forced himself to stop suddenly as he spotted Madame Hydra standing on a walkway, a line of agents standing in front of her at the ready.  
  
“Captain America. I must confess I am surprised to see you out of your cell. It seems that fool Erskine was able to recreate his serum after all. Unfortunately for you, you will never match the greatness of my master.”  
  
Scoffing, Steve glared, “Your _master_? Your master’s a pathetic fascist, and the Nazis? Hydra? You’ll all lose.”  
  
“And yet you’re outnumbered.”  
  
Glancing at the agents, Steve smirked up at Madame Hydra before drawling, “I don’t know, I kind of like my odds.”  
  
“Kill him!”  
  
Throwing his shield out, Steve flipped forward, punching the first agent in the throat before flipping him over. He landed hard on his back as two other agents were knocked over. Catching his shield again, Steve held it up and blocked bullets, Cringing and moving as the sound of metal clinked on his shield before dropping uselessly to the ground. He knew his shield would be able to withstand it, but there was still something grating about that sound. Once they stopped to reload, Steve threw his shield, knocking out two more before doing a flip kick and taking out the last one and catching his shield.

An angry scream had Steve glancing up, but then he gaped as Madame Hydra herself pulled out a gun and then shot every single one of the agents while snarling, “ _Failures_. Every single one of them.”

“They were _your_ men.”

“They were _weak_ ,” she snarled, and aimed her gun once more.

Steve held up his shield and ran toward her as the bullets lay useless on the ground. Slamming into Madam Hydra, Steve felt the breath get knocked out of him when suddenly she was behind him and punching him in the side. Turning and holding up his shield, Steve frowned, angry and confused when she wasn’t there. Turning back around, he barely held up his shield in time to block more bullets.

Forcing himself to calm down, Steve then took a deep breath and while facing her, he then turned after she smirked, swinging his shield out and knocking her back as she appeared behind him again. Throwing his shield and knocking her back further, Steve then caught his shield, desperate to keep going and to finish the fight, but then glared as Madame Hydra disappeared and then reappeared near the door.

“Figures. Nazis are always cowards.”

Moving to follow her, Steve cursed as she pulled out a receiver only to hit the button. The soldiers on the floor exploded and Steve jumped back, running toward the door and shoving it open, barely making it outside as heat licked at his heels. Gripping the railing he’d landed against, Steve then pushed himself, jumping over it entirely and rolling as he hit the ground. A loud shot landed near his legs and he didn’t have to look back to know it was a sniper. He pushed himself harder though, going as fast as he could until he slammed into the rough underbrush of the forest.

He’d put his shield up to take most of the brunt of it, but it didn’t stop branches for slapping at his already bruised face, dragging thin scratches and cuts along it. Ducking under some thicker branches, Steve then sighed, leaning over and catching his breath once he realized he’d made it deep into the woods. Putting his shield on his back and pulling out his compass, he then quickly found the direction he was supposed to go in and headed, his heart clenching as he stared at the picture of Peggy he’d put in there.

Peeling the picture back, Steve had to pause, his heart clenching as he looked at the picture of Vivian he had behind it. The pain in his chest was a dull ache that never seemed to go away, a part of him that he figured he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. Backing up against a tree, Steve then sat down, pushing Peggy’s picture back up and wondering what in the world he was going to do once he got a real moment to slow down.

What would happen after the war ended? Could he really marry Peggy and leave Bucky all alone like that?

Steve stared listlessly at the photo, although he didn’t know for how long until the sounds of explosions jostled him. He could hear that hellish place crumbling to the earth. No one would ever be able to use that place ever again for horrors. It still didn’t change what had happened to _Hecate_ though, nor did it help Steve forget those sights, and smells he’d encountered.

Touching the blood on his face, Steve then glanced at his fingers, the blood so bright that it felt almost luminescent. In that moment, Steve realized that Erskine’s gift to him, the serum, was both a gift and a curse. The serum had saved his life and given him the means to be great. It’d made him stronger, faster, smarter, and just _better_. He could see as well as hear clearer and further than before. He could see all the colors now, but that meant that that room would have been dull before the serum. Now, he could see every drop of blood in the place and all the different tones. He could clearly see the difference between the layers of blood showing just how often they’d mutilated that poor soul.

Steve turned and vomited onto the grass as he pictured the cuts and the wounds. He could imagine screams and choking and he shoved himself up, storming in the direction he needed to go before he broke out into a run. Maybe if he ran fast enough, he could outrun his own mind. He didn’t know how long he ran when he fell to his knee, his breathing heavy and his skin with a beginning sheen of sweat.

“Captain!”

Glancing up and then standing up, Steve smiled as he saw an armored truck arrive. Dugan was driving and Falsworth was in the passenger seat, both of them gaping and Steve smiled as Bucky leapt over the side of the car before storming over, his expression tense. Standing still, Steve sighed as the man gripped his arms and snapped, “You reckless fucking punk, what the hell were you thinking? Jones had to _convince you_ to get out of that goddamn place? What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have a death wish?”

Shaking his head, Steve smiled softly, especially as Bucky gently tilted his head, checking on all his injuries while Steve whispered softly, “I’m not going anywhere, Buck.”

Bucky sighed and then grumbled, “Get in the goddamn car.”

Following, Steve sat in the back, but then wasn’t surprised when Bucky sat across from him, glaring. That jaw of his was working and Steve could see Jones, Morita, and Dernier exchange glances, but Steve then sighed, wanting to groan as Morita spoke up, “How bad are you hurt, Cap?”

“I’m fine, Morita. Just some cuts and bruises. I managed to get away before anything worse could happen.”

“Yeah, because Jones convinced you to not be a goddamn idiot.”

Leveling a stare at Bucky, Steve sighed when the man turned away from him, facing out the back of the truck as they moved over the rough terrain. The trip itself didn’t take long, but it felt so much longer as he sat in silence while Morita talked good naturedly with Dugan and Monty while Dernier and Jones spoke quietly in French. Bucky was still ignoring him, and Steve immediately hopped off the truck once they reached the base, gaping as Bucky snapped, “Go to your fucking debrief, Captain, and get a med eval. Maybe a psych eval while you’re at it.”

Sighing and rubbing his hands across his face, Steve glanced over at Dugan and questioned, “What am I supposed to do now?”

Dugan scoffed, “Do what the sergeant said, and then track him down and grovel. I’m sure you think of some way to make it up to him.”

Steve gaped as Dugan then grinned before tipping his bowler hat and walked away. Shaking his head, Steve did as Bucky had asked, rushing through the whole process before changing out of his uniform for it to be mended and cleaned as he got into regular army uniform. It took a while to find Bucky after that, but the hotel that was housing all the higher ups had set aside rooms for the Commandos. Knocking on the door to Bucky’s room, he waited as the door didn’t open for several minutes before finally it did and Bucky glared at him.

“Get in here.”

Doing as he was told, Steve leaned against the wall next to the door and watched as Bucky paced, his hands angrily running through his hair. Smiling softly, Steve then spoke up, “I’m sorry.” 

Bucky froze and Steve pushed off the wall and moved closer, his voice soft as he continued, “I’m real sorry, Buck. I shouldn’t have scared you like that.”

“Why’d you do it? Why’d you try to stay in that damn place?”

Steve sat down on the bed and sighed, “Can you stop pacing and just sit down? I promise I’ll explain everything.”

Bucky grumbled, but did as he was told, and Steve stared at the ground while explaining, “After I was captured, I was smacked around a bit. Nothing too bad, and after I got out of my cell, I had no intention of sticking around for anything. Why would I? But then while avoiding Hydra agents on the way to get my shield back, I ducked into this room, and…it was Hell, Buck. Blood was everywhere. On the floor, on the table, on the walls, and even on the _ceiling_. The place looked like it’d been painted in the stuff. And there was this note attached to the table, detailing how there was this _patient_. They called her a patient. _Hecate_.

“They cut her and beat her and chopped off limbs. And I was so angry. I was so goddamn angry. I just wanted that place to burn to the ground for what they’d done to that human being. And I was still shaking, still furious and sick and _broken_ when I got to the communication array. Couldn’t focus. I just knew the machines and the Hydra agents inside needed to be taken out. Jones reminded me that an air strike would take care of it and that I didn’t need to risk it.”

“Steve…”

Glancing over at Bucky, Steve smiled and let himself get pulled close, nuzzling into Bucky’s neck and breathing deeply while Bucky murmured, “You’re still a reckless punk, but…I got to admit I would have reacted the same way. But I can’t fucking lose you. I can’t, Steve. Just, don’t stick in a bad situation that you don’t have to. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Now, c’mon. Let me see what ‘smacked around a bit’ actually fucking means.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve pulled back and then got up, taking off his jacket and carefully hanging it up until Bucky fell back on the bed and laughed, “Jesus, Steve. C’mon.”

Staring at Bucky blandly, Steve continued to carefully take off his uniform, hanging up the items while Bucky scoffed and laid back on the bed while sighing, “Let me know when you’re done, you old man.”

Steve chuckled and sped up a bit, but not by much as he toed off his shoes and stripped all the way down to his underwear before moving over and locking the door. Heading over to the bed, Steve then straddled Bucky and leaned close, running his thumb over his cheek while murmuring, “Now who’s the old man? You napping on me?”

Bucky’s eyes opened and he snorted before teasing, “What can I say? Being in a relationship with you is like aging in dog years.”

Rolling his eyes and getting up, Steve could see the amusement fade from Bucky’s eyes as he surveyed him and whispered, “Steve, that’s a lot of bruising. Jesus. C’mere. Let me see.”

Stepping forward again as Bucky scooted to the edge of the bed, Steve closed his eyes as Bucky’s fingertips gently went over the bruises on his chest and arms, lingering on the ones over his ribs. Shivering as Bucky moved his hands down to his legs, Steve grinned when Bucky laughed and teased, “Christ. Hair trigger, much?”

Grinning sheepishly, Steve leaned close and kissed Bucky softly, smiling wider into the kiss as Bucky pushed him onto the bed and straddled him while nipping at Steve’s neck. Arching his back against Bucky, Steve clamored to touch Bucky, to pull him closer, only to grin as his hands were grasped and pinned over his head. Gentle nips of teeth sent Steve writhing more until soft shushing filled his ears.

“Bucky, please, I missed you. I need to feel you. _Please_.”

Steve groaned as Bucky kept a hand firmly on his wrists and carefully maneuvered off of him, a smirk on his face while he shook his head and replied, “Not yet. You think you can behave? You used to be so good for me.”

Closing his eyes and keeping his hands above his head, Steve took a deep breath before nodding. The grip on his wrists loosened, fingertips brushing gently against them before releasing. He could hear clothing rustling and he peeked, smiling softly as he saw Bucky tossing his clothes to the side. His muscular body flexed and Steve sighed, his heart racing as he gazed at his boyfriend. Bucky met his gaze and grinned as he finished stripping, although he went all the way until he was naked.

“You can move now, but just to finish getting undressed. I want to see you.”

Moving his hands down and slipping his underwear off, letting them slide off the bed as Bucky immediately groaned before moving close and kissing him passionately. Pulling Bucky close, Steve wrapped his legs around his waist, grinding up and moaning into the kiss as their erections pressed together. Bucky ended the kiss and groaned, burying his face in his neck while gasping.

“ _Steve_.”

Dragging his nails down Bucky’s back, Steve’s own arched as Bucky sucked and nipped at his neck. Steve whined as Bucky pulled away from him and then headed over to his items. About to ask, Steve then grinned when Bucky came back with KY jelly and slicked up his fingers while teasing, “You think I’d leave you like this? You know me better than that, Steve.”

“I just…I still get worried.”

Bucky paused and frowned before scoffing, “Are you still wondering if I want you?”

Steve glared and pointed out, “It’s not crazy, Buck. I’m not the same guy I was before. I’m still not used to seeing this body, and—”

Bucky interrupted Steve with a kiss and Steve sighed into the kiss, but then choked on his breath as a finger rubbed gently against him. The kiss ended and Steve gripped at the sheets while rocking his hips. Bucky chuckled, nipping at Steve’s bottom lip before teasing, “Look at you, still so goddamn beautiful. I wish you could see this, could see how _amazing_ you look.”

The finger sank into him, and Steve had to shove the sheets into his mouth and bite down on them as Bucky lifted one of his legs above his shoulder, nipping and sucking on Steve’s inner thigh while fingering him slowly. Rocking back against the finger, Steve bit down hard on the sheet as the finger crooked and pleasure shot through him. Whimpering, he reached down, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair again, stroking his face as another finger got slid in and the thrusting began again. Steve felt like his body was alight with pleasure until he finally gave a muffled cry and orgasmed, shooting all over his chest while Bucky chuckled. A third finger got added and Steve whimpered, the sheet falling out of his mouth while Bucky teased, “C’mon, baby, let’s see what other changes the serum made.”

“Bucky…you…”

Steve closed his eyes, panting as Bucky’s movements stopped and he questioned, “Steve, baby, are you okay?”

Nodding, Steve choked out, “Yes, I just… _fuck_ …it’s so much more than before.”

“You want to stop?”

Shaking his head, Steve opened his eyes and smiled while whispering, “C’mon, it’s your chance to give it all you’ve got.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, and Steve grinned as he watched Bucky slick himself up before pressing up against him. Hooking up his legs onto Bucky’s shoulders, Steve gasped as his legs were pushed close. They kissed and Steve moaned into it as Bucky slid in. He relished in the feeling. He’d _missed_ this feeling, being this close to Bucky. He clung desperately to him, his back arching when after a few moments, Bucky began to move.

The thrusts were deep and hard, more than Bucky had ever been able to do with him before, not without fear of hurting him, and Steve relished in it. Their moans were muffled in each other’s necks, the sounds of their bodies thrusting together filling the air. Steve’s mind was a fog of pleasure, of being surrounded and overcome with everything _Bucky_. It was like he was in his very _soul_ , and Steve thought he’d lost his mind as he orgasmed again. Bucky soon followed and they lay their, gasping for air and still staying tangled together.

Once they both could breathe easily, Steve smiled as Bucky pulled out and then lay next to him while whispering, “You really scared me today, Steve.”

“I’m sorry, Buck.”

“Don’t apologize. I know you can’t help it, and I know you’ll do it again.”

Frowning and turning toward Bucky, Steve pressed his forehead to Bucky’s and whispered, “You’re never going to lose me, Bucky.”

“You can’t make a promise like that. We’re at war.”

Smirking, Steve kissed Bucky hard on the lips before teasing, “Haven’t you heard? I’m a stubborn son of a bitch.”

Bucky growled, and Steve chuckled as Bucky got back on top of him and teased, “You reckless fucking punk.”

“I love you too, Bucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this yesterday, but then writing that action scene took longer than expected and it didn't get finished Friday night. Sorry.


	30. Twenty-Nine: 1944

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: lots and lots and lots of violence, blood, talking about nazis, mention of hitler, mentions of genocide, and I double down on the idea that hydra = nazis.

“Why?”  
  
Glancing up and spitting out blood, Vivian sighed as Madame Hydra stormed in, heaving in angry breaths and looking ready to spit fire. Licking her bottom lip, Vivian glanced around as her guards slipped out. Vivian laughed heartily at that before sighing, “Oh, Madame Hydra. Pleasure, as always, is…unthinkable whenever you’re around. You’re an impossibly large pit of despair and garbage. I apologize, what was the question again? And this time, if you could be less vague, that would be spectacular.”  
  
A startled scream escaped from Vivian and she choked it back as a knife slid through her thigh. Madame Hydra had lunged forward and stabbed in, her teeth bared as her hand shook. Staring into the woman’s face, Vivian tugged at her chair restraints while snapping, “That the best you got?”  
  
“Captain America. How do you know him?”  
  
Snorting, Vivian grinned, “Captain Who? Honestly, who comes up with these names? You’re Madame Hydra. Your ‘master’ is Red Skull, which is pretty literal actually. And I’m, for some reason, Hecate, which doesn’t actually make sense. Although we can blame that name on the Greek.”  
  
“Do not test my patience, Vivian, for I am not in the mood. How do you know Captain America?”  
  
Forcing another grin, although her heart was racing, Vivian shrugged, “I don’t know him. Is there a point to your question? Or are you just going to list people to try and figure out what my social calendar looked like?”  
  
The knife dug deeper in Vivian’s leg and she tilted her head back, her teeth clenching as the blood poured out and slipped down to the floor. Breathing coming quicker and whimpers slipping out as the knife got twisted, she cried out as it was then ripped out while Madame Hydra snapped, “You helped him. You think I would let any of my agents into that security room without supervision? There were _cameras_. I saw you. You unlocked every door for him.”  
  
Staring up at the ceiling, her vision swimming from blood loos, Vivian smiled before sighing, “If I was out of my cell, wouldn’t I have just left?”  
  
“Do not play games with me. My patience is thin.”  
  
“And your resolve to kill me is nonexistent.”

“ _Tell me_!”

Forcing herself to look at Madame Hydra, Vivian stared the woman straight in the eyes and gave a _technically_ truthful answer, “I helped him escape, because he’s so clearly your enemy. Enemy of my enemy is my friend kind of deal. Never spoken to Captain America. Never even met him actually, but it felt so good to stick it to you. Jesus. How many of your agents did he just _mow down_? Watching him destroy all of those Nazis was the closest thing to a religious experience I’ve ever had. So, I helped him get out. And the reason I didn’t leave was because I knew you’d come after me, and I’m tired of running. I’m tired of looking over my shoulder and coming up with cover stories and lying to everyone in my life. I’m tired of putting innocent people at risk. _That_ and I wanted to see the look on your face when you realized I helped the man who’s destined to destroy everything you’ve ever loved. And I’ll be honest with you, _the look on your face is even better than I imagined_.”

Ophelia screamed in rage and Vivian tossed her head back, body shaking with hysterical laughter. The laughter was cut short though as Ophelia’s hands wrapped around her throat and _squeezed_. Vivian held on for as long as she could, a few minutes in fact, before her feet started to slide across the floor, and her hands twitched as her body struggled for oxygen. Black spots formed in her vision, the word slowly going dark until finally her throat was released. Her breath rattled into her lungs as she gasped and choked. She had to force herself to slow down, getting as much oxygen into her system as she possibly could. There was a ringing in her ears, but she could still hear the door open and then close.

She kept her eyes closed as everything healed. Her ears popped, and her breathing slowed down until she felt comfortable opening her eyes. As soon as she did though, she found herself staring straight at Schmidt himself. The lighting of the room caused eerie shadows along his red face. Snorting and shaking her head, Vivian spit blood on the ground before questioning, “What are you doing here? Don’t you have something indisputably disgusting to be doing right about now? I’m sure there’s a small village somewhere that hasn’t been burnt to the ground and is just waiting for you to show up.”

“I am here to offer you a second chance, a chance to join the winning side.”

“The winning side? You mean the Nazis who keeps getting their factories blown up by a man wearing stripes and carrying a shield?”

“Captain America will be dealt with.”

“Will he? Besides, what makes you think that Captain America is the reason I refuse to help you?”

Schmidt narrowed his eyes, “You believe us to be Nazis. That is a misconception and—”

Shaking her head, Vivian leaned forward and snapped, “I am not some wide-eyed child too stupid to see through your lies and your manipulations, _Red Skull_. I know _all about_ how you arranged for that assassination attempt on Hitler. I know _all about_ how you then were miraculously there to save his life. I know you don’t _actually_ hate Jews, but I know that you’re comfortable enough sacrificing millions of them just to potentially move a little bit ahead. I know that if it wasn’t the Nazis, you would have found some other fascist regime to grease the wheels of this horror show. I know Captain America is going to be the death of you, and the excitement I feel when I think about that moment is overwhelming.”

“You _will_ regret this. I am certain of that.”

Vivian shrugged and grinned, not saying anything as Schmidt stood up and snapped, “Your hero will die, and I will drag his broken body before you! I have seen the future, and you will see your heroes fall to Earth, and you will see me _rise_!”

Yawning, Vivian shook her head before clearing her throat, “Sorry, I dozed off there for a bit. What exactly were you saying? You were saying I would regret…something, and then I kind of fell asleep. My apologies. I’ve been in and out of consciousness for days. This chair is _truly awful_ to sleep in.”

Schmidt shouted in rage and Vivian shivered as her bindings were undone before she was grabbed by her arm and tugged up. Her legs had long since fallen asleep so she stumbled, remembering to keep her face passive as she was pulled down the hall. A gun was pointed in her face and she grit her teeth when she was then shoved toward a table. A map covered it and he gripped her hair, shoving her face close as he snarled, “You see this? You see your precious America? You _will_ see it _burn_ to the ground. I will show you every single corpse! I will make you witness my glorious rise to power and you will have _nothing_.”

She twisted her head to the side as his voice turned into screaming, his hand shaking, but then before he could say anything else, an gent ran in and announced, “ _Herr_ Schmidt, Sir! We just got news! Captain America destroyed another factory!”

Hysterical laughter escaped from Vivian, shaking her entire body as Schmidt screamed, releasing her as he took his rage out on the map itself. He knocked pieces over and shoved the table, slamming his fists against it and cracking the thing in half. Sinking down to her knees, Vivian’s ears rang as Schmidt then turned away from his broken map and fired his gun. The agent who’d given him the bad news crumpled to the ground, dead, but Vivian kept laughing. Her lungs burned at the effort, but it just _wouldn’t stop_.

“Stop that!”

Grinning widely and still cackling as she was tugged up, Vivian took a deep breath before shouting in his face, “ _God bless America_!”

She then burst into laughter again, her head thrown back until Schmidt pressed his gun against her abdomen and pulled the trigger. Gasping in shock, Vivian’s laughter died down and she stared into Schmidt’s eyes as he fired again. Her blood was soaking his hand and she felt it drip out of her mouth as he snarled, “Take her back to her cell.”

“But sir, the doctor won’t be back until the morning—”

“ _Now_!”

Agents hurried over as she began to lose her footing, grabbing her and leading her back to her cell as Vivian realized she was, once again, going to have to pull bullets out of her own body. She was most likely going to have to keep herself clean and stop herself from getting too weak. She still had to protect herself from agents who wanted to make a name for themselves.

It was going to be a very long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention last time that that chapter was also loosely based off of scenes from the Captain America: Super Soldier game for the Xbox 360. That game is actually very fun to play.
> 
> Also, thank you so much to everyone for getting me to 200 kudos on this story! I lost my mind when I saw that! That's so exciting and I still don't know why any of you like this story or why you stick with it, but I appreciate the hell out of it! You guys are the best. Thank you to everyone who's been bookmarking and kudoing. And I just realized this sounds like i'm ending the story with this wording, but I'm not. I'm just very excited about this.
> 
> However, I will let you guys know that this part of the story _will_ probably end soon. I initially planned on having this story just keep going on and on. I decided that wasn't the best idea when it comes to pacing and also tone wise. So far I'm pretty sure the sequel will be called Buried Alive. I'm still debating on a name for the third part of the trilogy though.


	31. Thirty: 1945

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: questioning of religion, questioning of god, blasphemy, intense angst, intrusive thoughts, minor suicidal ideation, drinking as a coping mechanism, and a fall

Steve couldn’t help but be a little in awe of the snow covered mountains as they stood on their edge. Growing up in the city meant he’d never seen anything quite like it before, but they loomed over them, a monument to nature. Years before he’d probably say God as well, but he wasn’t sure if he quite believed in that anymore. Losing his ma had tested his faith, but losing Vivian had sent cracks and splinters throughout its entire foundation. How could a just, loving god create something this peaceful and beautiful yet let Vivian die? It just made no sense.  
  
“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?”  
  
Snapping out of his dark thoughts, Steve kept staring forward, the icy wind nipping at his skin as he casually replied, “Yeah, and I threw up?”  
  
“This isn’t payback, is it?”  
  
Glancing at the rope that they had to ride down to catch the train, Steve couldn’t help the little bit of a grin that spread across his face as he teased, “Now why would I do that?”  
  
Bucky merely sent him a pointed stare and Steve shrugged while staring at him. He couldn’t look away, not when he looked unbelievably gorgeous against the backdrop of the mountains, all sharp angles, easy grin, and eyes so blue that it hurt. It was almost haunting.

“We were right. Dr. Zola’s on the train.” Glancing over at Gabe as he listened to the communication, Steve felt his heart race faster as he continued, “Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he’s going, they must need him bad.”  
  
Falsworth was keeping watch and Steve forced himself to breathe evenly as they all prepared. He wanted to catch Zola more than anything. That man had hurt Bucky. That man had _killed_ Allowing him to remain at large just wasn’t an option. He knew that, but his hands still shook as he grabbed the necessary equipment. A wave of calm washed over him though as Bucky squeezed his arm while leaning close to whisper, “We’ll get him, Steve. I promise. We’ll make him pay.”

Exhaling slowly, Steve nodded before he glanced over as Falsworth spoke up, “Let’s get going, because they’re moving like the devil.”  
  
Hooking onto the line and squaring his shoulders, Steve glanced at the men and called out, “We only got about a 10-second window! You miss that window, we’re bugs on a windshield!”  
  
“Mind the gap.”  
  
Exchanging a glance with Falsworth, Steve had to stop himself from grinning as Dugan shouted, “Better get moving, bugs!”  
  
Gripping the handles securely, Steve waited to push off until Dernier gave the signal. The air whipped across his face and he felt like he wasn’t just flying, he was being catapulted through the air. The sensation sent his stomach into knots and he forced himself to take deep breaths. Last thing he needed was to hurl on a mission. He’d never hear the end of that, especially not from Bucky. The thought of Bucky being catapulted behind him sent another wave of nausea through Steve.  
  
When they’d come up with the plan, Bucky had been vehemently against it, had claimed up and down that it was a stupid, reckless plan. He’d been outvoted. The second it’d been clear that it was going forward, Bucky had then insisted that he _had_ to be on that train, and that he _had_ to either go first or go right after him.

Dropping down onto the train, Steve felt the jolt all the way through his body as he then lay down, catching his breath and his balance as the train sped forward. Glancing back, Steve saw that both Bucky and Gabe had landed safely as well and his breathing came a little easier. He didn’t let himself get too comfortable though as he had to maintain his balance across the speeding vehicle. One wrong step would mean certain disaster that even his super serum blood couldn’t fix. After a few feet, he found a ladder though and climbed down, Bucky quickly following him. Gabe stayed on top though and headed to a different car to look for Zola, as per the plan.

Once they were inside the train, Bucky shut the door while Steve pulled his gun. He knew he should keep his finger off of the trigger until there was a definite target in front of him, but he just couldn’t help himself. His anger still brewed deep within him, saturating him to his core and making him just a smidge blind to reason. They kept moving though and Steve was fine until he stepped over a threshold and suddenly the door shut. Turning back, Steve banged a fist on the door. He hated being separated from Bucky, even if it was only a couple of doors. Before Steve could even think about a way to get through that door, the distinct sound of a weapon charging up filled the room. Turning toward the sound, Steve cursed as he spotted a man decked out with two enormous guns, both glowing with that mysterious blue light.  
  
Throwing himself to the side and dodging the first few shots, Steve pressed himself against a wall while gritting his teeth. That damn blue energy was the most destructive thing he’d ever seen in his life. It honestly terrified him to think that monsters could hold such destructive power. Everything they touched seemed to get twisted and dragged through the mud. And that was what happened if you were _lucky_. The unlucky ones seemed to disappear like smoke on the wind. Holding up his shield, Steve cursed under his breath and focused on the task though, stepping out and firing only to step back for cover every chance he got.  
  
Steve knew he couldn’t stay hidden forever. He had to come up with a plan, some way to get an advantage. While the man was charging his weapon again, Steve glanced up at a sliding rail at the top of the car. It was better than nothing, and he holstered his weapon before he took his chance. Running and jumping up, Steve slid across the room, slamming his feet into the man’s chest and knocking him back. Once the man was on the ground, Steve used his shield and knocked him out before grabbing that weapon and firing it. The energy slammed open the door, easily taking care of the first door in his way, much to his relief. He had to get to Bucky before it was too late.  
  
Unfortunately there was still another door in his way and he glanced through the window, turning back against the wall and making a plan. The sweat on Bucky’s brow made Steve realize the man wasn’t doing very well, especially not against the relentless assault of the hydra agent. Pulling his gun out, Steve then pressed the button to the door and glanced over at Bucky. Bucky nodded so Steve tossed it over before taking a deep breath and then rushing into the compartment. Putting up his shield, Steve slammed it against a large container, sending it flying forward and forcing the agent to step to the side where Bucky aimed and shot, hitting the agent directly in the face.  
  
“I had him on the ropes.”  
  
Sighing, Steve nodded, “I know you did.”  
  
There was no time to relax though. A charging weapon had Steve turning around, and his eyes widened as he saw the man from before. Obviously he hadn’t knocked him out hard enough. Gritting his teeth, Steve held up his shield and shoved Bucky aside while shouting, “Get down!”  
  
The weapon went off and Steve felt the wind get knocked out of him as he was thrown back and into the wall as the charge went askew. The shot had hit the side of the train, knocking a huge chunk away entirely. His shield lay on the ground and Steve struggled to get up for a second, his ears still ringing and his back stinging from slamming against the wall. That second was long enough for Bucky to pick up the shield and brace himself while firing.  
  
A shot slammed directly against the shield though and Steve could only watch with helpless terror as the shield slipped off of Bucky’s arm as he was thrown backward and disappeared from site. Rushing over and grabbing the shield, Steve then threw it with all his strength, denting the agent’s armor and sending him into a crumpled heap before he then raced toward where he’d seen Bucky get thrown.  
  
Ripping off his helmet, his sweat soaked hair started to freeze in the icy wind as he leaned outside the cabin. Grabbing at the handle, his heart raced and he felt terror like he’d never felt before as he saw Bucky _dangling_ from the high-speed train.  
  
“Bucky!”  
  
Shimmying across, Steve silently begged and prayed for Bucky to just _hold on_. All he had to do was just _hold on_ and he’d be okay. He got to the point where the railing ran out and Steve’s eyes blurred with tears as he shouted, “Hang on!”  
  
The railing Bucky was holding onto started to give way and Steve felt his heart leap into his throat. Reaching out, Steve stretched trying to keep a hold of his own bar while reaching for Bucky.  
  
“Grab my hand!”  
  
Bucky’s face was terrified, and he reached, his arm stretching and sweat dripping down his face. Steve’s fingers brushed Bucky’s, but then Steve heard the screech of metal. Everything seemed to slow down as he saw those last few brackets give. A scream filled the canyon as Bucky fell, and Steve heard a strangled sob join it as his entire body shook. He couldn’t move, could scarcely breathe. He couldn’t even see anything around him as he kept picturing Bucky’s wide, tear-filled eyes as the love of his life disappeared from sight.  
  
_Let go. Just let go. Jump_.  
  
The words echoed in his mind and for a second Steve started to let go, but then he held on tighter when he could practically hear Bucky’s voice drawling, ‘ _Don’t you fucking dare, Rogers_ ’, and he was left pressing his face into the side of the train and sobbing. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, how long he just couldn’t move until a voice snapped him out of his thoughts.  
  
“Steve! Shit! C’mon, man, it’s not safe out there!”  
  
Glancing blankly over at Gabe, Steve could see his friend inhale sharply, but he let himself get pulled into the cabin anyway. Sitting numbly on the floor, he shook his head as Gabe crouched down and questioned, “You injured, Cap?”  
  
Steve stared at the floor though, not trusting himself to speak when Gabe sighed only to freeze and then question, “Cap, where’s Barnes?”  
  
Bottom lip trembling, Steve cleared his throat, opening his mouth to say something, _anything_ , but the only thing that came out was a pained moan as he just _pointed_ out the train.  
  
Gabe fell to his knees and Steve gripped at his own hair, tugging at it while squeezing his eyes shut as the other man whispered, “God. Steve, I’m so sorry.”  
  
_God’s not here_.  
  
Steve wanted to say that, wanted to say that there was no way God had been there at all that day, because if he had, Bucky would still be alive, but the words couldn’t get out. He couldn’t bring himself to say them either, but he didn’t know what else to think. Why would God make him suffer like this? Why would he make it so that he would live and every person he’d ever loved would be ripped like this from him? Why would God condemn him to feel this festering pain every single day?  
  
What did he do to deserve this?  
  
“I secured the prisoners, Cap. They’re knocked out and handcuffed for now, but it’ll be a minute before we can get this train to stop. I’ll go guard them just to be on the safe side. You just stay here, okay?”  
  
Nodding numbly, Steve leaned against a wall, wanting to curl up into himself. A low buzzing had filled his senses, like static. No, Steve thought, not like static. Not like static at all. It was too cold, too numbing to be static. No, it was more like _ice and snow_. He was being buried in it. He had to be, because this freezing cold had seeped into his body and all the way to his bones. He could feel it in his very soul as he relived Bucky’s final moments over and over again. He could hear it along with the sound of that ice and snow mixing with the howling wind of the train.  
  
The train stopped, but Steve felt like he was still moving, still falling right along with Bucky and he didn’t know when he’d reach the bottom. He was waiting for the devastating stop to happen, for every bone in his body to just splinter like falling glass. Maybe then his outsides would match the state his heart had been left in.  
  
Hands gently helped him up and he could hear whispering followed by sharply inhales. He saw nothing, but he could still _feel_ those stares. His throat was tight and he couldn’t speak. His legs barely worked. Every once and a while he’d stumble, and he’d feel Dugan steady him while everyone murmured reassuring things to him.  
  
As if anything could ever be okay ever again now that he’d lost everything.  
  
Going on without Vivian had been a decision that had damn near killed him, but he’d made the choice, because he still had Bucky. He’d still had Bucky, and he knew he couldn’t just give up. He had to stay strong for him, but now he was gone. He was gone and Steve knew he couldn’t go on without them. He just knew it, even through what felt like miles of ice all around him, he knew what would happen to him.  
  
The glacier surrounded him and moved with him as he went to debrief was taken back to London. It even followed him through debriefs. He assumed he answered everything correctly, but his voice had sounded distant, like someone else was answering for him. His hand had shook as he wrote out his detailed statement of what happened.  
  
It took him ten minutes to get past writing out that Sergeant James Barnes had been lost in the line of duty.  
  
It took him another ten minutes after he’d bolted from the table to stop vomiting and dry heaving after he was done.  
  
Once he was released, Steve stole a bottle of alcohol from Dugan before letting his feet carry him somewhere. They carried him all the way to a bombed out town, back to a bar where he’d first dragged Bucky into the whole mess.  
  
Back to the bar where he’d gotten the love of his life killed.  
  
He sat down in the same spot he’d sat back then and for a moment the glacier thawed and he closed his eyes. He closed his eyes and he was back in that bar before everything had been devastated. He pictured Bucky sitting next to him, whispering teasing jokes about the damn uniform. He could hear Bucky say he’d follow him anywhere and then the ice went back up as Steve roughly opened the bottle and then took a long drink, letting the liquor burn down his throat. Tears filled Steve’s eyes and he took another drink from the bottle before choking out, “Why’d you go somewhere I can’t follow, Buck?”  
  
Steve kept drinking, his eyes getting redder as he cried. He kept hoping for the alcohol to numb the pain, but it never happened. Finishing off the bottle, Steve stared bitterly at the bottle, angry that the one thing that was supposed to help had failed him, damn near betrayed him. In a fit of rage, he threw the bottle, the glass shattering everywhere before he got up and headed back to the remnants of the bar.  
  
Searching, he found a single clean glass and a bottle of some liquor left intact before he headed back to his seat at the bar. Pouring the alcohol into the cup this time, he downed it, wincing as the alcohol never got that smoothness to it. He remembered going out and drinking with Bucky and Viv. He remembered that the more he drank, the smoother the taste became, but now that smoothness never came. It was still sharp, jagged alcohol all the way down, like he’d taken broken glass and swallowed it whole.  
  
Footsteps over debris had Steve glancing over, not surprised to see Peggy headed toward him. Turning back toward the bottle, Steve poured himself another full glass while speaking up, his voice strained, “Dr. Erskine said that…the serum wouldn’t just affect my muscles, it would affect my cells. Create a protective system of regeneration and healing. Which _means_ , um, I can’t get drunk.” Tossing the glass back, Steve then let his finger run along the top of the glass while questioning, “Did you know that?”  
  
Peggy sighed and sat down on a stool while admitting, “Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person. He thought it could be one of the side effects.”  
  
A heavy silence fell between them and Steve wanted to laugh bitterly as Peggy stared at him before whispering, “It wasn’t your fault.”  
  
“Did you read the report?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Steve scoffed, “Then you know that’s not true.”  
  
“You did everything you could.”  
  
_Everything except let him go home when he needed to_.  
  
The reply stuck in Steve’s throat and he swallowed hard, staring at the bottom of his glass only to glance up as Peggy questioned, “Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him?”  
  
White hot anger filled him at those questions. Of course he’d believed in Bucky. Of course he’d respected him. There was no one on Earth that Steve had believed in or respected more. His indignation must have been all over his face, because before he could even start to say any of that, Peggy was continuing, “Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it.”  
  
_He was wrong_.  
  
The words caught in Steve’s throat and he poured himself another drink, swirling the liquid in the glass before admitting, “I’m going after Schmidt. I’m not gonna stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured.”  
  
“You won’t be alone.”  
  
Glancing up at Peggy, Steve was grateful, and he nodded, but he couldn’t help but feel like she was wrong. He could be backed up by dozens of men, have a whole army at his disposal, and she’d be wrong.  
  
No, Steve was going to be alone for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I would have warned you guys about this chapter but I totally forgot last time that this was pretty much right upon us. I thought I had one more cushion chapter between the last one and this, but then I realized it would be too obviously filler.
> 
> Sorry to the people that wanted Bucky to remain on the train and not fall, so that he wouldn't have to become the Winter Soldier. I've honestly had this part planned for genuinely ages. You guys did make me _really, really, really_ consider changing my mind though.
> 
> I'm now going to give a lengthy, borderline ranty explanation as to why this chapter isn't set in 1944, because didn't Bucky fall in 1944? I understand that there's a lot of people who claim that, including the Winter Soldier movie for some reason, but it genuinely doesn't make sense for him to fall in 1944, at least not to me. And I'm not talking about how Steve waiting that long afterward to do something reckless makes no sense, although that is a good argument. I mean how in WS, in the conversation with Zola, the very prisoner they're capturing in this scene, it's made clear that he was captured in 1945. He flat out says so. So unless they did some weird Snowpiercer travel across New Year type deal, there's no way Bucky fell in 1944 and Zola was captured in 1945. On top of that, Peggy clearly mentioned a Howling Commando mission that took place in 1945 in her recording that Steve watches as the Smithsonian. She mentions that Steve rescued her husband during that mission. It doesn't make sense to me that Steve would go on other Howling Commando missions after Bucky supposedly died other than his very final mission where he crashed into the Arctic. However, if the 1945 mission was in early January or February and then the fall came after that, it would make perfect sense, at least to me. So that's why I have it set in 1945.


	32. Thirty-One: 1945

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, pain, violence, gore, blackmail, blood, medical procedures, medical torture, torture, and purposely over the top vows.
> 
> Also, to clarify, the timeline Vivian references is not since the last chapter in general, but rather since _her_ last chapter.

Vivian knew her life had gotten bad when _walking_ was a treat for her.

Vivian had been kept strapped to tables for months though, ever since she helped Steve escape Hydra’s clutches, the countless experiments blending together in her head as she struggled to keep herself sane. She still didn’t know why they bothered keeping her alive anymore. It seemed pointless, them doing the same things over again just slightly different. They now knew what happened when her arm got cut off, frozen off, blown off, shot off, and all of those things combined with what happened if she was poisoned.

Hell, they’d even gotten bored with that and figured out how well her body pushed out bomb shrapnel, or how well it recovered her hearing after they blew that to hell. She’d gone deaf three times in the midst of all that chaos, one time so thoroughly and for so long (a month and a half straight) that they’d even made sure she knew sign language. She’d known bits before just from being around Steve, but now she was fluent.  
  
“This way, Hecate.”  
  
Cringing at the name, Vivian let herself get pulled down the hallway, her blonde hair matted to her head and her body exhausted as she struggled to keep going. Still, she kept herself upright and looking as if it meant nothing to her, because she’d be damned if some piece of shit cog in the machine got to see her break down. No, if she wasn’t even going to let her own fucking birth mother see her cry, then there was no way that some nameless goon was going to get that honor. The man’s grip on her arm was tight though and she felt unease fill her as she was led to the operating room.  
  
Hydra never actually brought her to this room when they did her surgeries anymore. They did in the beginning, but then they decided that they preferred the risk of her getting  something. They _liked_ to see if she got infected, to see how she fought it off and to see how it affected her healing. Vivian wondered if at some point they’d just realize most things just slowed her down, but didn’t kill her, and then give up this repetitive bullshit. Or maybe just finally figure out what _would_ kill her and get it over with.  
  
Even more surprising than the fact that she was being brought to the operating room was the fact that she could tell from behind that someone was already on the table. Part of her recoiled when she saw that the person was missing their left arm. She knew personally just how bad it was to lose an arm like that, to have it ripped off, and she didn’t envy the person at all. The shock and empathy quickly melted into something else though, her pulse skyrocketing as she ripped herself from the grip of the agents and ran forward, her hands cupping the prisoner’s face as her mind was slow to catch up with what her heart and soul already recognized.  
  
“ _Bucky_.”  
  
The name had come out choked and Vivian did the one thing she swore she’d never do in front of these animals: she sobbed. Vivian sobbed and she let her shaking hands gently trace Bucky’s pale face as she couldn’t look away from him. This was _Bucky_. This was _her_ Bucky, and she hated herself. It’d been her job to keep him safe, she’d made a _deal_ for it, and now here he was, captured by Hydra.  
  
“ _Oh God_ , Bucky, I’m gonna fix this. Just _open your eyes_ , and I promise I’ll make everything right. I’ll do anything. God, just _please_ , just open your eyes.”  
  
“Sergeant Barnes is stable…for now.”  
  
Of course Madame Hydra was there. That woman never missed an opportunity to torture her. Not a chance. Pressing her forehead to Bucky’s, Vivian reached down, her hand lacing with Bucky’s remaining hand as she took less than a heartbeat to whisper, “What do you want?”  
  
“We want what we’ve always wanted, Vivian. We want your loyalty. Swear loyalty to Hydra again, and we’ll save Sergeant Barnes. We’ll make him good as new. We may even let you keep him.”  
  
“And if I refuse?”  
  
“Then we put a bullet in his brain and we send him back piece by piece to the Americans. Maybe we’ll let him rot a little bit first.”  
  
“I’ll do it. I’ll be your weapon again. Just don’t hurt him.”  
  
Vivian hadn’t had to think about her decision before she’d made it, her eyes squeezing shut as she heard the familiar click of the safety of a gun. She couldn’t bear to look at Bucky as she choked out, “I swear my allegiance to Hydra. I will fight for Hydra and die for Hydra. I will do my duty for the cause and may no man or woman stand in my way, for I am the weapon that will bring destruction to our enemies. I will stand shoulder to shoulder with death, never fearing it as I lead our enemy into death’s arms. My mission is absolute and I will not fail.”  
  
“Beautiful. I almost believed you.”  
  
Pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips, Vivian pulled back, pulling herself together while her eyes still shined. She was going to find a way to get Bucky out of this Hell, and she was going to make every single last person who even so much as looked at him pay with their lives. Squeezing Bucky’s hand one more time, Vivian let herself get pulled away from him and pushed into a chair near the wall. Her entire world felt like a blurred mess and she barely acknowledged the restraints they placed on her.  
  
Madame Hydra grinned wickedly before turning toward another agent, “What’s Zola’s ETA?”  
  
“A few hours, but our orders are to start the procedure without him.”  
  
“The procedure? What procedure? Our deal was you wouldn’t hurt him!”  
  
Tugging at her restraints as she shouted that, Vivian cried out as electricity shocked through her system, sending her muscles spasming and her lungs aching. She could smell her flesh burning and she leaned back into her seat, blood dripping from her nose as she could only watch in stunned horror as they left a man standing near Bucky, a gun pointed at his head as they began prepping him for a surgery.  
  
Still struggling, she only stopped, her body slumping down into her seat as an agent moved close and practically snarled into her ear, “You try anything and that man dies. How do you think we’ll do it? Maybe this time we’ll slit _his_ throat in front of _you_.”  
  
Vivian felt like she was screaming, but not a single sound came out of her as she watched them cutting dead flesh from the remaining part of Bucky’s left arm. They weren’t delicate about any of it, seeming to be acting more like butchers than surgeons. They were cutting and splicing away the skin, blood dripping onto the floor and angling toward the drain under her chair.  
  
Water tinged with Bucky’s blood regularly slid past her feet, making her shudder and want to vomit, all while she sat and wondered how she’d gone so wrong. She’d only had a few purposes in life that were hers and hers alone. Keeping Bucky safe had been one of them, and now here they were, Bucky being ripped apart and toyed with, places metal along his ribs and shoulder like he was some sort of science experiment while they injected him with so many drugs that she lost count.  
  
They’d injected him with a lot of things back when they’d first been captured in the war, but this made those days seem like child’s play. After what seemed like an eternity, and a few different switches of surgeons, Vivian’s lips curled back as Arnim Zola himself strolled into the place, looking a little worse for wear, but damn near beaming. The man barely gave her a second glance before he was opening a box and pulling out a metal arm.  
  
Struggling against her restraints once more, Vivian felt tears filling her eyes as Zola moved closer and showed her the limb, a smirk on the man’s face as he spoke up, “You see this? Without you, we never would have been able to make such a beautiful invention. Thanks to you, that man is going to be the most fearsome weapon that Hydra has ever had.”  
  
Shaking her head, Vivian’s fingers twisted and her teeth grit as she stared at the man, her voice coming out dark and unlike it had ever sounded as she snarled, “One day I’m going to choke the life out of the pathetic sack that you call a body and then I will dance on your grave, but not before I bring your entire organization to its knees and kill it in front of you. Before the end, _you_ _will know Hell_.”  
  
“Cut off one head and two more grow back.”  
  
“Then I guess I’ll just have to rip out its heart.”  
  
A sardonic smile spread across Zola’s face and Vivian felt burning in her throat as she watched the arm get attached to Bucky’s mangled body. Vivian was certain that the arm had been specially made for Bucky’s body, which made her wonder just how long they’d had him before they’d dragged her into the room for this freak show. Her stomach lurched as she realized that it’d probably been days of his arm slowly dying, the decaying flesh going further and further up as they kept him sedated. And this was all her fault. His pain, the mutilation, his being turned into this? They were all her fault.  
  
Tears slipped down her face and she choked on her own sobs as once the arm was fully in place, Bucky awoke, glancing at his new left arm before screaming. The sound was choked and ragged, a sound that almost sounded like a howl. She couldn’t even begin to struggle as the electricity went through her without pause, a steady stream of pain as her heart stuttered and her lungs worked overtime. She could feel her muscles dying, could feel her lungs burning, and could feel her heart beating so fast that she feared it’d rip out of her chest. Despite all she’d survived, even she wasn’t sure if she’d survive this, but then the electricity stopped.  
  
Lips moving wordlessly, Vivian watched as Bucky’s screaming finally stopped and he passed out. Her tears slid past her lips and down her chin, trailing down her throat as she watched in broken silence as they pushed the gurney out of the room. Soon though, an agent was by her side and removing her restraints before quickly tugging her to her feet. They had to drag her out of the room as her body didn’t seem to want to cooperate at all. She was immediately taken back to her room and shoved in, her body slamming into the floor. Not a sound came out of her though as she found herself staring at Bucky’s crumpled form. They’d thrown him onto the floor next to his gurney, the IV still sticking out of his arm.  
  
Once the door shut, Vivian shook her head, whimpering as she shoved herself onto her stomach. Her mind was a jumble and she grit her teeth as she used all her effort to move her hands forward and to start to drag herself across the concrete, her fingernails tearing off and leaving bloody streaks along the floor as she pulled herself more and more. Her chest heaved as she dragged herself toward the body, but became easier as time went on and she could start to use her legs again. By the time she moved across the room, she could push herself up.  
  
Leaning over Bucky’s body, Vivian wiped her hands on a cloth before gently checking Bucky’s pulse. It took a moment for her to find it, but her body relaxed once she felt the slow, steady pulse and saw the soft rise and fall of the man’s chest. Moving her hand down, Vivian winced when her fingertips brushed against metal. It was her fault that he’d lost his arm, her fault that he’d been captured, and her fault that most likely everyone thought he was dead.  
  
Hand freezing over the arm, Vivian suddenly realized what that meant, bile rising up in her throat as she realized that because of her, _Steve_ was without them. Because of her, Steve thought they both were dead. With a speed and a strength she didn’t realize she still had in her, Vivian shoved herself away from Bucky, sending herself into the corner to dry heave while folding into herself. It felt like her entire body was trying to disappear from existence, all the while her mind was screaming.  
  
She’d wanted Bucky back in her life, but not like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I missed any warnings at the top, always feel free to request me to place a warning up in those notes.
> 
> We've got about 2 or 3 chapters left in this thing and then it's off to the sequel, Buried Alive. I'll be posting the last chapter of this and the first chapter of that on the same day. That's my goal at least.
> 
> Fun fact: I was super terrified that the vow Vivian gives to rejoin Hydra would be _way_ too over the top. My gf (aka my sort of beta and also the birthday this month) reassured me that she thought it was the kind of ridiculous shit that Hydra would actually make people vow in order to join.
> 
> I also just want to take the time right now to thank you guys so much for your support. I love the comments and I love the kudos and I love the bookmarks. Seeing those numbers for this fic is just insane. I never in my wildest dreams thought that this story was going to take off or be liked by anyone other than myself and my ridiculous girlfriend who basically loves everything I write. She's insanely biased. But yeah, thank you so much. You guys are amazing. I'm probably going to be posting a mushy thank you a few more times, because I just can't get over the fact that this story, at the time of posting, has _226 kudos and 48 bookmarks_. That's wild. Thank you.


	33. Thirty-Two: 1945

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, self-hate, mentions of blood, and mild violence

Pain radiated through Bucky’s body as he slowly woke up, scrambling to figure out what he remembered last. Flashes of metal and ice went through his mind, but a strangled gasp came from him as Steve’s tortured face appeared. Sitting up, Bucky’s breathing refused to slow down as he remembered falling from that train, falling away from the only home he had left and crashing into the ice and snow.  
  
Pinching his nose, Bucky shook his head, clearing away the cobwebs as he struggled to remember everything that had happened after that. He remembered _pain_ and he remembered the _cold_ , but then there were flashes, flashes of being dragged, of blood soaking the pure white snow. He remembered Zola’s face and a metal arm. Opening his eyes, Bucky glanced down, forcing himself to not vomit as he realized that they really were memories. There was no last ditch hope of it all being some sick, elaborate dream. His arm was gone and it’d been replaced by this… _contraption_. He could feel where his limb was and he could feel pressure, but no real _feeling_ in it.  
  
Wiggling his fingers, Bucky shivered at the hollow feeling he got from it before he began to survey the surroundings. He was on a gurney, for starters, and he was attached to an IV of some sorts. He was also in what could only be described as hospital garb with no shoes on. The wall he was next to was dingy and scratched. The floor, more horrifying enough, had bloody claw marks, fingernails still embedded in some of the scratches. Splashes of blood were all over the floor beyond it, making Bucky’s skin crawl. He had no idea what kind of place he landed himself in, but all he knew was that he had to keep himself alive long enough for Steve and the rest of the Howling Commandos to find him. Well, once he found a way to signal to them where he was.  
  
Swinging his legs over the gurney, Bucky pulled the IV out and moved carefully against the wall, desperately trying to figure out his surroundings better. The one lone lamp in the room wasn’t nearly enough light to be able to see everything, and he wasn’t about to stay seated in a dark cell. Running his metal hand along the wall, just to be on the safe side, and also to get used to it, Bucky sighed in relief when he felt his hand bump against something.  
  
Running the fingers over it, he carefully flicked the switch, wincing when the overhead light came blaring on. Blocking the light with his forearm and letting his eyes slowly adjust, Bucky took a deep breath before lowering his arm completely and glancing around. The room was bigger than he’d thought it be, and he nearly gagged at the amount of blood on the walls. The scratching had gone halfway up the walls and he swayed on his feet.  
  
He needed to get out and he needed to get out fast.  
  
He knew he couldn’t let the exhaustion get to him though and he lurched forward, stumbling toward the metal door as he forced himself to focus. There was no way a door that well reinforced wasn’t a way out of the damn room, and beyond that, it was his first real lead on getting out. Pressing his right hand along the frame, he then squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the doorknob. He grit his teeth and turned the handle with all his might, his eyes snapping open in shock as he could hear the groan and finally the snap of metal.  
  
The door swung open and Bucky glanced to make sure the coast was clear before he tiptoed out. The loose fitting trousers and shirt were easy to maneuver in, but he knew the first thing he’d need to get were shoes and something more substantial to wear. Bucky made his way down the hall though, gritting his teeth and breathing in deeply as his body seemed to feel heavy the more he went. He pushed through it though, fighting through the creeping exhaustion until he turned a corner and froze.  
  
“Hello, soldier. I see you’re awake.”  
  
Metal hand digging into the corner, Bucky could feel his heart racing and his breathing increasing as he found himself staring down _Zola_. Shaking his head, Bucky could hear part of the concrete crumble under his fist as he bit out, “You can’t be here. It’s not possible. The commandos would have captured you. They would never have let you go.”  
  
A sickly smile spread across Zola’s face and Bucky took a step back as the man laughed, “Your captain did not let me go. In fact, according to official records, I was never here. They think I am in one of their pitiful cells. Solitary confinement. Your captain, in his arrogance, believed he could keep me captive. This is not the case. You see, in the fight against Hydra, your country has already lost.”  
  
“Bullshit. We’re going to burn you to the ground. I’m going to make sure of—”  
  
Bucky grit his teeth and sank to his knees, his body shuddering as waves of pain went through his body. Gagging and dry heaving, Bucky squeezed his eyes shut as he slid down the wall. Soft footsteps approached him and he opened his eyes as he could feel Zola’s sickly sweet breath on his cheek as the man leaned close and taunted.  
  
“Do you like it? It’s a mastery of craftsmanship, nothing you Americans would understand. That arm I so graciously gave to you not only gives you strength, but it takes it away as well. Would you care for another demonstration or will you go back to your cell?”  
  
Spitting in Zola’s face, Bucky reached up to punch but then cried out as the pain erupted again. He landed on his back, the pain radiating in a way he’d never felt before until finally, mercifully, it all went dark.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been unconscious, but when he awoke, he found himself back in that same room he’d left. He knew it was the same, because those fucking scratches and blood smears were still on the wall. The bed was different though. It was slightly bigger and had actual linens. Not that it mattered though. A prison was still a prison, even if it was slightly more comfortable to be in. Sitting up and swinging his legs over, Bucky reached over and flicked on the light, leaning against the wall and then glanced over at the door. It’d been reinforced since his last escape attempt.

The sounds of a series of locks carefully unlocking before a beep sounded had Bucky bracing himself as the door opened. A woman in a hydra uniform came in carrying a tray of food, a wide grin on her face as she set it down on a table in the room while she spoke cheerfully, “Good morning. I hope you slept well under our care. You know, you’re really lucky. Hydra doesn’t take just anyone and—”  
  
“Lucky? You think I’m fucking lucky to be the prisoner of psychopaths?”

The woman froze, a frown on her face as she sighed, “Typical American. You always think you’re right. Hydra sees beyond your petty ways. Hydra will _save_ —”

Bucky scoffed and leaned forward before snapping, “Lady, Hydra has never and will never save anyone from a goddamn thing. And quite frankly, if you’re going to keep going on and on about how that Nazi scum is good for anyone except for the handful of megalomaniacs that you call your bosses, then I’d rather be electrocuted again.”

The woman glared and turned on her heel, ranting in a language he didn’t understand under her breath before she unlocked the door. Before she left though, she turned toward him with a sickly sweet grin as she announced giddily, “I’m sure Hecate will be thrilled to know how cooperative you’re being. She’s almost back from her mission.”

Getting up and heading toward the door, Bucky slammed his fist against it as it was slammed in his face. He could hear the intricate locks working and he paced before searching the room more thoroughly. There was a dresser placed in the room and he opened the drawers, frowning as he saw comfortable, minimal men’s clothing in some drawers, but dresses and clothing for women in others. A door he hadn’t noticed before opened up to a small, cramped bathroom. Inside was a slab of metal for the mirror, a sink, a toilet, and a small shower.

Heading back into the room, Bucky tried to move the bed only to realize that all of the furniture in the room was _bolted_ and _reinforced_ to the floor. Squinting up at the lights, Bucky sighed as he realized the light bulbs were even hidden behind heavily secured grating.

“What the fuck is this place?”

“You should try being grateful for once. We didn’t have to keep you alive.”

Turning around as the door opened and the voice carried in, Bucky lunged forward, pinning the woman to the wall as soon as she came into view. His metal hand gripped her throat and he glared, his teeth bared as he snarled, “ _You_. You should have died for what you did to her!”

Madame Hydra disappeared from his grip and he slammed forward into the wall, turning and glaring as she sat on the bed, crossing one leg over the other casually while replying, “Temper, temper, and all for a girl like Vivian? Oh, it really will be a treat to see you realize what you’ve been defending this whole time. She was never the sweet girl you thought she was.”

“You _shut your goddamn mouth_ about her. You don’t have the _goddamn right_ to even say her name!”

“Come on in, darling. It’s time for your poor knight in shining armor to see the truth.”

Bucky was about to retort, but then his legs gave out from under him as the door opened again and _Vivian_ walked in. Her hair lay in soft curls, and her lips were ruby red. Her dress at first looked like a crisp white dress, but then he squeezed his eyes shut as he saw that the front was splattered with blood.

“This isn’t real. This isn’t real.”

“Oh, but it is, and Vivian is with _us_.”

Scrambling up, Bucky’s vision blurred as tears slipped down his cheeks and his body shook as he moved closer to the woman. The entire time she’d been in the room, she kept her gaze forward. Her eyes were almost blank, and he gently cupped her face in his hands while whispering, “God, Doll, what’d they do to you? _What’d they do_?”

“ _Do_? Sargent, I don’t think you understand. Vivian has _always_ been with us.”

Shaking his head, Bucky gently rubbed Vivian’s cheek, the pain in his chest intensifying as she averted her gaze from him as he demanded, “She’s lying. She has to be lying. Ain’t no way. Viv, tell her.”

Vivian stayed quiet and Bucky shook his head, glaring over at Madame Hydra while practically shouting, “I don’t care what you say. I don’t care what anyone in this goddamn piece of shit says. Ain’t no way Viv’s a Nazi. Not a damn way in this whole world she’s a Nazi. I _know_ her. My Viv’s a good woman, and she’d _never_ be with the likes of you. Not a goddamn chance.”

Madame Hydra laughed and then Bucky glared as the woman went from being on the bed to being outside the cell. The door was locked again, and Bucky had to force himself to calm down as he focused back on Vivian. Gently pushing her hair out of her face, Bucky smiled weakly and whispered, “I’m sorry I yelled, Vivi. I shouldn’t have done that. It’ll be okay now though. Whatever they did to you, I can fix. I can get you back. I promise.”

“Bucky, it’s not that simple.”

Freezing, Bucky swallowed hard as Vivian glanced up at him with glassy eyes and continued, “I really wish more than anything that Ophelia was completely lying, but she wasn’t. There’s truth to what she says, Buck. _I’m not who you think I am_.”

Shaking his head, Bucky backed up and laughed deliriously before whispering, “God, I can’t believe I let Hydra fool me. This is all some sick, twisted way to torture me. _You’re not even here._ You _can’t_ be here. You’re _dead_. I saw you die. _Fuck_. There’s not even a _you_ to talk to. Viv’s _gone_. She’s gone and she’s not ever coming back. She—”

The blonde stepped forward and gripped his hands before interrupting, “My name is Vivian Alana Peshkova. I was born November 1st, 1918. You thought you saw me die on November 3rd, 1943. My throat was slit by an agent upon the request of Arnim Zola, a scientist working with…my mother, Ophelia Sarkissian. You know her better as Viper as well as Madame Hydra. I was _born into Hydra_.”

Shaking his head, Bucky tried pulling away, but then gaped when the woman’s grip on his wrists stayed firm and she continued, “You need to hear this, Bucky. I was raised in Hydra and I was sent to America to infiltrate high society. My mission was to marry into old money, preferably into politics, and then sway decisions in any way I could. I didn’t do that.”

Bucky laughed humorlessly as he pointed out, “That doesn’t explain why Vivian would have made the choices she did back in Brooklyn. That doesn’t explain how you’d be Vivian. It doesn’t explain how you’d survive what I saw. Vivian’s throat was slit. I saw the bones in her throat. The floor was _covered_ in her blood. No one can survive that.”

“Break my wrist.”

Scoffing, Bucky shook his head, “I’m not going to do that.”

Vivian’s eyes narrowed and Bucky glared back as the woman insisted, “Break my fucking wrist. Either I’m lying and the only thing you did is break the wrist of a filthy Nazi or I’m telling the truth and I can survive my throat getting slit, so my wrist being broken should be nothing. You lose nothing by doing this.”

Bucky shook his head and tried to pull his hands away only to scoff as she wrapped the metal hand around her right wrist and whispered, “Bucky, break my wrist. You have to.”

“I can’t. I can’t—”

“You have to. Break my wrist. Break my bones. Do it. If I’m not her then I’m a Nazi who made herself look like the love of your life to torture you. If I’m not who I say I am then I am the worst sort of disrespect to her name.”

Slamming the woman against the wall, Bucky screamed in anger, his metal hand squeezing and twisting. The sharp sound of bone cracking had him shoving himself back and gripping his hair while crying out, “What do you want from me? _Fuck_. I don’t understand.”

He couldn’t look at the woman’s arm. His hand had slipped down and he’d snapped her arm. The bone was at an odd angle and he dry heaved. Pressing his face against the wall, he slammed his metal hand against the wall as he grit his teeth. He couldn’t understand why this woman would ask him to hurt her like that. What was the point? Why get him angry enough to do that?

“Bucky, look.”

Shaking his hand, Bucky forced himself to breathe deeply through his nose, but then felt something, a force almost, push him back. His back pressed against the wall and he slid up slightly. Glancing forward, he gaped as he saw the woman set her own arm and then the bruises start to disappear in front of his eyes. Within minutes her arm looked normal again and Bucky felt his knees begin to buckle once he realized what this meant. Sitting down on the floor, tears blurred his vision as he whispered, “I don’t understand. I saw you die. I _failed you_.”

Vivian knelt in front of him and rested her hands on his knees while smiling softly, “James Buchanan Barnes, you have never, not once in your whole damn life, failed me. You understand me? I was born with abilities, Buck. Ophelia made sure she got pregnant by a powerful mutant. She did it a few times actually. I’m the one that survived. I’m the one that survived the experiments to make me stronger. I can heal. I can move things with my mind.”

Cautiously Bucky laced his fingers with hers and he took in a shuddering breath as she squeezed his hand before continuing, “I was trained. They wanted a perfect soldier. A perfect ally for them. I met you and Steve though, and you showed me just how much more there is to life. You showed me how to be a better person, and I rejected them. I ran away. I—”

“She called you Hecate,” Bucky interrupted and then he let out a bitter laugh, “which means you’re the one who saved Erskine. You’re the one who made the serum possible.”

Shrugging, Vivian admitted, “I don’t think so. Erskine was brilliant. I just helped him along. Not soon enough though since his family still died in Dachau.”

Tilting his head back against the wall, Bucky closed his eyes and forced himself to take deep breaths, his voice cracking as he whispered, “You used to wash blood out of your clothes. Back then I thought it was you coming home from work, but it wasn’t, was it?”

“No. After I freed Erskine and the rest of the prisoners on that base, I triggered an explosion. The months I spent away from you, I was laying a trail across the country. I was distracting Hydra. They found me eventually, and I had to kill them to make sure they didn’t come after you or Steve. It was their blood. I joined the war effort for two reasons: I wanted to help, and I wanted to draw Hydra away from you. They were getting too close, and I couldn’t keep them at bay. I want to say the right reason was the bigger reason, but I don’t know. I’ve dropped too many bodies to know for sure.”

“You could have come to me. I would have protected you.”

A hand cupped his cheek and Bucky opened his eyes as Vivian moved closer and pressed their foreheads together while she whispered, “I know, baby, I know. There wasn’t anything you could do though, and if you’d known about Hydra, you would have tried to fight them. You would have tried to fight them and you would have ended up dead. And then you got drafted and you ended up in that damn war with me. I still thought I could still keep you safe, but then Viper was at that goddamn factory. She wanted me to suffer. She always does.”

“What’d she do to you?”

Fingers gently ran through his hair and Bucky squeezed his eyes shut as Vivian confessed, “Poison. Beatings. The more my system is overloaded, the longer it takes for me to heal. A weakness to poisons was her own special gift to me. Those are her specialty, you see. I wasn’t dying, but I had all the symptoms. It was enough to fool everyone. You must have made a deal to save me. I couldn’t let you do that, but by then they were already so goddamn pleased with how well you reacted to the new serum. And they saw how much you meant to me, so I had to die. Surprised they didn’t do it again after I helped Steve escape from captivity. Instead it just hurt a hell of a lot.”

Opening his eyes, Bucky shook his head and kissed Vivian softly, pulling her fully into his lap while he let himself just drink in everything. Vivian was alive. She was real. She was _there_ in his arms again, something he never thought he’d get again. She straddled his waist and his breathing became more labored as it all sank in. Tears slipped down his face as he choked out, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Soft fingertips brushed away his tears and he stared up at the ceiling while Vivian whispered, “For what, baby?”

“I told Steve you were dead. He rescued me hours after you’d been hurt like that, and I told him you were dead. He wanted to look for you. He wanted to save you, and I took away that hope. And now he thinks we’re both dead. I never told him I got the serum.”

Vivian shook her head, “There was no way you could have known, and besides, I wasn’t even in that building when it blew up. I got transported out as soon as they took me away from that room. If you’d looked, both you and Steve would be dead.”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah, well, I’ll be able to get you out this time. We’ll get out, and Steve and the rest of the Howlies will come and we’ll be safe. We’ll escape and it’ll be okay. I promise—”

Bucky frowned as Vivian gripped his metal hand and lifted it up while interrupting him, “This arm was created by massive experimentation on me, and they made sure to make this as helpful to them as possible, Bucky. That means that they can use it to electrocute you. They can track it. They can detonate it. If we managed to get out of this building, the first thing they’d do is activate all of them one at a time until we came back or skip straight ahead to detonation and they’d drag me back to figure out a way to have someone else survive the serum. And even if I managed to get you out, there’s still the fact that I have nowhere to go.”

“Viv, that doesn’t make any sense. Of course you have—”

“They saved you, because I agreed to work for them, Bucky. The reason this room has everything in it that it has is because I killed people for them. German soldiers. French soldiers. American soldiers. I went from healing soldiers to committing war crimes.”

Bucky’s stomach churned at those words, but he quickly brushed them aside before retorting, “You’re a good woman, and I’ll make sure you get a fair shot for once in your goddamn life, Viv. I don’t know how yet, but god damn it, I promise you that one day we’re gonna be able to get away from Hydra. We’ll be free.”

“I want to believe that so bad, but—”

“Do you believe in me?”

Vivian paused and nodded, and Bucky smiled softly before pulling her back into his arms, wrapping her up in both of them before pressing a kiss to her temple and whispering, “Then believe me when I say that we can do this. It’ll take time, but we’ll do it. We’ll get back to Steve. The three of us will be a family together.”

Vivian squirmed out of his arms and Bucky reluctantly released her, eyeing her as she stood up and gaped, “How can you be so optimistic? I’m a killer! I’m a traitor! And on top of that, we’re in a _hopeless_ situation. I can’t leave you here and you can’t leave. So what—”

“Viv, I got a miracle.”

The words trembled and Bucky felt tears slip down his cheeks as he whispered, “You being here is a fucking miracle, Viv. You’re a good woman. I know this, because I _know you_. I know the woman you are. I know the woman you’ve always been. You could have gone to those fucking bullies. One of them was the mayors kid. Those were the kids Hydra wanted you to go to, but you came to us. You came to Steve and me. You took care of us. You sat by Steve’s bed every time he was so sick we all started prayin’ to every damn saint we could think of, making deals with whatever deity is out there to try and keep him from dying in his sleep. Hydra didn’t make you do that. Hydra didn’t even want you to do that, but you did it.”

Vivian backed up and Bucky stood up, moving closer and continuing, “They didn’t make you protect all the queers in our neighborhood or the Jews. They didn’t make you sign up for the war effort. They didn’t make you be the best damn nurse in New York and the whole damn army. They didn’t make you tirelessly work thirteen, fourteen hour days. They didn’t make you do any of those things, but you did them. You did them because it’s who you are.”

Vivian sat down on the bed and Bucky moved over. Sitting next to her, he gently turned her face toward hers again and ran his thumb along her bottom lip while continuing, “You died in front of me, Viv, and it ripped me apart. I was sure part of me had surely died that day. And if we can get through that? If we can go through that kind of fire and come out the other side with you back in my arms, then I’ve gotta believe we’ll see Steve again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be the last chapter of this section of the story.


	34. Thirty-Three: 1945

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: blood, lots of killing, depression, suicidal ideation, what arguably could be considered a suicide attempt, and just honestly buckets of angst.
> 
> Also I flat out take dialogue, per usual, from The First Avenger whenever possible.

Nightmares and the ache of his own heart had kept Steve in a perpetual fog since that fateful day in the mountains. It felt like every time he closed his eyes, he was imagining death and destruction. _His failures_. He’d drank a total of three entire bottles of liquor without getting so much as a buzz in that shell of a bar. He missed that numbness that he was able to get before. Shaking his head as he remembered going out drinking with Bucky, Steve stared up at the ceiling and cursed his seemingly pristine memory. He’d been no slouch before, but now it was like he was incapable of forgetting. And as far as Steve was concerned, it was a goddamn curse.  
  
“Captain, it’s time. They’re waiting for you.”  
  
Nodding over at Dugan, Steve smiled weakly when the man stopped him before he could go on, gripping his shoulders before continuing, “It’ll be okay, Steve. It’ll just take time.”  
  
_Time_.  
  
Faking a smile, Steve patted Dugan on the back and replied, “I know, Dugan. I know.”  
  
Slipping past him and heading to the table, Steve sat down after nodding to the soldiers standing around. His team was already at the table, and Steve glanced over the paperwork, forcing his hand to stop shaking as he read _Zola’s_ The man didn’t deserve to be alive, much less healthy enough to be giving statements. A few deep inhales through the nose and exhaling through the mouth calmed him, but he made a point to not glance over at his team. He could feel their worried glances, but there wasn’t much he could do. He didn’t have time to do whatever it was that his friends needed him to do.  
  
“Johann Schmidt belongs in a bughouse. He thinks he’s a god, and he’s willing to blow up half the world to prove it, starting with the USA.”  
  
Steve kept glancing at his paperwork as Colonel Phillips spoke, his mind churning through scenarios that they could do. He had to stop Schmidt. He’d promised. He’d made a vow, and he was going to see it through, for Viv and for Buck.  
  
“Schmidt’s working with powers beyond our capabilities. He gets across the Atlantic, he will wipe out the entire Eastern Seaboard in an hour.”  
  
Howard sat down at the table as he spoke, showing up a little bit late to the meeting. A deep annoyance flared inside Steve and he knew it was ridiculous. Howard had been working, trying to come up with a way to combat the technology, but Steve felt out of control. Everything felt upside down and it all just felt so difficult again, like he was that scrawny kid getting beaten up in an alley once more.  
  
“How much time we got?”  
  
Setting down his papers as Gabe asked that, Steve glanced up finally as Phillips drawled, “According to my new best friend, under 24 hours.”  
  
“Where is he now?” Dernier questioned.  
  
“Hydra’s last base is here,” Phillips answered while pointing at a photo, “In the Alps, 500 feet below the surface.”  
  
The photo was tossed onto the table and passed around, and Gabe spoke up, “So what are we supposed to do?”  
  
Morita grabbed the photos and shook them slightly while scoffing, “I mean, it’s not like we can just knock on the front door.”  
  
Glancing up, it was like Steve had been struck by lightning, the wheels in his head turning as he questioned, “Why not?”  
  
All at once, every single person turned and glanced at him, but Steve stared determinately at the photo while announcing, “That’s _exactly_ what we’re going to do.”  
  
Getting up and heading over to the map, Steve pointed at it and explained, “They’re desperate to take me down at this point, which means they’ll do something stupid. Get me inside, and I can clear the way. Everyone else can follow.”  
  
“Steve, I don’t know about—”  
  
“This isn’t up for debate, Jones.”  
  
Gabe sat back, shaking his head, but Steve nodded as Phillips announced, “You heard the man. We have work to do.”  
  
Getting up and heading toward the armory, Steve sighed as Dugan met his stride and spoke while they walked, “You sure you know what you’re doing, Cap?”  
  
Nodding, Steve kept his gaze forward and quickly replied, “I’m ending it.”  
  
A hand shot out and Steve sighed as Dugan stepped into his view and frowned, “You mean Hydra, right?”  
  


“What else would I mean, private?”

Dugan didn’t look convinced, but nodded and backed off. Heading past the rest of them before they could question him as well, Steve gathered up everything he nodded and then picked out everything else. A motorcycle would be useful getting across the terrain, and he’d also developed a bit of a liking to them. He liked the speed and control, as well as the ability to get on and off of them at a moment’s notice. He couldn’t do that with a car, not as easily at least.  
  
Steve spent the entirety of the trip to the alps focused on the mission. The entire time he could feel the nervous glances of his team on him, but he ignored them and instead focused on his task, focused on how good it was going to be once he razed Hydra to the ground. It was what Bucky and Viv would want.

He was dropped off first with his bike and Steve frowned as Gabe stepped forward and gripped his arm before speaking lowly, “Be careful, Steve.”

Nodding, Steve put on his helmet and then got on his bike, driving off and leaving the plane behind to wait for the right moment. It didn’t take long for him to get Hydra agents on his tail in the woods, but he continued on. The blue energy beams slammed against his shield, sending him forward just a little bit and he glanced back, glaring and gritting his teeth as he continued forward. He had a plan. He just had to stick to it. Hitting a few switches, two cords came out and gripped trees, hitting the soldiers. He could hear their screams and the sickening crack of them hitting the ground, but he kept going.  
  
They deserved what happened to them.  
  
Releasing the ropes and then flipping another switch, Steve leaned forward as flames shot out the back of his bike. More screams erupted from behind him, as well as a small explosion, but he focused on the mission at hand as two more agents pulled up from the side and then got in front of him. Accelerating hard, Steve went between the two of them, matching their speed and grinning over at one of them. The Hydra agent looked confused and Steve reached over, pulling the pin from an explosive on the side of the man’s bike, most likely for easy access for the agent, and then sped up. Within seconds there was a loud explosion and Steve glanced back to see that both agents had been taken out.  
  
Grabbing his shield off of his back, he put it on the front of his bike as the approached the tank and bunkers. The impacts of them rattled his bike, but he stayed firm, clearing his mind and focusing on all the reason he wanted Hydra eradicated from the Earth like the plague that it was as he sent a few projectiles forward. The tank itself exploded, blocking the view of the bunkers until Steve was driving up along the side of one of them, using it as a ramp to get up and over.

Weaving between the different vehicles and agents as he got closer, Steve glanced around and figured out when the best timing would be before he hopped up on the seat. Balancing himself, Steve hit a switch on his bike and grabbed his shield before throwing himself through the air shield first. Slamming into a Hydra agent, Steve could _hear_ the ribs snap, but he quickly pushed himself up, stepping on the man and landing swiftly. Multiple hydra agents approached and he threw his shield, knocking out the agent closest to him about to shoot before taking out a few others. His bike was still heading toward the gates and then it exploded, knocking the doors inward and taking out a few agents at the same time.

Steve’s heart raced as he blocked shots and slammed his shield into numerous agents. He knew he was using more force then he actually needed to. He could tell from the cracking sound that followed that hollow metal clunk that his shield made. He could tell from the way the agents crumpled to the ground, unmoving as he kept charging on. He couldn’t bring himself to care though. Every time he even started to, he imagined Vivian with her pale throat sliced open or he just remembered Bucky’s terrified face as he fell to his death, or he remembered the hundreds of awful things Hydra had help Nazis do.  
  
No, Hydra deserved all of this retribution and more.  
  
His shield bounced off tanks and he slammed his feet into soldiers, shattering their ribs and sending them flying until he found himself cornered and surrounded by two agents. Both of them had two flamethrowers each and he heaved in deep breaths as the heat surrounded him. He was boxed in and for a moment he wondered if his plan had failed. Would they just kill him right then and there? A sigh of relief spread through him though as the flamethrowers went off and he was surrounded by agents.

Dropping his shield, Steve smirked as he put his hands behind his bed. He refused to get on his knees for them, and half a dozen agents came over to bind his wrists and lead him forward. Two different agents kept a firm grasp on his hands the entire way into the base, and Steve made sure to remember as much as possible about their route in just in case he needed a quick getaway once the plan was fully realized.

“Arrogance may not be a uniquely American trait, but I must say, you do it better than anyone.”  
  
It was hard not to roll his eyes as Schmidt practically strut into view, a boastful look on his face as he took a stand in front of him. Keeping his gaze firmly forward, Steve held his head up high as that monster kept speaking, “But there are limits to what even you can do, Captain. Or did Erskine tell you otherwise?”  
  
Steve had to force himself to stay still, force himself not to lunge forward as Erskine was mentioned. Schmidt didn’t have the right to even _think_ of Abraham. He wasn’t worthy. No, Abraham had been a good man.  
  
“He told me you were insane,” Steve retorted instead.  
  
“Ah,” Schmidt sighed before his eyes narrowed and retorted, “He resented my genius and tried to deny me what was rightfully mine. But he gave _you_ So, what made _you_ so special?”  
  
Smirking, Steve scoffed and gave him a dismissive glance before replying, “Nothing. I’m just a kid from Brooklyn.”  
  
Steve was barely prepared for the first punch to his face, but then he faltered in his recovery as once his head snapped to the right, his head was slapped back to the left. Spitting out blood, he then groaned as his abdomen was punched. His legs slid out from under him and he ended up on his knees, coughing and glaring at the floor while Schmidt stood above him. Spitting out blood, Steve calmed his breathing before glancing up and commented, “I can do this all day.”  
  
“Of course you can, of course,” Schmidt began before he pulled out a weapon and continued, “But, unfortunately, I am on a tight schedule.”  
  
The pistol was aimed at his face, but before any shots could be fired, sounds coming from the window had everyone glancing over before Steve growled through gritted teeth, “So am I.”  
  
Pulling one of the agents in front of him as Schmidt fired, the man disintegrated in front of him, and Steve went into action as Jones, Dugan, and Falsworth broke through the windows and immediately started shooting. Throwing guards off, Steve shoved some in the way of gunfire, taking out people with his bare hands until Falsworth’s voice cut through the fog of anger.  
  
“Rogers! You might need this!”  
  
Turning toward the man, Steve caught the shield as it was thrown his way, thanking him as he placed it back on his arm. He felt more secure with that shield and he raced forward, running down the hallway after Schmidt. It took a little bit of time to find his trail, but once he did he pushed forward even faster. Schmidt did as well though, his own serum enhanced body keeping up the pace as he shot over his shoulder. Blocking the shots, Steve grit his teeth every time. Even with the shield absorbing the impact, there was still a bit of pushback to it.  
  
Finally throwing his shield forward, Steve stopped as Schmidt, ahead of him, ran through some double doors before setting them to slide shut. Timing it, Steve threw his shield, catching the doors before they could fully close. He then moved forward only to have to reel backward as one of the men with flamethrowers appeared. He barely had time to duck away into an alcove of the hallway as the flames relentlessly came down. He didn’t even have a chance to move during the brief pauses before the flames started back up again.  
  
Heavy gunfire interrupted his planning though, followed by the sound of a gas tank exploding, and Steve peaked around the corner, sighing with relief when he saw the man laying in flames on the ground. Jogging over as soldiers came over, Steve felt relief wash over him as he saw Peggy. Peggy was a good woman, and he did care about her. Stopping in front of her, he couldn’t help himself from bantering just slightly, “You’re late.”  
  
Peggy inhaled sharply as he took a step forward before replying, “Weren’t you about to…?”  
  
Nodding, Steve glanced back toward where he left his shield and announced, “Right.”  
  
Running away, Steve grabbed his shield and went forward. Guilt gnawed at his insides as he did so. What was he thinking, flirting with Peggy at a time like that? He had a job to do. He had loved ones to avenge. He could sort out the long stretch of his future once that was all done. His guilt only increased as he saw the plane already beginning to go down the runway by the time he reached the hangar.

For a moment Steve paused to examine his surroundings as he saw his allies fighting Hydra soldiers, but then he threw himself forward, knocking out Hydra agents and building up speed. He needed to catch that plane. He needed to stop Schmidt before the worst happened. Leaping up onto a box and then grabbing onto a chain, Steve swung as far as he could across the fighting, getting closer to the plane before beginning to run at full speed as soon as he hit the ground. The plane was in his sights and he knew he could reach it if he could just go _a little bit faster_.

His heartbeat pounded in his ears and he grit his teeth, anger washing over him as the plane sped up, leaving him behind. As soon as he slowed down though, a car pulled up and Steve wanted to sigh in relief as he saw Phillips driving and Peggy in the backseat.  
  
“Get in!”  
  
Hopping into the passenger seat, Steve held on as Phillips floored it, chasing after the plane. The plane kept pushing forward faster though until finally Phillips hit a button and the car shot off like a rocket. Steve’s back slammed against the seat and he inhaled deeply, letting the wind slam into him. For a moment it felt like he was falling, slipping away and Bucky’s face flashed in his mind. Shaking his head and pushing it aside, Steve hopped up and sat on the door, gripping his shield and the seat tightly while shouting, “Keep it steady!”  
  
“Wait!”  
  
Glancing back at Peggy, Steve leaned close, his eyes closing as she kissed him softly on the lips. An ache filled his chest though as she gazed up into his eyes and commanded, “Go get him.”  
  
It was what he’d been planning on. She was what he’d been planning on, but for a second he felt guilty, like he was betraying the people he loved. In a moment of shock, he glanced over at Phillip, as if to get some confirmation that this was even happening, and the man shouted, “I’m not kissing you!”  
  
Focusing, Steve put the shield onto his back and climbed onto the hood of the car as they got near the propellers. Dropping to the hood as they went under them, Steve clenched his teeth as the scraping of the blades along his shield grated. The sound was almost unbearable, as was the sensation, but then they were past them and he was able to sit up again. Moving to the front of the car, he got leverage and leapt up, grabbing onto the wheels of the landing gear before pulling himself up.  
  
Glancing back toward the ground, Steve sighed as he could just barely see that the car had stopped before going over the cliff. Maneuvering himself as the landing gear went up, Steve carefully climbed up and then leapt onto the walkway in the ship. He stayed as quiet as possible, which felt like an impossible task once he saw the missiles laid out. Hydra’s arrogance knew no bounds and they’d even labeled the damn things with their destinations.  
  
_Boston, Chicago,_ and…Steve felt like he was going to be sick when he saw _New York_ emblazoned on one. Bucky’s family was back home. His parents and, God, _his sisters_. Becca, Lizzie, and Ida. He could practically hear their laughter, see their sweet smiles and he couldn’t let that family lose anyone else. They’d already lost too much. All those innocent people back in those cities and they weren’t prepared at all. They’d be wiped out just like _that_. A blink of an eye and it’d all be over for them.  
  
The sound of a door opening had Steve glancing up, moving back as hydra agents filed into the room single file. They were headed for the guided missiles and he leapt out from hiding, knocking into one and then landing swiftly on his feet. The agent attacked him with a knife and Steve grit his teeth, punching him and taking the knife out of his hands, quickly throwing it and having it land deep into another agent’s back. He lay draped onto one of the missiles and Steve went to work. Knocking out another agent, he then went over to the control panel, doing his best to screw up their efforts as two more agents attacked him at once from both sides.

Ducking and hitting one of the men in the gut, Steve then picked him up and tossed him out of the plane. A missile had fallen out without an agent to guide it, the agent quickly following. There were still multiple missiles left though, and while Steve was taking stock of everything else, another hangar door opened and an agent managed to get securely inside one. Running over, Steve sent an apology to Bucky and Viv in the great beyond as he threw himself onto it and began slamming his shield onto the glass.

He needed to get that man out of there.  
  
Another agent came up from behind though and he grunted as his shield flew out of his hands, landing in the plane as the missile dropped down with him still on it. The other agent was clinging to his back and Steve elbowed back as best as he could while still keeping a firm grasp on the metal. The pilot seemed determined to get him off of the craft, flying erratically and doing dramatic dips and twists, but Steve held on. A sudden and steep incline had Steve losing his grip and he could _feel_ the air from the propellers, but then he clasped onto the craft at the last minute, sighing with relief and then shuddering as the agent attacking him fell directly into the propeller.  
  
The man was disintegrated on impact, a red mist trailing behind the plane as they continued to go higher. It took all of his concentration to keep himself up, but then he spotted a button. Reaching up, he opened up the cockpit before reaching in and pulling the eject. The man went flying and Steve flipped himself up and in, shutting the cockpit before taking control of the craft. Turning the damned thing around, Steve flew back to the plane, giving a good fly around to try and get the aim right. Unfortunately, it gave his position away, and he then had to dodge shots from the plane. One of the shots hit the tail of the damned thing, but he focused and did his best to crash land the thing back into the bay it’d started out in.

Bracing himself for impact, he groaned as metal was torn off and he skidded to a stop before he quickly opened up the cockpit and then jumped out. Grabbing his shield, he then headed forward, opening up the door and keeping an eye out. From what he could tell though, he’d killed all of the agents except for Schmidt. The plane didn’t look anything like a normal plane though. The cockpit was gigantic, with three seats for pilot and copilots. There was a blue glow from the middle of the room that Steve was wary about. The familiar sound of a weapon charging up though had Steve turning around, raising his shield just in time to block that energy.

“You don’t give up, do you?”  
  
“Nope!” Steve retorted, racing forward Schmidt with his shield raised, blocking the shots before he was close enough to hit the man in the face and then punch him in the gut. Unfortunately Schmidt barely moved from the hits and quickly hit back, sending him to the floor and then kicking him. The kick sent Steve into the air, the wind knocked out of him, but he focused, landing on his feet and then grabbing Schmidt and slamming him into the wall.  
  
He couldn’t lose this fight.  
  
A solid punch to the jaw had Steve tasting blood and flying backward, but he immediately grabbed an item and slammed it against Schmidt’s face. It was enough to destabilize the man long enough to grab him and put him in a choke hold, backing up while trying to figure out his next move. Unfortunately Schmidt gained his footing again and they both slammed against the glowing centerpiece of the room. Kicking Schmidt off of him, Steve grabbed his shield and knocked it against the other man only to cry out in anger as the shield was taken away from him and used against him.  
  
Quickly getting it back, Steve did a full sprint at Schmidt and shoved him against the pilot’s seat, sparks erupting from it as equipment was shattered. The plane took a sharp nosedive and Steve was thrown up against the ceiling, Schmidt quickly following him. Steve found himself sliding along the metal, throwing desperate punches and kicks at Schmidt as he was thrown back and force against the ceiling of the plane by the sharp descent.  
  
Schmidt managed to get his way down though and fiddle with the controls, righting the plane and Steve found himself slamming back against the grating of the walkway. Spitting out blood, Steve got up and grasped at the railing, glaring and panting as Schmidt ranted while shooting at him, “You could have the power of the gods, yet you wear a flag on your chest and think you fight a battle of nations!”  
  
Dodging the shots, Steve ducked behind large metal structures in the plane as best he could while trying to locate his shield.  
  
“I have seen the future, Captain! There are no flags!”  
  
“Not my future!”  
  
Throwing himself forward, Steve grabbed his shield from the ground and rolled up, putting his shield up to block the next shot before he threw it with a shout and hit Schmidt square in the abdomen. The man flew back and hit the glowing piece. The light almost danced and crackled along the surface, shooting out along the plane as well as the top of it opened up. The glow subsided and Schmidt stood up while screaming, “ _What have you done_?”  
  
A cube lay crookedly on the fixture and Schmidt picked it up, looking almost horrified as he cried out, “No!”  
  
As he held it in his hands, the activity increased again, and there were colors and lights that appeared on the ceiling. Suddenly though it was like Schmidt himself was _melting_ , and he disappeared into a blue beam that shot up into the sky. The cube itself then burned through every layer of the plane and dropped down into the ocean. Shaking his head, Steve grabbed his shield and headed over to the pilot’s seat, taking off his helmet and setting his shield aside as he tried to figure out what to do.  
  
He was exhausted, dirty, and it felt like his hair was soaked with sweat. The air from the openings in the plane jostled it and he almost welcomed the cool breeze as he tried to focus. The positioning system in the plane showed _New York City_ as the destination and he cursed under his breath. He had to stop this plane. Glancing at the dash, he saw how much damage was done and he knew what he had to do. Swallowing hard, Steve turned on the radio and took a deep breath before speaking, “Come in. This is Captain Rogers. Do you read me?”

“Captain Rogers, what is your…”

Steve was about to answer Morita, but then he smiled softly, swallowing hard as Peggy took over and demanded, “Steve, is that you? Are you all right?”  
  
Tilting his head back, Steve admitted, “Peggy, Schmidt’s dead!”  
  
Double checking the parts of the plane to make sure he wasn’t crazy, he sighed when Peggy questioned, “What about the plane?”  
  
Sighing, Steve glanced back over at the map before he admitted, “That’s a little bit tougher to explain.”  
  
“Give me your coordinates. I’ll find you a safe landing site.”  
  
Checking the payload of the plane, Steve shook his head, “There’s not gonna be a safe landing, but I can try and force it down.”  
  
“I’ll get Howard on the line. He’ll know what to do.”  
  
“There’s not enough time. This thing’s moving too fast and it’s heading for New York.”  
  
Staring out at the beautiful skies through the window, Steve wondered what Bucky or Viv would say about all of it, how mad they would be at him before he admitted, “I got to put her in the water.”  
  
“ _Please_ , don’t do this. We have time. We can work it out.”  
  
Checking his map again, Steve kept his voice firm as he explained, “Right now I’m in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer, a lot of people are gonna die.”  
  
The faces of Bucky and Viv flashed in his mind again along with his mom and his dad. He’d lost so many people. Voice shaking, Steve felt the burn of tears in the back of his eyes and his voice shook as he pleaded, “Peggy, this is my choice.”  
  
Setting the compass on the dash, Steve opened it up. Peggy’s picture was on top, but behind it were pictures of Bucky and Viv. He wasn’t sure he could bare staring into the eyes of Bucky or Viv though. He’d explain his decision to them soon enough. Hell, maybe he’d even get all of eternity to make it up to them. Shaking his head of that thought, Steve pushed the plane forward, sending it down. As the water started getting closer and closer, Steve choked out, “Peggy.”

“I’m here.”

“I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.”  
  
Tears slipped down his face and he swallowed hard, the lump in his throat getting bigger as Peggy choked out, “All right. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”  
  
Nodding, Steve forced himself to be brave, to keep pushing forward as he replied, “You got it.”  
  
“Eight o’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late. Understood?”  
  
The ice was looming in front of him, but Steve kept his eyes wide open, visions of spinning around the living room with Vivian in his arms, her giggling as he stepped on her feet taunting him as he replied, “You know, I still don’t really know how to dance.”  
  
“I’ll show you how. Just be there.”  
  
He could practically hear the record player playing some song or another that Bucky had chosen, the look on his face always devious as he came over and wrapped his arms around him, twirling him while whispering into his ear. Steve wasn’t sure how he didn’t choke on the words as he replied, “We’ll have the band play something slow. I’d hate to step on your toes.”  
  
The plane slammed into the ice and water, glass shattering and the cold slammed into him. In his vision, Bucky cupped his face and kissed him slowly, whispering something soft and sweet to him. His last thought before everything went dark was that he’d see them soon.  
  
He’d gone far too long without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So getting up the first chapter of the next part of this story is not going to happen today. At best it'll happen tomorrow. If not then it'll be next Saturday _at the latest_.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Also, happy Easter weekend to anyone that celebrates it. I think also Passover started, so happy Passover anyone celebrating that celebrates it.


End file.
